S is for Sex Appeal

Sexy

What is sexy?

If you were to ask the average adolescent they’d probably tell you it’s a hottie dressed in provocative clothes. Or lingerie that leaves nothing to the imagination.

And if you asked them what sex appeal was, they’d probably give a similar answer.

As we mature, we start to realize there’s so much more to sex appeal than hot, half naked, and obvious.

MeowWhat comes to mind for you when you think of someone who oozes sex appeal?

For me, it’s intelligence and humor. Somehow they seem to manifest themselves in the playfully irresistible grins or the knowing, intent looks.

CleverYeah, for me, intelligence is an amazing turn on. So is someone comfortable in their own skin.

Sexy Soul

Confidence is hot. So is honesty. And honor.

Yeah. What people seem to forget is that sexy is predominantly mental. Not physical (although being in great health is also sexy).

What things do you find irresistibly sexy? What screams sex appeal to you?

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I is for Identity

Who are you? When you think of yourself, what physical or character traits define you? What are your strengths? Your weaknesses? Who do you try to project to the world? Are you happy with what you see?

Here’s the thing. No matter what, you’re always beautifully, uniquely you. Sometimes it just takes a while to gain the vision for yourself that those who love you share, but if you take a moment and just look deeply into yourself. At the things you do that give you a sense of pride or that bring joy or a sense of value to others. Or maybe the things that make you stand tall, shoulders back, head high…. You’ll realize there are many things to love about yourself.

A few years back I wrote a poem describing my identity, and because of my letter choice, I thought I’d re-share.

It’s called—

Kitt Bio Pic

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who I Am

I’m smiles of welcome
That warms my eyes.
A clever tongue
Wielded like a sharpened knife
Or rich sweetness of honey…
The choice is always
Yours.
I’m the core of steel,
Honed
By determination, grief and God.
I’m tears at sappy movies,
Laugh out loud with books.
Words and music
Flow
Like the blood in my veins.
I believe the best,
Till worst is proven.
Faith is more than
Lip service;
infused into my heart.
Slow to anger,
And slower still
To forget.
Work hard,
Play harder….
Enjoy the raunchy.
Brutal honesty is
Valued,
Respect is earned.
Push
And I push back…
Harder.
Control is my strength
And my weakness;
I rarely let it go.
I love
Without reservations
And try to never hate.
I may bend,
Sometimes fall,
But will never be broken.

Now it’s your turn. What do you love about you? What things do you love about people you care about that maybe you wish they’d see in themselves?

A is for Anal Appeal

pooper21

This picture cracked me up…. but all kidding aside, it seems I’ve always had a fascination for anal play. Long before I’d even tried it. (Yes, with a personal philosophy that I’ll try anything once…and more frequently if I enjoy it, it was only a matter of time.)

When I was younger I giggle-snorted when I heard that some girls, mostly from super strict, religious families, gave up their asses to preserve their “virginity.” Convoluted, yes… But accurate in the most technical sense of the word. Yeah, their hymens were untainted, so they could still come to their marriage beds and claim “pure.” But who was I to judge. Truth is, up until that moment, I don’t think I ever considered anal play a thing.

And yeah. It sounded uncomfortable, but after my attention was drawn, I realized that lots of guys I knew seemed to have a preoccupation with getting into that part of the anatomy, and it wasn’t solely about anal play being taboo. I mean, c’mon…. Guys, no girl is naïve enough to believe the “oops! My cock is directionally challenged. It really didn’t mean to try to slide into that hole.” Can you really blame the women who have retaliated with the “if you want my ass, I get to take yours first” challenge?

Still, it was unsanitary, right? More so than oral sex. Why did so many seem to want to get up in there? So I asked my guy friends. Turned out most of them hadn’t gotten there, but they’d heard it was extra tight and porn had made it seem like a pretty cool place to enter. Needless to say, this wasn’t a good enough answer for a young and curious Kitt. More research was definitely needed.

Oddly enough, while the boys were right, that wasn’t what really revved my engine. Nope. What did it for me was discovering the power of a prostate massage. As strong as a G-spot orgasm? Really? Yum! There’s a lot of power and trust exchanged with being able to help a guy explore that kind of pleasure. So why not?

And for women… Do you realize how many nerve endings there are in that area? The first time my salad was tossed (anal stimulation via the tongue), I became a believer. The trick is to build a person up to the pleasure. Make sure they’re prepared via lubrication and stretching…maybe start with fingers (one first, then another, and move them to scissor and stretch). Or if it’s available, anal plugs or other toys designed to stimulate and stretch that tight muscle. If you’re the giver, make sure your partner (if they’re a newbie) breathes out and tries to relax as you breach for the first time. It gets easier. It feels better. And a little manual stimulation or sensual distraction helps, too.

What you don’t do is what inevitably happens the first time and sours beginners on the whole act if they’re not very adventurous. As noted above, the “oops, I slipped method” is more likely to both land you in the doghouse and in the “never again” category. No prep is also no good. It’s tight. A bit painful. Makes almost anyone but a masochist want to forget they’d ever tried it and say no for the next time. Don’t assume that the only workable position for anal is doggie style.

The bottom line is this. Anal sex can be just as intimate and powerful as any other types of sex, and just as fun. So now I’m curious…. Have you tried anal sex? What do you remember about the first time you’d heard of or tried it? Is it on your “yes, please” or “no thanks” list?

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog. Thanks for all the love & support this year!

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 48,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 18 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Hilarious Holiday Humor

I have a soft spots for humor, especially when sends a wink and a nod in the direction of universally relatable situations. Ever hosted a holiday dinner party? It can be stressful for so many reasons. When you add many of the food allergies and diet trends, it can be downright debilitating to plan a menu….

Maybe that’s why I find this song so utterly hilarious!

And then, of course, there’s the outrageous demands that children make on Santa…..

Of course if you’re looking for a bit of raciness without the music, this may be just the thing to tickle your funny bone.

Do you have any holiday humor to share? I’d love to see!

Playtime: What Goes in the Box…

Vibe

Many moons ago I bought my first vibrator. It was exciting. It was taboo. It was hidden in a brown bag so no one would know what I’d purchased. After a quick trip to the store to pick up some batteries (let’s be real, first timer…didn’t want to run out and didn’t know what to expect) I rushed home, excited to play.

Alone in my room, I freed the teal gel cylinder from the wrapping, washed it, and slid the batteries the hard plastic handle piece. I toyed with the various settings against my hand to get a feel for how it operated, then disrobed and moved to the bed.

This was going to be awesome, right? So much easier and fun than my own fingers?

Not exactly.

It wasn’t so much the going in. Lubrication (both self and purchased) helped with that. It was more the uncomfortable, burning feeling.  And the feeling like the only way to rid myself of that uncomfortable burn was to pee.

I knew that the lady at the pleasure party said that they were considered “novelty” items, but it was explained that this had more to do with the rules of other countries about exporting things that were used for sex. That’s why there were things like rabbit ears or hummingbirds or dolphins on the clitoral stimulator….or so I understood back then.

It never occurred to me that pleasure items were not held to any health or safety standard. That they could be toxic. In the end, I gave up on that particular toy figuring it must be an allergic reaction. Heck, I’ve been known to have a sensitivity to latex condoms, so I just chalked it up to that! And then I did a bit more research.

Did you know that many of the older toys were made with toxic products? That they were safer to be used in conjunction with a condom? Or that the type of lubricant you use can actually dry you out? In fact, check out the article I wrote for Sexual Wellness News on exactly this topic this week! It’s all about how to shop for great non-toxic toys. And if you have any doubts that not all lubes are created equal? Check out this blog post from my favorite lube company. It’s from a nurse’s perspective on why their stuff is head and shoulders above the rest.

Don’t get me wrong, this has NOT stopped me from enjoying pleasure enhancers. It’s just made me much more careful in my choices. Heck, ya’ll know I’ve always been pretty vocal about sharing what I like….and reading materials to help you get there.

What about you guys? Any sex toy nightmares to share? Any tips you’ve learned along the way? Caring is Sharing, afterall!