My best friend is one of those rare people. She knew she was going to wait until she got married before she had sex. She was also fortunate enough to find her soul mate pretty early. Oddly enough, there have been a lot of decisions in her life that she’s questioned or regretted, but that was definitely not one of them.
Knowing our shared uptight religious upbringing, her lack of experience (and youth…yes, she married young), and her experimental personality I gifted her with something special for her first year of marriage. It was a book called 101 Nights of Great Sex.
The way I figured things, youth and inexperience didn’t have to mean a lifetime sentence to the missionary position or boring, fumbling sex that would leave them both unsatisfied. Obviously, this was not a gift I gave her at her bridal shower thrown by our church or in front of her family. This was the little secret surprise that was passed along privately and discreetly.
Why chose this book? Because it was his and hers adventures that would take them out of the “traditional” and allow them to explore other avenues that they may not have considered on their own. It was an adventure they could embark on together.
Here’s the cool thing about this particular book. It comes with these sealed envelopes for Him and Her. How it’s supposed to work is that one of you opens an envelope. Once the envelope is opened you’re supposed to do whatever it says within 24 hours. Sometimes it’s something romantic, sometimes it’s wild or risqué. I believe one of them was sex in a movie theater. Another one had something to do with food. You get the gist.
When I bought the book, I had only met her guy a handful of times and didn’t really know him that well, but I wanted to make sure my friend’s sense of fun and adventure was fed. Plus, what she lacked in practical experience, she more than made up for with her imagination.
Some might think I went out on a limb, buying this book. I mean, what if her guy didn’t share her adventurous streak? He could have been offended! Truth is, it pretty much cemented that he loved me… In fact, it turned out to be his favorite gift and I got a big whopping thank you. He actually likes when his wife and I get together, whether by phone or in person, because he knows we bring out the best in each other. Oddly enough, I was pretty sure he was going to be okay with the gift based on something he’d said years ago to her…when they were still in high school.
They went to a boarding school in Michigan together, and my hubby and I (who was then my male best friend) went up to visit her. She told me about meeting this guy and how they had started dating. Unlike most guys, he was pretty good at keeping her off balance, so she wasn’t sure what to make of him. She told us that one day he told her the strangest thing… He’d said something about a dream where a bunch of women were throwing pickles at him. She didn’t get it yet, then, but I did. It was a reference to Real Genius, the movie, and one of Val Kilmer’s funny asides. It also told me that he had a sense of humor (and a dirty mind).
Of course, telling me something like that was pretty irresistible. When she mentioned the need to throw him off kilter a little bit to even the playing field, we took her off campus and found a small general store. We picked up a jar of pickles, and when he wasn’t around, she snuck them into his locker for him to find. What could he do but laugh? And the playing field was even.
They’re one of the few couples within my general group of friends who were together before me and hubby and are still going strong. They’ve been each other’s best friends, support…and found ways to keep the spice alive in their relationship by finding playful ways to connect both in and out of the bedroom. No, she doesn’t share the details, just the general gist of adventurous behaviors….or maybe places.
Let’s be real for a second…. So many people, once the relationship turns into something long termed, limit all the naughty play to the bedroom. But WHY? Don’t you remember the adrenaline rush attached to the fear of being caught? Hello! Wasn’t that part of the reason that as young people, there was something scary, yet fun about sneaking a make out session in your significant other’s parents’ home? Maybe on the couch while “watching tv” or in the basement while you guys were “listening to music” or maybe even at the kitchen table when you guys were “doing homework”?
I admit, giving a guy a BJ on a hotel lounge chair on the beach at night might be a bit more risky, but does it make it any less exciting? What about road head? Am I the only female who’s noticed that the gag reflex doesn’t quite kick in as quickly when the fear of being caught is also battling your nerves? Or that you’re way more into it and capable of getting off untouched knowing that someone else might see and you’ve got him going wild above you?
Joint adventures together is so important to keeping the sex alive in relationships….and no, they don’t ALL have to be about exhibitionism. Sometimes it can be voyeuristic. Why do you think couples watch porn together? Have you ever been with your partner and stumbled on someone else’s intimate moment? Did you find it difficult to look away? How aroused did you find yourself?
Or what about sensory depravation? Hello Ice Cube scene in 9 1/2 Weeks! There are so many ways to experiment and explore. The important part is to do it! Explore. Discover new and interesting ways to excite your lover. A little honesty and non-judgmental sharing of fantasies can open up a world of new adventures to be explored together! Why not indulge?
Do you know of any products out there that help couples explore their sensual sides together? I want to hear about it! I’m always looking for something new and exciting, myself.
15 thoughts on “Pure Sexploration”
I don’t know about anything that helps couples explore but when you find out, I want to read here all about it!
Well, I already listed one. I fully expect my buddy, Ande Lyons, from Bring Back Desire will also chime in with a thought or two on the subject. She always finds such interesting things that aid in exploration.
Your friend’s story reminds me of my story with my hubby. 😉 I didn’t have a good friend like you to help me along the way but the interst and exploratory desires were there! I’ve yet to explore road adventures. 😉
Oh, those are fun, my friend. Take a road trip sometime….pick a quiet country road if it makes you feel more comfortable. 😉
There are so many books, websites, and blogs like yours thet help people explore their naughty sides. You just have to be open and daring enough to take part in some.
True. In the end, no one can make you take that leap. You have to do it yourself. Of course the reward is worth so much more than the risk. 😉
Another FAB blogpost Kitt! Thank goodness for all the passion products out there to help us add stimulating moments to our intimate playtimes! I especially love massage candles and buzz toys – yum!
Here’s a fun video of my interview with the founders of The Fantasy Box – they offer a discount, if you’re interested!
That’s awesome! I forgot about them. You told me about them before! They sound fabulous. Hubby and I will have to try them out sometime.
Surprise. This is a subject you and I freely and openly discuss. Duh, right? 😉
Products for exploration? One that I’ve used several times on my partner is called the Remote-controlled Venus Butterfly: (http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/butterfly-vibrators/sp-remote-control-venus-butterfly-89824.aspx)
This one pictured from Adam & Eve is not the exact one — mine works up to 60-70 feet away! And believe me Kitt, I have had tons of fun with it, as well as she, AND have let other strangers at the restaurant, bar or club we’re both at…to have their fun with her too and she’d never know or could figure out who because she’d be WAY TOO “distracted” to even try. 😉
Regarding “waiting” as a “virgin”, I explain it this way…
You’re on a wonderful neighborhood and you see from the street at a distance THE home you’ve always dreamt about and wanted. It costs $1.5 million. You beg to see all of it, inside and out, before you drop a lifetime of savings, of course! But the agent tells you NO. You cannot go on the property or inside until you have paid the FULL AMOUNT. Only then can you enter.
That’s exactly what “waiting” is like for a partner/spouse until you’ve LEGALLY given the full amount in cash. And by the way, no intelligent finance investor worth their weight in gold would EVER tell you to blindly do that. lol 😉
Under most circumstances I’d agree with you re: waiting. Oddly enough, I don’t think my friends consciously planned to wait till marriage. It just worked out that they knew what they wanted pretty quickly, then decided together that they wanted that night to be special. As they’ve been together happily for more than 15 years, I think their choice worked for them. Granted, they’re definitely the exception, not the rule.
Butterfly vibes with cordless remotes? Oh, yeah! Unlimited fun. Combined with an exhibitionist? That’s one heck of a party! Great suggestion. 🙂 (And yes, we’re both very open to discussing this topic… We enjoy both the act & the topic immensely!)
You’re right Kitt about your couple-friends and it is completely a matter of choice and comfort. I’m discussing the topic of ‘virginal waiting’ strictly with you; I only express this view IF I’m specifically asked or discussing it with you. I rarely volunteer it for obvious reasons. 🙂
A “special night”? Hmm, I’d much prefer making every single night/time special, with each time a different version, setup, ambiance, etc…rather than being relatively unprepared for “exceptional”… whoops, I mean “special”. 😉
Ha! Yeah, as “newbies”…especially on a wedding night? The potential for disaster is immense, especially with such high expectations. That’s a lot of pressure for rookies. There is definitely something to be said for sample packs and taste tests. Variety aids in discovering likes & dislikes as well as what works for you. 😉
I am so late to the comment party on this one, Kitt. I read it on my iPhone, but elected to wait until I got back to my laptop to comment.
I am going to buy one of those books all for my very own. I’ll keep it in my secreted toys and fun fodder bag.
Between you, Jenny, and August it’s getting tough to find inconspicuous places to hide it. So much fun fodder. This monster house must sell soon. I’m so anxious to take another free-to-be-me road trip. The house is the only thing I’m planning to downsize, IYKWIM.
Now is the perfect time to visit Florida or So Cal, dontcha’ think?
Absolutely! Nothing like decluttering your life to make time for the sizeable things you actually DO want to do. IYKWIM. 😉