This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI GirlBoner edition! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.
I was 14 years old the first time I went against tradition and “asked a boy out” instead of waiting for him to ask me. He said yes, but the thing I remember most was the relief and elation on his face. It was then that I realized that women weren’t the only ones who felt pressure and anxiety within the expectations surrounding gender roles.
As I matured I found that I preferred being able to take charge, especially in the sexual dynamics of my relationships. In fact, I was seventeen the first time I thumb cuffed my much bigger, stronger boyfriend to our sofa and explored his chest and abs with my tongue. As a tiny girl of 5’3″ and 105 lbs, it was intoxicating to have such power and control of my 6’1″ athlete boyfriend. I had never felt so alive and in control as I did in that moment. And neither had he.
It was through experiences like these that I realized I was not designed for the stereotypes. Not everyone is. I knew I got a thrill from taking the lead, and realized there were plenty of men (and women) drawn to my self awareness and take charge attitude. Taking the power someone entrusted me with and bringing them the pleasure they sought was a heady rush that we shared together. Me as the giver, them as the taker, but both parties extremely satisfied.
I knew it wasn’t “the norm.” In fact, there were times where some men would judge my behaviors and assume I was a bitch or women would think my brand of confidence meant I was a lesbian. But so many more who needed my willingness and ability to charge gravitated towards me. I was lucky. I’d been raised by a parent who made it easy to be who I am.
All these things taught me that there are no “right” or “wrong” roles. There’s simply what each person is comfortable with and accepting that there’s always someone somewhere who needs what we have to offer, but that the real power is staying true to who you are and learning to be comfortable in your own skin instead of the mantle someone else tries to throw on you. It’s often easier said than done, but the satisfaction found from self acceptance? Sooo worth it.
What epiphanies have you had regarding your sexuality? What makes you uniquely you? Are you still discovering yourself?
I’m so glad that August McLaughlin and GirlBoner have given me the opportunity every year to share in female sisterhood and sexual empowerment! To me, these are the unltimate ways to share the different facets that make up the Beauty of a Woman.