As often happens when blogging, comments (like the ones on yesterday’s post) can trigger inspiration; in this case, I have my newer friend, Professor Taboo, to thank. If you’re not following him yet, you should click the link and check him out. I find him to be immensely entertaining and unique in his thought processes, so I’m very grateful to Renee for “introducing” us. I’ll be honest, I’m not exactly sure how I went from point A to point B on this particular post, but it’s what stuck.
When I was in high school one of the biggest insults a person could hand you was “poser”. Looking back, it’s kind of funny because high school is all about discovering yourself and I’d hazard that most people “posed” at some point. Maybe there are some of you who haven’t heard the term. Who knows… Maybe it’s a generational thing? If so, let me give you a short clip to give you “context”.
Probably the biggest examples of stereotypes came with The Breakfast Club, but oddly enough, my high school wasn’t really like that. There wasn’t as much cliquishness as I’d expected going in my junior year after having spent my first two years in private school. Looking back, I think it may have been because we had a fair amount of Dead Heads and “Alternatives” who were also popular or prominent in the different clubs, music programs and athletic teams. It wasn’t until after I left that I realized it was probably pretty unusual for schools to have environmental clubs, jewelry clubs or some of the other 50+ clubs we had. It never occurred to me that most schools probably didn’t have their top male vocalist in madrigals with blue hair, wearing a kilt or being openly “bi”. Or that the stars of both the lacrosse and soccer teams were “alternative”.
It was cool to be who you were…. The worst crime you could commit was to be untrue to yourself. It happened quite more than I would have thought, actually. Some person would assume that “being alternative” meant dying your hair black, looking like what folks call “goth” these days, and throwing on combat boots. The things that gave you away? Your taste in music was usually a biggie, but there were a bunch of other little tells that I would’ve been mostly clueless to. (Though it was this crew that introduced me to Front 242, Ministry, The Revolting Cocks, Erasure, EMF, Anything Box, Morrissey and The Smiths–before many of them were considered cool.)
The funny thing was, I wasn’t really part of any of these “groups”. My sunshine-y disposition and my taste for bright colors made it obvious that I wasn’t considered a part of their crowd. Somehow, though, I probably partied more with them than I did anyone else in high school. And if it wasn’t with them, it was with the rock band boys who were all about classic rock. Because I didn’t try to fit in…somehow I did…
The lesson I learned? Be yourself… It’s a lot simpler that way.
As many of you know, I’m not exactly what people would term as “vanilla” in the way I think about sex and interpersonal relationships. For those of you who’ve read my posts, there have been clues along the way. Just click the sex tab at the left side of my blog if you don’t believe me. Don’t get me wrong…I pass no judgment on those who aren’t. I just find that I have a preference for a bit of kink with my play. Looking back, I shouldn’t have been surprised…things always gravitated in that direction (both people and situations)…even in high school.
When I was a junior/senior in high school there was a club called Medusa’s in Chicago. The link gives you a taste of what the club was like (part of the evening allowed for minors, then everyone was kicked out to admit adults only…and a list of musical selections). The first night I went to this club was with a bunch of gal pals. They worked so hard to perfect their make up, to wear the “right” clothes, to look sexy (we were 18). I just wanted to hang with my friends. I didn’t bother with makeup, threw my hair up in a ponytail, grabbed a pair of black leggings and an oversized crew neck shirt and headed out the door. When we got to the club, the ones who tried so hard to “be cool” pretty much hung out like wall flowers. Me and the Australian exchange student got on the dance floor and started shakin’ it. Before I knew it, I was dancing in a sandwich. One guy at my back, the other at my front. My Aussie friend found a friend of theirs to dance with and got behind one of my partners until we had a 5 person dirty dancing chain…LOL!
The lesson I learned? Guys appreciate girls who don’t try too hard (and who could take them or leave them). 😉
One of my closest friends through high school and college was definitely an “alternative chick”. In fact, back in the day she used to work part-time at Crobar, Chicago…when it was Dennis Rodman’s favorite hang out. Her favorite club, though, was a place called The Dome Room. Why did this place make such an impact on me? Because… I realized something. I may not always recognize “posers” when it came to cliques, but I recognized posers when it came to sex. You see, Dome Room had a theme night…one of her favorites… She’d been dying to take me knowing I’d be entertained. The theme? Bondage Night.
It wasn’t until her “last hurrah” that I finally agreed to go. Oddly enough, the thing that held me back was my concern of “feeling uncomfortable”. Ha! The fact that I’d been 18 the first time I’d restrained a boyfriend to play with him should have been a clue, but it never crossed my mind. In my head I pictured what many people imagine when thinking about BDSM. Men in leather, women barely dressed and being dragged by dog collars attached to chains. Make no mistake…we saw that…along with people dressed in pvc and latex…. BUT….
As my best friend was pregnant (hence her last hurrah–and we weren’t drinking), she needed to use the restroom. We headed upstairs to where the bathrooms were located and she hit a stall. While I was waiting for her, two girls walked in to “touch up” their makeup. After a quick glance in their direction I was dying for my friend to come out while I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. One of the young ladies was wearing a black spandex top with heart-shaped and
sheer see through black nylon-like materal that covered her upper body and arms. What I saw when I glanced over was that she’d also attempted to shade in some cleavage lines…maybe using eyeliner? The lines were uneven (I hope they’d just melted away with the sweat from dancing rather than by oversight.) It was the first time I’d ever seen someone try to pencil in some boobs. Cause, you know, guys wouldn’t notice the size difference once they got you nekkid.
Her…I mostly felt sorry for (though I couldn’t help laughing).
What was worse was the two girls that got up on one of the raised platforms to dance. Ever watch two women try to draw male attention by pretending to be into one another? Yeah…it’s painful….not to mention insulting to women who truly ARE into one another. Mind you, at that time, my experience (as I knew it) with lesbians was pretty limited. So how did I know they were faking it for attention? Ladies who are really into each other don’t spend time kissing each other with one eye open looking to see if any hot guys are noticing. Just sayin’…and that’s for starters.
The lessons I learned? Never try to draw in your own cleavage (something embarrassing could happen) and never fake sexual interest in something/someone you’re truly not interested in.
As uncomfortable as I was afraid I’d feel at that club…it never happened. In fact, the people who tried hardest (and there were a few in the dog collar set…) were obviously not designed to be there for anything but playing dress up and the music. It became obvious when the floor show started…. It was only a mild D/s floor show, but some of those guys in the dog collars got very nervous when the floggers came out…probably afraid it was giving their girlfriends ideas they weren’t prepared to handle. 😀
By the way, for those of you paranormal lovers…The Dome Room is now closed, but was considered to be haunted…. If you’re interested, here’s a clip from when they were featured on Sightings.
What kinds of clubs did you go to when you were younger? Were you a part of any clique? If so, which one? What recurring themes have you noticed through the course of your life? What kind of music were you into in high school?
18 thoughts on “Posers, Parties and Passions”
Thank you Kitt for the kind words and mention. You are awesome.
You may find this surprising, but in high school & college — and really until my mid-30’s, early 40’s — I didn’t go “clubbing” like most of my peers. However, growing up in a VERY dancing family (both sides!), we’d all go 2-stepping and/or ball-room dancing, or as my grandmother taught me (who was a National Ballroom competitor) swing-dancing or jitter-bug dancing. It was all PARTNER dancing….that required more effort (talent?) than what most of my high school or college peers did at hip-hop or rap clubs. Plus, at those dance halls you could actually HEAR what your date & friends were saying to you & not screaming at you & repeatedly responding: WHAT!? WHAT!? 😉
Prior to my present dance places (not “clubs” to me), I was too caught up in my semi-pro & pro soccer career; which while in Europe in the late 80’s thru the 90’s is what introduced me to my present genre of Electronika-Future Synth-Pop-Gothic-Vocal Trance and free-dancing. But during high school I was the drummer in our rock-metal band that played at parties on weekends. Most of that crowd was like the Stevie Ray Vaughn types (who actually attended my high school), Led Zeppilin, The Cure, The Cars, Kansas, Boston, etc. My neighborhood in Dallas was only 4-5 miles south from Deep Ellum (Dallas) which eventually became the Alternative music scene downtown. I stumbled (completely on my own) into Steampunk when I didn’t even know that it existed until a new ‘dance-club’ friend told me “I LOVE your mixture of Steampunk-gothic style & outfits!” Huh? Apparently I had also mixed in some light BDSM in with it she said, and that’s what she digged. Go figure.
Haha! My mom was actually a championship cha-cha dancer in the Philippines, but I suspect it had more to do with a very talented gay partner than it did serious skill on her part. 😡 My dad used to roller-dance. Yeah…never cared to learn that trait. My grandpa used to do flips on the dance floor…thought that was pretty badass. LOL!
Drummer, huh? It’s always the quiet ones… Me, I was a singer. Musicians in general held appeal, but I usually dated the pretty boy jocks…3 letters (football, wrestling and baseball), though I was accused once of “getting down” with a male gymnast who was top 4 in the state. Cracked me up because no one would believe I had a doppleganger. It truly wasn’t me.
Great post. I went to a very small rural high school and I never fit perfectly into a clique. We had them, they were just not the usual clear-cut classifications because there wasn’t enough kids to fit all the roles, so the cliques became sort of irregularly ‘shaped’ and ill-defined as a result. I just hung out with whomever was handy, and had a good time without committing too deeply to any one group. I was a prototypical nerd and was never ashamed of the stuff I was into — comic books and D & D, etc. And high school was not the horrorshow for me that it was for a lot of people, even coming from a backwater area that was pretty narrow-minded in a lot of respects.
I find that not getting overly attached to being part of a group and keeping up with the status quo of such has really helped me have time to be me. I never gave into peer pressure and always just trusted my own instincts, so now when I’m older and fitting in is a lot less important, I can pull from that and do what I feel I need to do without worrying about how it looks or comes across to other people.
That’s great. Hubby & I both STILL like D & D. 🙂 cultivating your independence & individuality happens so rarely. I’m always thrilled to talk to people who managed to do it! So much more interesting than cookie cutter folk…
Lott! What a great post. I don’t think I’ve ever been a poser, but there have been times where I have felt decidedly lost. It’s almost the reverse. I’m not the most adventurous person, and I tend to cling to old relationships, so when they change or die, I find myself feing rather alone. That being said, I have always felt comfortable expressing my emotions on the dance floor, so that garnered me plenty of attention back in the day. I’m still pretty uninhibited out there. Nothing makes me feel better than a night of great dancing. Awesome post, and thanks for the mention. I KNEW that you and Professor Taboo would hit it off. I’m like a cyber-yenta. 🙂
LOL! Cyber-yenta. Good one! It CAN be hard to let go of relationships after years of investment. Who could blame you for not wanting to let go.
I think it’s awesome that you love to dance…dancing is a TOTAL celebration of life.
Second the “dancing to celebrate life” part! Simply a re-connection of the soul to our primal Earth.
Much like sex… Just sayin’. 🙂
So much fun and funniness here, Kitt! Amen to being ourselves. 🙂
I was sort of a group dabbler in high school, and was borderline anti-clique. I did turn into a total bookworm/nerd (party and alcohol-phobe) once I moved to NYC to reside with fashionistas… I’ve learned repeatedly that authenticity trumps all, even when we feel awkward, off or otherwise unusual. Even fear has a very important place in our journeys. Same for sex, chocolate and rock & roll. 😉
I think being a drug & alcohol “phobe” back then was a great thing. And you’re right. Fear, too, plays an important part in our journeys.
Loved the pencilled in cleavage LOL
Can’t stop just on my way out for some waterproof eyeliner pencil!
Oh yeah, we had our posers and cliques in high school. I avoided that scene. I was always the guy that straddled the line and hung out with all types. From the jocks to the nerds to the rockers to the clubbers and all in between. It was more fun for me to be myself. Plus, it also allowed me to hook up with a lot of different types of girls! 😉
Ooh! Maybe that’s the excuse I should use…. 😉
Recurring themes? I gain weight..I lose weight..I gain weight..I… xx
So, Elizabeth Taylor syndrome? 😉