F is for Flirting and Fantasies

Once upon a time, many moons ago, I was voted class flirt for three years straight.

What was funny is that, although there were definitely times I was flirting, most of what they perceived as such was simply a matter of my being friendly combined with my naturally tactile nature. What was stranger to me was that the guys and girls I knew, when they did flirt, were so in-your-face-blatant that it wasn’t so much flirting as a proposition.

I finally figured that maybe I got the title simply because I was more successful. What they never learned with the artistry in both subtlety and sincerity. They never realized that often the most dramatically effective parts of flirting happened with no words at all. It’s amazing what great eye contact can do when coupled with a come hither smile. Total strangers will stop what they’re doing to come over and say hello. Like this scene from Don Juan DeMarco…. He was well on his way to seduction long before he laid his hand on hers.

The other thing often taken for granted was how stimulating an intelligent conversation with subtle hints of innuendo and warm, smiling, and constant contact could be to the desire to know someone better. The success is not limited to gender, appearance, or outright propositions, but rather the enjoyment of the flirt’s company and their ability to stimulate your imagination.

Which leads to fantasies. As odd as I found it that most people’s idea of flirting was over the top, and more in line with outright invitation, the complete opposite was true when it came to sexual fantasies and their fulfillment. It was okay to practically proposition someone, but to share the naughty little tidbits that drove their masturbatory motions left them practically mute!

Is it possible to be both ridiculously sexualized and practically puritanical?

Here’s the thing about fantasies…. Once you’ve caught the interest of some deserving person, there’s no harm or shame in sharing fantasies. In fact, it feeds a relationship; keeps things fresh. And just because you’re sharing fantasies doesn’t mean you have to fulfill them all. In fact, I’d hazard there are some that will never be acted upon, but the talking about it will be what fuels your hungers.

On the flip side, if you’re unwilling to discuss what revs your engine, should you really be surprised if sex stagnates? Becomes predictable? Boring? Do you know how damaging that can be for a relationship?

So I guess what I’m saying is this… To draw attention, use subtlety interspersed with candid, honest connection. Once in a relationship, practice honesty. Lower barriers and reveal your true self. If they don’t like what they see, better to know it quickly and move on. They’re not worthy. But you’ll never know if you don’t try….

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9 thoughts on “F is for Flirting and Fantasies

  1. Professor Taboo says:

    The other thing often taken for granted was how stimulating an intelligent conversation with subtle hints of innuendo and warm, smiling, and constant contact could be to the desire to know someone better.

    Mmmmm, one of my favorite forms of engagement! The more one does it, the better they become at doing it! 😈

    And just because you’re sharing fantasies doesn’t mean you have to fulfill them all. In fact, I’d hazard there are some that will never be acted upon, but the talking about it will be what fuels your hungers.

    Surprise Kitt. 😛 I would contend that about as many fantasies CAN be completely fulfilled, even expounded upon a few times, as those that are not. As you might surmise, proactive articulated honest communication is a mainstay in the open and BDSM lifestyles. There’s not much left to confusion! LOL
    It is because of this raw communication that not only intensely flirts with and arouses the erogenous zones of the brain then body, but it is also the path to rational — or what we in the lifestyle call S.S.C. (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) — preparation for DEEP fulfillment of fantasies between partners! You’ll be surprised what preconceived false or little obstacles can be overcome with brutal proactive honest communication and thorough preparation! Hell, it’s one of the biggest attractions to the lifestyles: the long drawn-out mind-f*ck, or teasing as it is often called, that at some point (usually hours or days later) pushes the couple(s) “over that euphoric edge“! Mmmmmmm. 😈 😀

    Otherwise, as you mention your probable result is…

    On the flip side, if you’re unwilling to discuss what revs your engine, should you really be surprised if sex stagnates? Becomes predictable? Boring? Do you know how damaging that can be for a relationship?

    Unfortunate, when all that was likely needed was courage, action, then more articulated communication. Naturally, TRUST is a huge requirement and if it’s not present — perhaps due to fear of being judged or shamed — then this level of exposure and vulnerability will seem gargantuan. 😦

    And your final paragraph is spot on, except I might say they aren’t necessarily “unworthy.” They may just be at a completely different point in their sexual awareness and prowess is all. Our centuries-old puritan prudish social constraints don’t help either. Everyone has a different path, timing, and pace while on their walk to becoming a more whole human sexual being. ❤ 🙂

    Delicious post Kat! Thank you!

  2. kindredspirit23 says:

    Once again, Kitt, you have me wishing I had known you in high school. Perhaps, I would have had a better time there and understood more. Probably not, as I was such a chastised, low-esteemed teen. But, I can dream…and I do.
    Thank you for letting me know that there are women like you around. I simply need to find one who likes me back.
    Scott

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