What’s The Difference?

A couple of days before Valentine’s Day a couple of gal pals were on a Twitter Chat hosted by iVillage under the hashtag #sexweek about women, sex and relationships. They talked about some surveys that had been done and did a little mini survey of their own. One question was how often do you and your partner make love? The answers ranged from weeks to days.

The next statement was about how wonderful and important making love was with your significant other and that it’s important to make time to do so. My friends and I agree with that, but think that finding time for sex with your partner is also good. As you’ve probably figured out, my friends are as outspoken as I am and said so. The moderator asked what the difference was.

When my friend told me that, it got me thinking… George Michael did a pretty good job of talking about sex in one of his songs….

But what about if the person is your significant other? Do you distinguish between sex and love? I do. For me sex is raw, and a bit animalistic. It’s hot, hard and intense in a physical sort of way. It can often be quick. And if you’re in the indulging fantasies mode, this would fall into the category of public places, fear of being caught…those kinds of things. Road head? Yeah, that would be in this category for me. Back of the movie theater or public restroom? Ditto. You get my drift.

Then there’s making love. I found it very appropriate that I found a song sung by a married couple. There’s a nuance to intimacy that requires a deeper understanding and connection with your partner.

Making love takes time, connection. Although there’s definitely a physical aspect to making love, this is more of a mental and emotional connection to me. If we go back to fantasy comparisons, this can be the candle lit room filled with soft, sexy music and rose petals on the bed. Or it can be tied up with a blind fold, gentle teasing with foods (strawberries, chocolates…you get my drift). It can even be the scented bath for two or massage… It’s a time when your bodies commune with each other, speaking through action.

I believe both are important to the bond a couple builds and works to maintain. They both have different sorts of values and should not be dismissed or negated as unimportant. The former is what keeps the spice in a relationship or allows you to explore together, growing and playing together. The latter is where you solidify all the things you should be telling each other. It pays homage to your love and value and respect for one another.

What do you guys think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss something? I don’t bite…unless you ask nicely. 😉

19 thoughts on “What’s The Difference?

  1. Lawrence Grodecki says:

    Really nicely said Kitt…for once I’ve got nothing smart to say or add. You certainly do have a knack for touching on one of my main themes in my writing, which is intimacy. I appreciate what you say about animalistic, after all, as far as I know, we are still animals. The more emotional scenarios are perhaps just as natural, more like butterflies perhaps?


  2. hrosez says:

    Love this. I completely understand ‘sex’ and ‘making love’. Sometimes, I just want it to strath the itch. Other times, it’s nice to slow down and enjoy your partner.


  3. ramblingsfromamum says:

    No I think you have it covered, there is the raw – get down- into love – where our animal instincts rule supreme (yes even at my age) then there is the quite- sensual -romantic love. It’s a balance where are little bit of both are required, as you say the animal to keep the spice, the tender to show the love and bond.


  4. Przemek Kucia says:

    😀 Yeah, sex and making love makes perfect sense. And there is sex and Sex as well 😉 one is a “release” act and the other is this more savage, intense like being on stage performing. Do I make any sense? I don’t like the first one though, the second – mmmmhmmm – to much of a good thing is almost enough 😉


  5. Phil Holtberg says:

    Coming from a guys point of view there is a difference between lovemaking and sex. There is always a time for both, and both can be hot in different ways..

    Some of the best times we have are when one of us just throws the other on the bed/couch/floor and goes at it. No planning. No specific times. Just raw sex.

    Great post again! 😉


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