My best friend is one of those rare people. She knew she was going to wait until she got married before she had sex. She was also fortunate enough to find her soul mate pretty early. Oddly enough, there have been a lot of decisions in her life that she’s questioned or regretted, but that was definitely not one of them.
Knowing our shared uptight religious upbringing, her lack of experience (and youth…yes, she married young), and her experimental personality I gifted her with something special for her first year of marriage. It was a book called 101 Nights of Great Sex.
The way I figured things, youth and inexperience didn’t have to mean a lifetime sentence to the missionary position or boring, fumbling sex that would leave them both unsatisfied. Obviously, this was not a gift I gave her at her bridal shower thrown by our church or in front of her family. This was the little secret surprise that was passed along privately and discreetly.
Why chose this book? Because it was his and hers adventures that would take them out of the “traditional” and allow them to explore other avenues that they may not have considered on their own. It was an adventure they could embark on together.
Here’s the cool thing about this particular book. It comes with these sealed envelopes for Him and Her. How it’s supposed to work is that one of you opens an envelope. Once the envelope is opened you’re supposed to do whatever it says within 24 hours. Sometimes it’s something romantic, sometimes it’s wild or risqué. I believe one of them was sex in a movie theater. Another one had something to do with food. You get the gist.
When I bought the book, I had only met her guy a handful of times and didn’t really know him that well, but I wanted to make sure my friend’s sense of fun and adventure was fed. Plus, what she lacked in practical experience, she more than made up for with her imagination.
Some might think I went out on a limb, buying this book. I mean, what if her guy didn’t share her adventurous streak? He could have been offended! Truth is, it pretty much cemented that he loved me… In fact, it turned out to be his favorite gift and I got a big whopping thank you. He actually likes when his wife and I get together, whether by phone or in person, because he knows we bring out the best in each other. Oddly enough, I was pretty sure he was going to be okay with the gift based on something he’d said years ago to her…when they were still in high school.
They went to a boarding school in Michigan together, and my hubby and I (who was then my male best friend) went up to visit her. She told me about meeting this guy and how they had started dating. Unlike most guys, he was pretty good at keeping her off balance, so she wasn’t sure what to make of him. She told us that one day he told her the strangest thing… He’d said something about a dream where a bunch of women were throwing pickles at him. She didn’t get it yet, then, but I did. It was a reference to Real Genius, the movie, and one of Val Kilmer’s funny asides. It also told me that he had a sense of humor (and a dirty mind).
Of course, telling me something like that was pretty irresistible. When she mentioned the need to throw him off kilter a little bit to even the playing field, we took her off campus and found a small general store. We picked up a jar of pickles, and when he wasn’t around, she snuck them into his locker for him to find. What could he do but laugh? And the playing field was even.
They’re one of the few couples within my general group of friends who were together before me and hubby and are still going strong. They’ve been each other’s best friends, support…and found ways to keep the spice alive in their relationship by finding playful ways to connect both in and out of the bedroom. No, she doesn’t share the details, just the general gist of adventurous behaviors….or maybe places.
Let’s be real for a second…. So many people, once the relationship turns into something long termed, limit all the naughty play to the bedroom. But WHY? Don’t you remember the adrenaline rush attached to the fear of being caught? Hello! Wasn’t that part of the reason that as young people, there was something scary, yet fun about sneaking a make out session in your significant other’s parents’ home? Maybe on the couch while “watching tv” or in the basement while you guys were “listening to music” or maybe even at the kitchen table when you guys were “doing homework”?
I admit, giving a guy a BJ on a hotel lounge chair on the beach at night might be a bit more risky, but does it make it any less exciting? What about road head? Am I the only female who’s noticed that the gag reflex doesn’t quite kick in as quickly when the fear of being caught is also battling your nerves? Or that you’re way more into it and capable of getting off untouched knowing that someone else might see and you’ve got him going wild above you?
Joint adventures together is so important to keeping the sex alive in relationships….and no, they don’t ALL have to be about exhibitionism. Sometimes it can be voyeuristic. Why do you think couples watch porn together? Have you ever been with your partner and stumbled on someone else’s intimate moment? Did you find it difficult to look away? How aroused did you find yourself?
Or what about sensory depravation? Hello Ice Cube scene in 9 1/2 Weeks! There are so many ways to experiment and explore. The important part is to do it! Explore. Discover new and interesting ways to excite your lover. A little honesty and non-judgmental sharing of fantasies can open up a world of new adventures to be explored together! Why not indulge?
Do you know of any products out there that help couples explore their sensual sides together? I want to hear about it! I’m always looking for something new and exciting, myself.