What Does Your Pick Up Line Say About You?

I think the only two silly pick up lines Will Smith missed on the Fresh Prince were the next two.

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

“If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.”

There are so many cheesy and lame pick up lines out there.  So here’s my question…  What’s the WORST one you’ve ever heard?  Or maybe the one that sticks in your mind is the funniest one you’ve heard…  I’d love to hear that, too!

The thing about pick up lines is that sometimes they can say so much about you.  More often than not, the message it sends isn’t the one you wanted to project.  This is especially true for the best and worst pick up lines I’d ever been handed.  Oddly enough, they happened on the same night.

I had just turned 21 and went to a bar with a couple of girl friends.  It was this little place in Michigan with a live band called Mo Doggies.  One of my friends waited tables there during the week, and the other one was a regular on the weekends.  We picked this place because according to the girls, it was pretty much the only game in town and they had a live band.  As most of you know, I’m partial to good music, so I figured, what the heck.

The music was adequate.  I didn’t get on the dance floor that night.  Truth be told, I was pretty flattered on a couple of levels. First, the owner was helping tend bar…and although it was my first time there, he remembered not just my drink, but my name.  My friend who was a regular patron was a tad miffed because he still barely remembered her name.  The second part was the bouncer.  He looked like a young Sam Elliott…(you know, the guy from Roadhouse and Tombstone).

But I digress.  My two girl friends went to say hello to someone and I walked up to the bar to order a drink.  Pulling out my billfold to pay for my drink, I’d been completely unaware that the bouncer had walked up behind me until I heard his voice.

Bouncer guy: Only guys use billfolds.
Me: Do I look like a guy to you?
Bouncer guy: Nope. You look like a hot little Catholic schoolgirl in a biker jacket.
Me: Thanks!

The thing is, when he wasn’t manning the door, he and I wound up talking and laughing.  Oddly enough, we both shared the same completely warped sense of humor and dirty minds.  My girl friends were busy flirting and dancing, but I mostly wound up talking to him.  Later that evening, though, I went to the bar to sit with my girls.  We were thinking about heading out, so the girls went to say goodbye to a couple of their friends while I waited for them at the bar.  That was when HE struck.

“Hi! I just wanted you to know that I’m a good provider. I take care of my three kids. And even though I come here to drink a lot, I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a really nice guy. Can I buy you a drink?”

Wow! I took two seconds to look around for candid cameras before I answered the guy with a resounding. “No. Not interested. Go away. Leave me alone.”

As I looked over to where my friends stood, they were staring at me…then burst out laughing as the dejected guy walked away. The bouncer had been on his way over the instant he saw guy, so he saw my expression and heard my comment.  He was shaking his head.  Apparently that guy had been hitting on several women in the bar that night to no avail.  My friends were laughing because when he’d hit on them earlier they hadn’t been sure what to say and been afraid of hurting his feelings so they’d just kind of said that they were with someone else.

I couldn’t help my response. When he opened his mouth, I felt like I’d fallen down a rabbit hole and woke up on opposite day.  All I could think of was that this alcoholic with three kids is trying to hit on me and possibly make kid number four.  LOL! Men, I don’t ever recommend using his method of hitting on a woman.

Women (at least women like me) prefer real thinking men who speak their mind.  Having said that, one of the most slick pick up lines I’ve ever heard came from the incredible George Strait. (The video is mediocre at best, but listen to the lyrics…smooth like butter!)

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18 thoughts on “What Does Your Pick Up Line Say About You?

  1. yepirategunn says:

    Ah great stuff again from you! I remember once hearing ”shall I call you fo breakfast, or just tap you on the shoulder” in some film – not technically a pick up line, but I spent years waiting for the opportunity to use it. Its always a lovely time to play with words, expressing real feelings, but doing it in a way that reaches a woman at different levels, the humour should be there as well as the compliment. Thanks again!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thanks! Personally, I’ve always wanted to use “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” 😉

  2. Shantaya says:

    My friend and our were sitting on a bench outside my apartment around 4 am when a gay came up and made decent conversation , asking where we had just came from, what our names were.. literally after ten seconds he said , “So…you come back to my house is, say, 20 minutes?” We just looked at each other and laughed and he got the hint and walked away…I have no idea what he thought was going to happen in 20 minutes that would persuade us to go anywhere with him…the moral of the story, be in the house by 4am

  3. ☮♥☆ says:

    funny post…
    personally don’t use them, cause never been in a situation where the opportunity arose… 🙂
    but i’ve heard this one from someone else, and found it amsuing…
    “Would you hold it against me if I told you ‘you have a great body.'”

  4. L.J. Kentowski says:

    Hahaha…those were smooth…and not! Loved the bouncer’s response. I can’t remember too many pick up lines per se, but there were a few guys in my past hangout that used to buy me drinks regularly even though I always turned them down for dates. The most original happened recently when I was in NY with Loni Flowers. The bartender at the Irish bar we went to stole my phone off the bar from in front of me and called his own phone on it so that he had my number. He texted me for weeks. Although he was young, cute, and had a yummy Irish accent, I was still a married woman that couldn’t bite 🙂

  5. Katie says:

    So funny you should write about this. Just the other day one of my friends was telling me about this great pick up line he read:
    “You remind me of my big toe, ’cause I’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture I own.”
    Not too bad. 😉

  6. prettyprey says:

    Lmao!!! Walking around with my friend this last Summer, this car packed with male testosterone pulled alongside us and started with the heckling. I recall the driver asking a not-so-demeaning question,”Hey Ladies, What’s up?”
    To which my friend quipped, “Your d*ck!!!”
    The guys were all in stitches to even carry on further… 🙂

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