Cheating: Where Does Your Line Get Crossed?

Ok, guys and gals…it’s confession time again. Today’s topic? Fidelity. No, no…hubby and I are fine. No need to worry on that front. Nothing extramarital…unless you count the heroes in my naughty, naughty stories…as they dance their way through my brain.

Here’s the deal. I’m very quirky about extramarital affairs. I hated The Scarlet Letter and refuse to watch or read The Bridges Of Madison County. Maybe it comes from my dad repeatedly cheating on my mom, but I don’t find anything that glorifies or excuses adultery to be the slightest bit appealing. Having said that…I’m about to throw a big kink (pun intended) in this whole thing. Strange as it may seem, I have absolutely no issue with committed polyamorous relationships or sharing as long as both parties in the committed relationship are either there or have given consent. Yeah, that means I’m okay with exploring the voyeur/exhibitionist sides of relationships. The truth is, I LOVE reading this kind of book. Menage, BDSM, exihibitionism/voyeurism…I’m good with all of it! In fact, that’s the playground where I enjoy dipping my pen. Is this kind of relationship something I’d be interested in for real? No. I’m perfectly happy with having only one husband. Two may be a bit much to handle…LOL!

Why am I bringing this up? First, because I can. 😉 Second, because a friend of mine called me yesterday and got me thinking about cheating. She was talking in the context of her ex-husband. I’ll expand on this in just a moment.

Here’s the question I have for you guys before I continue with her story and put in my $.02. What construes cheating to you?

I know people can be very different about this. I’ve spoken to some women who’ve told me that the reason they’ve never purchased a sex toy (vibrator, dildo) is because their husband would feel threatened…and felt that this was necessary because they weren’t good enough in bed or some other such (in my opinion only) nonsense. The husbands have stated that they viewed this as a form of cheating. Personally, I subscribe to my friend Ande’s point of view that it can enhance the relationship (especially when used together). I don’t think that’s particularly progressive, just fact. Am I wrong? Well, if my girl Katie could cheat on her DVR with her boyfriend, I guess anything’s possible…;-)

I have other friends who feel watching porn is cheating. Personally, I don’t have a problem there, either. In fact, hubby and I have watched adult movies together. Sometimes it can spice things up! Sometimes it can give you ideas. Hopefully those ideas are more feasable than Natalie’s, because trips to the ER are not much fun, not to mention embarassing to explain to hospital personnel…trust me. I used to be hospital personnel…I could tell you stories! LOL! (Maybe another time)

What about constant texting and Facebook/Twitter messaging or emailing? Especially if it’s kept quiet from the significant other? Some feel that this is cheating emotionally. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I don’t quite think it’s cheating. It’s definitely a gateway to heading down that path…because then it’s usually followed by meeting for coffee or drinks without telling the person with whom you’re in a relationship. Yeah…that’s a gateway. Anything that requires secretiveness and/or lies is probably not a great path to go down…but still not quite cheating.

Prostitutes or other one nighters…different area code or not? Yeah, to me that’s cheating. Sex of any kind without your significant other’s concent crosses a line for me. Am I wrong?

Here’s the story with my friend’s ex. You guys tell me if you think it’s cheating. My last statement above should probably tell you what my thoughts are… Her ex-husband used to sit online looking at porn and “spanking his monkey”. A lot. Here’s the twist. He was “jerkin’ his guerkin” to live webcam feeds. Interacting with the girls. Paying them. Telling them what to do. Watching them while they watched him. In a situation like that, would you consider it cheating? That he was doing this furtively goes without question. Where do you draw your cheating line?


39 thoughts on “Cheating: Where Does Your Line Get Crossed?

  1. Loni says:

    Whoa Kitt… caught me off guard on this post LOL… That’s what I like about your post…. they can vary so much.
    I think you pretty much summed up my feelings … on everything…. 😉

  2. Emma says:

    Kissing, having sex with someone who is not your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating. Or if your partner is having a texting relationship with someone else – you know the dirty kind of texts. That for me would mean game over.
    That last scenario is just disturbing and definitely cheating. Dump him and move on would be my advice to anyone in that situation.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thankfully, she did. I don’t think you’re wrong about the kissing thing, either..of course my qualifier is that if my guy is there and okay with the kiss and it was planned entertainment for the evening…that’s a bit different. Warped, I know. 😉

  3. L.J. Kentowski says:

    I would say that is definitely crossing the line actively interacting sexually with someone who is not your spouse. Especially if you’re doing it secretively. Anything that goes beyond the norm should always be something agreed upon so as not to hurt the other, sometimes that happens even when permission is given because they weren’t expecting to feel the way they did. Cheating is a very thin line that needs to be set as a couple.

    Saucy stuff here babe! I like it!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      LOL! Thanks, LJ. And you make a great point about a spouse changing their mind based on their feelings. I think maybe that’s why if you’re going to decide to do something like that, the first time should always be together (so that if one of you has a problem, you can tell the other or have a signal or something and be able to walk away before it gets to the point of no return).
      I think that was my big problem with the movie Indecent Proposal. LMAO! I know. Everyone was cheering for Woody…and I thought he was a douche. He’s the one who decided to let her go through with it, to fulfill his dream. She does, and he gets angry with her? Pooey! I thought she should’ve stayed with Redford (and I was in the minority on that one) because he treated her well. (Well, that and he looks great in a suit…remember him in The Great Gatsby?)

      • L.J. Kentowski says:

        Hahaha!!! I loved that movie! I think I was a woody fan though. Can’t remember. Great point about having a signal or something, because once you do something like that, you can’t erase it.

        • Kitt Crescendo says:

          Exactly. You can’t undo something like that. It will always be in your head. So both parties need to be sure. BDSM has safe words to prevent things from going too far, I can’t see why you can’t do something similar if someone is seriously thinking about exploring other interests.

  4. thedreamingsub says:

    It’s only cheating if his spouse is unaware of the activity and has not consented to it. Then yes, it is in the realm of cheating. If it will cause her pain, then don’t do it. That said, there is soooooo much I am open to, so try me.

  5. wordsurfer says:

    I totally agree with you that anything that is done behind the back is not okay. If it’s done in secret, it implies that either the one doing it is ashamed or that he/she is aware that it would hurt the partner’s feelings if he/she knew. And that’s not okay, especially if you profess to loving your partner.

  6. Katie says:

    Hmm, this is a tough one! While I also don’t consider watching porn cheating, there’s something about the webcam aspect (as was the case with your friend) that brings it a lot closer to home and toes a very fine line. For me, cheating is kissing and beyond. I see nothing wrong with some innocent flirting here and there with the opposite sex–it’s almost unavoidable!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I concur. As for interactive (webcam) porn…eh…I am of the bend that it’s sex. In fact, I’ll go further and say it’s paid sex. Although you’re not going to catch an std from this kind of sex, when it’s that interactive, it counts. At least to me. I kind of put them in the same family as one night stands…or maybe a drunken make out session in a bar with a stranger.

          • Katie says:

            HA!! Maybe. 😉 Funny story, I discovered my boyfriend’s porn stash on his computer on our first date. We were watching a movie at his place and his computer is linked to his television, and when he was looking for the movie I saw a folder he cleverly named “Pron.” I was like, “Is that actually porn?” “…No.” …But it is.

  7. vimal says:

    Cheating? Misguiding in any form 🙂
    Does not have to be only adultery… Even using words to your advantage is cheating.
    I guess what I mean is any form of un-truth is cheating.
    If it is known and shared by both parties, as you mentioned… It does not fall under the radar… he, he

    As for your friend’s EX, no other explanation is necessary for the split… 🙂

  8. Evie Garone says:

    Kitt, you are quite the interesting gal, aren’t you? I was going to write a blog asking if guys and girls can be platonic friends? Working on that one….but I agree with your points above…it is indeed a slippery slope….and I also agree any hiding of facts, ie “friends” is where the line can be crossed, so when alcohol is involved you have to be careful…and absolutely no touching or kissing! The rest is a no brainer to me…….

  9. radaronelson says:

    Okay, I have a lot to say on this one. First and foremost, the lines of what is considered cheating within a relationship are what the couple defines together in the beginning of the relationship. That can vary from person to person and couple to couple. There are couples who have open relationships and willingly let their partners sleep with other people, therefore for them that is not cheating because they have that agreement. 3-somes and other group activities again would not necessarily be considered cheating because both parties are involved and agreed to the activity. For myself, flirting is not cheating. Cheating to me is several things. Actively involved in sex, kissing, or actively pursuing a person and setting up a time and place to meet behind my back without my knowledge to meet and have sex. That is cheating to me. This will include placing an add on craigslist or any other dating website without my knowledge and is not intended to bring in another person as part of a 3-some but meant to be only the 2. If another person is involved we both have to be involved or it doesn’t happen. If it does then it’s cheating. Porn is not cheating. I work 12hr rotating mid shifts, we don’t see each other very much so self love happens to get by until we do get time together. Porn is a helper for that for her and me. Now this guy with the live cam. That again is something that has to be talked about between the couple. If they both can’t agree, then it shouldn’t happen and obviously she didn’t agree so therefore he cheated. Me I’m a forgiving person. I’ve been cheated on, I have also forgiven and let it go, trust is lost but that trust can be earned back if you try to earn it back. My ex-girlfriend did not try so I broke it off. When it comes to cheating you get 2 chances with me. The 2nd time and your gone.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      You, my friend, are more generous in nature than me. That kind of trust being broken is more than I tend to be willing or able to let go of…then again, that may also have to do with my family history.

      • radaronelson says:

        Well my mother cheated on my dad but I never held that against her. Sometimes when people are unhappy in marriage and things aren’t being worked out people stray. It happens. For me the line gets crossed when it happens more then once.

        • Kitt Crescendo says:

          My dad cheated repeatedly on my mom…openly and repeatedly while we were in the Philippines…mostly because he can’t resist Filipino women and he was hanging in bars. His last mistress (the one he married after my mom finally dumped him) would stalk my family, watching us…seeing how we lived. And he devastated my mom (he was her first love), so I have a hard time. It would’ve been better if he’d just ended things with her. (Well, and if you read the post about him…you know what kind of relationship he had with us kids.)

  10. amadiex says:

    Okay the stories that come through the ER are great! The side stories that the patients come up with to cover up the real reason that a potato is stuck up their ass is funny! And yes i have seen potatoes used in a whole new light!

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