What Ever Can I Do, Officer?

What have you done to get out of a speeding ticket or traffic violation? Has it ever backfired on you? In my imagination, getting out of a traffic violation can get very hot…but that’s all it’s been for me…and my friends.

Hubby and I went to dinner with another couple last night. It’s our “usual” Friday night thing. In fact, we have a “usual” place, and fluctuate between two specific waitresses (upon request). Anyway, when our server got to our table, we chatted her up…and since she’s used to seeing us every week she’s also become accustomed to our men and their teasing.

Last night, when we asked how her week had been, she told us about a ticket she has to pay today. The ticket was close to $300, prompting the guys to ask her how fast she was going. The speed limit in the area she got busted in is 70 MPH. She said she was going around 85, but that when she’d been pulled over initially she thought maybe they were doing an “every car” kind of search, the way they do when there’s been a kidnapping or “criminal at large” search reported. Why did she think that? Because there were about 20 cars pulled over on the side of the road. She quickly found out…she hadn’t stood a chance. She’d been busted by air. Yup! A Cessna got her.

As you can imagine, this got to talk of tickets… More specifically, how people have gotten out of tickets.

Hubby looked at our table and decided to share his “I got out of a ticket” story. He was about 21 or 22 at the time and living in the City Of Chicago. He had been on his way to my house in the suburbs. Back then he was one of my best friends. Anyway, he got pulled over by a Chicago cop….and here’s what happened.

Police Officer: Where’s the fire, son?
Hubby: I’m sorry, Officer. I’m on my way to Hinsdale Hospital. My girlfriend just called. She’s in labor.
Police Officer: (Looks him firmly in the eye) Well slow down, son. You won’t do your girlfriend or your new baby any favors if you get in an accident and die.
Hubby: You’re right, Officer. I’m sorry.
Police Officer: Good luck, son.

When he got to my apartment that night and told me…I won’t lie. I punched him in the arm. My response? “Seriously? We’re not even dating and you make me pregnant with your child?”

He laughed, “Hey, it got me out of my ticket.”

Ass.

It reminded me of a story with a good friend of mine, so I shared THAT story. It was around Christmas and we’d been in Florida for a little while. She had gotten out of work early, and we’d decided she’d come to my apartment so we could bake a bunch of cookies to give away during the holiday. On her way to my place, she saw those dreaded sirens in her rear view and pulled over. Now my friend has a lead foot, so she’s been pulled over a few times…but she was also a natural Double D, so most of the time she got out of her tickets…well, between that and tears. Quickly, she pulled off the work polo she’d been wearing, knowing she had a flattering, white tank top underneath…showing off her girls.

The officer walked up to the car:

My friend: (turning toward her window, pushing her ladies together just a bit and putting on her innocent face) What seems to be the problem, Officer?

Seeing a female officer standing at her window…completely unimpressed with her “endowments”, she knew she was screwed. When she came over to tell me, she was red faced…and I was unsympathetic. Yeah…I was rolling over, laughing my bon-bon off.

Now, me? I’ve had no luck getting out of tickets…of course I’ve only been pulled over once. I’d “run” a red light in a left turn lane.

Police Officer: (after asking for license & registration) Were you aware you ran a red light? Did you not see me behind you?
Me: No, I wasn’t aware, but yes, I did see you behind me.
Police Officer: I’m going to have to give you a traffic violation ticket. Unfortunately for you, this is considered within the “downtown” limits which raises the ticket by 5 dollars.
Me: (I’m a firm believer in owning your behavior and not making excuses) I understand. I ran a red light.
Police Officer: You must have been too far under the light already and not noticed that the color had turned. I’m sorry, I can’t give you a warning. Since running red lights has become the biggest cause of traffic related injuries and deaths in the area we’ve been told we have to crack down and that there’s zero tolerance for this violation.
Me: It is what it is. I understand. I, apparently, ran the light.
Police Officer: (after running my license) Here you go, ma’am. Again, I’m sorry. But, you know, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so maybe there’s a reason that I stopped you. (He must have been feeling pretty bad about the whole thing because he then went into this long, drawn out story about how he was from NYC and would probably been in the center of all the action around 9-11 had he not been heading down to Florida for an interview that week, causing him to miss the whole thing.)

I just wanted to get on with things. I didn’t need him to feel bad for me. Like I said…if I screw up, I’m not much for excuses. Oddly enough, I think that’s what threw him. He was expecting that…or maybe some flirting…or for me to give him a difficult time. I did none of those things. It wasn’t my style.