Aging, Gateway Books and Sex Ed

My Birthday Goblet

My Birthday Goblet

This last weekend was a busy one for yours truly. My sister and her guy were in town to throw a “Milestone Celebration” aka 40th birthday party for moi. Now technically, Kitt Crescendo was born on the 4th of July, but for celebratory purposes for my out-of-towner sib, this last weekend worked best.

Above is the sexy goblet she bought, especially for me…that had been filled multiple times with a lovely sangria.

She did a fabulous job with the event and a good time was had by all.

Oddly enough, mine wasn’t the only birthday party I went to that day…though mine was the only one with jello shots, etc. My next door neighbors are good friends…and their 3 year old also had his party earlier that day, so I stopped by.

At the party, I got into a conversation with Julie, grandma of the birthday boy, in town from Georgia. She’s in her late 50’s, recently widowed. During our talk, she found out that I’m a writer, and as often happens, 50 Shades got mentioned. Seriously, I’m going to start calling it “The Gateway Book”. Well, most of us view it that way anyway, but….for this woman, it truly was.

It was a gateway to rediscovering her libido.

Recently widowed, what she said struck me as a bit sad, but not all that uncommon.

“If my husband were alive today he’d be like ‘sure, now you find your sex drive. Why couldn’t you have done that sooner?”

As my dear friend Ande Lyons and I have talked about often, this is one of the many reasons that prompted her to create Bring Back Desire. So, of course, I mentioned the website to my new friend and encouraged her to check it out. Seriously, between Bring Back Desire and GirlBoner even the most inhibited person can find ways and means to embrace their ‘innerwildkats’…;-)

Her story is not so uncommon. She married young, had children, raised them. Fairly conservative upbringing. She’d given up many of her outside hobbies to raise the kids. When it came to doing things for fun, he was the more dominant personality, so she went along with what he liked to do and put her passions aside. No one had really talked to her about speaking up or doing her own thing.

She was content in her marriage. She loved her husband, but “didn’t have much time or energy for sex”. It wasn’t until the “Gateway Book” that she started feeling her sex drive rev back to life, but by then her husband had passed away.  Now she’s on this voyage of self discovery and making up for all the lost time of hobbies and passions set aside. She’s an outgoing, vivacious woman, so why not?

But as I considered her exploring (which has definitely included sexting, men, etc), one thought popped out at me.

I hope she’s being safe!

I mean, when we think about ‘the sex talk‘ we’re usually thinking either teenagers or the basic talk you have with small children. Why on EARTH would we need to have this talk with someone who has grandkids? Seriously. Isn’t the horse already out of that barn? Maybe. But think about this. The last time she’d probably been given the sex talk, the only thing she had to worry about were these:

  • Reputation
  • Pregnancy
  • STD’s treatable by Penicillin

What do we know? She’s past childbearing age, so pregnancy is no longer a concern. She’s older and widowed, and she’s not so concerned with reputation anymore… But now there’s more then just herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis. HIV and AIDS are nothing to scoff at. Age doesn’t make you immune.

Does she know to talk safety with her potential partners? Does she realize that condoms protect her from more than just pregnancy? Have her partners been tested? Has she? Somehow I couldn’t picture her daughter bringing this topic up with mom, the way mom may have with her daughter years ago.

When I’d mentioned my general thoughts to my brother-in-law, an ER doc, he commented on the fact that STD awareness discussions seemed to stop once people got out of their twenties and thirties as if the libido disappeared during that time as well. He mentioned that retirement communities and assisted living facilities still had the occasional outbreak of an STD that required treatment among their residents, and when it spread, it was usually pretty rampant.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled to death to hear that the sex drive is thriving with the 50+ set (in fact, this Podcast is faboulous proof that life does not end at 50)… I just hope and pray that those folks rediscovering themselves and their sexiness remember to be safe while enjoying life. In fact, if someone you love may be at this place, talk to them about it. Nothing says love like looking out for someone else’s health while they rediscover the joy of living sexy!

And for those of you who are wondering how I feel about turning 40? I Feel GREAT!!!!

As always, I’d love to hear from you guys, so feel free to share your thoughts, insights or questions…

39 thoughts on “Aging, Gateway Books and Sex Ed

  1. L.J. Kentowski says:

    It’s nice to hear people are still living exciting lives at all ages, but you are so right! Education about what all out there should never stop! Great post! And so glad to hear you bday celebration was awesome!


  2. Tameri Etherton says:

    Happy Birthday Darling! I totally would’ve had ‘the talk’ with her. In fact, I had to give my mom some points on being safe after her divorce from my step-dad. She started dating a guy I knew was seeing other women. This was in the 80’s and AIDS was just starting to become something straight people got, too. I think she was mortified, but as I told her back then, I wanted her to own her sexuality, and that included being safe. I never asked her if the talk helped, but I like to think it did.

    Your new friend is in for a world of fun. I hope she’s safe, too.


  3. brickhousechick says:

    Happy Big Birthday!!! The actual day is today, since it is midnight as I write this and officially the 4th! Did someone say Sangria? It’s my all-time favorite and I wish I had been invited to your party :). I’m swimming to my 50’s which is coming up in September and I have to say…things are getting “spicier” in my life…if you know what I mean! I am fortunate to still have my wonderful husband with me and life couldn’t be “funner” – in that way. I think you have a lot to look forward to in your next decade! 🙂


  4. Tana Bevan says:

    Loved your quote, “Nothing says love like looking out for someone else’s health while they rediscover the joy of living sexy!”

    Very practical and caring observations in your post. So often when you do the practical and caring it is ignored because it’s the flash and fanfare that get noticed. (Think the hot looking car that gets driven to the ground versus the beat up looking clunker which is mechanically sound and keeps on truckin’.)

    Given a choice, it’s great going for both. (Nothing wrong with flash.) When it has to be either/or, IMHO practical is the way to go.


  5. Professor Taboo says:

    Happy happy 40th Kitt! It is most excellent that you are available, accessible for women — of really any age — to not only discover their ethical sluthood, but to grow it and grow it responsibly…de-stigmatizing the true beauty of what a delicious slut is/can be while promoting a healthy, safe, and sane BDSM introduction. 🙂


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thank you. Someone once told me I had a knack for getting people to open up to me about the strangest things that most people tend to hold very close to the vest. I know that’s a gift, so I try not to abuse this “super power”, but rather use it responsibly to steer people in the right direction and encourage them in their voyages; self discovery and otherwise.


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