Once upon a time, many moons ago, I was voted class flirt for three years straight.
What was funny is that, although there were definitely times I was flirting, most of what they perceived as such was simply a matter of my being friendly combined with my naturally tactile nature. What was stranger to me was that the guys and girls I knew, when they did flirt, were so in-your-face-blatant that it wasn’t so much flirting as a proposition.
I finally figured that maybe I got the title simply because I was more successful. What they never learned with the artistry in both subtlety and sincerity. They never realized that often the most dramatically effective parts of flirting happened with no words at all. It’s amazing what great eye contact can do when coupled with a come hither smile. Total strangers will stop what they’re doing to come over and say hello. Like this scene from Don Juan DeMarco…. He was well on his way to seduction long before he laid his hand on hers.
The other thing often taken for granted was how stimulating an intelligent conversation with subtle hints of innuendo and warm, smiling, and constant contact could be to the desire to know someone better. The success is not limited to gender, appearance, or outright propositions, but rather the enjoyment of the flirt’s company and their ability to stimulate your imagination.
Which leads to fantasies. As odd as I found it that most people’s idea of flirting was over the top, and more in line with outright invitation, the complete opposite was true when it came to sexual fantasies and their fulfillment. It was okay to practically proposition someone, but to share the naughty little tidbits that drove their masturbatory motions left them practically mute!
Is it possible to be both ridiculously sexualized and practically puritanical?
Here’s the thing about fantasies…. Once you’ve caught the interest of some deserving person, there’s no harm or shame in sharing fantasies. In fact, it feeds a relationship; keeps things fresh. And just because you’re sharing fantasies doesn’t mean you have to fulfill them all. In fact, I’d hazard there are some that will never be acted upon, but the talking about it will be what fuels your hungers.
On the flip side, if you’re unwilling to discuss what revs your engine, should you really be surprised if sex stagnates? Becomes predictable? Boring? Do you know how damaging that can be for a relationship?
So I guess what I’m saying is this… To draw attention, use subtlety interspersed with candid, honest connection. Once in a relationship, practice honesty. Lower barriers and reveal your true self. If they don’t like what they see, better to know it quickly and move on. They’re not worthy. But you’ll never know if you don’t try….