But No Pressure, Right?

I received a call from a friend of mine yesterday. The conversation went something like this:

Her: You need to go ahead and get pregnant already!
Me: What? Why?
Her: I dropped the kids off at school this morning and stopped by the Starbucks at my local Target store.
Me: Starbucks is good.
Her: Yeah, it is! But anyway, regardless of what I go there for, if I’m in Target, I always check their dollar section.
Me: (laughing and a little afraid of where she’s going with all of this) And…
Her: They had these cute Baby Cookie Monster baking things and I need one of my writer buddies to give it to. They were so cute! I bought them. And since you’re the only one from our writing group that’s married besides me, you need to get to work!

I think the things probably look something like this…

Cookie Monster2The thing is, in the last few years this isn’t the only conversation of this sort I’ve had! Shortly after we got married we’d get the question at least once a month. In fact, one month, based on the fact that I have a sensitive nose and I was slightly late, every female who worked with me (I think there were 5-6 at the time) volunteered to buy me a pregnancy test so that we could all load into the bathroom together and find out. This, of course, prompted me to have a “Boundaries” discussion with them…and explain that if I was going to share that moment with anyone it would be my guy.

My in-laws took to telling my hubby that my sister-in-law wanted them to ask if we were pregnant yet at least once a month. We knew it wasn’t her…because she’d call or text me or send me a message asking if she was going to have a niece or nephew.

My sister sent me a book for my birthday called Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH as my birthday gift after telling me about her sister-in-law to be who’d had trouble conceiving because she didn’t ovulate “traditionally” and that this would help me get a real calculation for when I ovulate if I paid attention.

There was also the conversation with a musician friend of mine in Nashville by phone where I accidentally outed myself as a wannabe writer and the type of writing I did. That conversation was something like this:

Him: So how do you like this whole being married thing?
Me: It’s good!
Him: So you plan on having any Kitt’s or Mr Kitt’s running around out there anytime soon?
Me: Maybe.
Him: WTF is maybe? Are you guys trying yet?
Me: Kinda…
Him: Kinda? What kind of answer is that? Either you are or you aren’t. Are you on birth control?
Me: No.
Him: So you are. So what’s the hold up? Do you need me to draw you a diagram or write out an instruction manual or something? I warn you, I get a little detailed.
Me: (laughing hilariously…mostly because I’m the girl everyone seems to come to for sex advice) No, trust me. I don’t need a manual.
Him: Are you sure? Because I will go into extensive detail to ensure you’re doing it right.
Me: (slip of the tongue here… Just shows I’m not immune to taunting) Trust me, I write that stuff….in great detail. I don’t need any help there.
Him: You write erotica? Where? Are you published? I wanna see!
Me: Shit. I just said that out loud didn’t I? First, I prefer erotic romance. Second, nothing published in that genre at this time…just for my eyes only and a select friend or two that I trust.
Him: Send it to me… I am dying to see!
(I was just glad to have gotten him off the topic.)

The worst came, though, when my sister called me to tell me that it looked like my parents were moving down here. They’d been living in Chicagoland forever….but after I got married they started thinking “more seriously” about houses in Florida. I know my mom as well as my sister does. She doesn’t do these things randomly. She knew how highly demanding and high pressure my job was. She’s old school Filipina…she was planning on moving down here so that if we had a baby she could be around to take care of it while I worked. But no pressure, right?

Courtesy of Committedrelationship.com

Courtesy of Committedrelationship.com

The thing is…I had put my biological clock on snooze eons ago. There was a period of time where I wasn’t sure I’d be getting married. I already knew, and so did hubby, that I would not have children without the benefit of marriage. It’s okay for other people (family and friends included), but I’m a bit old fashioned that way…

Hubby and I have talked since we got married. Although we would like children and we think they’d be a blessing, we’re kind of leaving some of that decision in God’s hands. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If not, I’m okay with that, too.  Truth is, at this point in my life, the thought of having a child and all the changes that will entail…kinda freaks me out!

There are times I think the kids that get pregnant when they’re young and dumb and have no idea what they’re getting into are doing it right… They don’t know to be terrified of the enormous responsibility that parenting can be. They don’t think to the fact that there is a little life completely dependent on you for their well being. They don’t consider all the changes that will be made to their lifestyle…things they’ll have to give up. They figure it out along the way. Those of us who are older…we see…we know…we fear. (And we’re a bit set in our ways!)

Well, with all these people who appear to be baby crazy on my behalf…and driving me nuts in the process… I’ve warned them that there are consequences for that sort of behavior. I have promised not to make the announcement through Facebook as that’s a bit insensitive and impersonal. But, knowing me and my passion for technology…they’d better hope they know how to work their Picture Messaging on their cell phones…because they may simply get a message that looks like this:

Bun In Oven

I would send them a text that simply says “The Rabbit Died”, but have concerns that this may cause confusion as one of my former employees came to work shortly after Easter and told me that. She was a bit shocked and taken aback when I said “Congratulations”. Apparently she was completely unaware of the double meaning. She actually had gone out and bought a rabbit for her kids for Easter. A couple days later the thing had a heart attack and died. She was being literal. Oops! (Though we had a good laugh when I explained it to her.)

What other “cutesy” phrases are out there to signify “I’m pregnant”…just in case the time comes that I need this info? What life altering decisions have you felt the most pressure over in your life? What did you do?

I know…a little heavier than my usual, but lately it seems EVERYONE is excited for me to get going on the baby making…

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32 thoughts on “But No Pressure, Right?

  1. kindredspirit23 says:

    Well, unless you are really excited about it, I will not be so there’s your one.
    On the other hand, I will tell you, as a Dad of two great kids, that it can be wonderful, but is also exhausting and there will be fights. Now, I go to my teacher self, who taught special ed at a middle alternative school, who says, “Don’t ever have children unless you are going to be responsible and raise them well and proper and see to it they do their best to succeed in the world.”
    Ok, there’s the two mes.
    My own personal thinking?: Do what you want to do. If you don’t ever want children, then don’t let anyone else talk you into it. If you do want children, don’t let anyone else talk you out of it.
    Scott

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I love children. I think having them is a wonderful blessing. I’ve just also come to the point in my life where I know that we’ll be ok if we aren’t blessed with any. Then I’ll be the cool auntie that dotes on my friends & family’s kids.
      When I was a little girl I used to want four children, just like my mom. Then we went through the loss of my two brothers. For the first time, the thought entered my mind, “what if we have children and one dies? Are you strong enough to handle it?” It was devastating on our family, but my mom is a very tough, determined woman who helped pull us all through that grief.

  2. oliviaobryon says:

    We get it all the time, too. Sometimes I don’t mind, sometimes I want to cry, sometimes I laugh… You get the idea. The older I get, the more I think it is insensitive to be so pushy, which in turn makes me more careful about who I push, (because at times it can be fun and tempting to ask the same questions back…). Thanks for the honesty, it’s nice to relate, (and laugh!).

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I’m glad I was able to give you a giggle and help you feel a little less alone. It felt good to say something…because you’re right, sometimes it can make you laugh, other times you’re not sure if you want to pull your hair out or cry.

  3. datinginvegas says:

    Being a parent is the most fulfilling, enriching and rewarding experience in the world for me. Nothing will ever compare. I wouldn’t trade it for a billion dollars in untraceable cash. That being said..don’t let anyone pressure you into it. Your “eggo will be preggo” if and when its meant to be. Thanks for sharing-I have a close friend in a similar situation.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Exactly. You wouldn’t believe all the unsolicited advice I used to get.
      Oh, well. It could be worse. I could be asked when I’m due without the benefit of pregnancy. This used to happen to a friend about once a month. She had big boobs and a penchant for empire cut blouses. It inspired her biggest crash diet ever! :-/

  4. Emma says:

    I think it’s unfair of people to ask when are you having children or what’s the delay and other things like that. These days, so many couples I know are struggling to conceive. It’s just not right to ask anymore and can cause people much distress.
    I take my hat off to you for handling these nosy questions so well, because I wouldn’t be half as gracious.

  5. ramblingsfromamum says:

    I loved this Kitt.
    I can only now feel for my daughter she is married 3 years in March when she also turns 30. She knows how I am busting to be a ‘Nanna’ on her wedding day, she grabbed be by the shoulders and said “Don’t even look at me for 3 years”. In the past 3 years I have dropped ‘subtle’ questions or probably not so subtle. They are traveling again this year, she said they will then settle down next year, which I take as start a family. I can only imagine how annoying,frustrating it is though for people to be hounding you in this way. If you are blessed grab a simple pea hand it to him saying this is how big your baby is now. Write a card saying “It’s all your fault”!. Put baby booties on his dinner plate… 🙂
    Children are life affecting, expensive, a joy, a nuisance, drainers, givers. If you are blessed – you will wonder how you lived without them though. x

  6. denmother says:

    I have a good friend who’s single, in her early forties and has never had children. She gets hounded. Her refrain for the past few years has been “my uterus is not up for discussion.” That usually does the trick.

  7. Phil Holtberg says:

    Oh, the pressure! We hear this now and then from our parents asking “when are grand kids coming” and from our friends with kids who want to see everyone with kids. We just laugh it off. Actually, it’s our choice to not have kids. Not that I hate them but it’s just that we have an amazing life without them here in NYC. Only decide to really have kids when you are truly ready.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I totally understand and appreciate that! When you’ve really settled into your life, you know children will completely upset that apple cart. For a while I held off because I was concerned about the parent I would be. I was always working in a career that had little respect or appreciation for work/life balance. Kids deserve better than that. Now I’m in a better position to be the kind of parent children deserve…so who knows! We shall have to see. But there is no way I am sharing that info with the family…the harassment is already bad enough without that kind of ammo. 🙂

  8. Ray Colon says:

    Hi Kitt,

    My wife and I started late — as in late as far as everyone who wanted us to have children sooner than we did was concerned. We were together for nine years before our first was born, and I think that the timing worked out well. We were young and adventurous. We had lives to live and a great city to experience — just the two of us.

    We love our two daughters and the family life that followed, and neither of us regret having put off this phase of life.

    So slay that rabbit when you and your husband are ready, and not a moment sooner. 🙂

  9. Natalie Hartford says:

    No pressure…WAHAHAHA!!!

    I love your attitude Kitt…tremendous. After 8 years, people have completely given up on asking hubby and I. Could have been the hacking and barfing sounds while strangling myself that I made every time someone asked me if we were planning on any. LOL!! That and the fact that hubby is snipped AND I am on the pill…ROFL!!

    But for those who want children, I say HAVE AT ER’! You’d be fahhhbulous…

    I had never heard the rabbit died saying…LOL!!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      LOL! Thanks. The truth is, we’d like children, but with all the stuff we’ve been through lately, we’ve had some roadblocks. And that’s fine…because like I said…if it happens, it happens. If not, so be it.
      As for “the rabbit died”? You should look up the history of the phrase…it’s both gruesome & hilarious.

  10. rommel says:

    Your friend is so comical. A laugh out loud read. Though, yeah, it irks me when “society” asks question that are design for life questions. I, too, have the same mentality of whatever will be, will be in this area.

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