What Ever Can I Do, Officer?

What have you done to get out of a speeding ticket or traffic violation? Has it ever backfired on you? In my imagination, getting out of a traffic violation can get very hot…but that’s all it’s been for me…and my friends.

Hubby and I went to dinner with another couple last night. It’s our “usual” Friday night thing. In fact, we have a “usual” place, and fluctuate between two specific waitresses (upon request). Anyway, when our server got to our table, we chatted her up…and since she’s used to seeing us every week she’s also become accustomed to our men and their teasing.

Last night, when we asked how her week had been, she told us about a ticket she has to pay today. The ticket was close to $300, prompting the guys to ask her how fast she was going. The speed limit in the area she got busted in is 70 MPH. She said she was going around 85, but that when she’d been pulled over initially she thought maybe they were doing an “every car” kind of search, the way they do when there’s been a kidnapping or “criminal at large” search reported. Why did she think that? Because there were about 20 cars pulled over on the side of the road. She quickly found out…she hadn’t stood a chance. She’d been busted by air. Yup! A Cessna got her.

As you can imagine, this got to talk of tickets… More specifically, how people have gotten out of tickets.

Speeding Ticket

Hubby looked at our table and decided to share his “I got out of a ticket” story. He was about 21 or 22 at the time and living in the City Of Chicago. He had been on his way to my house in the suburbs. Back then he was one of my best friends. Anyway, he got pulled over by a Chicago cop….and here’s what happened.

Police Officer: Where’s the fire, son?
Hubby: I’m sorry, Officer. I’m on my way to Hinsdale Hospital. My girlfriend just called. She’s in labor.
Police Officer: (Looks him firmly in the eye) Well slow down, son. You won’t do your girlfriend or your new baby any favors if you get in an accident and die.
Hubby: You’re right, Officer. I’m sorry.
Police Officer: Good luck, son.

When he got to my apartment that night and told me…I won’t lie. I punched him in the arm. My response? “Seriously? We’re not even dating and you make me pregnant with your child?”

He laughed, “Hey, it got me out of my ticket.”


It reminded me of a story with a good friend of mine, so I shared THAT story. It was around Christmas and we’d been in Florida for a little while. She had gotten out of work early, and we’d decided she’d come to my apartment so we could bake a bunch of cookies to give away during the holiday. On her way to my place, she saw those dreaded sirens in her rear view and pulled over. Now my friend has a lead foot, so she’s been pulled over a few times…but she was also a natural Double D, so most of the time she got out of her tickets…well, between that and tears. Quickly, she pulled off the work polo she’d been wearing, knowing she had a flattering, white tank top underneath…showing off her girls.

The officer walked up to the car:

My friend: (turning toward her window, pushing her ladies together just a bit and putting on her innocent face) What seems to be the problem, Officer?

Seeing a female officer standing at her window…completely unimpressed with her “endowments”, she knew she was screwed. When she came over to tell me, she was red faced…and I was unsympathetic. Yeah…I was rolling over, laughing my bon-bon off.

Now, me? I’ve had no luck getting out of tickets…of course I’ve only been pulled over once. I’d “run” a red light in a left turn lane.

Police Officer: (after asking for license & registration) Were you aware you ran a red light? Did you not see me behind you?
Me: No, I wasn’t aware, but yes, I did see you behind me.
Police Officer: I’m going to have to give you a traffic violation ticket. Unfortunately for you, this is considered within the “downtown” limits which raises the ticket by 5 dollars.
Me: (I’m a firm believer in owning your behavior and not making excuses) I understand. I ran a red light.
Police Officer: You must have been too far under the light already and not noticed that the color had turned. I’m sorry, I can’t give you a warning. Since running red lights has become the biggest cause of traffic related injuries and deaths in the area we’ve been told we have to crack down and that there’s zero tolerance for this violation.
Me: It is what it is. I understand. I, apparently, ran the light.
Police Officer: (after running my license) Here you go, ma’am. Again, I’m sorry. But, you know, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so maybe there’s a reason that I stopped you. (He must have been feeling pretty bad about the whole thing because he then went into this long, drawn out story about how he was from NYC and would probably been in the center of all the action around 9-11 had he not been heading down to Florida for an interview that week, causing him to miss the whole thing.)

I just wanted to get on with things. I didn’t need him to feel bad for me. Like I said…if I screw up, I’m not much for excuses. Oddly enough, I think that’s what threw him. He was expecting that…or maybe some flirting…or for me to give him a difficult time. I did none of those things. It wasn’t my style.

34 thoughts on “What Ever Can I Do, Officer?

  1. Loni says:

    I’ve only been pulled over once before. Either I’ve just been lucky, or typically tend to “follow the rules” when driving. I don’t think I’d even be brave enough for flirting or trying to lie my way out of a ticket anyway, but when I got pulled. This is what happened:
    I was driving down a two-lane, one-way street downtown on my way to work one morning a few years ago. The speed limit posted was 35 mph and no ever goes that slow. I happen to be going going close to 45. Because I can’t recognize vehicles when I see them, like my husband can, I passed an unmarked car while digging in my Mc Donald’s bag for my hash brown. I didn’t even notice until he got behind me and turned his flashy lights on.
    I always thought I would cry when I got pulled over, but I was a little pissed instead. All I could think about when he was walking up to my car was that my harsh brown was hot and now it was going to be cold. You see, I was eight months pregnant.
    He asked me if I was aware of how fast I was going, Which I confessed that I didn’t and I just wasn’t paying attention like I should have been. He saw my huge belly, asked me to slow down, especially before passing an unmaked car, and let me go with a warning.
    I went to work grumpy because my food was cold. 🙂


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Ha! You have the pregnancy excuse. My mom was running late to the dentist. She got distracted by the pretty weather & didn’t notice her speed. When she got pulled over for going 12 over, she told the officer, “may The Lord show you the same mercy on judgement day that you’ve just shown me.”

      His response? “I’m sure he will.”

      Could not believe she basically cursed the cop!


  2. Seb says:

    Back in a former life, before I became a responsible citizen etc, I used to have a job working for my families business delivering cars all over the country. Now, the family business specializes in classic imported sports cars or American muscle vehicles, so these were really, really fine cars and the temptation to see what they could actually do out on the road was pretty strong. But I had to have a GPS tracker on me so that HQ could make sure I was going at the required speed etc. So, anyways, one day I am delivering a Z-28 Camaro to Cincinatti and I am tooling at a great rate of knots along I-70 (I think) just out of Morgantown and I am pulled over by some West Virginia State troopers, who were less than impressed with my speed by very much impressed by the car – so they let me off a ticket if I took pictures of them posing with the car!


  3. Maryanne says:

    My story is similar in that I didn’t lie, but it’s a funny story where a cop probably misread my honesty as flirting.

    I was still in my late 20s, driving home from a club. I got pulled over.

    The cop asked me if I was drinking.

    I said, “Yes, officer. I had a few beers. But I’m only a block from my home. Can you follow me home and make sure I get home okay?”

    He said sure and followed me home. I got out of my car and he asked if I was okay. I said, “Yes, I’m glad I’m home safe.”

    He let me go, with no ticket. I was being totally honest too, but who knows what was going on in his head. Maybe he thought I was going to invite him in.


  4. Jessi Gage says:

    LOL! I love your reaction to the in-labor excuse. And i can’t believe the cop fell for that one. He should have said, “Well, in that case, I’ll give you a police escort,” and led the way to the nearest hospital! That would have been classic!


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Oh, I wasn’t with him in the car. He was on his way to see me. Had he followed him, it would have been a 45 minute drive…and since he used to work at that hospital, it would not have been a big deal. He easily would have said thanks & rushed in…even going to the right floor. 🙂


  5. Katie says:

    I’ve only been pulled over once, and that was because my lights weren’t on. My car was still pretty new, and I hadn’t figured out how to turn my lights on without turning on my brights, and whenever I’d put those on, people would flash their lights at me! (I was 17–cut me some slack.) So anyway, he pulls me over for that and looks at my license/insurance, and I freely admit to him I didn’t know how to turn them on, at which point he reached through my open window, pulled one of the levers, and let there be light! I was so embarrassed. He admonished me, and asked if this was my car or my parent’s… so I lied. I didn’t get a ticket or anything, but it was humbling. At least I learned how to turn on my lights!


  6. Helen McMullin says:

    My Mother (who was driving) and I were taking a car full of very excited children to the Shrine Circus when my Mom decided she’d better get gas before we went much further. She spotted a gas station but missed the red light and we were pulled over. The cop said “You just ran a red light.” Mother said “I’m sorry, I was looking for the service station.” The cop looked at all the squirming kids in the back and said “Go right ahead.” He didn’t even ask for her driver’s license.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      That’s great. My mother-in-law still blames my hubby & his brother for the speeding ticket she got in Michigan on the way home from vacation.

      He and his brother were small children in the back seat. As his mom was speeding along, the boys started egging her on to go faster to get home by singing “Go, Speed Racer”!

      Just as she picked up the speed, she saw lights in their rear view.

      (Of course, father-in-law asking if the officer had breakfast yet almost landed them in the hoosegow. Officer asked if he was trying to bribe him. Dad said, “no, sir. Just thought you looked hungry.” LOL!)


  7. wordsurfer says:

    I once got out of trouble because I burst into tears. I have to add, however, that I did not do it on purpose. It was late evening, I’d been driving all day, I’d gone in the wrong direction for quite a while and not able to turn around because there were no exits on the motorway, all the places I tried for staying the night were booked out and I was just exhausted and tired and frustrated and everything else. Then I saw a sign for a campground, followed it and somehow managed not to find it once I was off the motorway and then I got pulled over by a police officer because one of my taillights wasn’t working. He was all set to give me hard time, and then I just reached the point where I’d had too much and he was very kind and escorted me to the campground and just asked me to get the light fixed at the next opportunity. I still feel a little guilty for shocking him like that (he was a young guy and probably not used to crying women), even though it really wasn’t on purpose. 🙂


  8. Jane Sadek says:

    If I got a ticket every time I deserved one, they’d have pulled my license a long time ago. So when I get one, even if it was on the odd time my lead foot wasn’t in control, I just suck it up and take the stupid driving course. But one time a policeman did tick me off. I was driving a 1973 Buick Riviera I’d bought from my favorite aunt. It was a Friday evening and I was on my way home from work. The cop pulls me over and hits on me, starting with inane comments about how good looking the car was and how with the engine I had in it, I could have outrun him.
    After a little more chit chat, it was obvious that he’d been watching me for a while and it felt very creepy. When he told me I could work off the ticket if I wanted to, I told him he’d better write me the ticket and get on with his life, because I wasn’t interested. Needless to say, he did, but I never saw him again in my life, which was a blessing!


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