A is for Anal Appeal

pooper21

This picture cracked me up…. but all kidding aside, it seems I’ve always had a fascination for anal play. Long before I’d even tried it. (Yes, with a personal philosophy that I’ll try anything once…and more frequently if I enjoy it, it was only a matter of time.)

When I was younger I giggle-snorted when I heard that some girls, mostly from super strict, religious families, gave up their asses to preserve their “virginity.” Convoluted, yes… But accurate in the most technical sense of the word. Yeah, their hymens were untainted, so they could still come to their marriage beds and claim “pure.” But who was I to judge. Truth is, up until that moment, I don’t think I ever considered anal play a thing.

And yeah. It sounded uncomfortable, but after my attention was drawn, I realized that lots of guys I knew seemed to have a preoccupation with getting into that part of the anatomy, and it wasn’t solely about anal play being taboo. I mean, c’mon…. Guys, no girl is naïve enough to believe the “oops! My cock is directionally challenged. It really didn’t mean to try to slide into that hole.” Can you really blame the women who have retaliated with the “if you want my ass, I get to take yours first” challenge?

Still, it was unsanitary, right? More so than oral sex. Why did so many seem to want to get up in there? So I asked my guy friends. Turned out most of them hadn’t gotten there, but they’d heard it was extra tight and porn had made it seem like a pretty cool place to enter. Needless to say, this wasn’t a good enough answer for a young and curious Kitt. More research was definitely needed.

Oddly enough, while the boys were right, that wasn’t what really revved my engine. Nope. What did it for me was discovering the power of a prostate massage. As strong as a G-spot orgasm? Really? Yum! There’s a lot of power and trust exchanged with being able to help a guy explore that kind of pleasure. So why not?

And for women… Do you realize how many nerve endings there are in that area? The first time my salad was tossed (anal stimulation via the tongue), I became a believer. The trick is to build a person up to the pleasure. Make sure they’re prepared via lubrication and stretching…maybe start with fingers (one first, then another, and move them to scissor and stretch). Or if it’s available, anal plugs or other toys designed to stimulate and stretch that tight muscle. If you’re the giver, make sure your partner (if they’re a newbie) breathes out and tries to relax as you breach for the first time. It gets easier. It feels better. And a little manual stimulation or sensual distraction helps, too.

What you don’t do is what inevitably happens the first time and sours beginners on the whole act if they’re not very adventurous. As noted above, the “oops, I slipped method” is more likely to both land you in the doghouse and in the “never again” category. No prep is also no good. It’s tight. A bit painful. Makes almost anyone but a masochist want to forget they’d ever tried it and say no for the next time. Don’t assume that the only workable position for anal is doggie style.

The bottom line is this. Anal sex can be just as intimate and powerful as any other types of sex, and just as fun. So now I’m curious…. Have you tried anal sex? What do you remember about the first time you’d heard of or tried it? Is it on your “yes, please” or “no thanks” list?

Did She Say Organism Or Orgasm?

All in good fun, right?

All in good fun, right?

Yeah, there’s something really fun to me about spelling errors that inadvertently add humor to the sex discussion. How could I resist using this when I saw it?

Not too long ago, I was on the phone talking with an old friend about how uptight people seem to get regarding the topic of sex. She laughed as she compared the openness in her relationship with her current husband against the ego issues with her ex. She married her first husband at a fairly young age and he was a bit older and more “experienced” than her. Whenever she’d try to talk about things she thought might enhance their time in the bedroom, he’d shoot her down. His ego couldn’t take the idea that she might be less than thrilled with their sex life. Of course, as often is the case in these sorts of relationships, she learned to get really good at faked orgasms.

Things have been very different with her new husband. Although they’ve now been married for several years, their sex life is alive and well. She told me that she was so glad she’d found a good man that cared about her; someone who was willing to explore and experiment with her. She talked about what a shame it was that there are so many people, women in particular, who truly don’t have any idea about what they’re missing. She had been one of them.

Two daughters and she’d barely scratched the surface until she met her wonderful man. She loves that he still chases her around the house. That her three children (yes, she now has a son with her husband) get to see an example of a happy, healthy marriage. She enjoys feeling desired whether she’s wearing sweats or something sexy.

For once, she’s able to candidly talk about sex from a place of strength and empowerment, more true to the person I grew up with, rather than the woman she’d been while married to the wrong man. In fact, her jokes about the different types of orgasms had me rolling.

Her: I can’t believe how few women don’t even realize there’s more than one kind of orgasm!
Me: Right?
Her: I mean seriously. Of course there’s the vaginal wall one. Yeah, that’s kind of pleasant. Like a burp.
Me: (laughing) A burp, huh? That’s a new one.
Her: Yeah, figured you’d like that one. Then, of course, there’s the clit orgasm. Everyone knows that one. Well, almost everyone. It’s great. Gets you moaning and screaming…gives you a great endorphin rush.
Me: And some of us are fortunate enough to be able to repeat the process several times in one outing… And then there’s the G-spot orgasm.
Her: Oh, yeah. When that one happens hubby just looks down at me while I’m a shaking, quivering mass of human jello and says, “You’re welcome!”
Me: (giggling hysterically) That sounds about right. Kinda reminds me of a pleasure party I once hosted. The lady got to this g-spot vibrator and told us, “Now ladies, when you use this product you’re going to get this feeling like you have to pee. Don’t be alarmed and don’t stop. That’s not pee. That’s the toy is rubbing your g-spot. And when you finally do orgasm…it will be very wet and messy, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to put a towel down first.”

Yeah…we laughed a lot. But it did get me thinking about male orgasms and their version of the g-spot orgasm.

Most of you have probably seen Road Trip and remember the sperm bank (milking the prostate) scene. If not, I found it just for you. Yes, it’s a HUGE over exaggeration, but still a bit funny.

Over the years I’ve learned that women aren’t the only ones who get a little uptight and judgmental about what’s “appropriate” when discussing sex.

It surprised me when I discovered how many men had apprehensions about experiencing pleasure through back door stimulation. They assumed enjoying any attention there (especially through insertion) made them gay (or might). This may be a generalization, but enough people seem to feel this way that it caught my attention.

How many times have we heard cracks about “exit only?” Yet these same guys are the first ones who seem to want to explore a woman from back there. My other gal pal might have been on to something when she told her guy she’d let him have her ass, but only if she got his… In fact, knowing how intense a g-spot orgasm is, it seems the least we could do is help our men feel more comfortable with their darker feelings. Exploration should go both ways.

I’ve found that men are more likely to explore if they think the idea titillates and excites you. So bringing it up can be pretty simple… First thing to keep in mind is be sensitive. We don’t like it when they “accidentally” probe the wrong orifice, giving us little to no warning before they try sticking something of substance back there. It stands to reason, they’d feel the same way. However, minor finger probes while performing oral sex? You may be pleasantly surprised at how well received that can be. If they’re resistant, respect that until you can talk more seriously about the subject. If they don’t freak, go for it… It’s amazing how hard men can cum from a bit of rear entry stimulation.

Second, if you’ve successfully managed to play with the backside and they seemed to enjoy it, talk about it. Get your significant other to share with you how it made him feel. Offer to explore more deeply. Let your person know how hot it makes you to hear their moans and watch them lose control. Tell them how aroused you get knowing you can push their buttons much the way they do for you. Also, be prepared for retaliation. Turnabout is fair play…and ladies, if you’re already pretty heated? It usually adds a bit to the amazing sensations already rolling through your body.

If your partner decides to trust you to take it further, make sure you use lube. You’d want them to do the same for you. Ladies, tell me that it’s not a heady thought…you being able to make love to your man’s body in a similar way to how he loves you. Tell me that watching him moan and shudder and lose control for you because he feel safe and cherished enough by you to allow you to feel him inside isn’t a little bit heady.

Okay, so for some of you it probably isn’t. But for those of you who find yourselves getting flushed and excited by the thought? Talk to your guy. It doesn’t happen as quickly or clinically as the Road Trip clip, if he allows you to breach his walls both emotionally and physically…it adds something very spicy to the lovemaking… And seriously, any kinky fantasies you’ve been too afraid to share or talk about will suddenly not feel so scary or dirty…but just more fun exploration for bedroom play.

Am I the only one that finds this kind of exploration hot? Do you have any strange or interesting orgasm conversations you’d like to share? Any questions around this topic you’d like to discuss? Ya’ll know me. I’m not shy and I welcome conversation. Bring it on!