Self Pleasure A Solo Sport?

Why wait till May to talk masturbation???


A couple days ago I confessed to you guys that I can be a bit of a Grammar cop. Before I continue, look at the sentence under Masturbation….that statement needs a well placed comma to match the above picture, no? I’m pretty sure the sentence is also pretty accurate, too, though. Masturbation isn’t just limited to men I know. 😉

Remember those myths/old wives tales we used to hear about masturbation? My personal favorite was probably frequent self pleasure will make you go blind. Or what about the one that said touching yourself would make your palms hairy? Maybe you heard that masturbation would cause you to lose your ability to orgasm during actual sex…. or any of the many other myths out there.

With all the craziness surrounding something as simple and natural as masturbation, it’s no wonder folks are unwilling to admit to taking pleasure into their own hands. For me, personally, it’s my ideal way to relieve stress…assuming I’m someplace I can shuck my clothes. As it turns out, not only were those endorphins helping me to release stress and tension, they were also increasing my sex drive.

There’s this other myth that says that masturbation is a solo sport. I beg to differ. Everyone needs a helping hand. Sure, it can be… but alone is not your only option. I’m not talking about the whole leave your window curtains open “accidentally” so that the neighbors can get a peek…though if that does it for you, I’m the last person who will be throwing stones. What I’m talking about can be done several ways for multiple benefits.

Mutual Masturbation.

As we know, we women tend to need mental stimulation. Most men need visual stimulation. It would seem to me that playing in pairs would have a symbiotic effect. We can read our most recent racy novel or float off to fantasyland in our heads, then once our bodies are raring to go, invite our partners into the bedroom.

You can make it a game….

You: Baby, I’m feeling a little frisky and I want to play…
Him: Okay.
You: I want you to watch me touch myself…
Him: (thinking it’s incredibly hot and he just scored…wondering what’s the catch.) That’s hot.
You: There’s just one thing. I want to touch me. I want to watch you watch me touch myself. But you don’t get to touch me until I say okay. (After your first orgasm.)
Him: (Wow…That’s the catch?) Sounds hot. Do I get to touch myself?
You: (The view is just added inspiration) Absolutely.

Okay, so maybe the dialogue is a little cheesy, but think about this… There is something very sexy about sitting across from each other and pleasuring yourselves. Looking into each others eyes builds intimacy. Watching each other touch yourselves does something else. If you pay close attention, you will learn how your partner likes to be touched. Struggled to help your partner attain orgasm? They’re giving you an in depth look into their points of pleasure! Things have been getting a bit stale? Watch the “way” they touch themselves. There may be cues for different interests or role play scenarios in the future. You’ll learn if you’re too soft, too hard, too gentle…or just right (which can be an incredible ego boost).

Of course, you can also bring out the toys! Who says you have to be the one to masturbate you? Why turn a partner down if they’re in the mood to drive you out of your mind with ecstasy? Or *gasp* you could initiate it. Maybe you have a whole array of toys and your own toy chest or maybe you’ve never bought a vibrator before. Either way, do you know how exciting it can be for a man to be invited to join you as you “break in” a new toy? Maybe it’s one of those little finger vibes…(don’t knock ’em, they can be very powerful these days) or maybe it’s your rabbit. Personally, I’m enthralled with glass dildos these days (something about the fact that they can hold heat or cold gives me the shivers in a good way).

Here’s a truth…we all have our insecurities revolving around sex. Sharing intimacies like this with our partners helps break down those walls. It also helps both of you to better be able to meet your needs without pressure and frustration. In fact, if you haven’t found your g-spot yet, why not ask your partner for a team assist? You could “research” the subject online together…watching all sorts of “educational” videos. Maybe you could read books or articles…or go toy shopping and find something designed to hit “the spot”. Or that can just be your excuse to play…;-)

And if you’re newer to a relationship? Won’t they think you’re nasty or a slut or some other hideous label people create? Unless they’re severely repressed, not likely. In fact, you’ve just told them three things about yourself. You know your body and are not ashamed (nor should you be–regardless of what clothing size you might wear because they were attracted to you for a reason), you expect communication with your sex (novel concept, I know) AND that you like a bit of adventure with your loving. THERE IS NO DOWNSIDE HERE! (In fact, if they’ve got a problem…they’re likely also the downside…)

Masturbation is a genuine pleasure for me. There are all sorts of scenarios you can play out for pleasure…the one I listed above was just one of many…and meant to get your creative juices flowing. So while you’re thinking of it, what myths have you heard about sex that you know are just not true? You know I’m open to any questions you may also have surrounding masturbation and sex, so feel free to ask…

As you all know, I don’t believe in taking sex too seriously, so I thought I’d share with you the most hilariously cheesy song I’ve heard in a while…appropriately called “Masturbation Song”.

41 thoughts on “Self Pleasure A Solo Sport?

  1. August McLaughlin says:

    Masturbation need not be a solo sport. AMEN, Kitt! I find people’s discomfort discussing or admitting to it pretty sad. I think women, in particular, should be encouraged to explore our sexuality through self-stimulation. Doing so benefits our partners, too! As you know. 😀

    Lots of love, lady! Thanks for giving voice to this crucial topic.


  2. Jessi Gage says:

    I don’t know about myth, but having grown up in a conservative church environment, I was exposed to the idea that masturbation was wrong or dirty or sinful, but as a teenager, it was just something that naturally developed for me. I didn’t feel guilty about it and wondered what the big deal was. I still enjoy masturbation. Often. But I’m glad I’m old enough now not to have any doubts about whether it’s okay or not. Bottom line: It’s private. It’s healthy. It’s good. The Bible doesn’t say not to touch yourself. So there.


    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I think that’s a great outlook, Jessi! It’s not like you have to announce what you do to the world. It IS private…to either you or your partner if you choose to share that intimacy with him. Not once has it ever occurred to me to label someone a “sinner” simply because they are self aware.


  3. Tammy says:

    Loved this post. I once lost a speaking gig at very large church because someone had read a chapter in my book that talked openly about masturbation. When the preacher met with me he explained “we don’t believe in it”. Yeah. I looked at him wide eyed and muttered “I’m pretty sure you do it anyway.” That was that. Seven months later his whole congregation threw him out because he was caught in a hot tube with under aged boys. Hmmm, maybe masturbation would have been the better option. Just saying. Thanks for saying it loud and proud!


      • Steven says:

        Welllllll, well, well. Hmmm, where to begin?

        The moment you had begun an article on masturbation by discussing grammar, I felt that… ummm, shall we say….. familiar tingle, Kitt. Looking at that lovely picture above and knowing it was the GRAMMAR that caught your eye, was nothing short of hilarious to me!!

        Poor punctuation, grammar and spelling are just a few of my (many???) pet peeves in life… and tells me soooo much about… shall we say ‘more personal things’ about you. (a perfectionist who promotes masturbation… are you kidding me right now?? I swear I know this woman can cook too… yes, I can tell a LOT just by looking.) ((Which brings up another pet peeve… (what, so soon???) I know, I know, sorry… but seems like the perfect opportunity to tell everyone there is no such word as alot!! Lol.))

        You pose an interesting question above in your reply to filbio, Kitt. it seems like no matter how much I attempt to convince you that I could watch without touching (until asked) that it would be just an unproven theory… I can almost hear you scoffing or mocking me at the mere suggestion of it!! Soooooo… my little doubting friend, there seems to be only one way to prove it to you and meet your high (read unreasonable) standard of proof.

        Do you have plans this weekend?

        (lolol… Hoping my words made you laugh. and, for the record, even though I put forth my best punctuation effort, I see mistakes in my typing all the time… as you will, no doubt, also notice. ugh)


        • Kitt Crescendo says:

          Ahhh….a sense of humor. Life’s too short not to laugh.

          Despite my passion for grammar, I’m well aware that we’re all quite human. We all have clay feet. For this reason, I try not to finger point too directly. It’s my quirk. No need to be rude.

          I’m a tad amused to know my response to Phil caused a reaction in you. Though I set the challenge out, I’m not likely to scoff or scorn someone, or even assume they’d be unable to follow through. Quite frankly, part of my enjoyment is in the thrill of the challenge and the willingness to follow through on a promise. It turns me on to exert control through my words alone.

          And how disappointing would it be for a partner if their inability to follow through on the rules of the game left them bereft of the MORE that could’ve been. Because part of the game, of course, are the consequences if the rules are broken. It would be as painful for me as it would be for a partner if I had to stop what I was doing and walk away, denying us both the ultimate climax simply because one of us was selfish. 😉

          As for my weekend plans, they center around my husband as I’m getting ready to go out of town on business again for a while.


          • Steven says:

            Lol. I was thrilled you got the humor of my response… or, it seemed that you did, until you mentioned plans with your husband. it was intended to be playful and make you smile or… perhaps if i was lucky, laugh. bereft. such a perfect word. such a subtle indication of how deep you are. great article and posts…. and yes, i’m still literally laughing at the hilarity that GRAMMAR was what caught your attention from the picture. too funny.


          • Kitt Crescendo says:

            I definitely caught the humor and enjoyed it quite a bit. (I really am about to be out of town for a week, so your “request” genuinely brought him to mind.)
            As for the provocative pic with the grammar faux pas… The photo didn’t go unnoticed. In fact, it was selected for the provocative imagery, but my inner writer couldn’t let it go without acknowledging the elephant on the page. The grammar. *shudder* 😉


  4. Cautious Reader says:

    People consider anything that relates to sex a private matter. Only a very few can openly speak about it or write about it! Kudos to you to be able to do both.


      • jef says:

        Kind of a bummer that this Teaching Moment reduced the few guys who weighed in to make amused self-referent remarks about their own jerking off. There is no anthropological imperative that explains why we have to be such hopeless fucking clods. It can be frustrating. This was a cool post and i’ll admit I dialed in for other than purely academic interest. But how are women able to talk so clearly and humorously and so humanely about stuff like this? Enviable. Nice post and speaks well of your team. We’ll get there someday. Some several ice ages hence, maybe.


        • Kitt Crescendo says:

          I’m so glad you enjoyed my post! Sometimes, on the subject of sex, comments like the ones you homed in on are used to deflect from discussing personal feelings. I will say that the guys who post here, despite the way the comments may appear, are very supportive of my efforts to encourage folks to let go of their hang ups and embrace their sexual sides. They show their support by sharing on Twitter or Facebook.


          • jef says:

            Yeah, I realized later these guys are probably long-time supporters and folks you’ve come to trust and whose input and company you enjoy. Apologies for the rant.


          • Kitt Crescendo says:

            No apologies needed. I enjoy every person’s input & insight. It is an uncomfortable topic for many. It’s one of the reasons I choose to infuse a bit of humor…sometimes self-deprecating. It seems easier for people to discuss more openly when there’s a hint of lightheartedness. And when I choose to point the finger at myself, the feedback is often more personal and honest because the environment is non-threatening. And the advice or feedback is able to be more practical & less clinical. 🙂


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