I received a call from a friend of mine yesterday. The conversation went something like this:
Her: You need to go ahead and get pregnant already!
Me: What? Why?
Her: I dropped the kids off at school this morning and stopped by the Starbucks at my local Target store.
Me: Starbucks is good.
Her: Yeah, it is! But anyway, regardless of what I go there for, if I’m in Target, I always check their dollar section.
Me: (laughing and a little afraid of where she’s going with all of this) And…
Her: They had these cute Baby Cookie Monster baking things and I need one of my writer buddies to give it to. They were so cute! I bought them. And since you’re the only one from our writing group that’s married besides me, you need to get to work!
I think the things probably look something like this…
The thing is, in the last few years this isn’t the only conversation of this sort I’ve had! Shortly after we got married we’d get the question at least once a month. In fact, one month, based on the fact that I have a sensitive nose and I was slightly late, every female who worked with me (I think there were 5-6 at the time) volunteered to buy me a pregnancy test so that we could all load into the bathroom together and find out. This, of course, prompted me to have a “Boundaries” discussion with them…and explain that if I was going to share that moment with anyone it would be my guy.
My in-laws took to telling my hubby that my sister-in-law wanted them to ask if we were pregnant yet at least once a month. We knew it wasn’t her…because she’d call or text me or send me a message asking if she was going to have a niece or nephew.
My sister sent me a book for my birthday called Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH as my birthday gift after telling me about her sister-in-law to be who’d had trouble conceiving because she didn’t ovulate “traditionally” and that this would help me get a real calculation for when I ovulate if I paid attention.
There was also the conversation with a musician friend of mine in Nashville by phone where I accidentally outed myself as a wannabe writer and the type of writing I did. That conversation was something like this:
Him: So how do you like this whole being married thing?
Me: It’s good!
Him: So you plan on having any Kitt’s or Mr Kitt’s running around out there anytime soon?
Him: WTF is maybe? Are you guys trying yet?
Him: Kinda? What kind of answer is that? Either you are or you aren’t. Are you on birth control?
Him: So you are. So what’s the hold up? Do you need me to draw you a diagram or write out an instruction manual or something? I warn you, I get a little detailed.
Me: (laughing hilariously…mostly because I’m the girl everyone seems to come to for sex advice) No, trust me. I don’t need a manual.
Him: Are you sure? Because I will go into extensive detail to ensure you’re doing it right.
Me: (slip of the tongue here… Just shows I’m not immune to taunting) Trust me, I write that stuff….in great detail. I don’t need any help there.
Him: You write erotica? Where? Are you published? I wanna see!
Me: Shit. I just said that out loud didn’t I? First, I prefer erotic romance. Second, nothing published in that genre at this time…just for my eyes only and a select friend or two that I trust.
Him: Send it to me… I am dying to see!
(I was just glad to have gotten him off the topic.)
The worst came, though, when my sister called me to tell me that it looked like my parents were moving down here. They’d been living in Chicagoland forever….but after I got married they started thinking “more seriously” about houses in Florida. I know my mom as well as my sister does. She doesn’t do these things randomly. She knew how highly demanding and high pressure my job was. She’s old school Filipina…she was planning on moving down here so that if we had a baby she could be around to take care of it while I worked. But no pressure, right?
The thing is…I had put my biological clock on snooze eons ago. There was a period of time where I wasn’t sure I’d be getting married. I already knew, and so did hubby, that I would not have children without the benefit of marriage. It’s okay for other people (family and friends included), but I’m a bit old fashioned that way…
Hubby and I have talked since we got married. Although we would like children and we think they’d be a blessing, we’re kind of leaving some of that decision in God’s hands. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If not, I’m okay with that, too. Truth is, at this point in my life, the thought of having a child and all the changes that will entail…kinda freaks me out!
There are times I think the kids that get pregnant when they’re young and dumb and have no idea what they’re getting into are doing it right… They don’t know to be terrified of the enormous responsibility that parenting can be. They don’t think to the fact that there is a little life completely dependent on you for their well being. They don’t consider all the changes that will be made to their lifestyle…things they’ll have to give up. They figure it out along the way. Those of us who are older…we see…we know…we fear. (And we’re a bit set in our ways!)
Well, with all these people who appear to be baby crazy on my behalf…and driving me nuts in the process… I’ve warned them that there are consequences for that sort of behavior. I have promised not to make the announcement through Facebook as that’s a bit insensitive and impersonal. But, knowing me and my passion for technology…they’d better hope they know how to work their Picture Messaging on their cell phones…because they may simply get a message that looks like this:
I would send them a text that simply says “The Rabbit Died”, but have concerns that this may cause confusion as one of my former employees came to work shortly after Easter and told me that. She was a bit shocked and taken aback when I said “Congratulations”. Apparently she was completely unaware of the double meaning. She actually had gone out and bought a rabbit for her kids for Easter. A couple days later the thing had a heart attack and died. She was being literal. Oops! (Though we had a good laugh when I explained it to her.)
What other “cutesy” phrases are out there to signify “I’m pregnant”…just in case the time comes that I need this info? What life altering decisions have you felt the most pressure over in your life? What did you do?
I know…a little heavier than my usual, but lately it seems EVERYONE is excited for me to get going on the baby making…