No Ass, No Choke-That’s What He Said!

Nut Juice

“I don’t eat anything that starts with ‘ass’ or ends in ‘choke.'”

Translation?

“I won’t try asparagus or artichoke.”

The moment that cracked me up most, though, happened during a holiday at my mom’s house. She’d made the mistake of asking my hubby something about preferences for veggies.

As most of my regular readers have deduced, my hubby is a bit of a smartass. Let’s be real. You kind of have to be when you’re married to me. For me, his sense of fun and his sharp sarcasm are all part of his charm.

He also likes to cook and bake. He’s actually got some pretty impressive kitchen skills, and he’s creative with his culinary attempts. In fact, he’s often lamented about how he’d love to try his hand at something like the show “Chopped.” The random boxes of ingredients that need to be used to create some sort of masterpiece intrigues him.

But….

My man is picky. In fact, one of the few nods to “non-traditional” ingredients my hubby enjoys is almond milk. Hence the meme. Thus, I keep telling him that were he ever on the show, he’d have to pray for the perfect storm of ingredients or he’d lose.

He doesn’t believe me when I say these things to him, but he is…. And I partially blame it on his dad and the fact that he comes by his smartassery naturally.

Example? I’m half Asian. I love ethnic food. Until I’d met hubby, and he was 21 at the time, I’d never met a guy who hadn’t at least tried Chinese food. I mean, it’s practically a holiday staple with certain people. Yet I learned that my guy not only said “I don’t like Chinese,” he’d never given it a chance.

Why? Two reasons. First, was a combo of his dad and a scene from The Lost Boys. His pops called fried rice “flied lice.” And then he saw this scene….

And it didn’t help that his dad called soy sauce “bug juice.”

Thankfully, back then he was still working to impress me and tried the food. He got over his dislike really quickly once he tried it.

The thing is, when we conned him into trying the cooking tables at a Japanese restaurant, he found a new favorite. When he was peer pressured by colleagues to try seared ahi tuna or my grouper when we were in the Bahamas, he found there’s actually fish he would eat.

Because we went to a restaurant that made guacamole tableside, he tried it…and flan for dessert…and found he liked them both.

But most of the time? He balks like a big baby at anything he deems to be strange. And yet I’m still entertained by him….

Now it’s your turn. What foods kind of squick you out? Or even more interesting…if you’re in a long term relationship, what quirk does your significant other have that you find both entertaining and frustrating?

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17 thoughts on “No Ass, No Choke-That’s What He Said!

  1. fangswandsfairy(alt) says:

    Organ meat. I have organ meat unless I don’t know that is what it is (Hate liver, like pate). Ground Cherries (kind of like what is in the Chinese lantern pod husk) – they taste a weird kind of sour. Gefilte Fish – it always looks furry in that big jar at the store. Some of the weirder sushi is not going to make me a fan.

    Durian- it smells so bad it is illegal to bring it into hotels in Asia, right. If it smells that bad I am going to have to be pretty hungry to eat it. And, speaking of survival situations, I doubt I could eat anything Bear Grylls eats on Man VS Wild.

  2. Kristy K. James...Where Romance and Fantasy Collide says:

    Your husband sounds like a hoot! And about as picky as I am (maybe I’m a little worse). I hate almond milk (but love coconut). And I do hate Chinese food with soy sauce – because I don’t like soy sauce. I do, however, enjoy things like green pepper steak without it. I hate fishy tasting fish (which is why I like cod or pollack the most), tuna makes me want to hurl, and I will never, ever eat sushi (or any other raw meat) simply based on principle. Just like I won’t eat raw eggs – and I don’t care how many Rocky sucked down in the movie. 😀

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Oh, he’s a riot. Seriously. When we finally got him to try a Japanese steak house he embraced the experience, choosing to try his hand at chop sticks. He struggled. Every time he went to bring some rice to his mouth, it fell. I was dying laughing (and worthless when it came to teaching him because I couldn’t stop cracking up). My sister deemed me mean and taught him. Now he thinks he’s some sort of badass because he knows how to cook with them.

      • Kristy K. James...Where Romance and Fantasy Collide says:

        I’m afraid I’d have laughed too, but cool that your sister stepped up and taught him. Now you need to teach her it’s okay when people are learning to use chopsticks. 😀

        Cooking with them? Hmm. That’s talent. I don’t know how to eat with them (thought I think I could figure it out easily enough). But cooking? I think I’d rather stick to spoons, forks, and spatulas. 😀

  3. ratmom says:

    This is seriously funny. Hubby and I have been together for 25 years and I love food so there aren’t many things I won’t eat. With the exception of liver, liver pate, and braunschweiger. Hubby loves all of those things and I won’t even cook his liver, he has to do that himself.

    I like floured and then fried chicken gizzards and hubby will not touch them. And if I get a jar of pickled pigs feet, he won’t let me open it in the house because he says it smells like embalming fluid. LOL Me and my brother took a small jar of pickled pigs feet outside and stood there eating it while hubby made faces at us through the window. lol

  4. cravesadventure says:

    Great Post – such a Hoot – ha!

    My spouse calls refried beans baby poop – really appetizing, right. He can be pretty picky – he will not go near the almond milk in the fridge – he would rather put water on his cereal – ha! I cannot do blood sausage or liver and onions – I grew up with it and it still grosses me out as an adult – taste and texture thing. I grew up on a farm and it takes a lot to gross me out too.

    Happy Day – Enjoy 🙂 I am going to think about foods I love now.

  5. anna (herding cats & burning soup) says:

    LOL nut juice. I always love that (as a nut juice drinker lol). I have a lot of food issues. Mine are typically because of texture. I can’t do flan and yogurt/pudding I can typically eat like 2 bites then the texture…nope. Rice pudding, bubble tea…you get the drift.

    I’m huge anti olive and mushroom which is weird for a vegetarian I know. Eggs wig me out if I think about them and I’ll go months and months without them until I can con myself into eating them again. lol

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