Detail and Decal Your Downstairs

Valentine’s Day tends to encourage us to get a little closer. Romantic thoughts and seductions fill the mind (well, if you’re anything like me). You plan your date night meticulously. You pick out a sexy/seductive outfit. You select mood music for the car if you’re going out, for the home if you’re dining in. We women either buy some sexy, new lingerie or pull it out of hiding from our underwear drawers. We primp, we prime ourselves… So here’s a gentle reminder not to forget the little things that can cause an evening to come to a screeching halt…or at least damper the mood…

I have a close male friend. Well, I have a few, but this one is a bit different. This particular friend is my partner in crime. If there’s trouble to be gotten into, he’s usually the one at my side, egging me on. I, on the other hand, am his voice of reason. Scary, right? What’s even scarier as that we talk about everything and anything. His boyfriend found it a bit disconcerting the first time he hung out with us. Now he’s used to it.

Anyway, a few years ago we were driving along when I saw a sign advertising the opening of a new spa.

Me: That reminds me. I need to find a decent spa that that does waxing.
Him: Like your eyebrows?
Me: No, I tweeze those.
Him: Then what?
Me: The bikini area! Preferably a place that does Brazilians. I like to be all pretty down there.
Him: When’s the last time you got waxed?
Me: When I was in Chicago. I’ve been shaving since. And that’s just a pain in the ass.
Him: I know. I shave, too. Waxing just sounds painful.
Me: Eh, it’s not that bad. Glad to hear you manscape though…not that I ever want to see it.
Him: Yeah, that would be weird.
Me: (nodding) There is nothing worse than a guy who’s got Bozo the clown going on around his Johnson. And I’m not referring to him being a redhead. Guys don’t want to have women’s pubes between their teeth like dental floss. I don’t know why they wouldn’t think we’d feel the same way! If they want me to smoke their sausage, they need to trim the shrubbery.

We both laughed. A few minutes went by, then….

Friend: So you know how IV has had a thing for you forever? (IV is the nickname we’ll give a guy to protect the sort of innocent)
Me: (laughing) Of course! It’s not every day a hot young thing walks up to you, gives you a hug and says, “You know, it’s only illegal if I tell.”
Friend: You shot him down gently.
Me: Only to have him come back on his 18th birthday to let me know he was legal!
Friend: Yeah, that boy’s not used to hearing no, and he’s only ever dated older girls.
Me: (shaking my head) Ah, but there’s a difference between girls and women.
Friend: True. But that was a couple of years ago. That boy still wants you.
Me: (nods) Yeah. That boy seems to have a Lo-Jack on me. If I walk into the building, he’s like a heat seeking missile. It’s not easy shooting down a hottie like that all the time. He’s got a great ass…
Friend: True. Remember the other night when he and I went out and he got drunk?
Me: Yeah…
Friend: I saw him naked before you….Haha! I let him crash at my place to sleep it off.
Me: And?
Friend: He needs to manscape.

Of course I cracked up! Lack of manscaping can be a complete mood killer. Most of us women know to take care of that area, whether it’s trimming, waxing (bikini or Brazilian), or shaving (some like landing strips, some prefer to go bald). Bathing suits and bikinis require we take care of some of those hairs at an early age. There are very few things more disconcerting than hair sticking out the sides….

1129__520x440_hairy-bikini-shot

Ok, so this is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. No bueno. If you are one of these ladies…surprise your man for Valentine’s day. Beautify that garden! Nothing like a little lovely pruning to spice up the romance. In fact, if you’re a bit nervous about doing it yourself and don’t want to see a stranger or have fear of waxing, some guys are into the erotic shaving experience. What is an erotic shaving? It’s where you put your private parts into your man’s hands and let him shave it off…and decorate. (The up side is that if he is in the same boat as you, it gives YOU a chance to return the favor!)

For those ladies who are in the advanced class? (Already trim or shave or wax) A few months ago I was introduced to the concept of Vajazzling through Natalie Hartford’s Blog. Apparently Jennifer Love-Hewitt kicked off the trend. Anyway, imagine my surprise when I walked into my favorite adult store and found a bunch of them…each with it’s own sexy or kinky message!

Vajazzle

For the purpose of this blog, I took a fairly tame picture, but you get my drift. The thing is, they’re pretty cool looking! I’m thinking I may need to pick some up and play…. Check it out.

vaj001-vajazzle-yours-body

Cute, right? A nice, intimate message for your Valentine. And it’s less painful (and permanent) than a tattoo.

What do you do to feel sexy for your significant other? For yourself? If you don’t have a significant other, there’s nothing wrong with some solo sexy time…

My Valentine song for today…a little on the playful side.

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19 thoughts on “Detail and Decal Your Downstairs

  1. Loni says:

    Oooo Kitt… I love your bold, hold nothing back, kind of post. I have to say this one had me making all sorts of faces with burst of laughter. LMAO
    I’ve always wondered how horrible a full wax would be? *shudders* It’s gotta be a lot less aggravating than shaving and not having to do it as often. That would be a plus.
    Since my mother is watching my kids this weekend, we’ll have our Vday Saturday. Spend some time out and about the town, and have a nice dinner with a fun night 😉

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Girl, that’s why I’ll only go to a good spa to get a Brazilian. They’re usually better at doing it and with minimal pain. 🙂 The other perk? If you do it consistently for 6 months or so, only half the hair grows back and in longer periods of time. Totally worth it!

      Glad you laughed…even more happy to hear you’ll get a date night with hubby this weekend. Go wild, kids… I’d say don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, but we both know that doesn’t leave much. 😉

  2. amadiex says:

    That was a great read!!! I have to say I knew a girl that did NOT take care of the area. One time a bunch of us went on a boating trip with a few conservatives….and when we went to get down to our swimsuits I swear she had a mane like a lion between her legs! (much like the pic you posted!) Needless to say it made several people uncomfortable as she walked around!!!! I had more fun watching the reaction of others than I did the boat ride! It was very entertaining, but I did learn a valuable lesson…..”trim,,,shave..keep it tame …don’t go around sporting the lion mane!”

  3. ramblingsfromamum says:

    Omg you made me laugh at the yellow bikini shot!!! I love the clip – took me back..and how I wished I looked like that…ok even now would be good 🙂 Ok I’m in my 50’s (don’t cringe) but I still believe in looking your best for the odd occasion (Mr. S would kill me if he saw this!) I use an epilady, but as we get older ..ok age, you have to be a little bit more careful as well…your skin ain’t quite the same…do I have to spell this out… I still buy nice little ‘outfits’ …which reminds me need to get something new..or at least make sure the lawns are cut.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      LOL! Darling, you know age has absolutely nothing to do with detail work and the importance of maintaining it’s quality. Continue manicuring the lawn. I’m sure your man appreciates the effort. As for epilady…I’ve heard they’re painful. Even more so than waxing!

  4. myakka2013 says:

    You’re spoiling the punchline to hundreds of jokes 🙂 Why are pubic hairs curled? To keep from poking you in the eye. What’s the last sound a pubic hair hears before it hits the ground? Phht! Still, great reading! Don’t know about the decals though, I have one that reads: Lookout Mountain, Chattanooga, Tennessee

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