Beauty of Taking the Lead #BOAW2017

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI GirlBoner edition! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.

I was 14 years old the first time I went against tradition and “asked a boy out” instead of waiting for him to ask me. He said yes, but the thing I remember most was the relief and elation on his face. It was then that I realized that women weren’t the only ones who felt pressure and anxiety within the expectations surrounding gender roles.

As I matured I found that I preferred being able to take charge, especially in the sexual dynamics of my relationships. In fact, I was seventeen the first time I thumb cuffed my much bigger, stronger boyfriend to our sofa and explored his chest and abs with my tongue. As a tiny girl of 5’3″ and 105 lbs, it was intoxicating to have such power and control of my 6’1″ athlete boyfriend. I had never felt so alive and in control as I did in that moment. And neither had he.

It was through experiences like these that I realized I was not designed for the stereotypes. Not everyone is. I knew I got a thrill from taking the lead, and realized there were plenty of men (and women) drawn to my self awareness and take charge attitude. Taking the power someone entrusted me with and bringing them the pleasure they sought was a heady rush that we shared together. Me as the giver, them as the taker, but both parties extremely satisfied.

I knew it wasn’t “the norm.” In fact, there were times where some men would judge my behaviors and assume I was a bitch or women would think my brand of confidence meant I was a lesbian. But so many more who needed my willingness and ability to charge gravitated towards me. I was lucky. I’d been raised by a parent who made it easy to be who I am.

All these things taught me that there are no “right” or “wrong” roles. There’s simply what each person is comfortable with and accepting that there’s always someone somewhere who needs what we have to offer, but that the real power is staying true to who you are and learning to be comfortable in your own skin instead of the mantle someone else tries to throw on you. It’s often easier said than done, but the satisfaction found from self acceptance? Sooo worth it.

What epiphanies have you had regarding your sexuality? What makes you uniquely you? Are you still discovering yourself?

I’m so glad that August McLaughlin and GirlBoner have given me the opportunity every year to share in female sisterhood and sexual empowerment! To me, these are the unltimate ways to share the different facets that make up the Beauty of a Woman.

22 thoughts on “Beauty of Taking the Lead #BOAW2017

  1. aurorajeanalexander says:

    This is very much enlightening. I found out that I’m quite flexible in bed. I can be ‘the vamp’ as well as the shy girl… but once in a while I like it to be challenged… or just conquered… seduced… whatever comes up. There’s just one thing I can’t stand: boredom. I hate it to be bored into a coma by a guy hardly knowing what he does. I’m sure you will read about it soon enough. LOL
    Thanks for this great and open post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      I’m right there with you. Boredom is the kiss of death. It’s also probably why I was more prone to rolling my eyes (if they didn’t glaze over first) when a guy, trying to impress me, would tell me he loved long walks on the beach, relaxing by the fire, or some other bland thing guys say because they think it’s what we want to hear and they want to get laid. The truth is much more interesting.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. shanjeniah says:

    I tend toward being more traditional – but, although I’ve been with my Accomplice 20 years now, and many things are known and understood between us (like the way, if I’m having a really good time, I’m likely to start writing love scenes in my head, and the fact that he doesn’t mind, because them sometimes I like to TRY THINGS OUT to see if they’re possible, or probable for the characters…)

    But, even so, I’m still discovering myself, and us, and expect to for as long as I or we are alive. Because anything else would be boring!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. renée a. schuls-jacobson says:

    I was always sexually assertive in my relationships…but I found that then I ALWAYS had to be the aggressor. YUCK! Now I have someone with whom I share open communication so we can each play both roles.

    On a personal note, girl…it sure would be great to see you in 2017. DO you realize you were the first person to see me starting to fall apart in withdrawal? I was sooooo cognitively confused. I’d love for you to see the real me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt Crescendo says:

      Always having to be the aggressor can get exhausting. Agreed.

      On a personal note, I’d love to see you again. We’d have to plan it out these days because my day job can be pretty time consuming. You are an awesome person whether you were at your best or not.


  4. Pam says:

    I love love love taking the lead. It makes me feel like a tigress stalking my prey. Such a turn on for me, especially when my partner responds to my advances. Thanks for sharing your story and sharing the thrill of taking the lead!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. KM Huber says:

    Like you, I have never fit the stereotype and was never comfortable in my own skin, when I made the attempt. As your post points out, being in one’s own skin is what leads to balance in life and in sexuality. I, too, am glad we met through August.

    Liked by 1 person

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