Sacred Sexuality #BOAW3 #GirlBoner

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When I was a little girl my mom told me two things that always stuck with me.

“Your body is a temple and should be honored as sacred to you and by those around you.”

AND

“You were created in God’s image. You are perfect to him.”

It wasn’t until much later that I realized the gift she’d given me by approaching sex clinically, and body talk spiritually. Because this was a frequent theme in my house growing up, I didn’t have many body issues. In fact, the closest I came was not exactly loving my toes. I assumed that my body was pretty close to perfect because my mom said I was designed in His image. How could I be anything else? Then puberty hit. I heard friends talking about themselves. In their eyes they were ugly and fat and in need of dieting. Whoa! They looked perfectly beautiful to me…and THAT’s when I realized that the lenses through which they saw their bodies must have been distorted. No one had ever told them how amazing their design was.

Even more important was the shame people seemed to feel about their ‘temples’ and the natural instincts that came with this gift. For me it all felt contradictory. Why on earth would a God…who designed us in His image give women a clitoris, a part of the anatomy strictly designed for pleasure and no other purpose, if he didn’t want us to enjoy the finer pleasures in life? How could touching it be considered sinful? Yet how many people are ashamed to admit or have actually NEVER TRIED masturbation because they believe it somehow goes against God? How? Why would he create it and put it on our persons if not for us to share in the joy of his creation?

Some of the first known (and most beautiful) erotica came from the Bible! Don’t believe me? Here’s a verse from Song of Solomon 7:1-13

How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels,
the work of an artist’s hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet
that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat
encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon
by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon
looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry;
the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.

She

May the wine go straight to my beloved,
flowing gently over lips and teeth.
10 I belong to my beloved,
and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.
12 Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes send out their fragrance,
and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old,
that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

Pure sensual seduction and admiration of lovers. And it’s beautiful, not ugly! It’s a celebration and appreciation of the gifts given them, the differences of form…and how they were meant to fit together. Pleasure and passion shared is to be a joy, not dirty. Not something that happens only strictly for procreation.

We made it dirty. Historically speaking, let’s look back. Biblically speaking, David had at least 8 known wives and 10 concubines documented between 1 & 2 Samuel. Solomon? Something like 700 wives and 300 concubines. And these guys were considered loved by God.

Perception of what was appropriate and acceptable in marital and sexual practices actually changed with Roman rule, thanks to their strongly patriarchal society. It was changed because the ruling culture required we find a way to fit in. This meant that power and land were passed down through the male line and it was important to keep these lineages “clean” and clear of doubt. Women had no real say in how things were run. They were merely property used to strengthen the family line for rulership and wealth, so their chastity was guarded carefully.

If you’re anything like me, you’re already drawing lines of why finding pleasure in sex/mating began to be discouraged…and why sex became a “duty” rather than a joy. Can you imagine what would happen if a teenage girl discovered self pleasure during this time? Why on earth would she wait to be married off to some man she probably didn’t know, much less love (and probably a zillion years older than her) if she knew the joys she could explore with someone she found visually pleasing? It wasn’t an accident that the two most powerful entities were Royalty and the Church and that their ties were strongly intertwined. Care to guess what those sermons sounded like for women? I’ll leave it to your imagination.

But as often happens with universal truths, the pleasures of the flesh began to be acceptable to explore again. Unfortunately, the church (who’d been thriving on threats of death by fire and brimstone for sinners) felt that this new, modern way of thinking took away from their power….and Puritans with even stronger rules against sexuality pushed their propaganda on the world….conveniently leaving out all the beauty and joy that should be experienced with lovemaking.

So why are we, in the new millennium, still letting archaic views dictate our thoughts, feelings and responses to sex? Isn’t it time we changed all that? Our bodies are temples. They’re meant to be worshipped, not left to decay and grow cobwebs from lack of use. If someone makes you feel less than beautiful when the clothes come off, kick him or her to the curb. They obviously don’t recognize that you’ve been created in God’s image and are beautiful.

Remember there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself or loving yourself. Getting in touch with your body is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and your partner(s). Learn how you like to be touched and pleasured. Teaching your partner(s) how to increase your enjoyment of lovemaking only strengthens the intimacy between you. When couples treat themselves and each other with great appreciation and their fantasies as gifts to be appreciated and explored, lines of communication are strengthened. The need to look outside the relationship for fulfillment is lessened. In fact, I’d hazard that if any venturing is done that includes outside parties, both partners are actively involved in the decision making process.

At the end of the day, nothing is more worshipful than celebrating each other. Afterall, you’re gifts of God to one another, designed in His image. Sex? That’s a gift, too. He didn’t have to design lovemaking to be pleasurable, but he did! Do you really believe he’d do that if it were an act solely to be saved for procreation? I don’t think so. Why deny yourselves the joy of your Sacred Sexualities by placing it on the altar of societal bullying and fear? Our (as August McLaughlin would say) Girlboners deserve better.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Have you been made to feel ashamed of your body? Your sexuality? If so, have you overcome those feelings? How? If not, how can we help you? Afterall, we’re all on this big, beautiful world together. Maybe it will help you to see how other people celebrate The Beauty of a Woman, #Girlboner style. Click here to read more on why we should love our bodies and sexuality.

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78 thoughts on “Sacred Sexuality #BOAW3 #GirlBoner

  1. ramblingsfromamum says:

    Ashamed? Never – I ‘grew up in the 60’s-70’s ‘ how could I possibly be? It took me many years to realise though that well I could make ‘myself happy’ … I’m sure I don’t need to go into further detail on that one as I’m blushing already. Haven’t checked for cobwebs of late…but pretty sure there ain’t any 😉 xx

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Jen, I’m so glad you were in touch with your “freely loving” side! So many still struggle with that, and I’m learning more every day that the generation to which one was born has less to do with feelings surrounding sexuality as societal and familial acceptance & openness does. As for making yourself happy…Woohoo! Good on ya! 😉

  2. Gloria Richard Author says:

    Girl Boner Power! August McLaughlin opened the door, and I walked through it.

    I unloaded the secrets I’d hidden and began to explore new possibilities. Even though I was a child of the seventies, the social stigma attached to masturbation — female club only, yeah (NOT!) — I did not speak openly with my friends, my sisters, or my partners about sex, and what pleased me.

    Now? I speak with candor, but test the waters for receptivity when speaking with friends. I have yet to find a close female friend or a sister who admits to self-pleasure, curiosity about sex toys, or discussions about sex in anything other than a joking manner.

    Male friends? Geesh! Several have said they wished I’d have lunch with their wives and share what I’ve learned. [DISCLAIMER: These discussion usually surface in the context of discussions about my novel. I don’t accost men at random and sit down for a chin wag about sex.]

    Kitt, I’m one of those girls you may have encountered who had body issues [along with a plethora of self-esteem glee killers]. I never felt good enough, or that I fit in. The perky people-pleaser I showed the world was in direct conflict to the quiver of self-doubt and anxiety that resided inside. Those days are gone.

    Today, I’m past the horrid habit of making a mental judgment about someone based on their weight or their clothes or their hair. It’s the smile on their face and the light in their eyes that makes them beautiful.

    Stellar post, my beautiful friend!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      You brought tears to my eyes with your comment. First in anguish that your beautiful heart, body & soul went unappreciated & unrecognized for so long….then with joy that you finally discovered your key to unleashing the bright, beautiful and sensual you. I am so glad that August’s GirlBoner power reached out and touched you. You deserve the great joys that this life (and your body) have to offer you.

      *Hugs, Gloria*

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      “I have yet to find a close female friend or a sister who admits to self-pleasure, curiosity about sex toys, or discussions about sex in anything other than a joking manner.”

      *raises hand*

      I say good on you for keeping the discussion open. Women learn about themselves by talking to their girlfriends. You’re likely spreading great sex and goodwill throughout the land without even realizing it.

      • Kitt Crescendo says:

        You know, Gloria, Jenny is right. Your open willingness to have discussions like these are probably inspiring (or at the very least, provoking thought) in some of those girlfriends. If I had to guess, I’d say they probably admire your brazenness and wish they had a little of that, themselves. Afterall, isn’t that kind of what August’s GirlBoner did for you?

        After a while, you might be surprised at who will come to you to talk about these matters in the future. I know I was.

  3. August McLaughlin says:

    Fabulous post, Kitt! Your mom sounds pretty kick-ass. 🙂 I love that you began embracing your body early on.

    That bit you mentioned about discovering self-stimulation early on is the theme of my fest contribution — I know for a fact my life would’ve been far different! I’m grateful for the path, since it’s led me here; that said, I wish all women were encouraged to celebrate their sexuality from the get-go.

    Thanks so much for participating in #BOAW3! ❤

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thanks, August! Whatever way you got to where you are, I’m just glad you are here today. Too much time is spent on regret and recriminations for things not able to be changed without a time machine. 😉 As you said, it led you to your current path, and I, for one, couldn’t be more glad.

      You’re a wonderful friend and a fabulous person. I count myself lucky to know you. (BTW, I agree about my mom.)

  4. bethteliho says:

    I read this last night, in bed, on my phone and didn’t want to comment that way – so annoying. Anyway, here I am on my computer and I can comment properly. WONDERFUL post! I’m a huge fan of #GirlBoner (yay August!), and of recognizing your own beauty. It’s always been a struggle for me, probably always will be, but it’s the cards I was dealt with and I think I’ve come a loooong way in the self-esteem area. Fortunately, this never hindered my sexuality, but it did hinder love, and just how I treated myself generally. You can’t love another unless you love yourself. Like I said, I’ve come a very long way.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Beth, I’m just glad you HAVE come a very long way. You’re a wonderful lady and I enjoy your humor, sharp mind, and outlook on life. As for the rest…you’ll get there as long as you keep working on it. You already know you control your own destiny, and that’s half the battle! 🙂

  5. susielindau says:

    I’m Catholic and never heard The Song of Solomon. Gee. I wonder why? 🙂 I think it should be read at weddings!!!! Love this post Kitt!!!
    I grew up in the 70’s and never had any real sex education to speak of other than learning about menstruation. My girlfriends and boyfriends and I sorted all of it out. It begs a question for me now. I remember being able to talk about sex in my 20’s. I have new friends after being married and the subject of sex never comes up! Why is that????? This will be my topic next year. I have a year to research it! I should get some interesting replies.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Susie, I don’t know how to tell you this, but it IS read at weddings. “I am my Beloved’s, and he is mine” is actually quite popular with the non-Catholic Christian set. 😉

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. As for your subject next year? Can’t wait to see what your research uncovers. I have my suspicions, but I would love a surprise, you know?

  6. Kate Wood says:

    Kitt, you are speakin’ my language, woman. Wonderfully articulate, beautifully written, you’ve taken everything I’ve been thinking for years and laid it all out. I’m standing up, cheering and applauding. WELL DONE!

  7. Inion N. Mathair says:

    Much like you, Kitt, my mother was very open with me and told me that God loves women and their sexuality. He want us to embrace it. My grandfather was a pastor and he taught me the same as well, that some of the most erotic stories come from the Bible. He said that God encouraged female empowerment. Coming from the Bible Belt and a very conservative denomination, he was discouraged from preaching this, but felt that it was a message that was sorely needed and not talked about enough. So glad you went this way with the BOAW BlogFest. It reminded me of hearing my grandfather at the pulpit. Awesome post!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Bravo to your Grandfather for not crumbling under the pressure. I’ve always believed that it’s not God that’s fallible, but rather man’s interpretation/fallibility. And your Grandpa was right! Some of the raciest stories have their beginnings in the Bible.

      • Inion N. Mathair says:

        “I’ve always believed that it’s not God that’s fallible, but rather man’s interpretation/fallibility.” Beautifully said, Kitt. That was my Grandfather’s argument to those that would stereotype people of faith. Most presume that anyone that follows the doctrine or professes belief, are narrow-minded and restrict liberties, but it’s quite the opposite. We’re so happy to have found you and your wonderful blog. Cheers to #BOAW3!

  8. Emma says:

    Great post, Kitt.
    Growing up in Ireland in the Catholic Church, I think everyone struggles with guilt from time to time. Times have changed though, and my generation are more open now.

  9. David N. Walker says:

    Kitt, when I first began reading August’s blogs, I was a bit self-conscious. Should a Christian be reading such things? I finally got to the point where I could comment (favorably) on her posts, but I’ve never gotten it together the way you did in this piece. I think your post here could be used as a Christian sex manifesto. Thanks.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thank you, David. That means so much coming from you. I know how important faith is to you, and I’ve (more than once) been confronted with people who have asked me if I didn’t feel that what I wrote was counter to my personal beliefs as a Christian. That they expected me to be ashamed bothered me…and I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced this kind of condescension. I thought maybe I should try to address WHY I don’t find what I write to be against my faith. I’m glad I was able to be fairly articulate in expressing my feelings. 🙂

  10. PetiteEsclave says:

    Thanks so much for this! Having been raised catholic, and not in a good way, I always wonder how people balance religion and sexuality. Now I know! 🙂

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I’m so glad I was able to help and maybe give you a bit of perspective. I hope you’ve also read some of the comments and seen that you’re not alone (and that I’m not the only one who thinks this way).

  11. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    Another terrific Kitt post on sex and sexuality. Just Tweeted it out. It still amazes me how both men and women feel about their bodies and sex in this day and age. I think part of the problem has to do with religion and how people are brought up with it. Society, the media, and our country’s politics all play a hand I think. It’s how many of us are programmed, and not in a good way when it comes to our feelings on sex.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Phil, I appreciate your constant, unending support. Feelings surrounding sex can be so complicated. I’m just grateful that I am in a position to share my thoughts and maybe make a difference to one or two people in a positive way….hopefully our open candor regarding our sexualities help others learn to embrace that aspect of their personalities as well.

  12. lynnkelleyauthor says:

    Your mother is a wise woman. That’s awesome that she taught you those two things at such a young age. Woot! Wonderful post, Kitt.

  13. Gry Ranfelt says:

    I’m not in any way religious yet I’M ashamed of my sexuality and totally can’t participate in the masturbation discussion. It’s horrible that I don’t believe in a religion yet still have to suffer under certain of its influences.
    Wonderful post. Your mother is a great woman!

  14. Satin Sheet Diva says:

    I think this is spot on – we need to embrace our inherent sexuality; discard the shame and enjoy our bodies and the pleasure they bring. Safely of course, lol, but enough with the “it’s wrong to enjoy sexual pleasure” bit. :-).

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I could not agree more, Piper. And I guess, for those who like to portray him as an angry God, that may be their truth. Fortunately, he’s not the God I know. My God is loving, kind, and so many other things…and he knows every hair on my head, every beat of my heart, and every thought before it even happens. He loves ME just the way I am.

  15. Jess Witkins says:

    Nine years of Catholic school and we never once studied THOSE verses! In fact, we had religion books with the heading “Heavy Petting is No No” in them. Truth! I’m writing about THAT in my book. I wish I had a teacher like you in school where sexuality wasn’t a hush hush topic but something we could discuss openly. I love working in a reproductive health clinic now. We have to deal with protesters a fair amount, but I know the work we do is important. We provide that safe place for women (and men) to come and ask questions, get educated and make the right decision for them.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      What a very fulfilling job! I’m so glad that people who have doubts and questions have someone as smart and emotionally sensitive as you to help them make those decisions.

      (You know, there are times I think I might have missed my calling… I’d have made a really good sex ed teacher…sadly, most parents would have probably been afraid of what their children would learn.)

  16. Eden says:

    Oh, Kitt! I am so very much in love with this post. It’s like the voice of my mother over the years who let me know I should know joy… that I was meant for joy. Thank you!

  17. Kassandra Lamb says:

    Hey Kitt, I’m still checking out the rest of the BOAW posts that I hadn’t gotten to yet. So glad I realized I hadn’t read this one. Wow, just wow!

    I’m totally with you. How could/why would God create something and then make it wrong to enjoy it?!?!

  18. hittingthesweetspot by Bob Skelley says:

    This is great stuff. Everyone knows the bible takes a dump on women. I can’t believe it hasn’t been rewritten more properly to reflect modern times. After all, everything receives updates, including WordPress and computer operating systems. Why not the bible? Sex? It’s definitely a gift and includes the gift of self-pleasure. Best post I’ve read in awhile. Nice! Oh btw…Miss Susie L. sent me. Can’t say I mind, either.

  19. Dianne Fallon says:

    Excellent post, Kitt. The history is fascinating. Selections from “Song of Solomon” are often read at Catholic weddings too, but probably not the juiciest parts! I grew up Catholic and remember one particular older priest who frequently spoke of sex with incredible disdain. And then there is that reading by Paul (I think?) about lust, and how it is “better to marry than to burn” but best of all to be a chaste bride or groom of Christ. It’s amazing how it all soaks into you when you are a kid even if you are totally bored and waiting for the service to be over!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thank you, Dianne. It really IS amazing how much of the fear & threat driven aspects soak in…and how they often manage to overshadow the bigger messages of love, grace, and forgiveness. And you know what? I’ve always wondered if there wasn’t some “tweaking” done to that reading by Paul. I mean, when the King James Version was being put together, rumor has it that the priests wanted to rid themselves entirely of the Song of Solomon section, but the nobleman whose hospitality they were enjoying loved that portion & threatened to oust them from his home and charge them for their food and lodging, so they kept it.

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