Halloween Brings Out the Rocky Road in Vanilla

Isabella, my Skele-pup wishing you a Spooktakular Halloween

Before I get to talking (cause we all know I can do that quite well), I hope you all had a Boo-tiful day. Also, I won a writing contest on Marcia Richards’ blog! Ya’ll should check her out. She’s awesome and uplifting, both.

As holidays go, this one is a fun one. In fact, next to Christmas, it’s my hubby’s favorite holiday and with good reason. Halloween is FUN! What’s not to like? You suspend reality for a while. You get to pretend to be someone else, hang out with supernatural characters, knock on strangers doors and expect to receive sweet treats!

And then it hit me! Halloween is the holiday where Vanilla people get a chance to explore their inner Rocky Road. If those of us who don’t tend to live on the vanilla side of the bed think about it, this isn’t really a shocking revelation.

Let’s look more deeply at this holiday for a little bit. The obvious place to begin is in the sexy costumes that allow you to be someone else. To role play. Become your inner bad girl or sexy vamp. Heck, there are visual encouragements everywhere these days! Here’s an ad from Party City. Click the link! Take a look for yourself…

Sexy costumes from Party City

Playful, flirty…. And not much different than the sexy, flirty role play costumes that Fredericks of Hollywood offers! Well, except for the Fredericks ones are usually a bit more risqué and better quality. Hey, I know, thereof I speak. What can I say? I couldn’t resist their sexy French maid costume eons ago. Check out some of what they have to offer!

Sexy Fredericks of Hollywood Costumes

Even the vanilla folk have been known to become sexy witches or cheerleaders or harem girls. Me? I’ve been a China doll, Pocahontas, Tina Turner, Catholic Schoolgirl, and Hawaiian hula girl!

So that one’s easy. We all know how I love masks…

Yes, that’s me… in a mask…

Consider the impact…. Look at those costume parties and masquerades that happen. Tell me that part of the fantasy isn’t the opportunity to be completely anonymous and maybe mistaken for someone else prompting some sort of illicit behavior, excused away by “mistaken identity”. Maybe it hasn’t actually happened. Maybe it has! But isn’t that part of the fantasy?

I know what you guys are thinking… But Kitt, what about the scary part?

Decoration at the front of my house

Things like decapitated vampire heads or spooky houses….

The bloody lady (triggered by motion sensor) that crawls out from under my car

Or Haunted Houses or theme parks like Halloween Horror Nights by Universal or Howl-O-Scream by Busch Gardens and Sea World.

What makes them so popular with men and women alike? For a lot of guys it’s pretty simple. They enjoy that one time of year where they get to bow up and prove what manly men they are by A) not being scared B) by protecting their lady loves and C) women (sometimes strangers) squeal and jump into their arms.

But there’s another aspect… When a person becomes scared or excited by real or imagined threats, they experience an adrenaline rush. Most of us have been there at some time or another. We remember our accelerated heartbeat, our muscles tightening up, our elevated energy levels as our fight or flight responses are triggered. On a technical level? Adrenaline is another word for the hormone epinephrine, the same epinephrine that’s triggered by exercise and can help the metabolism as well as mood.

So what does this have to do with the not so Vanilla, you ask? Do you REALLY think it’s a coincidence that capture fantasies including women being chased by burglars caught in the act, barbarians, werewolves or other things that go bump in the night are so popular and known to induce the same general feeling as those haunted houses? Heck, it’s actually not that uncommon to take it a bit further toward the submission/dubious consent fantasies as August McLaughlin discusses on her blog. There, she interviews a doctor who explains how this can be beneficial and healing.

Another aspect of the Rocky Road (the word I’m choosing to represent the non-Vanilla folk) that is explored during this season by folks who don’t usually dip their toes into this end of the pool? The “mind fuck”. This can be something simple.

For example. Picture a bedroom set up for romance. Imagine being tied to a four poster bed, then smelling the sulfuric smell of a match being ignited and the scented candle at the side of the bed being lit. Maybe you’d talked about hot wax, so you expect to feel that slight burning drizzle against your skin. Your anticipation is heightened. When you finally feel the burn on your skin, it takes a moment for your brain to register that what you’re feeling isn’t hot at all, but the intense cold of an ice cube. Yes, that’s a fairly tame one, but it gives you the idea.

Isn’t a spooky haunted house where you expect someone to jump out at you….and then no one comes…until you let your guard down and get comfortable again pretty much the same thing? By the way, if you decide to experiment with a couple of the above mentioned scenarios, talk to your partner first. Set some parameters. Make sure there’s a safe word in place. It will keep you both from going too far out of your comfort zone into something you’ll regret. After all, often, with dubious consent, part of the fun is “fighting back” and saying “no”, though you really don’t mean it. It’s important for you both to have a word that lets all parties involved know you’re serious and that you either need to stop and discuss or completely end the scene.

Yes, Halloween is the holiday for exploration of our darker, wilder, baser sides with minimal judgment…

What do you guys think? What kinds of costumes have you worn over the years? Ever had something scary, sexy or downright naughty happen to you unexpectedly on Halloween? Anything else I may have missed? (Hey, it happens!)

Halloween Harmonies

Yes, I’ve been away for a little while. I took on a new temporary job that has kept me hopping. This last week has been all about me getting used to the travel and the rhythms of this new adventure.

In the meantime, Halloween has been on my brain. This holiday is full of frightful fun! We’ve been known to go all out with our yard décor….

Like this guy…

This year I’m not sure if we’ll have time to decorate, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get into the spirit of the holiday. Here are five of my favorite songs that bring out my Halloween festive side. To be fair, none of them are really scary. They’re more music to set the mood for fun parties.

Starting with a bit of Shmaltz, we’ll go with a tried and true classic by the Oak Ridge Boys in honor of the original queen of the darkness…. It’s good for young and old alike.

Next is one of my favorite Glee mashups, combining Michael Jackson and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Not only is it still kid friendly, it’s fun, playful and gets everyone dancing…and singing their favorite parts.

Getting a little darker, Warren Zevon pays homage to the werewolf, one of my favorite beasties. It definitely gets a person moving.

Of course, you can’t think Halloween and leave out the Witches…so the next two are for them. I’m a big fan of Joss Stone’s voice, but you combine her with Jeff Beck and you’ve got some serious spells flying….

Of course witch craft has such strong, seductive power that we can’t possibly leave out the very sensual Eagles song…

And now that I’m in a sexy mood…maybe it’s time to pick out a costume. Tameri Etherton, my fabulous blogging buddy who keeps me on her toes, recently suggested that with my dark side, this particular outfit might be ideal…. (She sent the picture to me via Facebook)

Is this outfit me???

Do you have a better costume idea for me? Any favorite Halloween songs that get you in the party mood? I’d love to hear what you guys are thinking!

Randomness and the Soapbox I Never Thought I’d Stand On

There have been some pretty interesting things that have truly entertained me lately, and I thought I’d share….

Some tickled my Funnybone…..

Saw this one on Twitter:

Vegetarians tend to enjoy giving oral sex more than meat eaters… #theirony.

— UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 19, 2013

I’m pretty sure you can guess where my brain went. Could. Not. Help. It. Self control in the face of innuendo and naughty thoughts is just asking too much of me.

Then there’s this one…

As many of you know, I’m a die hard Cowboy fan, so the irony that an Eagles fan in a commercial cracks me up is not lost on me… Maybe it’s the fact that my step-dad is a celiac and this is pretty much a staple and he badly mispronounces it… Or maybe it’s the fact that some equally ignorant eagle fan thinks it might be a loofah, but regardless…I giggle every time.

Then there’s the SEXY/FUNNY combo….

This one is a bit older for me, but I loved how these military men who were stationed in Afghanistan decided to show their appreciation to the Miami Dolphin cheerleaders for their Call Me Maybe video. The guys look like they’re having fun…and some of them are not only hot, they know how to shake it! Why don’t you be the judge? Do you have a favorite?

If you haven’t liked Bring Back Desire on facebook yet, why not? I figured since it’s also Breast Cancer Awareness Month it was the perfect time to share this message. Check out this breast screening reminder that was posted on her page! Watch till the end or you’ll miss when the real fun begins.

For Empowerment and Natural Beauty….

I found this particular post on Where’s My Sammich to be totally fantastic… How to draw b00bies. I spotted my set right away. 😉

My blogger buddy Laura Hilger did on vulnerability and change post that included a video by Brene Brown that…if you have 20 minutes…will blow you away.

Marcia Richards wrote a post about Mothers and Daughters that had one of the best analogies I’ve ever seen…and some awesome life lessons she hopes she instilled in her daughter. I have a funny feeling she succeeded. 🙂

The song stuck in my head….

Just a warning…this song is stuck in both me and hubby’s heads…and it’s the unrated version, so it’s got some lady parts showing. I don’t care what people say… Robin Thicke may be a bit of a dirty boy…and on the naughty side, but there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s probably fun to hang out with. He looks so much like his dad, Alan Thicke, doesn’t he? (maybe a smidge hotter, but definitely…great genes)

My Soapbox Moment…

Okay. I can’t even believe I’m going to there, but I’m going to weigh in on the whole Miley Cyrus drama. Yeah, yeah…I’m not a huge fan of her twerking. I wasn’t a huge fan of “Who Let The Dogs Out”, either, but no one said anything about hacks guys who became famous for barking. In fact, everyone went around barking.

Of course they were one hit wonders, so maybe Akon is a better example. After the minor and initial uproar about Akon making the unwise choice to dry hump a minor onstage at one of his concerts, all was forgiven and not much more was said. I won’t even get into all the things R Kelly has done and how although people gossip and titter behind their hands, no one is calling him talentless or a hack. These instances seem to be treated with a dismissive shrug and a “boys will be boys” mentality.

Miley dances provocatively and everyone is in an uproar because she used to be a Disney kid. She wasn’t doing much more than what either of the two above guys did. She was dancing some lame dance that the kids today are acting like they invented (when really, it’s been around forever, just never named…that I know of). So because of that she’s got mental issues? She’s vilified? She’s on the edge? On drugs?

A commentator on one of the college football pregame shows a couple weeks ago asserted that she was basically a talentless hack… My bet is his only exposure to her or her music was with the recent music award debacle and what he’s heard through the scandal rags. I saw another article where she expressed her admiration for her godmother, Dolly Parton. In the comments, folks said things about her not even being fit to say Dolly’s name. Really?

Personally, I’m starting to feel sorry for this kid. Growing up in the spotlight is not easy.  I’m not going to judge. She hasn’t done anything many people her age do, spotlight or not! How many young people do you know that danced provocatively? I WAS one of those kids. How many young people cut their hair into wild styles and color it? I knew folks that colored their hair purple, blue and green!

In fact, I’ll hope this is a phase she’s going through…much like many child stars. Heck, Alyssa Milano & Tiffany posed for Playboy. Elizabeth Berkeley did Showgirls. Hillary Duff kissed a girl on Gossip Girl. The list could go on and on…. Personally, I don’t think any of us should be casting any stones. Very few of us haven’t done anything in our youth that we look back on with regret….and regardless of how you may feel about her personally, there’s no question that she’s chock full of talent. She even comes by it honestly. She inherited it!

Check this song out and then try to tell me this girl has no talent… By the way, this is both acoustic and outdoors…

So what about you guys? Any soap boxes you want to step on? Any songs stuck in your head? Anything that’s gotten you hot under the collar or empowered you? Maybe there’s something that made you laugh this week…. Tell me all about it!

Pure Sexploration

My best friend is one of those rare people. She knew she was going to wait until she got married before she had sex. She was also fortunate enough to find her soul mate pretty early. Oddly enough, there have been a lot of decisions in her life that she’s questioned or regretted, but that was definitely not one of them.

Knowing our shared uptight religious upbringing, her lack of experience (and youth…yes, she married young), and her experimental personality I gifted her with something special for her first year of marriage. It was a book called 101 Nights of Great Sex.

The Updated Version of my gift

The way I figured things, youth and inexperience didn’t have to mean a lifetime sentence to the missionary position or boring, fumbling sex that would leave them both unsatisfied. Obviously, this was not a gift I gave her at her bridal shower thrown by our church or in front of her family. This was the little secret surprise that was passed along privately and discreetly.

Why chose this book? Because it was his and hers adventures that would take them out of the “traditional” and allow them to explore other avenues that they may not have considered on their own. It was an adventure they could embark on together.

Here’s the cool thing about this particular book. It comes with these sealed envelopes for Him and Her. How it’s supposed to work is that one of you opens an envelope. Once the envelope is opened you’re supposed to do whatever it says within 24 hours. Sometimes it’s something romantic, sometimes it’s wild or risqué. I believe one of them was sex in a movie theater. Another one had something to do with food. You get the gist.

When I bought the book, I had only met her guy a handful of times and didn’t really know him that well, but I wanted to make sure my friend’s sense of fun and adventure was fed. Plus, what she lacked in practical experience, she more than made up for with her imagination.

Some might think I went out on a limb, buying this book. I mean, what if her guy didn’t share her adventurous streak? He could have been offended! Truth is, it pretty much cemented that he loved me… In fact, it turned out to be his favorite gift and I got a big whopping thank you. He actually likes when his wife and I get together, whether by phone or in person, because he knows we bring out the best in each other. Oddly enough, I was pretty sure he was going to be okay with the gift based on something he’d said years ago to her…when they were still in high school.

They went to a boarding school in Michigan together, and my hubby and I (who was then my male best friend) went up to visit her. She told me about meeting this guy and how they had started dating. Unlike most guys, he was pretty good at keeping her off balance, so she wasn’t sure what to make of him. She told us that one day he told her the strangest thing… He’d said something about a dream where a bunch of women were throwing pickles at him. She didn’t get it yet, then, but I did. It was a reference to Real Genius, the movie, and one of Val Kilmer’s funny asides. It also told me that he had a sense of humor (and a dirty mind).

Of course, telling me something like that was pretty irresistible. When she mentioned the need to throw him off kilter a little bit to even the playing field, we took her off campus and found a small general store. We picked up a jar of pickles, and when he wasn’t around, she snuck them into his locker for him to find. What could he do but laugh? And the playing field was even.

They’re one of the few couples within my general group of friends who were together before me and hubby and are still going strong. They’ve been each other’s best friends, support…and found ways to keep the spice alive in their relationship by finding playful ways to connect both in and out of the bedroom. No, she doesn’t share the details, just the general gist of adventurous behaviors….or maybe places.

Let’s be real for a second…. So many people, once the relationship turns into something long termed, limit all the naughty play to the bedroom. But WHY? Don’t you remember the adrenaline rush attached to the fear of being caught? Hello! Wasn’t that part of the reason that as young people, there was something scary, yet fun about sneaking a make out session in your significant other’s parents’ home? Maybe on the couch while “watching tv” or in the basement while you guys were “listening to music” or maybe even at the kitchen table when you guys were “doing homework”?

I admit, giving a guy a BJ on a hotel lounge chair on the beach at night might be a bit more risky, but does it make it any less exciting? What about road head? Am I the only female who’s noticed that the gag reflex doesn’t quite kick in as quickly when the fear of being caught is also battling your nerves? Or that you’re way more into it and capable of getting off untouched knowing that someone else might see and you’ve got him going wild above you?

Joint adventures together is so important to keeping the sex alive in relationships….and no, they don’t ALL have to be about exhibitionism. Sometimes it can be voyeuristic. Why do you think couples watch porn together? Have you ever been with your partner and stumbled on someone else’s intimate moment? Did you find it difficult to look away? How aroused did you find yourself?

Or what about sensory depravation? Hello Ice Cube scene in 9 1/2 Weeks! There are so many ways to experiment and explore. The important part is to do it! Explore. Discover new and interesting ways to excite your lover. A little honesty and non-judgmental sharing of fantasies can open up a world of new adventures to be explored together! Why not indulge?

Do you know of any products out there that help couples explore their sensual sides together? I want to hear about it! I’m always looking for something new and exciting, myself.

 

What I Brought Back

Unlike Justin Timberlake, I feel no need to bring sexy back…mostly because I never thought it was lost.

Sexy is something intangible that lives inside each and every one of us…. Often, all it really takes is tapping into our innermost thoughts and fantasies.

Desire is another story all together. Sometimes we need some poking and prodding…and some good directions to help us Bring Back Desire…. Today, Ande Lyons has invited me to share some of my thoughts on ways to make this happen by repurposing a post I wrote a little while back…with a bit of a Bring Back Desire twist.

Stop by and say hi! We’d love the company…and to hear your thoughts on our chosen subject for the day. You guys aren’t the slightest bit shy, so I’m sure you’ll have plenty to contribute. I, for one, can’t wait to get your thoughts.

In the meantime…. (And I’d love to hear about when this happened to you) Ever found yourself in a situation where you were in denial about what was really going on?

Ladies (or maybe guys, too)…ever found yourself dating a guy and wondering how that happened? You guys were just hanging out…ALL THE TIME…and he paid… But you kind of thought you were just friends until someone said something?

Guys…ever had a friend make a comment about how he didn’t realize you and your girlfriend had moved in together and you said he was wrong…only to look around and realize her toothbrush was next to yours in the bathroom, that she had a couple of drawers in your bureau and clothes in your closet…her shampoo in your shower…and she really didn’t go “home” much anymore?

Then you’ll really appreciate the humor in this video… and don’t forget to check out my guest post at Bring Back Desire!

A Simple Sorry Will Do

“I’m Sorry”

The words aren’t exactly difficult to pronounce. They’re not complicated. In fact, next to “I love you” it’s probably the most important sentence in the English language. So what makes it so difficult for some people to say?

Through the years I’ve come to recognize several different avoidance tactics… Maybe you’ll recognize them too.

The first, and probably most popular, avoidance tactic is the guilt purchase in lieu of an apology. This is my mother’s go to technique. An example? How’s this…

Back when I was in high school my mom accused me of going on birth control without her permission. She was furious. She wanted to know where I’d managed to go to get on the pill and didn’t believe me when I told her I wasn’t. She swore up and down that I was having sex and swore that if I got pregnant, she’d disown me (yeah, that part I know she was exaggerating about…she’d never do that to me). It didn’t matter how many times I tried to defend my innocence. She was sure I was lying. Well, until my sister came into the room, grabbed the packet of pills she was waving around in my face and told her that they were her cleaning enzymes for her contacts.

You know teenagers…we feel things intensely. To say I was furious and wounded would be a mild understatement…especially when my sister vindicated me. I wanted an apology! So, I did what any loudmouth teenage daughter would do. I gave her the silent treatment. Hey, I’m not stupid. I knew she’d realize quickly that I was mad and hurt.

That evening, while I lay on my bed reading a book, she popped her head into my bedroom.

Mom: (Tosses cool black leather and silver metal barrette on the bed next to me) Hey Kitt. I went shopping today and bought this for you.
Me: (Head comes up from my book to look at her. Glares at her because I realized she didn’t apologize and feeling as though she’s trying to buy me off…because she is. Looks back down at the book. Not a word said.)
Mom: (Pretending nothing’s wrong) Do you like it?
Me: (Looks back at her, one eyebrow raised & shake my head as I look away again)

She finally walked away. I was determined not to accept the blackmail or her non-apology. After several hours of silence, she finally broke. She flounced into my room (yes, moms can flounce, too) and said. “Fine, I’m sorry. Okay?”

I looked up and smiled and said “Thank you.”

I won’t lie…I grabbed that hair clip and kept it after she gave her apology. No sense in letting it go to waste… And to be fair, I know my situation is not the norm…many people will just continue on with their business and never say the words.

The second avoidance tactic is the “Sounds like an apology non-apology”.

There was a guy I used to manage with. He was so proud of his “faux-pology” skills. He used to use it on customers a lot. An example?

A customer was frustrated with her treatment by one of his employees. She felt the employee misled her on her plan and how returns worked.

Him: I’m sorry you didn’t listen to your rep about the return policy.

or

Him: I’m sorry you didn’t think to read the fine print.

or

Him: I’m sorry you waited until two weeks later to tell me about how your rep treated you, now that you’re outside your return policy and my hands are tied.

As you can see…none of these things were real apologies. Nothing to validate their feelings.

All I could think was…would it have been so hard to tell the customer “I can only imagine how frustrated you’re feeling right now. I’m sorry you were made to feel unimportant. We value your business. Why don’t we take a look at this together and see what options and alternatives we can come up with”?

Somehow I doubt his customers were pleased with their service….or stayed very long.

The third avoidance tactic is where you tell someone that you love them, but never that you’re sorry. This is used most often on family. It’s very similar to #1, except that instead of blackmail with something of monetary value, you resort to twisting up emotions.

For example, you embarrass your significant other…maybe you lose your temper and yell at him/her in front of other people. Your partner is hurt and walks away. After you cool down you realize you might have overreacted. Instead of an apology, you seek him/her out and tell them “I love you”.

Courtesy of sweetstuffcalledlove.tumblr.com

Two words. Two simple words… So why are they so hard for some people to say? How can accepting responsibility for injured feelings or poorly chosen words be so hard for some people? The funny thing is, many of these folks are sorry. They feel remorse for their careless/thoughtless actions…but they just can’t say it! Granted, there are those who refuse to apologize simply because they’re narcissistic enough to believe they’re never wrong…but usually that kind of arrogance spills over into every other aspect of their personality, making it a trait that’s fairly easy to recognize.

One thing I’ve learned…with love, there’s no room for foolish pride. Someone who loves you won’t take an admission of wrongdoing as an opportunity to browbeat you and hold it over your head. They recognize your willingness to humble yourself in front of them as a gift…and it strengthens your love and makes it easier to let go of hurts and move forward together.

When it’s left unsaid, resentments fester. Doubt creeps in. Feelings of inadequacy and lack of appreciation become so strong. All the good becomes overpowered by memories of every hurt and each slight. Yes, withholding the “I’m sorries” in my opinion, are just as dangerous as never saying “I love you”.

Before you ask… Yes, I’m well aware that there are also those people who overuse I’m sorry, but never mean it. But those people…their actions speak so loudly that they make it easy to walk away. The other ones, though…they devastate. You want to fight for your relationship. You try to fight. But after a while the battle feels one sided and you wonder if you’re the only one bothering. You begin to wonder WHY you try.

The words may be scary to say…especially if you’re the person who’s always held it back. But if you put yourself on that limb. Say the word. The rewards are so much bigger your fears. You’d be amazed at the difference it can make. Try it! I promise it won’t kill you.

What are your experiences with “I’m Sorry”? Which of these non-apologies do you see most frequently? Have you seen other avoidance techniques that we should be on the lookout for? Have you been the victim of this kind of hurt? How did it impact you?

In the meantime…I thought I’d share a little Elton John….

Girls Night Out

Maybe it was my trip to Savannah recently, but I’ve been thinking about how important Girls Only events are.

Now guys hear words like girls night out or girls weekends and their thoughts tend to go all over the place. Some picture women in their underwear having pillow fights. Sorry to burst your bubble guys, but…no. We have a heck of a lot more fun than that. Other guys imagine a girls outing and think it’s just a “bitch about men” fest. Not gonna lie. Sometimes it can be (especially if one of the ladies was recently dumped). But really, most of us are more than that.

When gal pals get together it’s time to cut loose. Get a little wild. Sometimes we’ll even objectify men in the same way some construction workers have been known to objectify women….especially if we’re at a club. Maybe that’s why I’ve always kind of gotten a kick out of Dolly Parton’s video she did with Billy Ray Cyrus back in the day… she and “the girls” said things in reference to him like “I didn’t get as far as his eyes, did you?” “I’m old enough to be that boy’s lover.” “Wish I had a swing like that in my back yard” or “I may not be in love, but let me tell you, I’m in heat”. It totally cracked me up. This has been me and a few gal pals. Oddly enough, Dolly once talked about writing the song and said it was actually written about her 9 yr old little nephew who came strutting out…imagining himself to be quite the “Romeo” at such a young age. It made her laugh.

The thing about girls only events… It’s great for ogling guys, but it’s also a great opportunity to laugh, to learn and to ask the questions you’re not always comfortable asking in other settings. There’s no real pressure at girls only events. Sex almost always comes up…and so does advice on how to improve your sex life…if you’re willing to ask. Sometimes all it does is improve your vocabulary… Let me explain a bit about what I mean.

As you guys know, my Savannah trip was also a girls vacation…. so I thought I’d share with you some of the finer points of what that entailed… One of the nights, Authors After Dark hosted an event they called a Magic Carnival Inflatables Party. This included putting a blow up slide….inside the hotel…for us to use.

The Blow Up Slide In the Hotel Lobby

And yes, it also included a Balloon pop game with fun prizes…

Balloon Pop Game

But the one that really struck my sense of fun? Well, duh! It was the Cock Ring Toss, hosted by authors CJ Ellisson & Boone Brux.

Cock Ring Toss!

They were hilariously awesome with a great sense of fun…and they invited us to their party, Margaritas & Mudslides to be held the following night. There was no question in my mind (or that of my friend and my sister) that a party held by ladies playful enough to come up with this game was going to be a riot. We were not wrong.

After CJ made sure everyone had their drinks (which, by the way, were chilled in the bathtub filled with ice), the games began…. It was almost like I’ve Never… Sex Edition. There was really only one rule. A statement would be made…and if you’d done it, you took a drink. The statements were things like “I’ve participated in a three way” or “I’ve been spanked during sex” or “I’d hire a personal assistant that was hot over one that was qualified”. Everyone laughed…and a lot of drinking happened…until we got to one question.

Reader:I’ve had sex in a car while driving.
Me: (Took a drink)
Everyone else in the room: (Staring at me…and no one else is drinking)
CJ: Seriously? How did you manage that one?
Me: Well, he was driving…I was riding stick.
CJ: How was he able to see?
Me: I’m short. He could look over my shoulder.
Boone: I feel like I know you so much better now!
My Sister: Oh, my gosh. It’s a miracle you didn’t get into an accident. Who the heck was this with???
Me: Hubby. We were younger and wilder back then.

Really. Maybe it was naïve of me, but considering how common road head is, I really didn’t think it was that unusual. A while later they adjusted the rules to…you drink if you hadn’t done something…because way too many of us were drinking, probably…LOL! So what happened? This…

Jade Lee: (Reading the card) I’ve done the reverse cowgirl.
Almost everyone in the room:(Took a drink)
My Sister: What’s a reverse cowgirl?
CJ: Kitt, why don’t you get up here and demonstrate what a reverse cowgirl is to your sister? Pretty sure you know exactly what it is.
Me: Dude! She’s My sister…. (turned to my sister) Seriously? You don’t know what a reverse cowgirl is?
New friend, Mindy (who I met in Savannah): (straddled Jade with her back to chest and demonstrated) This!
My Sister: OH!!! That’s a reverse cowgirl? I’ve done that before. I just didn’t know it was called that!

Yes, the whole room got a chuckle… And new terms were learned. Like I said…educational and fun! And the prizes were cool, too. I mean…. tell me this isn’t kinda cute…

A Vanilla Bondage Kit!

There have been other times where girls weekend have been about empowerment and growth, as well as a bit of sex ed. I’m sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that I used to love to host pleasure parties. My gal pals used to call and beg me to host them because we’d have a blast. At the last one, though, something a bit more important than simply buying sex toys came up.

ORGASMS!

One of my gal pals, during the course of the evening confided that she’d never had one despite the fact that she’d dated her boyfriend (who I also knew) for a long time.

Me: So…never? Not even by your own hand?
Her: No. I can’t seem to relax enough. I get close when I take a bath…that’s why I’m curious about the waterproof vibes.
Me: So is it because you can’t relax enough that your boyfriend hasn’t been able to get you off? There are things you guys can do…
Her: (hurriedly interrupts) No. That’s not it. He doesn’t care if I have one or not as long as he gets his.
Every female in the room: WHAT?!? Eff that!
Me: You’re a beautiful girl…and a sweetheart. What do you mean “as long as he gets his”?
Her: (shrugs, not making eye contact) You know how he’s in sales, right? He basically said it’s kind of like a sale. As long as he gets what he wants, who cares about the customer.
Me: (appalled and feeling so badly for this girl…everyone else was nodding in agreement) He seriously compared your orgasms to a sales transaction?
Her: Yup.
Me: Sweetie, he needs to go. You deserve better. First, your pleasure should be the most important thing to him when you’re intimate. Second…he’s not going to be in sales long with that kind of attitude. Most of his guy friends think you’re hot and he overachieved in managing to get you to date him in the first place. Trust me, there are plenty of guys out there willing to put your pleasure first.
Every female in the room: Hell yeah! What she said. You shouldn’t put up with that shit. I’d dump his ass.
Her: You really think so?
Me: I know so. Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still buy a vibrator…because seriously…you should have an orgasm. They’re some of the best things ever…but isn’t that toy you’re looking at a little on the small side?
Her: Well, I’m pretty tight down there. I don’t know if I could handle much bigger.
Me: (eyes wide and staring at a toy that wasn’t much bigger than a thick finger) Ummm… you have had sex with him before, though, right?
Her: Yeah, but he’s not really that big.
Me: (looks at the toy, then back at her) Ha!!! That’s awesome. Justice served.

Sure, there are other examples I can give of why girls night is so important….but I think you get my gist. Ladies, when’s the last time you had a girls night? What did you do? What was the funnest girls night you’ve had?

Guys, what are your thoughts on the second scenario? Was I overreacting in thinking this guy is a douchebag? If you’ve got a lady who participates in these girls nights/weekends/vacations…do you get to reap the benefits when your lady gets home? Truthfully, usually, by the time the events are over we’re raring to go for a little bit of man meat…;-)

Knock It Off!

If only those door-to-door religion peddlers knew what goes on in my head….

Have you ever been tempted to do something seriously shocking to scare these folks away from your door? Out here, about once or twice a month, there will be a knock on my door. Some bright, shiny face will look at me as I place myself in the crack of my door to prevent my dogs from rushing out and offer to share their “good news” or whatever buzz word they’re working with this time. (Once the guy tried to tell me about a “prize” I won… I looked around, there were no cameras, no balloons, no big check and no Ed McMahon….pretty sure I hadn’t won Publishers Clearing House.)

And hey, I’m not exactly the fashion police, but this is Florida. Is it really comfortable to be in panty hose, skirts down to mid calf and blouses buttoned to the top of the neck? The guys aren’t much better. They’re all shirt and tie (of the polyester variety) Never mind that they look like throw backs from the 70’s….they don’t look comfortable…and severely repressed.

Many of you know me. I have absolutely no issue with God, Christianity or faith. None at all. What I do have is a brain and a wild child streak (never mind my inner exhibitionist who keeps wanting to answer the door nekkid). See, I know this gimmick. First, they make the assumption that no one…except them, of course…has a belief of any “true” value. Second, if you say “not interested” and slam the door in their face (which I’ve been known to do), they feel validated for having faced “persecution” and look down their noses at the “poor souls” who “turned their back” or “closed the door” on their chance for salvation. It’s irritating and condescending.

Tell us how you really feel, Kitt…LOL!

Okay, so I’m outspoken. The truth is, if they tried to hand me one of their pamphlets at a park or someplace public, I probably wouldn’t care…but when they come knocking on my door uninvited, it bothers me. I find it intrusive…not to mention I really don’t appreciate the assumptions they make about my personal relationship with God. That’s between me and the big guy. Plus, how do they know what I may or may not have been doing on the other side of that door?

My neighbors knock on my door all the time! In fact, a few weeks ago, my neighbor down the block had her oldest daughter knock on my door to ask me if I could take them to pick up her youngest daughter. Apparently the bus had come early and because they weren’t at the stop, the bus took the little kindergartener back to school. I had no problem with that. Was perfectly willing to help. My other neighbor kid who used to constantly oversleep and miss the bus? Yeah, I took him to school, too…and threatened to buy him an alarm clock for Christmas. The neighbor next door asks to borrow a cup of sugar or for me to pick up the mail…no problem! But random strangers who aren’t even from my neighborhood who disturb my peace and make assumptions about my salvation? Yeah…kind of over it.

Soooo…. You guys are a fun, creative bunch… How have you gotten rid of unwanted salvation peddlers? What wild and wacky suggestions might you have for me? Am I overreacting? I’d love to hear your feelings on door to door faith salesfolk.