#BOAW2015 Owning Sexual Empowerment #GirlBoner Style

boaw-logo-2015-gb

Empowerment. It’s such a powerful word, right? In any aspect of life, it’s an important part of personal growth. When it comes to women and their sexuality, it’s critical and all too often denied or ignored.

Some may remember my Sacred Sexuality contribution from last year where I explored my thoughts on religion, history, and their impact on body image and sex. This year I’ll be taking it a step further and exploring owning our growth and development, sexually speaking.

Historically speaking the world, especially in western civilization, we’ve been predominantly a patriarchal society. What that has meant is that men pretty much controlled power, purse strings, and the overall quality of life that women could expect to have.

For the most part, we’ve come a long way from being traded as chattel to better enhance familial, social, and political standing. Virginity is not really currency anymore. Well, okay. There are still some places in the world where these archaic views are upheld, but overall…. you get what I’m saying. We’ve moved forward.

But have we really moved that far?

It wasn’t very long ago when I was involved in a conversation with several female friends when one friend confessed that she had never achieved orgasm. Because she was in a long term relationship, most of the women there were quick to blame her guy for not “giving” her one. But was it really his fault? I’m not saying selfish lovers don’t exist, but to have never had an orgasm before speaks to more than a lover’s prowess, doesn’t it?

Here’s my take on feminine sexual empowerment….

It’s all about ownership. Of herself. Her body. Her wants and needs. Does it mean she has to be the aggressor? Only if she wants to be. But it does mean that she’s responsible to communicate. To explore her own body and discover what feels good.

Because here’s the reality. Despite the über Doms and alpha males we read or fantasize about… You know, the psychic ones who instinctively read a woman’s mind, body, and soul and know exactly what to do to give her thigh shaking, body quaking orgasms… Most real life men require guidance. Hints. Directions. And if she doesn’t know what feels good? Or she’s unwilling or unable to communicate with them when they touch her body in ways that curls her toes (or even in ways that might turn her off), how can they ever hope to make her body sing? Or improve what skills they may already have in giving her pleasure?

Honest communication is key. So is taking responsibility for her actions. Faking an orgasm? That deprives her partner of the chance to find out what really pleases her, and her from exploring what works for them both. Saying the words candidly may be difficult at first, but the rewards far outweigh the negatives.

It all starts with trust…. And responsibility.

Because we women have gotten really good at not only holding men accountable for whether or not we experience orgasms, but more often than not, we’ve also placed the onus of making sure we’re protected on them, too. Granted, many are a little bit responsible via birth control pills and patches, but with the many variations of STDs these days that are transmitted through fluids, condoms are also necessary, especially for one time liaisons or short termed relationship.

So why is it that prophylactics often are predominantly a male responsibility? Why is it, if sex is initiated, it’s assumed that the male should come prepared? And how often do we really have the responsible health history talk before we head in that direction despite all the things we learned in health class?

Kudos to Tiffany Gaines and the young ladies from Lovability, Inc. for not only noticing the problem, but deciding to be proactive and do something about it! That’s responsible, empowered sexuality! Check out not only how they’ve owned their sexual responsibility, but how they’re working to help other women do the same!

So what about you? What things do you do to help you own your sexual empowerment? Do you struggle with it? Why do you think you do (or don’t)? Communication is key and I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts, and please check out the other Beauty of a Woman 2015 posts of female empowerment! I promise, you won’t regret it.

Advertisements

38 thoughts on “#BOAW2015 Owning Sexual Empowerment #GirlBoner Style

  1. kindredspirit23 says:

    I have to admit that there were times in which I did not have a condom when it was needed. As it turned out, the woman never did. I was being watched over. Nothing happened…it could have.
    The loveabilitiy condom is a great idea whose time could not be better for arriving.
    Scott

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      See? Oddly enough, when I was younger I was fascinated with all the various types of condoms, so I had a collection, but overall, most women I knew did not carry them. The assumption was that the guy would have one.

  2. V says:

    I ALWAYS had one with me. In every handbag I’ve ever owned there has always been a little zipped compartment somewhere in the lining, and I’d stick one in there. Personal responsibility and all that. 😉

    I don’t need to do that any more because I’m in a LTR with my OH, but I still think it’s great advice. It’s nice to be back and reading your posts again, Kitt!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Thanks, my friend. I’ve been married for several years now, but I figure it’s still a timely message. I have older friends who are jumping back into the dating pool after years with the same person and younger ones who I hope know to be safe, but I’ve come to realize that assumptions should never be made. 😉

  3. fangswandsfairy says:

    Brilliant! One woman in the video asked “Why should the guy carry them, because they go on the guy?” I wanted to shout on him but into you!!! It’s just a little like making a man responsible for lipstick because it comes off on his shirt collar. Women have to take responsibility for orgasms and for protection. There’s no stigma to being on the pill when not in a serious relationship and it only does half the job condoms do!

  4. David N. Walker says:

    When I was single, I was never the guy who could walk into a bar and take home or go home with a lady. And I was too shy to ask some girl out whom I’d just met. So I did very little dating. I guess that’s a good thing, because I could never see myself donning a condom. Fortunately, in long-term relationships, they’re not needed, because I wouldn’t want to stop and put one on, nor would I want to feel some piece of rubber instead of the texture of the woman.

    I love your advice for women to take responsibility for guiding their lovers in how to give them peak satisfaction. Actually, I think women have done a better job of this than men have. Everyone just assumes that if a man ejaculates, he must have had a wonderful climax, and that’s not necessarily true – in fact, it’s sometimes far from true.

  5. Professor Taboo says:

    Kitt, fabulous thought-provoking post! Empowerment, ownership, Ohhhh and then the Coup d’état: raw proactive communication, which nurtures all the other great related virtues! BAAM! You nailed it! *no pun intended* 😉

    Personally I do not struggle at all with my empowerment because SO MUCH of “toe-curling” great sex (and other forms I won’t mention now 😈 ) begin in and with the best and biggest sex organ for both genders…the brain! Hence, I have found there a very FEW condoms that fit over my head! Those that do, are not very functional — I can’t FRIGGIN BREATH!!! 😛

    So, when there are those occasional encounters where the FULL chemistry lets fly, if I don’t have a condom, or she doesn’t have the very specific…umm, type of condom I require…it ain’t happening! And chill-out, that’s very temporary! True!? lol

    Thanks Kitt, this was fun! 😀

  6. KM Huber says:

    Brilliant post, Kitt! And that video is perfect; Lovability makes so much sense. As a lesbian in her 60’s, I take such heart that women are taking control of sex in their lives and talking about it. I know it has to do with women like you and August. Thank you, Kitt, for the great work you do.
    Karen

  7. August McLaughlin says:

    I love your take on sexual empowerment! I struggled with owning my sexuality for years, in one of the worst ways — by not even realizing I hadn’t. Turning that around changed and arguably saved my life.

    Thank you for your heart, insightfulness and openness in discussing these topics. The world needs more people like you!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      August, over the years since you’ve become a sex positive activist I’m sure you’ve noticed that so many people are where you’ve been. I think that is a big part of what makes you so approachable.

  8. Jess Witkins says:

    Yes! Having sex is a two way communication and the responsibility of condoms is for both men and women. Additionally, it’d be really awesome if the guy helped his lady to remember to take her birth control pills or shared in the payment of the contraception method since it benefits both! 🙂

  9. Kourtney Heintz says:

    I think communication is key. As is self knowledge. If you know what you enjoy and what you don’t, you can communicate it. But if you don’t, you’re fumbling along and can feel self-conscious and that’s not going to help.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Even if you’re fumbling along, if you’re communicating with your partner, eventually you’ll both find something that works. It’s better than saying nothing and assuming it must be your partner’ slack of skill and/or knowledge that is at fault. Discovering what works together can be quite the adventure!

  10. katewoodauthor says:

    OHMYGODDESS!!! I love this! What a fabulous idea Tiffany Gaines had. It’s been so long since I’ve had to consider that aspect of sex, but not so long that I cannot appreciate how empowering it is to take charge and be responsible not only for our sexual experiences, but also for our sexual health. Excellent post, Kitt!

  11. Steve says:

    Great post. I’m definitely open to feedback and direction though I know communicating that isn’t always so easy. I am drawn to empowered women, one in particular!

  12. amyskennedy says:

    Oy! Where was lovability (or even the concept) when I was single? And not that we couldn’t have thought of it…but we didn’t. I was single before AIDS, but not before STDs and, uh, pregnancy was certainly around! You have really got me thinking–mainly because I’m 56, started menopause but haven’t stopped wanting sex…yet haven’t had it in sooooo long. So, whose fault is that, right? Probably not my husband’s. Dang. Thanks for this great post!

Don't Be Shy, Reply!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s