A Father’s Love

As easy as Mother’s Day is for me to celebrate…such strong feelings of love and laughter…the opposite is true for me with Father’s Day. There are some who might say I have “Daddy Issues”. Not in the sense of being sexually drawn to men to fulfill a father type role in my life, but in that complicated, unsettled way. He wasn’t there as a parent both physically and emotionally. His choice. Thankfully, my mom was.

With Dad Me, my little sis and my bio dad

What does that mean?

Although my parents divorced when I was 10, my dad had been slowly becoming a nonentity in our household much further back. In fact, this picture taken in Germany was probably one of the last times we were really just being close and hanging out… Once we moved back to the Philippines he got caught up in wanting to go out and party with his friends and would forget to come home except every once in a while…and usually just to sleep.

When my youngest brother died, it was the last straw, both for my parents’ marriage and my father’s coping abilities. I suspect that it was easier for him to pretend we didn’t exist than to be there for us. If it weren’t for my grandparents and the rest of his family, I suspect we would have lost contact completely.

For a long time I was hurt, angry….yes, even a bit bitter. It made me careful in my own relationships. I didn’t want to take the chance of bringing a child into this world and making him feel the way I did. I didn’t want them to cry with bittersweet disappointment over songs written about Fathers and their kids…knowing that they’d been robbed of such a special, unique bond. That hurt…Jimmy Wayne get’s it right in his song…along with a sense of hope once you finally let go of your anger and hurt (one of the hardest parts).

I doubt my relationship with my biological father will ever be easy or simple. Too much water under that bridge. But I’m not angry anymore. The better word to describe my emotions? Wistful. There’s a part of me that understands that there’s a bond most fathers have with their children, not just their daughters. I’ll always feel a tug at my heart when I hear one of those awesome songs that describes what a loving father/child relationship can be like.

But you know what? I did the next best thing. I found a person to share my life who values family. Believe me, I tested him. There’s a reason it took 16 years before we finally decided to get married. Thank goodness for patience (his, that is). Any children I may have will never wonder if they mattered. That won’t be a question in their vocabulary.

As for my father? Over the years of trials and heartaches I’ve remembered I have a Father who’s loved me all along. Like Amy Grant sings… When the world looks at me, I want them to say I have my Father’s Eyes. There’s a peace in realizing he’s loved, protected me and accepted me unconditionally all along.

Having said all this…Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there who take the time to be parents to their children. For me, there’s not much cooler than a man who absolutely adores his kids.

21 thoughts on “A Father’s Love

  1. John W. Howell says:

    Thanks for sharing this story. Not all men have the courage to be good fathers and so it is a shame the children many times do not understand that it is not their fault. This is the sadness in these situations. You have great courage and the right attitude. Good on you.


  2. Dace says:

    when you come into this world, there are usually two people who greet you, who teach you right from wrong, who teach you love, patience and how to become a good person. If you have only one parent, you will learn about the world from them.

    My understanding is – if you choose to bring a child into this world, then you are responsible to be the best parent that you can be.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I think you’re absolutely right! You ARE responsible to be the best parent you can be. Sadly, too many people who aren’t capable of that kind of a commitment still decide to have children, and invariably, it’s the children who suffer.


  3. Katie says:

    I, too, have a special respect for good fathers. I don’t feel bad for myself or feel that I missed out on having a dad growing up, but I know a lot of people with really great dads, and they deserve a special day as much moms.


  4. ramblingsfromamum says:

    Thank you for your story. Two parents is the ideal, however one parent can give, guide and love the same amount as two. Your biological dad chose not to honour his commitments as a father to you and that is his loss, for he will have missed out on lives, lives that he created. Sadly there are some who aren’t ‘cut’ out to be parents, their own longing for self, gets in the way of sharing their lives with anyone around them, including their offspring. Your mum has done a grand job and she should be proud of raising her children 🙂 xxx


  5. filbio says:

    Sorry to hear that you did not have a great relationship with your dad, but it sounds like you picked a great guy to build a future with.

    BTW – me and my gal have been engaged since Oct 1998 – and still have not set a wedding date!


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