Knock It Off!

If only those door-to-door religion peddlers knew what goes on in my head….

no-soliciting

Have you ever been tempted to do something seriously shocking to scare these folks away from your door? Out here, about once or twice a month, there will be a knock on my door. Some bright, shiny face will look at me as I place myself in the crack of my door to prevent my dogs from rushing out and offer to share their “good news” or whatever buzz word they’re working with this time. (Once the guy tried to tell me about a “prize” I won… I looked around, there were no cameras, no balloons, no big check and no Ed McMahon….pretty sure I hadn’t won Publishers Clearing House.)

prizepatrol

And hey, I’m not exactly the fashion police, but this is Florida. Is it really comfortable to be in panty hose, skirts down to mid calf and blouses buttoned to the top of the neck? The guys aren’t much better. They’re all shirt and tie (of the polyester variety) Never mind that they look like throw backs from the 70’s….they don’t look comfortable…and severely repressed.

Many of you know me. I have absolutely no issue with God, Christianity or faith. None at all. What I do have is a brain and a wild child streak (never mind my inner exhibitionist who keeps wanting to answer the door nekkid). See, I know this gimmick. First, they make the assumption that no one…except them, of course…has a belief of any “true” value. Second, if you say “not interested” and slam the door in their face (which I’ve been known to do), they feel validated for having faced “persecution” and look down their noses at the “poor souls” who “turned their back” or “closed the door” on their chance for salvation. It’s irritating and condescending.

Tell us how you really feel, Kitt…LOL!

Okay, so I’m outspoken. The truth is, if they tried to hand me one of their pamphlets at a park or someplace public, I probably wouldn’t care…but when they come knocking on my door uninvited, it bothers me. I find it intrusive…not to mention I really don’t appreciate the assumptions they make about my personal relationship with God. That’s between me and the big guy. Plus, how do they know what I may or may not have been doing on the other side of that door?

My neighbors knock on my door all the time! In fact, a few weeks ago, my neighbor down the block had her oldest daughter knock on my door to ask me if I could take them to pick up her youngest daughter. Apparently the bus had come early and because they weren’t at the stop, the bus took the little kindergartener back to school. I had no problem with that. Was perfectly willing to help. My other neighbor kid who used to constantly oversleep and miss the bus? Yeah, I took him to school, too…and threatened to buy him an alarm clock for Christmas. The neighbor next door asks to borrow a cup of sugar or for me to pick up the mail…no problem! But random strangers who aren’t even from my neighborhood who disturb my peace and make assumptions about my salvation? Yeah…kind of over it.

Soooo…. You guys are a fun, creative bunch… How have you gotten rid of unwanted salvation peddlers? What wild and wacky suggestions might you have for me? Am I overreacting? I’d love to hear your feelings on door to door faith salesfolk.

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59 thoughts on “Knock It Off!

  1. lauraloudon says:

    We don’t get a lot of people stopping now that I think of it. Mostly I’d see them walking up to the house, they’d see my huge Great Dane going crazy at the window and turn right back around. Good times!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Well, Florida sunlight had us tinting our windows and getting vertical blinds…not that my dogs are big, but they can get rambunctious. Unfortunately, their cute factor may negate the scary…:-(

  2. Shannygirl says:

    Okay.. so I have to share this.. When I was about 17 we had the Jehovah’s Witnesses coming around our neighborhood almost daily. We were getting really tired of being harassed by them, so one day I was home alone and thought.. what the hell.. mess with them some..So I see them coming and I go and put on the darkest black eyeliner like massively all over my eye’s.. then I used it to color my lips black too. I put on Motley Crue’s Shout at the Devil and waited.. when they came up my drive way I turned the song on loudly and answered the door as goth like as I could.. the looks on their faces were PRICELESS!!!! They excused themselves and apologized for disturbing me and left.. When my mom came home I told her what I did expecting to get in trouble.. all she did was laugh.. hysterically… and then the next time they came through the neighborhood they walked right by our house, not even looking in our direction.. my mom couldn’t stop laughing..

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      That’s awesome. Reminds me of my freshman year in high school. I was going to private church school, and Fridays in our English class were for “creative” writing. That Thursday she told us all to bring a candle in as we’d put our desks in a circle and write by candle light. You should never give those kinds of details to smart allecky teenagers. We all decided to dress in black (or navy blue for those who didn’t own black)… So she walks into the classroom to find us all in a circle, dressed in black…looking more like a séance than a writing class…and someone started with “auuummmm!” Yeah, she lost it. Started crying and telling us that our eternal lives were on the line and that it wasn’t funny. I think the words “going to hell” may have even come out.

  3. Marcia says:

    Don’t have any wacky ideas for you but I don’t think you’re overreacting either. If I don’t see them coming and ignore their knocking, I just say I’m not interested and close the door before thy can protest. Religious faith IS personal, in my opinion. I don’t believe it’s something to talk about with strangers or to push on anybody. Live and let live. I love the barking Great Dane to dissuade strangers from knocking! Maybe you should get a big dog, Kitt. Or just a recording of one might do the trick. Lol

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Well, when I start to lead my dogs out, the women folk get a little bit nervous and back up…but mostly I just do what you do…tell them I’m not interested…except I’m not subtle about the way the door closes…LOL! I’m debating on whether or not I should practice nudism when they’re around.

  4. Jessi Gage says:

    My husband is an amazing theologian and a great debater. When the Jehovah’s Witnesses come to our door, he invites them out to coffee and tells them they can present their argument, but then he gets a chance to present his. No one has taken him up on this offer yet. They’re all for standing on our doorstep and trading verses, but they won’t set aside their personal “non-church-require-service” time to talk about God. I find that very interesting.

    I too am very offended by people coming to my door to try to convince me of their beliefs. I love the sign at the top of your post! Where can I buy one!?!

  5. Don't Quote Lily says:

    If you ever DID answer the door nekkid, I’m sure that would solve that problem. 😆
    I’m tempted to try preaching to the preachers next time they come a-knockin’. See how they like THAT!

  6. brickhousechick says:

    I love the no soliciting sign! I want one. Other than sending your dogs out with the order to “Kill”, I would go right for stinger! FLASH them! They are so repressed and button up their shirts, so they will surely run as fast as they can when you flash them! I think I’ll take my own advice. 🙂

  7. Emma says:

    Everytime I make the mistake of answering the door to someone trying to sell me something, I make a mental note to install a peephole in the front door, and then forget!

  8. Dish With Clarissa says:

    I was getting a knock on my door three to four times a week for everything from selling magazines to gardening services. So i printed a sign in both english and spanish. Now i too do not have issues with religion or those who go door to door until they knock on my door. Once a lady said right when i opened the door “i’m not selling anything, i’m here for the Lord” to which i replied “you are still soliciting in the lords name” and promptly shut the door.

  9. Jeri Walker-Bickett (@JeriWB)j says:

    I’m the type who runs and hides when the Mormon missionaries come knocking. I just let my dog huff at them from the other side of the window. Just once, I’d like to invite them in and give them a piece of my mind, but it probably wouldn’t be worth the energy. During my third summer working in Yellowstone, I become the special project of the Campus Crusade for Christ. Gretchen wanted my soul on a platter. I never gave it to her 😉

  10. ramblingsfromamum says:

    I want that sign!!! I don’t get them often, mainly Seventh Day Adventists come calling, spreading the good word… I see them coming down the path grab my dressing gown through it on, cough and splutter with a tissue in hand… they usually leave. 🙂

  11. Christy Birmingham says:

    Pretend you didn’t head the doorbell… lol. I don’t really get solicitors here as I’m in a condo. I do dislike getting calls from people trying to sell me stuff I don’t want! I like how you speak so openly about everything- you’re funny!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I should, Christy. Unfortunately, I don’t tend to do that because it’s just as likely a neighbor. We have a pretty close neighborhood. I like to be able to help a neighbor out if they need it. 🙂 Glad you enjoy reading about my randomness…LOL!

  12. filbio says:

    In the past my family used to do what August’s did!

    Nowadays, I usually answer the door naked with a huge kitchen knife in my hand and just stare angrily ahead.

  13. Kourtney Heintz says:

    Ihave 3 loud golden retrievers and an angry shih-tzu barking and growling when the doorbell rings. I sign i can’t hear you and can’t open the door through the window. Usually they leave because of the dogs. 😉

  14. The Guy says:

    I need one of those signs at the top of your post, I love it. I’ve tried the “we don’t buy from door step seller” signs (not that we are looking to buy a door step). They never seem to work though.

    Also those annoying cold calls on the telephone are a big frustration too. I’m registered with an agency to stop people cold calling and they still do. It is more annoying when you stop something important you are doing to face a pre-recorded message or a silent phone call.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      If you live in the states and you’re registered with the “Do Not Call” list, it’s illegal for them to call you. Let them know you’re on the DNC list and ask for their info. They’ll usually apologize, hang up and not call again. The trick is to remember to re-register every year.

  15. Professor Taboo says:

    Hey Kitt! Yeah, I know. I’ve risen from the ashes; I’ve appeared from my dark shadows. Apologies I’m just now getting around to your recent posts. 😦

    As you might have guessed, I loved this one. The subject ALWAYS entertains me! Not because I’m a well-informed former seminary student, Antiquity-buff, and biblical historian (the canonical or non-canonical bibles/scriptures that is)…but I am also entertained by the said “peddlers” sales-product and pitch: how DEEPLY do they really know their product? The answer to that is usually the same: “faith” has their heart and soul. And then the discussion drops like a steel anvil. LOL

    They cannot answer some of my basic (heavily premeditated!) questions about their faith and “holy Scriptures”. For example, “If Jesus is the long prophesied and “fulfilled” prophesied Son of God/Messiah, born under a planned galactic exploding star in the East, known throughout the vast region as the King of Man, the reason why 100s to 1,000s of infant baby boys and toddlers were massacred…then how is it possible for this “one and only Son of God” to suddenly disappear off the entire face of Earth for 17 years!?” Then I get that perplexed expression from them. LOL

    You mean to tell me that this miracle 1-in-a-million baby and boy vanished without a trace!? No one, anywhere ever even had a HINT of where he was after his genious intelligence in the Temple, and performing unseen unheard of miracles… and then POOF!?

    Um, yeah…there’s the door. Good luck with all that. Have a wonderful day! 🙂

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Why does that not surprise me about you? Of course, I can’t say much. I got kicked out of Sunday school when I was barely 6. We were visiting my grandparents in Michigan. My question was innocent enough…or so I thought. I simply asked why they worshipped on Sunday when the bible clearly said “the Seventh Day is the Sabbath of the Lord” (quoting Genesis 2)….then calmly stated, surrounded by about 20 other children between the ages of 3-6…”the Seventh day is Saturday.” When the rest of the kids looked at the teacher and wondered why…the teacher freaked, grabbed my hand and dragged me back up to my parents. Apparently she couldn’t handle me, had no answer and felt that I had started an uprising. 😡

      • Professor Taboo says:

        Excellent innocent, yet poignant question little Kitt. 😉 Now, the historical answer is because the fledgling Western Roman Empire, lead by Constantine and his closest bishops, were desperate to unite, include as many unhappy, potentially rioting Roman citizens, in order to keep his volatile empire together…and that included pagans and Gentiles with their secular religious backgrounds and traditions. One of the rising more prolific proponents of these neo-Christian (not Judeo-Christian!) traditions was none other than Saul of Tarsus, i.e. the Apostle Paul, much in-favor with Rome and Constantine’s bishops. 🙂

        Then of course, there is the much later created answers, like what the 7th Day Adventists teach and preach…as you were hinting to.

        But who am I but a lowly historian who LOVES to do his homework. 😉

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