Is Women’s Lib Killing Our Alpha Males?

At the risk of offending some people, I’m going to be candid. Maybe it’s because of a post I read last month from Once A Month 4 Ladies or maybe it’s the election or maybe it’s a memory of an old friend, but people’s perceptions on feminism lately have been driving me nuts.

First I’ll tell you what I do believe:

  • Women deserve to have the right to vote (you may say duh, but that’s actually a fairly recent right!)
  • Women of equal experience and education as men deserve to be paid at the same salary
  • Women should be able to try out for any type of sport, and if they’re talented, deserve equal consideration as their male counterparts

I may have forgot a thing or two in my list, but I think you get the general gist. And then there are the extremists when it comes to women’s lib. They kind of ruin it for everyone because they send mixed messages to the male gender. Earlier I mentioned a friend. My friend and I were out with a bunch of people one day (mind you, we were in high school). We’d just arrived at the restaurant when one of the guys from our group walked ahead of us and opened the door for us. I said thank you. She snapped at him, telling him she wasn’t weak and she could get the door for herself. Confused, I pulled her aside. She explained to me that she wanted to be “treated like an equal” and not some “weaker sex”.

I was completely floored! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that “women’s lib” had made it all the way into the dating scene. Maybe it’s old fashioned of me, but I don’t think it has any business in the dating scene. I’m not a “go Dutch” kind of girl. I like when a guy opens the door for me or pulls a chair out for me. I don’t see that as him treating me as a member of a “weaker sex”. I see it as the man I’m with paying his respects…and in some very old school, old world way…maybe paying homage to the beauty of womankind in general.

And yet these days men walk on egg shells, unsure of what’s expected of them. We women bitch and bemoan the loss of the “alpha male” and that men “don’t treat us right” when they don’t take charge or he pauses at the end of the night, unsure if he should be paying for the whole tab or part of it. Who do we have to blame for this? Ourselves!

You want an alpha male? Stop trying to neuter him! When he opens a door, say thank you and smile! When he holds out your chair for you, find a way to let him know it’s meant something and that you appreciate the effort. And no, for my dirty birdie friends out there, I don’t mean crawl under the table and “show him gratitude”…well, unless you want to. (hehehe!) I mean maybe touch his arm or make eye contact and give him that special smile that lets him know you really appreciate the gesture. And for goodness sake, ladies…don’t go on a dutch treat date unless you got suckered into one.  Usually that’s the beginning of something not so special…”if you know what I mean”. 😉

What about you ladies?  Gentlemen?  Care to weigh in on this topic?  How do you feel about women’s lib?  Am I the only one who thinks it’s gone too far when it’s pushed it’s way into the dating scene? Are there other places where it’s crept in and done more harm than good? Inquiring minds wanna know!

I enjoy the mystique that women posess. I like being treated like something special. I thrive on being flirted with and doted on….and I don’t think that should be out of date or old fashioned. I also like those alpha men who enjoy taking charge but respect the fact that women have minds of their own and are able to think for themselves and fight their own battles (but offer to always be there for back up if needed).

55 thoughts on “Is Women’s Lib Killing Our Alpha Males?

  1. oliviaobryon says:

    I’m with you– I don’t think it’s demeaning to be taken care of, as long as my thoughts are treated with respect. John Stewart actually had a great little segment on this Thursday night, showing clips on how the media talks about what turns off/on women when men are never talked about this way… Including clip claiming that women are somehow threatened by hearty, testosterone-filled debates, preferring instead some dainty, quiet statement of opinions. I find that offensive. We can watch a good debate or fight and not be “turned-off.” 😉


  2. Mae Clair says:

    Oooh, perfection! You nailed my thoughts exactly. Maybe that’s why I chose an old-fashioned hero (from another time, the 1800s) to be the protagonist of WEATHERING ROCK. He’s chivalrous and courtly, yet respects that a woman has a mind of her own. Like you, I enjoy those little things that men do that remind me I’m a lady – – hold the door, help me with my coat, get my drink. I have no problem with any of that.

    Do I work in a man’s world? Yes. Do I get paid a man’s salary? Yes. Have I earned it based on merit and years of experience? Yes. But at the end of the day I’m a woman who likes to be catered to and treated like a lady. Yeah, I’m a bit high-maintenance, but I take care of my guy too 😉


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I can’t imagine you being high maintenance… You are such a sweetie! But yeah, I enjoy being spoiled and pampered. In return, he has the right to expect that I will return the favor. If he asks me to get him a drink, I’d happily get up to get it for him. It’s no hardship…and it doesn’t make me less of a woman. 🙂


  3. thedreamingsub says:

    I am from the South so men open doors and pull out chairs for women. I have to know a man well before I will let him pick up the check. If it is a date (which I have not been on a proper one outside of my husband since I don’t know when), then yes I assume he is paying. I have been known to buy a man a shot of whiskey in my time, although that was a very long time ago. It depends on the guy and the situation.

    How do you manage to find these interesting duos? Brad Paisley is hot. I need to watch more country music, I guess.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I see absolutely nothing wrong with buying an attractive man a shot. As for the music selections…I’ve got a pretty broad music base of knowledge to pull from, so it comes to whatever cooks my goose at the moment, or what seems to match my post. And yes, Brad is a pretty hot guy. 🙂


  4. Brian D. Meeks (@ExtremelyAvg) says:

    Great post and the subject really gets under my skin.

    Things that drive me nuts…

    …girls can’t do math…That is crap. I wrote a paper back in college and while it IS true that male and female brains are different, the areas that do math are not. Women have daughters, they tell them it is okay that they did poorly on the math test, because, “girls can’t do math”.

    Did you know that in 1991, Bobby Fisher’s record for being the youngest GM was broke…by Judit Polgar…gasp…a girl not yet 14 years old. She was so good that never played for the World Women’s title, but instead assisted her older sister, who was playing in the finals. Judit was several hundred rating points better than both of the other (and older) women, so she only played with the men.

    In sports…why do college women use a smaller basketball? It is stupid, because if you ever see these women playing pick-up games with the men, they do just fine with the same ball. Often, the college women will school their lesser male counterparts. It is time to stop using the sexist ball.

    Why do women only play two out of three sets in major championships? They are world class athletes and this attitude robs us fans of great tennis.

    Women are different than men, that is true, but they are equals. It seems to me that lib movement has focused on areas that are easy to build up hate and indignation, but does little good. Let’s focus on fixing the math lie, first.

    Great post, keep it up.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      You know, in high school the best person in our class in math was female. Oddly enough, though I didn’t test well in finite math, I did extremely well in abstract math. Apparently it was because I do really well with abstract thinking…not so well with linear. 😉
      As for the sports thing…couldn’t agree more. Furthermore, if a woman wants to play say…football or wrestle (which I wanted to do when I was younger), they should be allowed…as long as they can also handle the physical consequences of that decision.

      And no, I wasn’t aware that it was a female who finally took out Bobby Fisher. Go Judit! (On a side note I was the one who taught my husband how to play chess.)

      Thanks for the comment!


    • Angela Quarles says:

      And let’s not forget the world’s first computer programmer was a girl! Ada Byron Lovelace! Her mother, Lady Byron, (though I don’t like her at all) was nicknamed by her husband Lord Byron, “Princess of Parallelograms” and Charles Babbage, inventor of the Difference Engine, dubbed Ada “The Enchantress of Numbers”


  5. L.J. Kentowski says:

    I agree 100%! I also work in a male-dominated environment. There, I expect to be treated as an equal. Some get it, some don’t. But I still like my Alpha males in books and it’s nice to see a little chivalry when I’m out and about. It’s all about respect.


  6. sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches. says:

    Great post Kit. I fought my way through a male world to get to the top in my profession but I knew exactly when to turn the fight off and be a lady. My husband still opens doors for me (to include the car door), pulls out my chair, brings fresh flowers home at least once a week, and the list goes on. As my dad reminded me as he walked me down the aisle, “It took me 40 years, but I finally got it right.” BTW – my crazy ‘like’ button is still playing games with me on my computer – so when I sneak onto my husband’s computer – I’ll come back and add the much deserved ‘like star’ to this post. Crazy that the button will work on a different computer. BTW again – I’m going to be away from social media 2-3 weeks for health reasons — please don’t think I’ve forgotten you. Maybe someone can read your blogs to me when I feel a little better. Doc says no computer for me (drat) for at least 2 weeks and maybe 3 – – –


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I love that you’re able to balance both worlds, Sheri. There’s just something romantic about a guy who knows how to treat a woman like a woman…and it makes us feel special, important…and a bit sexy when they do that. Love it! Hope everything turns out ok. I’ll keep you in my prayers. We’ll miss you while you’re on hiatus. 🙂


  7. Jane Sadek says:

    Personally, I hate having to be equal, when women used to be up on a pedestal. Did there need to be some adjustments? Sure! Gallantry should not be challenged by an equitable paycheck. But there’s another kind of liberation that’s cost us even more. My momma told me that no one would buy the cow if they were getting the milk for free. She was right. The number of single mothers in poverty is growing at an alarming rate. Sexual liberation is the nail in women’s liberation’s coffin. When are we going to wise up and just say NO!


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I don’t know if single mothers in poverty has as much to do with “buying the cow”, though in some cases, I’m sure it does…as much as it is women’s willingness to settle for men who don’t treat women with chivalry and respect. But then, sometimes that problem comes because the women don’t respect themselves enough.

      A friend of mine, once his daughters (he has 3) turned 12, took them out on a father/daughter “date”. He would dress up, come to the door to pick them up, open the doors both for the car and the restaurant. Once there, he would engage them in meaningful conversation…and, of course, he’d pay the tab. At the end of the evening he told each of them that they were wonderful, beautiful young women who deserved to be treated with respect. The part that really stood out, though was when he told them, “remember how I treated you today. When you finally do start to date, make sure that the guy treats you with the same care and respect I showed you. If he doesn’t, then he is unworthy of you.”


  8. Phil Lanoue says:

    Well I can only speak for myself on this…a woman (of course now it’s my wife) can ride on the back of my Harley and when she wraps her arms around me she will feel something hard (no, not that, heh) under my jacket and it will be a .45 in a shoulder holster. Seriously. I have a legal carry permit. But when we get home I will cook her an excellent dinner (I’m a pretty good cook) and we may very well settle in for a French film we got from Netflix. The dishes will be done because I probably did them, or maybe she did. No rules either way.
    My wife appreciates all aspects of that and I in turn greatly appreciate her and our life together.
    She is also more then happy to have me open a door for her.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      See, I think that’s sexy as heck… Yeah, the gun and the Harley, too. 😉 My hubby and I are pretty much the same way. In fact, he’s even more into creating in the kitchen than I am, so he does more cooking. I swear, if we could afford to, I’d send him to culinary school. I think he’d love it and do very well!


      • Phil Lanoue says:

        Glad you think it’s sexy. 🙂
        Thinking about it later I probably should have said “a .38 in my pocket” instead of a .45 in a shoulder holster. That would have made more sense and probably be more funny. You know as in…”is that .38 in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” heh heh

        I should have gone to culinary school, cooking like most everything I have ever done has been self taught. Oh well, guess that’s why I mostly just keep it simple.


        • Kitt Crescendo says:

          Haha! You’re pretty cool without having to resort to raunchy humor. Having said that, I love raunchy humor, so I’m glad you did.

          As for cooking, my husband is self taught, too. He finds interesting recipes or watches cooking shows, then embellishes on what he learned…then makes his own creations. I’m the lucky sous chef/taste tester when he gets in that mood. 🙂


  9. Rachelle Ayala (@AyalaRachelle) says:

    Work is work and play is play. I’m all for equal pay for equal work, but when men are in social situations they should be gentlemen. If I split the tab then we’re going out as friends. I do have male friends, and I don’t expect them to pick up the tab any more than female friends.

    Guys should be prepared to pick up the tab on a date, but if the woman fights you for it, fight back two to three rounds, and if she starts getting pissed and huffy, then let her and decide if you like to be dominated or pushed around. Otherwise if she says something like, “Oh, okay, maybe next time I’ll treat.” Smile and pay. You just got yourself another date.

    Once the relationship is established a woman might want to treat a man occasionally, but make sure it’s agreed in advance to avoid embarrassment. But in general, I agree with the other posters, if it is 50/50 it’s not a date either way.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      There is nothing wrong with a woman paying on occassion once a relationship is established. In fact, I like to do stuff like that, especially on birthdays and such.

      Rachelle, I like how you put the 50/50 explanation. Splitting the tab denotes friendship. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping and commenting.


  10. aliciacoleman says:

    I am totally in with a man being gallant–opening doors, etc. Going out each paying 50% is not a date. That’s hanging with a friend. My son treats his little girl (she’s 9) like he treats her mother (his wife). He buys them both flowers on holidays and birthdays, takes them out on dates, opens doors, etc. He says he wants his daughter to know the difference between a gentleman–a man who will respect her and a guy who wants to score.

    Just my two cents. Great post! Loved the comments.


  11. M says:

    Good post and follow up comments. I was born into a country where the woman walks three steps behind her husband and must serve.
    Thankful not to be in that sort of culture. I like being equal, but I also like having the door opened etc.
    it is funny because the new fly fishing group I belong to is mostly men- and they have a hard time wrapping their heads about a woman who enjoys fly fishing.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      We take our freedoms for granted, that’s for sure. I’ve lived in countries where “machismo” was prevalent, but even in those worlds, women had the ability to speak up…and often were more dangerous than their male counterparts when their dander was up.
      I, too, am glad that I live in a culture where I can stand beside my man…as my partner, rather than behind him…as his subordinate (almost chattel like).

      I think it’s awesome that you’re in a fly fishing group. A woman should get the opportunity to follow her bliss regardless of where it leads her. I’m not much for fishing, but I always thought if I took it up, I’d probably go for fly fishing…after seeing “A River Runs Through It” I was really impressed with how at one with nature the sport seemed…not to mention how peaceful.
      Thanks for commenting!


  12. Yaz says:

    For me, the way men and women ought to treat each other is with absolute respect. All the rest kind of follows…what you are saying of course, and more. Where there is anything but equality, there is no respect. And for me, whoever’s got the money pays! If you both have money, there’s no problem, take turns. As for someone taking charge, whoever is feeling stronger in the moment (and there’s lots of moments when we don’t feel up to a challenge) can stand up. This is a good read. Thank you Kitt, and thank you for visiting my site and leaving your story. I appreciate it.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Yaz! You’re right, of course, though maybe I see equality slightly differently than you do. I think balance in a relationship is a type of equality. Often there is one partner who tends to lean more strongly towards caregiver…needs it to feel needed. While the other one needs someone to take care of them, which ensures them that they are cherished, loved. The give and take creates a balance, each getting what they need…their love languages are compatible. 🙂 I also think you’re right in that these needs shift back and forth over time.


  13. Valorie Olander says:

    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and interesting, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I came across this during my hunt for something relating to this.


  14. ray says:

    tell you what I do believe:

    •Women deserve to have the right to vote

    women have shown irrefutably over the past forty years that their enfranchisement was a major driver of the spiritual and cultural death of u.s.

    women, in alliance with other Protected Classes, comprise a totalitarian socio-political bloc, currently in power

    soon, when the negative consequences of this bloc begin to affect females (instead of mere male), many attitudes will change


  15. Emry says:

    I consider dating choices to be personal choices, and I leave it at that. I don’t mind it when guys hold the door open for me, but I also don’t want him to pay for every date. I think the key is communication as to what each person is/is not comfortable with. Different couples have different ways of doing things, and that is fine.


Don't Be Shy, Reply!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s