Virgin, Vanilla, or Virtuoso – It’s All About Sexual Freedom #BOAW16

Being part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman, especially the Girl Boner edition gives me a chance for reflection and candid sexual discussion, something I enjoy immensely and hope you do, too. In fact, when you finish here, I challenge you to check out the other participants and what they shared. I guarantee you’ll walk away empowered and enlightened….and now, on to my story.

There’s this myth that says people have to actually have sex to own their sexuality. Once upon a time I may have even agreed with them…but as I’ve matured, I’ve started to view things differently.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, one of my defining moments sexually occurred when I was in my late teens.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably would’ve taken more precautions, but it’s often through living life that we learn those important lessons. At the age of 18, I had no idea that one little experience with slightly younger (he was 17) boyfriend would give me the beginners guide to my preferred sexual kinks.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. Because of my constant “take charge” attitude, our best friend thought it would be a hilarious gag to give me a set of thumb cuffs to play with. I don’t think, in a million years, he thought I’d actually do anything. But I did.

Like any typical hormone crazed teenager, that afternoon was spent making out with the boyfriend. My best friend was laying across my living room sofa, so we were laying on the carpet. My best friend, ever the comedian, threw a blanket over us and told us to “get a room.”

I remember the blanket dropping and the comment because it managed to momentarily break up the kiss as we laughed. But the implied privacy also sent a thrill of daring through me. Before my boyfriend knew exactly what was happening, I was straddling his hips (He was 6′ to my 5’3″), my fingers twined in his, and his hands were raised over his head while I controlled our kiss. He didn’t even realize that I’d snapped the thumb cuffs on, effectively trapping him to the couch leg until he felt the metal touch his skin.

Yup. I had that whole 6′ tall male gymnast’s body at my mercy to play with as I chose. And I teased him, exploring his body with my hands and mouth to my heart’s content and he was powerless to stop me.

Looking back I think– Wow.

He should’ve had a safe word. Except we didn’t even know what that was back then.

It also solidified in my mind that I got off on the sexual power. I got off on taking a much bigger, stronger guy than me and bending him to my will, his pleasure and pain at my mercy.

As I looked backward, I also realized I thrived on both the audience and the threat of being caught. Danger and exhibitionism did it for me in a big way.

I was lucky. That particular boyfriend’s kinks lined up with mine. The “Wow! Oh My God, that was amazing. When can we do it again” were definite clues. My use of bondage had him hard enough to pound nails. My teasing him mercilessly and using his body as my own personal playground, making him beg, drove him wild with lust. We both thrilled at the power exchange that we didn’t quite understand.

Now, knowing what I do, I realize that the only smart things we did that day were making sure he could communicate or say no and having someone else in the room to witness or stop things should they have gotten out of control or gone wrong.

That day taught me what I liked. It led me to explore Dominance and submission more deeply, especially since it seemed practically ingrained into my DNA. And it taught me to communicate.

And every woman’s epiphany is going to be different, just as their experiences. What’s become most clear is that the most important things are a willingness to learn, self awareness, and communication.

For me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing someone who can easily overpower me voluntarily gives up his control to me in order for me to bring us both intense pleasure. For someone else it could be something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re still a virgin (hey, masturbation could be your kink, or it could be that you don’t have much of a drive-and that’s okay!) or not. Heck, maybe kink isn’t your thing… Whatever it is, own it. Celebrate it.

Share your thoughts and fantasies with your partner (if you have one). Be self aware… Look into yourself and don’t be afraid to embrace your inner sex goddess…in whatever form she may take.

You deserve it, and you’re worth it!

If you’re feeling brave, I’d love to hear from you… What prompted your sexual awakening? When did you realize that’s what it was?

Advertisements

39 thoughts on “Virgin, Vanilla, or Virtuoso – It’s All About Sexual Freedom #BOAW16

  1. Professor Taboo says:

    Ah, she’s back! After 4-months I FINALLY get to read some good kink! 😉 😈

    I thoroughly enjoy reading about your active sexual liberation Kitt. As you already know, we both embrace this primal part of human experience and encourage it whenever we can! I hope you’re able to post more as your busy schedule and time permits.

    That said,

    What prompted your sexual awakening? When did you realize that’s what it was?

    I realize this is a question more implied for women — because “Domineering” is often confused with SSC BDSM Domination or Topping. They are totally different. Plus, when it is a MAN talking about our wonderful Dark Art, the two terms can often get completely misused and misunderstood. Nevertheless, due to my “take charge attitude” as well 😉 I am sharing my personal “awakening” as requested! Actually 2 separate awakenings. ❤

    #1 happened in 4th grade. Our next door neighbors had a girl a few months older than me with a sinister imagination — much like your's Kitt (Hahaha) — and she (aka Laurie) invented this Hide-n-Seek game she, her younger sister, my younger sister, and I would play in the house, BUT with a twist to it. When I (playing the Boogy-Man/Abductor) lept out of an unknown closet, making all 3 of them SCREAM like they’re watching the Halloween horror movies, when I yanked her inside, she wanted me to undress her and fondle her. Of course, at the beginning, I was fricking CLUELESS and a bit scared from the naughtiness of getting caught — similar to your story here Kitt. 😉 We played this game for perhaps 2-years until they moved from the neighborhood, but in the end “Laurie” had planted THE SEED… for a future blossoming.
    #2 took place when I was 26 and my girlfriend/fiance at the time requested that I bind her somehow and then ravish her to my exhausted libido’s content! At first, this felt morally wrong. I was strictly raised to never hit or abuse a woman by my father — the 1 time I slapped my sister I got a royal spanking; ouch! Never again! — so this request felt wrong to me, even a bit perverted, but the conundrum was SHE was asking me to. She was consenting, and obviously trusting of me. HOLY CRAPOLA BATMAN did she re-awaken that primal beast in me that was dormant for 19-years! LOL 😛

    Since then, I’ve never looked back… have NO DESIRE whatsoever to return. My now 26+ years of SSC BDSM have served me (and them) unimagineably well. Sometimes trying to describe the awakening, the human and sexual liberation RAW honesty and openness provides the relationship(s) through our Dark Art to vanilla’s is either one of fear (and they runaway or detach… LOL… understandably) or they look at me as if I have one huge eye in my forehead and antennae sticking out of my cranium! “Take me to your Leader or I will ZAP you!” 😉

    There’s your answer Kitt. Now, I can’t WAIT to read your response! Hahahaha.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Oh, you naughty man! Can you imagine the havoc we would have wreaked if we’d known each other during our youth? “Laurie” sounds incredibly progressive and totally helps me understand why you enjoy mind fuck play so much!

      As for the other? Isn’t it utterly fabulous how consent can dynamically change perception of what’s “wrong” to what’s pleasurable?

      Bet you leave them begging for more….

      • Professor Taboo says:

        Haha! If we had known each other in our youths Kitt, I’d imagine the popular phrase would’ve been: “There goes the neighborhood; nothing is sacred anymore!” 😈 😛

        Mmmmm… yes, mind-fuck-play, edge-play, and interrogaton role-plays are certainly my most delicious “fetishes”.

        As for the other? Isn’t it utterly fabulous how consent can dynamically change perception of what’s “wrong” to what’s pleasurable?

        You couldn’t have nailed it better Kitt. When the “scene” and participants have been setup correctly, safely, thoroughly, unlocking and drawing out the natural primal sides of Kinksters, it is for me one of the truest, most pure moments of raw humanity. Paradoxically, vulnerability is one of the most liberating and beautiful experiences I’ve discovered in our lifestyle Kitt. 🙂 ❤

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      In sex, like everything else in life, there’s no time limit, age limit, or right/wrong way to do anything. There’s only what’s right for you. Hat’s off to you for discovering what works for you and sharing it with your partner!

  2. Satin Sheet Diva says:

    I was a late bloomer. Learning about, exploring, and accepting my sexual self happened slowly after my divorce in 2001. I imagine my relationships would have been radically different had that knowledge come about in my teens :-).

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I think it takes a lot of courage and strength to pick yourself up after a divorce (which is devastating regardless of how ok you might be), and make yourself vulnerable and open enough to explore new possibility.

      Brava!

  3. Tiffany A White says:

    I’m a total late bloomer… I learned more about myself in college and I’m still learning today! Let’s just say I’m approaching my 4th decade… and I have tons left to learn!

  4. jansenschmidt says:

    I was a very naive youth and my family didn’t talk about “that stuff.” Ever. Even my mom was blushing when she told me about getting my period. She didn’t describe anything or describe the different parts of anatomy. I was completely on my own.

    What I did learn, during my late teen and early twenty years, was how much power a woman has just by wearing sexy clothes. I was never allowed to wear anything “revealing,” when I was living at home, so when I was out on my own and started buying low-necked blouses or tight-fitting jeans, I discovered that I felt sexy for the first time in my life. That sounds pretty tame, I know, but for me, being brought up in a very strict religious home, that was empowering and enlightening. I felt pretty and strong and confident. I liked having people notice me, even if they only noticed my breasts, or my butt. At the time, I was thrilled.

    I love when August does this blogfest. I hope she keeps it up. Thanks for participating.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  5. August McLaughlin says:

    Such a great story, Kitt, and I love your takeaways and tips — especially those about self-awareness and communication. So huge!

    I had a somewhat similar experience, when a partner slapped my butt during sex. It was meant to be sensual and erotic, and his way of showing me he likes BDSM. But all I could do was laugh. (Yeah, not exactly the reaction he was hoping for…) If that happened today, I’d make sure we discussed it. Back then, my giggles were enough to make him never attempt it again.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      LOL! Sounds like a definite case of Your Kink is not My Kink and that’s Ok…well, had you both been mature and present of mind back then to discuss the spank and giggle fit. Of course, in some cases, giggles are just another sign of nerves. 😉

  6. Jillian Boyd (@JillyBoyd) says:

    Very much enjoyed finding and reading your words! And you’re right, you don’t have to be having sex to own your sexuality. My sexual awakening was long before I first had sex – can’t put a date on it or, for the life of me, remember what it was but that’s not important to me.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      That’s terrific! I wish more women felt liberated to explore their sexualities. The joy and peace they could find by being comfortable in their own selves would be incomparable. But until that time, I’ll continue talking, sharing and encouraging. 🙂

  7. kindredspirit23 says:

    Kitt, I admire both you and your work…have for a long time. You were one of the first kink books I ever read. If I think back strongly, what I remember is my hormones turning on around 13 and girls never seeming the same after that. But my deep encounters were not so pretty and/or fun. Mine were, usually, embarrassing or poor due to my lack of knowledge on the basics, even. Since late teens, I have been a sponge to pick up materials, conversations, and philosophies on sex-oriented subjects. It, and 2 divorces, have rounded me out and I now feel I know my place in the world of kink – not power mad, nor over-controlling – I am a being who seeks to Dominate yet give my female subservient what she desires most.

  8. Michelle says:

    KITT!!! I have been reading erotica, and loving it, for years. It has allowed me to explore so many kinks, from the privacy of my tablet.

    But, it has also sparked my interest in D/s and BDSM, such that I joined a local dungeon. I’ve only been to an introductory session, but I was certainly intrigued by the vibe in the room. I think I need to study on a one-on-one basis, rather than another group setting, so eventually, I will muster up the courage to reach out to friends for suggestions.

    You are one of the authors whose work kept me company through some of my darkest days. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you amazing, kinky, gorgeous goddess, you!!

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      That’s one of the nicest things anyone has said to me. I adore that you’re going out and exploring your curiosities! Please feel free to keep sharing as you continue to push your boundaries. You’re such a bright, vibrant woman and I enjoy you.

  9. aurorajeanalexander says:

    I enjoyed this post very much. To me, discovering my sexual pleasure was a fun process and still is – I discovered with me experimenting is the fun – going into “extremes” is a no-go, and I don’t tend to be either dominating or the opposite or even “giving” or taking – the fun to me is being both.
    I realized I’m not the one for one-night stands, since generally when going to be intimate emotions are involved.
    There is only one single exception which I don’t regret until this day… and that was one of the hottest experiences I’ve ever had in my life. (And it gave me the most bruises too. LOL)

  10. amyskennedy says:

    Wow. Just, wow. I’ve been thinking a lot about sexuality lately, probably because I’m going through menopause and anytime we experience change it makes us contemplative. I think I might be grieving my sexuality. Weird. I hadn’t really thought about that until I wrote it. I think I have much more exploring to do with this whole thing. Thanks for making me realize something pretty big. Now to figure out how to heal.

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Sexuality is a continual journey with so many twists and turns. Like every other point in life, we come to crossroads… Sounds like you might have hit one of yours and a potential new adventure may be on your horizon! I’m sending you hugs and good thoughts as you figure out what it is you need next. 🙂

  11. Pam says:

    Damn that’s an incredible story! I recall one spring break over college where my boyfriend and I got under the blanket in the backseat of a car while our friends were up front driving and navigating. His confidence has my sex drive in overdrive. I can only imagine how much hotter that would have been with thumb cuffs. Rawr.

Don't Be Shy, Reply!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s