Need

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Reach out,

Touch me,

Drill deep within my soul.

Lay me bare,

Unveil my passion–

Seduced by your heat,

A vision spread open,

Naked;

Vulnerable for you.

Ravish me

With pure emotion;

Secret desires

Unmasked.

Unleash the fury

Of your storm,

Wild and unbridled.

Release control,

Expose your need.

Trust my heart

To guard your fire,

To breathe in

Your relentless hunger–

Transforming me

To

Wanton bliss.

Virgin, Vanilla, or Virtuoso – It’s All About Sexual Freedom #BOAW16

Being part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman, especially the Girl Boner edition gives me a chance for reflection and candid sexual discussion, something I enjoy immensely and hope you do, too. In fact, when you finish here, I challenge you to check out the other participants and what they shared. I guarantee you’ll walk away empowered and enlightened….and now, on to my story.

There’s this myth that says people have to actually have sex to own their sexuality. Once upon a time I may have even agreed with them…but as I’ve matured, I’ve started to view things differently.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, one of my defining moments sexually occurred when I was in my late teens.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably would’ve taken more precautions, but it’s often through living life that we learn those important lessons. At the age of 18, I had no idea that one little experience with slightly younger (he was 17) boyfriend would give me the beginners guide to my preferred sexual kinks.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. Because of my constant “take charge” attitude, our best friend thought it would be a hilarious gag to give me a set of thumb cuffs to play with. I don’t think, in a million years, he thought I’d actually do anything. But I did.

Like any typical hormone crazed teenager, that afternoon was spent making out with the boyfriend. My best friend was laying across my living room sofa, so we were laying on the carpet. My best friend, ever the comedian, threw a blanket over us and told us to “get a room.”

I remember the blanket dropping and the comment because it managed to momentarily break up the kiss as we laughed. But the implied privacy also sent a thrill of daring through me. Before my boyfriend knew exactly what was happening, I was straddling his hips (He was 6′ to my 5’3″), my fingers twined in his, and his hands were raised over his head while I controlled our kiss. He didn’t even realize that I’d snapped the thumb cuffs on, effectively trapping him to the couch leg until he felt the metal touch his skin.

Yup. I had that whole 6′ tall male gymnast’s body at my mercy to play with as I chose. And I teased him, exploring his body with my hands and mouth to my heart’s content and he was powerless to stop me.

Looking back I think– Wow.

He should’ve had a safe word. Except we didn’t even know what that was back then.

It also solidified in my mind that I got off on the sexual power. I got off on taking a much bigger, stronger guy than me and bending him to my will, his pleasure and pain at my mercy.

As I looked backward, I also realized I thrived on both the audience and the threat of being caught. Danger and exhibitionism did it for me in a big way.

I was lucky. That particular boyfriend’s kinks lined up with mine. The “Wow! Oh My God, that was amazing. When can we do it again” were definite clues. My use of bondage had him hard enough to pound nails. My teasing him mercilessly and using his body as my own personal playground, making him beg, drove him wild with lust. We both thrilled at the power exchange that we didn’t quite understand.

Now, knowing what I do, I realize that the only smart things we did that day were making sure he could communicate or say no and having someone else in the room to witness or stop things should they have gotten out of control or gone wrong.

That day taught me what I liked. It led me to explore Dominance and submission more deeply, especially since it seemed practically ingrained into my DNA. And it taught me to communicate.

And every woman’s epiphany is going to be different, just as their experiences. What’s become most clear is that the most important things are a willingness to learn, self awareness, and communication.

For me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing someone who can easily overpower me voluntarily gives up his control to me in order for me to bring us both intense pleasure. For someone else it could be something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re still a virgin (hey, masturbation could be your kink, or it could be that you don’t have much of a drive-and that’s okay!) or not. Heck, maybe kink isn’t your thing… Whatever it is, own it. Celebrate it.

Share your thoughts and fantasies with your partner (if you have one). Be self aware… Look into yourself and don’t be afraid to embrace your inner sex goddess…in whatever form she may take.

You deserve it, and you’re worth it!

If you’re feeling brave, I’d love to hear from you… What prompted your sexual awakening? When did you realize that’s what it was?

What Makes Me #Embraceable?

Everyone is just a little bit different. It’s what makes us beautiful AND what bonds us.

But how often have you lost yourself?

Forgot to believe in you?

Been afraid to show your true colors?

Your sexuality?

I’ve been fortunate to work together with August McLaughlin and some of the most beautiful souls in the world to bring this labor of love to you guys…and it’s finally released on paperback!

Here’s a little bit of what I shared in the book on the subject of “Slut” Shaming:

Maybe part of me is still that young girl, fighting back against those bullies

who dared name me a “slut.” Maybe it’s simply my way of trying to help other

people understand that there’s nothing wrong or dirty about sex, but rather the

shaming and judgment that seem to follow it.

 

Yes, there’s more to the story than that….but you’ll have to read it to find out more. I truly believe that this book is powerful enough to change the world if we let it…

And the voice who brought us together? Well, August is generously doing a giveaway right HERE to celebrate the release of this amazing book that includes jewelry, gift cards, and more!

But if you’d like to purchase your own copy, please… feel free! Part of the proceeds are going to supply womens shelters with much needed feminine hygiene products! Buy your copy HERE!

And while you’re there… you can always pick up a copy of my book, Four One Night, which is on sale this weekend for $.99!

But, back to the above questions….

What makes you Embraceable?

Everything!

Merry Christmas, Gift is #FREE

  
Merry, merry Christmas, my fun, fabulous friends! For this holiday season I’m giving away my first book, Three For All, away! It will be FREE for the next 5 days and I’d appreciate the help spreading the word about my little gift.

20140704-022734-8854908.jpg
Also, starting tomorrow, the sequel, Four One Night, will be available for $.99.

Four One Night WEBSITE USE
It isn’t much, but it’s my way of sharing the love… Also, for those of you who are all about sharing the message of empowerment and embracing your sexuality, please don’t forget to grab and/or share Embraceable! It’s a fabulous book with contributions from som absolutely amazing activists and authors. I’m still in awe that I was invited to contribute. 

Embraceable 

Embraceable YOU!

Today I woke up to the best surprise. 

Embraceable
Yes, it happened. The surprise project created by the lovely August McLaughlin of GirlBoner went live on Amazon Kindle today! On her blog she shares some of her favorite things about this project. I feel so fortunate to be included as a contributor on such an important body of work. 

This was truly a labor of love for my friend and the many other gifted contributors. 

Here are some early editorials for Embraceable:

“Sassy, spicy, and deceptively wise, this book will empower you to own your sexual self and enjoy your romantic life–and your whole life–a great deal more.” — Victoria Moran, author of Creating a Charmed Life

“August McLaughlin takes on sexuality, body image, depression and female empowerment head on! One part memoir, one part sociological manifesto = something of interest for women of all ages. She hit the nail on the head with this book. Frank personal stories and interviews interspersed throughout the book help us unpack our personal inner conflicts that when unexamined suck the joy out of the female experience.” — Cheryl Grant M.A., M.F.T.

“Let this book give women back their imagination and ownership of their sexual story to write the one that truly lets them know, feel and experience the level of pleasure and connection their hearts most desire.” — Megan Fleming, Ph.D.

Like Shere Hite, Erica Jong and Nancy Friday, McLaughlin’s work is notable not just for women, but for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of their sexual and spiritual self. Embraceable is just that.” — M.G. Miller

I hope you’ll find this book as enriching and rewarding as I did!

And on that note, I’d like to share a holiday song that leaves me feeling a bit spiritual. 

Thankful and Thoughtful

Today I’m Thankful. For friends. For family. For freedom. For success.

And for heartbreaks. And losses.

Because they gave me a chance to experience the love and friendship that came before.

This last week I lost a close personal friend. It was unexpected. Came out of nowhere. I stood up in her wedding. She was only 30. She was one of those people who asked me for sex advice. Who laughed and flirted with me. Who I Dommed, just a little bit…all for fun. She’d come to my pleasure parties. In fact, I threw her a pleasure party before she got married because she had a dear, adventurous heart and wanted a sex swing. But at the core of it all, we were friends of the heart.

I was a mentor for her professionally. She was a supportive friend. We shared a passion for dogs. Talked about arranging a play date for our girls. Sadly, it never happened, and now it never will. Life happening, and us not spending as much time together as I’d have liked are my big regrets. But she lived big and loved bigger, so I’m thankful for the time I had with her.

I’ll never forget her. And I know she’s smiling down at me as I remember our shared laughter and the irreplaceable moments. We had a friendship that lasted a lifetime.

I’m also thrilled and thankful to announce that I’m sharing a part of myself in one of the coolest projects with one of the most amazing people I have the pleasure of knowing.

Yep! I’m finally announcing my super secret surprise.

August McLaughlin, the host of Girl Boner radio and author of suspense thriller, In Her Shadow, invited me  along with several other authors and experts to contribute to  a project of love.

Embraceable
This book, all about empowerment and strength, will be coming out soon. Isn’t the cover charming? To read more about the book and the various contributors, CLICK HERE! If you’d like to help spread the word and join in the blog tour for the book, click there, too. The way to sign up is there, too.

Finally, I’m also thankful for my newest nephew who, after a scary introduction into the world, is thriving. My sister was due to have her first child this May. He actually arrived much earlier… Like. February. He was in the NICU for a long time as he was a micro premie, born at 1.5 lbs. It was a scary time for our family, and was the beginning of my radio silence. These days, though, he’s a ray of sunshine and a ball of energy…and enjoying his first snowfall. I’m sure my brother is looking down from heaven, enjoying his nephew’s laughter and grins.

So, despite all the craziness and challenges…. I’m both thankful and blessed. God is good, and I have faith that he has a plan. I just don’t know what it is. 😉

What are you grateful for?

@NBlackthorne on The Victorian Era and Sex Disorders

After writing my masturbation post a week or so ago, my awesome pal and fellow author, Natasha Blackthorne, reached out to me to let me know how much she enjoyed the post & that her upcoming new release had strong ties to the miseducation surrounding masturbation. I was THRILLED! Of course, considering I absolutely adore her historical erotic romances, I invited her to come over and play in my sandbox for a while. So, without any further ado, here’s the lovely and talented Natasha Blackthorne!

  
First, I’d like to say a big thank you to Kitt, for inviting me to her blog to discuss some of the history that underlies my upcoming release, The Delicate Matter of Lady Blayne. Kitt has one of the most interesting and engaging blogs on sexual positivity and I am always honored to be a guest here. 

The Regency period is fascinating to me for many reasons. For me, it’s the psychological pressures and the resulting changes that took their society from the relative sensual indulgence of the Georgian era to the more, at least outwardly, restrictive and repressive Victorian era. To explain where the darker aspects of my story came from, I’ll give a little historical background information. 

The History

During the late Georgian Era, the emergence of the industrial age and the continued expansion of enclosure (the consolidation of formerly small and plentiful landholdings and farms into a smaller number of large estates owned by an elite group) the pressure on resources and jobs reached maximal levels.  

By 1789, Reverend Thomas Robert Malthus, wrote an essay on “the Principle of Population”, painting pictures of humanity overcome by a population boom that drained all resource and led to mass starvation and suffering. He believed this population explosion would be fueled by out of control carnal lusts and proposed universal self-control and chastity as a preventative measure. 

The upper class wanted to conform to behaviors and self-control that would separate them from the increasing encroachment of upwardly mobile middle and lower classes. If mere birthright no longer guaranteed that a person was “worthy” of being privileged, then they would prove that they were morally superior and worthy by their behavior. 

Of course, uncertainty regarding overpopulation and shifting socioeconomic status was only one of the many anxieties swirling in the general psychological undercurrent. The Regency generation had already grown up under a cloud of anxiety due to the uncertainty caused by the Napoleonic Wars. It was a generation plagued by so-called fragile nerves and anxiety disorders. In response, doctors, both the well-intentioned and the unscrupulous, stood ready to prescribe the cures. 

This undercurrent of anxiety over health, both physical and mental, led to a push for more control over the human sensual animal. Unfortunately, the ladies bore the larger brunt of the pressure because men continued to have their sexual outlets in secret and away from normal, socially sanctioned family life. The human body became seen as a closed system of sexual energy, orgasm began to be referred to as a draining; a sort of “spending” instead of as a healthy release. Emotional disorders diagnosed in girls and women were tied to “inappropriate” sexual expression and desires. Female masturbation became a primary focus/target.

We associate the idea that “misuse” of sexual energy leading to mental debility most strongly with the Victorian Era, but the roots for these attitudes began earlier. Famous physicians with interests along these lines were men like Dr. Thomas Beddoes. He believed that sexual reading materials could lead to gluttonous desires and ruin young people’s nerves. 

Dr. Samuel Solomon, who published A Guide to Health in 1795, blamed frigidity, nervous disorders, general physical debility and infertility on early masturbation in females and called it the “foul pollution” among other names. He presented his “cordial balm” as a cure all for such excesses and likely sold a great deal of it to lonely, awkward young people who lived hard lives with little solace except a solitary one. These are just a couple of examples of the types of thinking that were beginning to circulate in the late Georgian period. 

The Delicate Matter….

In my story, The Delicate Matter of Lady Blayne, Catriona is a young widow who has already gone through some experiences that have prevented her from expressing her true self. She’s trapped in a role that she has long outgrown and shamed for some very intimate sexual behaviors that were no one else’s business. But those around her want to control her, to prevent her from achieving her adult independence. And her sexuality is one area where they have invaded her privacy in an attempt to suppress her. 

Under pressure, she becomes distraught. Desperate. Others see her deep depression, not as a cry for help, but as a sign that she needs to be fixed so that she can return to her former, girlish role.  

Her late husband’s mother contacts a well-respected physician, Dr. Meeker, who is said to have an excellent track record with “handling” out of control and deeply disturbed ladies. This doctor believes that female sexual energy is a potentially destructive force on a woman’s mental and physical health.  

His prescription is to attempt to control and redirect Catriona’s exceptionally self-indulgent sensuality and to tame her sexual desires. His dark eyes and coolly intelligent, charismatic manner, fascinates Catriona at first, while his sympathetic understanding overwhelms her. He promises what she needs most. 

She is quickly trapped in a relationship of manipulation and abuse of trust. She becomes the subject of the most invasive and abusive experiments at his hands, with emotionally destructive consequences. She’s driven the ends of her ability to cope and, at the start of the story, she is battling in the only way she knows to overcome the manipulation and brainwashing to which she has been subjected. She’s fighting for her sanity. 

The hero, James Blayne, is her late husband’s cousin and the new Baron Blayne. A former naval officer and hero of the Napoleonic Wars, he’s a highly self-controlled gentleman, determined to protect her against any further abuse. He’s disconcerted by her alluring, sensual nature even while he experiences an overwhelming temptation to follow her lead and indulge in both sexuality and other sensual pleasures. His life has been one of duty, honor and obligation. Now his interactions with Catriona makes him question, for the first time, what is really important in life. 

When Catriona reached out to him, she did it out of self-preservation, a desperate chance to escape. But will she end up saving him as well? 

Wow, Natasha, it sounds like you’ve really outdone yourself this time & I can’t wait till your new release! What do you guys think? Is it any wonder I’m so thrilled to be one of the many authors participating in your Online Release Party on Facebook? All are welcome to join the party and WIN FREE STUFF, by the way. Just click the link to join. 

And if you’d like to learn more about Natasha, here’s where you can find her:

Blog: http://natashablackthorneblog.blogspot.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Natasha-Blackthorne/217388964952800?ref=br_rs

Twitter: @Nblackthorne

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4878430.Natasha_Blackthorne

Google+: https://plus.google.com/109806914738068189660