Z is for Zamboni

What is the first word you think of when you hear Zamboni?

Hockey, of course!

Well, okay. I guess it’s vaguely possible that you think figure skating.

But not moi. 

For me it’s hockey. The drop of the puck. The sound of the pipe organ filtering music into the stadium to add to the suspense of the game. The swish of skates as they glide across the freshly resurfaced ice (thanks, zamboni). Heck, it’s the thwacking sound of sticks as they clash against each other in battle!

Yep! No question about it. It’s all about hockey for me.

Specifically, I’m all about the Chelsea Dagger & my Chicago Blackhawks!

Why bring this up now? It’s my Z word & it’s the playoffs, baby! 

Which team are you cheering for?

Y is to Yield or Submit

Why is submission often seen as a trait of the weak?

How hard is it really to act tough; to take what you want or hide how you really feel behind the veneer of civilization and expectation? It’s not really that hard to play the part when a role has been written with you in mind, practically since conception. Telling you how you should feel, think, or act.

Yielding your will to someone else is often counter to everything you’re told you should want or need. Voluntarily giving up your power and bending to the desires of your partner for shared satisfaction and trusting that your lover will not only take care of you, but push your boundaries to bring you incredible pleasure.

To be willing to yield, you must be able to trust. Your partner. Your instincts. Your judgment. And your ability to recognize when to say no…or, in the world of Dominance and submission, to safeword.

You have to believe that your safeword will not only be acknowledged, but respected. That your partner has your best interests in mind. That they are watching you closely enough to pick up on your unspoken (and sometimes unrealized) triggers and kinks….and to know when to push or draw back.

To submit takes an incredibly strong person, comfortable in their knowledge of who and what he/she is. Letting down your walls and opening yourself up to all the possibilities and trusting your partner to be your strength and guide your journey…. Yeah, nothing at all weak in that.

That’s completely different than being a wimp or pushover. Because wimps don’t have the physical or emotional strength to stand on their own. They usually let others lead so that they can make excuses or blame others when things don’t go the way they wanted.

There is no greater gift a submissive could give a deserving Dominant than their willingness to cede their own power to their firm, controlling hand. No Dominant worth his/her salt would ever deliberately take that for granted, take advantage, or abuse that trust.

X is for Xenial

Definition of XENIAL

:  of, relating to, or constituting hospitality or relations between host and guest and especially among the ancient Greeks between persons of different cities

That’s the definition according to Webster, anyway. Urban dictionary’s actually not very far off from that…

xenial

Xenial is an adjective meaning giving gifts to strangers. Xenial people are usually very helpful.

This spoke to me. It reminded me that kindness and generosity are what makes the world go ’round. It also brought to mind the joy and hope, not to mention the beauty that can be found in random acts of kindness.

These acts are not limited to only the people around us. It’s scope of impact is so much bigger than we realize. It’s something that can be done for anyone. Anytime or anywhere. Someone you know or a complete stranger. You never know if you’ll change their day or their life.

Kindness means that much. Makes that strong of an impact.

You never know when that cup of coffee you bought for that person standing in line behind you might have been the first nice thing they’ve experienced today or maybe in much longer than that.

Xenial to me? Kindness and generosity to someone you may never have met before. When’s the last time you did something kind do a random person? Do you remember the last time someone did something nice for you? How did it impact you? Wouldn’t you love to pay it forward?

W is for Wanton

I’m not going to lie…. When I went looking for the literal translation of wanton, it bothered me. Why? Because I wasn’t thrilled with the way the archaic version of the word singled out women. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all cheers for anyone who is sexually immodest. Who embraces their bedroom beast. But considering how, historically speaking (especially in patriarchal societies), women have been oppressed into hiding that they even have a sex drive, to see my gender singled out… Grrr.

…And off my soapbox. Just to be clear, when I’m talking wanton, I’m being gender neutral. Mostly because I believe that overall life in general and sex in particular should be lived with wanton abandon.

Be wanton enough to chase your dreams, uninhibited by fear or judgment of others. Throw yourself feet first into your passion. No safety net.

Be wanton enough to explore your passions and desires. Share them with a lover. Don’t be afraid to try something at least once.

Be wanton with honestly sharing your feelings. Fear of rejection can destroy many wonderful life opportunities before they’ve even started. You’ll never know until you’re honest.

Love wantonly. It’s never a mistake, even if it isn’t always reciprocated.

Give yourself over to the life you deserve by pursuing it with raw, wanton passion.  And when those times come that it doesn’t work out? Learn from them so that the next adventure you wantonly chase is even bigger and better than the next!

V is for Virginity

Do you remember when you lost your virginity? Was it anything like you imagined it would be?

I remember that once upon a time, I thought it would be this big, sexy romantic deal. You know, planned out. Lots of candles and ambiance and romance. In the early stages of puberty I was torn between whether I wanted to lose it on my wedding night the way I was told “a good little girl” did or if I would simply wait till I was in love.

Although my virginity story wasn’t all candlelight and roses, it was definitely memorable in a good way.

It was also with the guy who I would eventually marry.

Yeah, yeah…. I was a total cock tease in my youth, but for some reason my virginity needed to mean something to me. I wanted it to be important to the person I chose to share it with. I’d only have it once. So I chose someone I loved. Someone who cherished me enough to take the time to make sure I was already overwhelmed with pleasure (aka orgasm) before he popped the cherry…making the endorphins and pain blend into something that was kinda sexy hawt.

The reality is that not everyone’s like me.

One of my best friends decided to wait till she got married. She doesn’t regret it. She now has two children and is perfectly thrilled to still be experimenting and exploring all sorts of fun sexiness with her man.

Another one wanted to lose her virginity to a stranger…because she imagined the whole process to be awkward, mildly painful, and embarrassing. She figured with a stranger she wouldn’t have to see him again if it turned out to be everything she pictured.

Was she wrong to think that way? Was I? What about my other friend?

Nope. None of us were.

There’s no right or wrong way to lose your cherry. The funny thing you realize thought? Regardless of what works for you (and it is all about what’s right for you), I’ve learned that it’s always memorable…

So now it’s your turn to share. What did you picture and how did it actually turn out? Regrets? No?

U is for Unwritten

How much time do you spend living in the past? Reminiscing over past memories. Dwelling on past victories….or sometimes mistakes.

While it’s true that it’s our past experiences that often shape how we view the world, it’s also true that focusing attention there can cause you to miss your present; your life. Believe it or not, it’s easy to be so busy looking back that you miss the entire beautiful view in front of you. You’re facing the wrong way!

Stand in your present.

Take a good look around.

Where do you want your life to be? What path would you like to follow? You have choices! You may not be able to change the past because it’s already over and done, but the future?

Well that’s all yours to write! Where do you want it to take you? What’s the first step you’re going to take to get you there? Because only you have the ability to write this story and it’s outcome.

Want that happy ending? What are you willing to do to create it?

T is for Tied Up

Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have a fascination for restraints and bondage….

Not on me, mind you. I’m a bit too much of a control freak to ever feel comfortable enough to willingly place myself in someone else’s power. But someone trusting me enough to voluntarily give themselves over into my care? Especially in a sensual manner? What a turn on!

I probably should have noticed when I was younger that I had a thing for being on top, taking my much bigger and stronger boyfriends’ (hello, I’m 5’3″ and only weighed about 105 lbs back then, so of course they were bigger) wrists into my hand and holding them over their head while I kissed them senseless. Yes, even though that immobilization was pretty much voluntary and all about the imagery & sense of helplessness more so than the real deal, it got my juices going.

It may explain why, at the age of 18, I “tied” my boyfriend down with some thumb cuffs. He was 6′ tall and about 160 lbs. of muscle, but he was helpless while I explored his body with my tongue until he begged for mercy. Oh, so much fun.

And then I discovered rope bondage through reading and the internet and became very intrigued. Also known as rigging, it’s both an art and a sexy practice. At least to my way of thinking. It’s one of those items that’s definitely on my “must learn” list.

If you’re interested in experimenting in bondage there are several safety aspects to keep in mind:

• You may want to consider staying away from ties, scarves, and/or silky materials if your partner loves to struggle against their bindings. These materials will tighten up if you fight your bindings too hard and will tighten, causing circulation to become cut off.
• Make sure to have some sort of shears/scissors if you’re going to play with clothing or ropes. You never know when you might need to free your partner quickly, and you need to be able to cut through bindings. You can’t guarantee that your partner won’t panic and need a rescue.
• Have a safe word and don’t be afraid to use it. Both you AND your partner need to trust each other. Bondage requires both that and patience.
• Bondage is not ideal if one or both parties have been drinking. Tying someone up requires time, patience, and trust. By the way, this is true regardless of what kind of bondage you might indulge in.

There. You have my kink confession. Now it’s your turn. What kink have you always either been curious about or wanted to try? Judgment free zone, right here!

S is for Sex Appeal

What is sexy?

If you were to ask the average adolescent they’d probably tell you it’s a hottie dressed in provocative clothes. Or lingerie that leaves nothing to the imagination.

And if you asked them what sex appeal was, they’d probably give a similar answer.

As we mature, we start to realize there’s so much more to sex appeal than hot, half naked, and obvious.

What comes to mind for you when you think of someone who oozes sex appeal?

For me, it’s intelligence and humor. Somehow they seem to manifest themselves in the playfully irresistible grins or the knowing, intent looks.

Yeah, for me, intelligence is an amazing turn on. So is someone comfortable in their own skin.

Confidence is hot. So is honesty. And honor.

Yeah. What people seem to forget is that sexy is predominantly mental. Not physical (although being in great health is also sexy).

What things do you find irresistibly sexy? What screams sex appeal to you?

R is for Romance

Everyone has their own unique ideas of what romance is or is not.

When I was younger, I had that tv idealized version of what romance was. You know, the one where the handsome dreamboat sweeps you off your feet a la Prince Charming?

Back then romance was a boy who wanted to do all those images that danced in my head. Walk on the beach hand in hand. Make soft, gentle love in front of a fire after feeding each other fruits, cheeses, and wines. Or maybe he’d fight for me against some equally and some guy who had nefarious intent in mind… 

Yeah. They’ve all been well used tropes in many a romance novel. Heck, practically the only stereotype I didn’t hold up was the billionaire boyfriend, and that’s probably because I always figured I’d be rich enough in my own right…and I have always found love to be more important than financial security.

But as I lived a little more life, my ideas of romance changed. Drastically.

 

When I was online and would be approached by men, I’d ask what they liked. Answers that included walks on the beach, quiet nights by the fire, or giving massages (foot or otherwise) to their romantic interests tended to get a snort and a cynical eye roll. 

I grew up. I was no longer interested in the predictable pat answers that were more than likely either lines to get a woman in the sack or really were into those things. If they were the latter, they were definitely too soft & too much of a pushover for me. I am more intense and not so easily impressed with outward trappings. If it’s the former, I’d lost a bit of respect for their lack of honesty & need to play games.

These days, romance to me is centered more around open communication, a willingness to share fantasies, honesty, someone who has both shared and differing interests from me. He may love to do things like surprise me with my favorite sweet treat or cooking me dinner. He loves hanging out with me as much as his friends. His mouth is both orally talented and verbally, too. Yes, a smartass with a sense of humor is practically mandatory for a woman like me. 

Most important thing for me when talking romance? Someone who loves and accepts me just the way I am. Warts and all. Proud of my accomplishments and can’t wait to introduce me to the people and things in his life that he’s passionate about, and dying to learn the same about me. 

I guess what I’m saying is…. These days, romance these days is a shared sense of adventure, unconditional acceptance, laughter, honesty, and a sense of joy in the little surprises that let me know he listens, he cares, and he just loves doing something nice for me for no other reason than it makes him happy to put a smile on my face. 

What about you? What screams romance to you? Is it the same thing that it was in your youth? Have you been fortunate enough to find the person who has brought it into your life? What’s the most romantic gesture you’ve ever recieved?

Q is for Quit

We hear it all the time. 

“Don’t quit.” 

“Winners never quit, quitters never win.”

And generally speaking, I agree. 

However….

There are times when quitting is exactly what we need to do.

  

Quit making excuses. For yourself. For others. It’s easy to do. But it’s not productive. The message sent when excuses are accepted is that you don’t believe the excuse maker is capable of more.

Quit blaming others. Good or bad, it’s your life. Own it. You are the one who has to live with the consequences. 

Quit the people who don’t believe in your worth. You don’t need that kind of negativity.

Quit limiting yourself. Dare to chase your dreams. Don’t settle for anything less than your best.

Quit holding on to the mistakes of the past. Learn from them. Use them as stepping stones toward the future you’ve always wanted.

Quit trying to please everyone. It’s not possible. Do what’s right for you. Real friends will understand and support your decisions.

Quit listening to and/or participating in gossip. Drama tends to create stumbling blocks and cause drama. It develops rifts in relationships, and has a way of coming back on a person. It’s unproductive, a time suck, and generates stress. 

Quit playing down your skills and talents. Be proud of what you bring to the table. False modesty is counterproductive and utter bullshit. There’s a huge difference between being an ego maniac & knowing yourself well.

Finally, Quit living your life for other people. You are the one who will have to deal with the consequences of the choices you make. Not them.

In other words, quit the things that hold you back, hold you down, or hold your self worth hostage. You are worth so much more….

I’m sure you guys can think of other important things to quit that are been ficial, or maybe you’ve quit some of the things I’ve listed and have seen the positive impacts…. Care to share any of those with us? You know what they say… It takes a village.