The GirlBoner Goddess, August McLaughlin!

 

August M headshot

Hey everyone! August McLaughlin has been one of my very dear friends for quite some time now. We met through blogging and found very quickly that we had a shared passion for female emotional and sexual empowerment. We need strong, sexual, sensual women! Too often sex has been wrapped up as a weapon or as something bad or negative, and through our own experiences, we’ve found our voices to help.

Girl Boner cover uvSo, of course, when I found out that my girl was putting out a book made for the women we love to embrace and empower, I had to show her some love. As always, she graciously accepted the opportunity to share on my blog. (BTW, you’re going to want to read to the end as there may be an opportunity for YOU there.)

Me: Welcome to theinnerwildkat, August! So glad you could join me! I’m just going to dive in and pick your beautiful brain, ok? Tell us how the GirlBoner brand came to be…(How did you get the inspiration? Where did the name come from?)

August: Like many people, I learned very little about sex and sexuality during my youth. In sex ed, I remember learning a little bit about male sexual pleasure—at least that it existed—and zilch about anything positive for gals. So as soon as I learned what “boner” meant I literally wondered, What about Girl Boners?
Years later, embracing my sexuality helped me heal from a severe eating disorder. Once I’d built a writing career, it felt natural to use my platform to shed light on the type of sexual empowerment that helped save my life and that so many people still stand to gain.

Me: What of the subjects you covered in your book were most eye opening to you?

August: One of the biggest involved the (creepy) history of masturbation—or, rather, how solo play has been viewed and, no pun intended, handled. I want someone to write a thriller about that history one day. It would make an excellent movie! 

Me: We may have to dig deeper into that subject at a later time if you’re willing. But for now, let’s keep going. What did you find most entertaining? Maybe even funny? (Heck, sex can be both amazing and funny, right?) 

August: Heck, yes! Some of my favorite kicks and giggles came from my editor’s notes. I remember one clearly: “Did you mean to say ‘ring around the peenie?’” (I guess you had to be there!) (Also, yes, I did.)

GBR logo 2018Me: What about creating your brand—between your books, your radio show, your blog, BOAW—wowed YOU most?

August: I was stunned to find that I enjoyed blogging. My then agent had suggested it, and I was like, “Write more?” I was already writing articles nearly full-time and working on another novel. But I loved blogging straight away, and far more so when I started breaking the “rules” and focusing on material I felt compelled to explore with the goal of having fun or helping others.
Another biggie was realizing how important connection is to me. Talking with people and sharing others’ stories has become a major passion of mine, and fills in emotional gaps when I’m spending a lot of time in the writing cave.

Me: Looking back, is there anything you might have done differently?

August: There are some technical things I wish I’d done differently, like starting a mailing list straight away. I also went through a rough patch in 2016 and wish I had gotten support sooner. Let both of those be a lesson to anyone reading this: If you have a brand or product, start your list! And always, always take care of you.

Me: You have so many diverse guests on your radio show. Who has been your most memorable interview?

August: Some of the most memorable are the ghost hunter who I interviewed because I wanted to know if ghosts have sex, Tika Thornton, an incredible woman who survived sex trafficking, and my mom, who I never imagined with join me in the Girl Boner studio, but I’m so grateful she has – twice!

Me: I LOVE your mom. I was thrilled when she friended me on Facebook, and I love the bag she made that I won during one of the Beauty Of A Woman events, which leads in quite nicely to my next question. What has been your biggest life lesson through this whole process?

August: Probably that your mission is your reward. I wrote about this on my blog recently, but in short, I initially thought my Girl Boner book would release within a year or two once I launched the blog series—which was many proposals, two agents, multiple rejections and plenty of life ago.
In that time, though, Girl Boner has taken me in directions I hadn’t anticipated and allowed me to learn so much about myself, sexuality and my audience. I’m not sure we writers can write an impactful book without knowing who we’re speaking to on a deep level, especially when it comes to nonfiction.

Me: How has this experience changed YOU?

August: I’ve learned to be a better listener and how important listening is. It’s also given me a profound sense of purpose. It’s so cliché, but Girl Boner really does get me up in the morning most days. I love people so much and it means so much to me to be able to connect with so many wonderful ones and to write and speak about issues so near to my heart.
It’s also forced me to learn patience. My favorite type is the kind we don’t even realize we’re practicing (LOL). When you continue to create content and put forth effort, including efforts to take care of yourself, you don’t feel like you’re waiting around for any particular thing. You can stay hopeful, but also rest easy, knowing you’re doing the thing already.

Me: What’s next for you?

August: I’m kicking of a book launch tour with readings, live Girl Boner Radio recordings and more in Minneapolis, LA, NYC, Las Vegas and hopefully other cities, starting August 11th. I’m really looking forward to mixing and mingling with folks across the country. Between trips, I’ll be working on other-things-Girl Boner from home, with my animal coworkers.

Me: Would you like to share something about the book? (Excerpt, quote, anything?)

August: One of my favorite quotes in the companion book releasing the same day, Girl Boner Journal, came from a random tweet I posted a couple of years ago. I like it because it feels so true and so GB: 



“You know what lowers many women’s libido? Inequality. Repression. Damaging myths. When women rise, so do Girl Boners.”

Me: Well said! And with that, how can we get our hands on one of your hot new books?

August: The book is available for pre-order on amazon HERE. I’m running a little sweepstakes with The Pleasure Chest for anyone who preorders, which people can enter HERE! Thanks so much for having me, Kitt. You’re spectacular. 

Me: August, you’re welcome here anytime! Congratulations and good luck! Also, thanks so much for mentioning me in the book! Sooo HONORED!

Now, it’s time for you guys! What do you think? Any questions for me? August? Feel free! Also, you should really follow this woman. She’s got a ton of amazing knowledge to share if you’re interested. 

Feminism and Submission: Kinky Coexistence #BOAW2018

In the last couple of years there has been a huge resurgence of attention and activism placed on feminism and women’s rights. We’ve had coordinated women’s rights marches, much more discussion around equality in pay, education, and career opportunities.

Yes, as a group we’ve become loud and proud, creating campaigns like #metoo and “Fight Like a Girl” designed to encourage our fellow woman to speak out and share in solidarity to the female sisterhood.

Even in movies we’ve been a force to be reckoned with….bringing out badasses and heroes like Arya, Khaleesi, Rey and Wonder Woman… and other movies like Black Panther and Hidden Figures where the women were strong, smart, and powerful. And this is all amazing. Really!

But I wonder sometimes if, in our battle for equality and power, we’ve lost some sensitivity and somehow managed to push others in our sisterhood into a deeper closet…made them doubt themselves and their acceptance in our new, fierce world.

Submission in a time where we’re calling on the badass women must be so difficult. I mean, living in the often highly misunderstood BDSM world is already tough. They already get the whole…blah, blah, blah…”abuse”,….blah, blah, blah…”Stockholm syndrome” crap from people with no understanding of the “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” lifestyle.

But now, when we’re talking about powerful women, I’m sure that there are many women fighting against their nature because somehow submission in this new world (not that it wasn’t already there a little bit) might make them seem weak or the ‘unfeminist.’ Or maybe their sisters will think maybe they’re not living up to their gender/power roles and are somehow encouraging female oppression, either silently make them feel like an insult or embarrassment to the cause, or outright say it…because they don’t understand.

And they’d be WRONG!

“A submissive is free to do whatever they desire, whenever they desire. Yet even with all their freedom, they choose to kneel. That is why submission is so beautiful.” ~ Unknown

My first contribution to Beauty of a Woman GirlBoner edition was Sacred Sexuality. At that time, I discussed my thoughts about being both a Christian and kinky. Why do I bring it up? Because I believe there’s something pretty sacred about the power exchange, too. Heck, people like to throw around the “wives submit unto your husbands” verses as a reason NOT to embrace Christianity, but I believe they don’t fully understand (or choose not to) the difference between submission and subjugation. Plus, the scriptures also say submit to each other, so it also doesn’t limit itself as a one way path down a gender specific street. Pronouns CAN be exchanged, in my opinion.

“The idea of submission is never meant to allow someone to overstep another’s boundaries. Submission only has meaning in the context of boundaries, for boundaries promote self-control and freedom. If a woman is not free and in control of herself, she is not submitting anyway. She is a slave subject to a slave driver, and she is out of the will of God.” ~ Henry Cloud

Submission is a physical, emotional, and mental act of consciously and deliberately giving oneself over into the loving care of another. Far from weak, it’s one of the hardest things to do, and only the strongest of soul and purpose is capable of giving up so much trust and placing it into a worthy Dominant’s hands.

“Fight for freedom when someone suppresses you.. Be submissive when someone gives freedom for you.” Shivaranjani Murugesan

I think that probably speaks to the strength, beauty , and power of submission pretty well. It takes a strong, self aware woman to willingly and knowingly walk this path. Isn’t that also what being a feminist is about? Knowing and understanding your needs and fearlessly reaching out and grabbing it? Being a trailblazer on a road less travelled? Knowing your true self and knowing what it takes to make yourself happy, then fearlessly reaching out for it, screw the voice of public opinion?

I mean, there’s something exquisitely beautiful about BDSM… It works because there’s an honesty to the relationship that you won’t find in many places. They realize that no one gets through life without a few wounds and scars, fears and insecurity. And it’s about building such a strong foundation in honesty and communication that you don’t hide the realest, ugliest parts of you. Because somehow, in the give and take that happens in such a surrender, they want those parts of you, too…and help you learn to accept and love even those darker parts of your soul that make you uniquely you. And it’s true on both sides of the relationship.

“I want the parts you’ve tried to throw away. The parts you were convinced no one could love.” ~ unknown

To me, the fearless strength a submissive has…to take their power and willingly, knowingly hand it over to someone worthy…well, if that’s not both powerful woman and feminist, I don’t know what is. It’s scary, sure. Misunderstood by many, absolutely. But true to your inner self? A beacon of strength that leaves many a Dominant in awe and grateful for the amazing gift? How could they not be?

Submissive, please don’t let yourself be stifled, squashed, or afraid because of the feminist message. YOU are the embodiment of EVERYTHING that makes a woman both powerful and a survivor.

Be fearlessly you!

This post is part of The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VII! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, click HERE. on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 9th.

Sending you all Love and Empowerment!

Beauty of Taking the Lead #BOAW2017

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI GirlBoner edition! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.

I was 14 years old the first time I went against tradition and “asked a boy out” instead of waiting for him to ask me. He said yes, but the thing I remember most was the relief and elation on his face. It was then that I realized that women weren’t the only ones who felt pressure and anxiety within the expectations surrounding gender roles.

As I matured I found that I preferred being able to take charge, especially in the sexual dynamics of my relationships. In fact, I was seventeen the first time I thumb cuffed my much bigger, stronger boyfriend to our sofa and explored his chest and abs with my tongue. As a tiny girl of 5’3″ and 105 lbs, it was intoxicating to have such power and control of my 6’1″ athlete boyfriend. I had never felt so alive and in control as I did in that moment. And neither had he.

It was through experiences like these that I realized I was not designed for the stereotypes. Not everyone is. I knew I got a thrill from taking the lead, and realized there were plenty of men (and women) drawn to my self awareness and take charge attitude. Taking the power someone entrusted me with and bringing them the pleasure they sought was a heady rush that we shared together. Me as the giver, them as the taker, but both parties extremely satisfied.

I knew it wasn’t “the norm.” In fact, there were times where some men would judge my behaviors and assume I was a bitch or women would think my brand of confidence meant I was a lesbian. But so many more who needed my willingness and ability to charge gravitated towards me. I was lucky. I’d been raised by a parent who made it easy to be who I am.

All these things taught me that there are no “right” or “wrong” roles. There’s simply what each person is comfortable with and accepting that there’s always someone somewhere who needs what we have to offer, but that the real power is staying true to who you are and learning to be comfortable in your own skin instead of the mantle someone else tries to throw on you. It’s often easier said than done, but the satisfaction found from self acceptance? Sooo worth it.

What epiphanies have you had regarding your sexuality? What makes you uniquely you? Are you still discovering yourself?

I’m so glad that August McLaughlin and GirlBoner have given me the opportunity every year to share in female sisterhood and sexual empowerment! To me, these are the unltimate ways to share the different facets that make up the Beauty of a Woman.

Virgin, Vanilla, or Virtuoso – It’s All About Sexual Freedom #BOAW16

Being part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman, especially the Girl Boner edition gives me a chance for reflection and candid sexual discussion, something I enjoy immensely and hope you do, too. In fact, when you finish here, I challenge you to check out the other participants and what they shared. I guarantee you’ll walk away empowered and enlightened….and now, on to my story.

There’s this myth that says people have to actually have sex to own their sexuality. Once upon a time I may have even agreed with them…but as I’ve matured, I’ve started to view things differently.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, one of my defining moments sexually occurred when I was in my late teens.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably would’ve taken more precautions, but it’s often through living life that we learn those important lessons. At the age of 18, I had no idea that one little experience with slightly younger (he was 17) boyfriend would give me the beginners guide to my preferred sexual kinks.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. Because of my constant “take charge” attitude, our best friend thought it would be a hilarious gag to give me a set of thumb cuffs to play with. I don’t think, in a million years, he thought I’d actually do anything. But I did.

Like any typical hormone crazed teenager, that afternoon was spent making out with the boyfriend. My best friend was laying across my living room sofa, so we were laying on the carpet. My best friend, ever the comedian, threw a blanket over us and told us to “get a room.”

I remember the blanket dropping and the comment because it managed to momentarily break up the kiss as we laughed. But the implied privacy also sent a thrill of daring through me. Before my boyfriend knew exactly what was happening, I was straddling his hips (He was 6′ to my 5’3″), my fingers twined in his, and his hands were raised over his head while I controlled our kiss. He didn’t even realize that I’d snapped the thumb cuffs on, effectively trapping him to the couch leg until he felt the metal touch his skin.

Yup. I had that whole 6′ tall male gymnast’s body at my mercy to play with as I chose. And I teased him, exploring his body with my hands and mouth to my heart’s content and he was powerless to stop me.

Looking back I think– Wow.

He should’ve had a safe word. Except we didn’t even know what that was back then.

It also solidified in my mind that I got off on the sexual power. I got off on taking a much bigger, stronger guy than me and bending him to my will, his pleasure and pain at my mercy.

As I looked backward, I also realized I thrived on both the audience and the threat of being caught. Danger and exhibitionism did it for me in a big way.

I was lucky. That particular boyfriend’s kinks lined up with mine. The “Wow! Oh My God, that was amazing. When can we do it again” were definite clues. My use of bondage had him hard enough to pound nails. My teasing him mercilessly and using his body as my own personal playground, making him beg, drove him wild with lust. We both thrilled at the power exchange that we didn’t quite understand.

Now, knowing what I do, I realize that the only smart things we did that day were making sure he could communicate or say no and having someone else in the room to witness or stop things should they have gotten out of control or gone wrong.

That day taught me what I liked. It led me to explore Dominance and submission more deeply, especially since it seemed practically ingrained into my DNA. And it taught me to communicate.

And every woman’s epiphany is going to be different, just as their experiences. What’s become most clear is that the most important things are a willingness to learn, self awareness, and communication.

For me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing someone who can easily overpower me voluntarily gives up his control to me in order for me to bring us both intense pleasure. For someone else it could be something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re still a virgin (hey, masturbation could be your kink, or it could be that you don’t have much of a drive-and that’s okay!) or not. Heck, maybe kink isn’t your thing… Whatever it is, own it. Celebrate it.

Share your thoughts and fantasies with your partner (if you have one). Be self aware… Look into yourself and don’t be afraid to embrace your inner sex goddess…in whatever form she may take.

You deserve it, and you’re worth it!

If you’re feeling brave, I’d love to hear from you… What prompted your sexual awakening? When did you realize that’s what it was?

What Makes Me #Embraceable?

Everyone is just a little bit different. It’s what makes us beautiful AND what bonds us.

But how often have you lost yourself?

Forgot to believe in you?

Been afraid to show your true colors?

Your sexuality?

I’ve been fortunate to work together with August McLaughlin and some of the most beautiful souls in the world to bring this labor of love to you guys…and it’s finally released on paperback!

Here’s a little bit of what I shared in the book on the subject of “Slut” Shaming:

Maybe part of me is still that young girl, fighting back against those bullies

who dared name me a “slut.” Maybe it’s simply my way of trying to help other

people understand that there’s nothing wrong or dirty about sex, but rather the

shaming and judgment that seem to follow it.

 

Yes, there’s more to the story than that….but you’ll have to read it to find out more. I truly believe that this book is powerful enough to change the world if we let it…

And the voice who brought us together? Well, August is generously doing a giveaway right HERE to celebrate the release of this amazing book that includes jewelry, gift cards, and more!

But if you’d like to purchase your own copy, please… feel free! Part of the proceeds are going to supply womens shelters with much needed feminine hygiene products! Buy your copy HERE!

And while you’re there… you can always pick up a copy of my book, Four One Night, which is on sale this weekend for $.99!

But, back to the above questions….

What makes you Embraceable?

Everything!

Hey, Stranger! Let Me Introduce Myself… #Hello2016

Hello

Bonjour! I hope everyone’s having a stellar new year so far.

When Anna over at Herding Cats & Burning Soup came up with this idea for a blog hop, I was pretty stoked! Basically, here’s how this one goes. In this hop, we’re to introduce you to fun, quirky things about ourselves and/or our blogs. Not the boring, obvious stuff like I’m an erotica writer who can turn practically anything into innuendo….but more random, surprising, or maybe disturbing things. PLUS, we give stuff away AND a lot of cool authors and bloggers are involved.

Is there anything better than FUN & FREE?

So here goes….

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My biggest fear is not blood or guts or gore…. If you want to see me get all weak, girly, and scream like someone murdered me (aka not in the good, orgasmic way)… watch me when I see a frog. I completely lose my dignity. Don’t believe? Read about it….HERE.

I don’t care what anyone thinks. They. Are. NOT. Cute!

Hospital

In a past life I worked for a hospital for several years. The tales I tell are both comical and a bit disconcerting with the strange things people have done…Check it OUT!

On a personal level?

Yup! I AM that girl that pretty much turns everything into a song. This was a little snippet from my wedding day. My sister gave me a hug, and someone said something like…”Awww, look at the sisters…” Which caused me to break into this song, and my sister to chime in. Yes, it’s a family thing. I come by it naturally.

The strange? Cause, ya know…. There had to be the strange, right?

My favorite flip flops and toe rings

My biggest insecurity body image insecurity came from my feet. I hated them with a passion. Felt they were ugly….until I met a foot fetishist who helped me view my feet in a different way. Here’s THAT story.

As for what most consider my most contradictory characteristic? I guess it’s the fact that despite writing ménage erotica, I don’t consider my very outspoken, focused belief in the Freak Flag, letting it fly to contradict my very passionate belief in Christianity and my faith. In fact, I wrote about that, too. It even got me on GirlBoner radio with August McLaughlin.

Anyway…. that’s a bit about me. Now, to tell you what I’m giving away and how to qualify.

I’m feeling generous. I’m giving away 3 books. Two are mine. (Three For All & Four One Night) The third? It’s a project I was honored enough to participate in… all about empowering female sexuality. This is a subject near and dear to my heart. The book? Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality. They are all in ebook format.

To win, I want you to share something unique and personal about yourself with me. Something that might surprise people, or maybe what you’re passionate about, or which body issues you’ve overcome. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s in the spirit of getting to know each other.

And if you want a chance at more prizes? Check out the link below and visit the other participants!

Embraceable YOU!

Today I woke up to the best surprise. 

Embraceable
Yes, it happened. The surprise project created by the lovely August McLaughlin of GirlBoner went live on Amazon Kindle today! On her blog she shares some of her favorite things about this project. I feel so fortunate to be included as a contributor on such an important body of work. 

This was truly a labor of love for my friend and the many other gifted contributors. 

Here are some early editorials for Embraceable:

“Sassy, spicy, and deceptively wise, this book will empower you to own your sexual self and enjoy your romantic life–and your whole life–a great deal more.” — Victoria Moran, author of Creating a Charmed Life

“August McLaughlin takes on sexuality, body image, depression and female empowerment head on! One part memoir, one part sociological manifesto = something of interest for women of all ages. She hit the nail on the head with this book. Frank personal stories and interviews interspersed throughout the book help us unpack our personal inner conflicts that when unexamined suck the joy out of the female experience.” — Cheryl Grant M.A., M.F.T.

“Let this book give women back their imagination and ownership of their sexual story to write the one that truly lets them know, feel and experience the level of pleasure and connection their hearts most desire.” — Megan Fleming, Ph.D.

Like Shere Hite, Erica Jong and Nancy Friday, McLaughlin’s work is notable not just for women, but for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of their sexual and spiritual self. Embraceable is just that.” — M.G. Miller

I hope you’ll find this book as enriching and rewarding as I did!

And on that note, I’d like to share a holiday song that leaves me feeling a bit spiritual. 

Thankful and Thoughtful

Today I’m Thankful. For friends. For family. For freedom. For success.

And for heartbreaks. And losses.

Because they gave me a chance to experience the love and friendship that came before.

This last week I lost a close personal friend. It was unexpected. Came out of nowhere. I stood up in her wedding. She was only 30. She was one of those people who asked me for sex advice. Who laughed and flirted with me. Who I Dommed, just a little bit…all for fun. She’d come to my pleasure parties. In fact, I threw her a pleasure party before she got married because she had a dear, adventurous heart and wanted a sex swing. But at the core of it all, we were friends of the heart.

I was a mentor for her professionally. She was a supportive friend. We shared a passion for dogs. Talked about arranging a play date for our girls. Sadly, it never happened, and now it never will. Life happening, and us not spending as much time together as I’d have liked are my big regrets. But she lived big and loved bigger, so I’m thankful for the time I had with her.

I’ll never forget her. And I know she’s smiling down at me as I remember our shared laughter and the irreplaceable moments. We had a friendship that lasted a lifetime.

I’m also thrilled and thankful to announce that I’m sharing a part of myself in one of the coolest projects with one of the most amazing people I have the pleasure of knowing.

Yep! I’m finally announcing my super secret surprise.

August McLaughlin, the host of Girl Boner radio and author of suspense thriller, In Her Shadow, invited me  along with several other authors and experts to contribute to  a project of love.

Embraceable
This book, all about empowerment and strength, will be coming out soon. Isn’t the cover charming? To read more about the book and the various contributors, CLICK HERE! If you’d like to help spread the word and join in the blog tour for the book, click there, too. The way to sign up is there, too.

Finally, I’m also thankful for my newest nephew who, after a scary introduction into the world, is thriving. My sister was due to have her first child this May. He actually arrived much earlier… Like. February. He was in the NICU for a long time as he was a micro premie, born at 1.5 lbs. It was a scary time for our family, and was the beginning of my radio silence. These days, though, he’s a ray of sunshine and a ball of energy…and enjoying his first snowfall. I’m sure my brother is looking down from heaven, enjoying his nephew’s laughter and grins.

So, despite all the craziness and challenges…. I’m both thankful and blessed. God is good, and I have faith that he has a plan. I just don’t know what it is. 😉

What are you grateful for?

K is for Kinship and Kink

Courtesy of Bitstrips on Facebook

Courtesy of Bitstrips on Facebook

Kink– sex that deviates from the traditional (and potentially boring) missionary position. Okay, so it’s really more than that, but you get my gist.

Like a little ass slapping and hear pulling with your doggie style? There are those that would call that kink.

Like to take charge in the bedroom? Control the play? Make someone beg? Submit to your dark, carnal desires? Yeah, that’s kink, too.

Enjoy a partner in crime in your seduction? Prefer 3 or more people with your seductions?

Preoccupied with anal sex? Seduced by feet?

Heck, there are so many more kinks out there it’s easy to lose track. But one thing is for certain… in the fetish world, there’s an acceptance, understanding, and camaraderie. No judgments.

Which reminds me…. I have always had a thing for bondage, but I’m dying to try my hand at learning rope bondage. I think it’s sexy as hell. Time to start looking for someone to give me rigging lessons. 🙂

It’s actually through my love of kink that I made some of my coolest online friendships…that have blossomed into relationships that I cherish.

It was through our mutual love of kinky books (and sex) that I met the ultra fabulous, Ande Lyons. Thanks to shared interests and conversations, she invited me to guest on her Bring Back Desire site. Here’s one I wrote for her on Exploring Sensual Pleasure With Common Household Items. Through our shared interests, we’ve built a friendship for the ages.

Through blogging I discovered fellow blogger, author, and sexual empowerment advocate extraordinaire, August McLaughlin of Girl Boner. Her passion and desire to educate and help drew me in. Our mutual desire to empower and battle sexual shaming made us pretty much instant friends. One of my biggest thrills was guesting on her Girl Boner radio. If you haven’t checked her out yet, you don’t know what you’re missing! She’s sweet, smart, and savvy.

It was through a mutual friend who noted my love of the “kink and taboo” that I was introduced to one of my dear friends, the ever interesting and intellectual Professor Taboo. It took no time at all for me to become very intrigued with his blog posts. Due to our common ground and mutual love of dialogue, it was no time at all before we were very active in responding to one another’s posts. He’s one of those guys who calls it like he sees it, keeps it real, and lives his life unapologetically. The fact that we joke about what kind of clash for dominance would ever occur is just icing on the cake. 😉

Between Twitter, Facebook, blogging, and writing it was only a matter of time before Anna of Herding Cats and Burning Soup blog and I became friendly. In fact, despite the fact that we had connected through social media, it wasn’t until a mutual friend told me about her shared Facebook group, The Kinkery, that we really interacted with any sense of frequency. She’s a woman with a reading fetish for pierced cock, great dialogue, and sexy book covers. And then there’s the fact that she’s pretty no holds barred about what she’ll welcome on her blog. Is it any wonder I think she rocks? By the way, she’s also the one who talked me into this A-Z challenge.

Yep! There’s a distinct kinship that is created when mutually open minded and adventurous people come together. What things have you found bond you together with fellow bloggers or internet friends? What kinks do you enjoy? Is there something your dying to learn more about? Share! Who knows? I may even be able to help point you in the right direction…

#BOAW2015 Owning Sexual Empowerment #GirlBoner Style

boaw-logo-2015-gb

Empowerment. It’s such a powerful word, right? In any aspect of life, it’s an important part of personal growth. When it comes to women and their sexuality, it’s critical and all too often denied or ignored.

Some may remember my Sacred Sexuality contribution from last year where I explored my thoughts on religion, history, and their impact on body image and sex. This year I’ll be taking it a step further and exploring owning our growth and development, sexually speaking.

Historically speaking the world, especially in western civilization, we’ve been predominantly a patriarchal society. What that has meant is that men pretty much controlled power, purse strings, and the overall quality of life that women could expect to have.

For the most part, we’ve come a long way from being traded as chattel to better enhance familial, social, and political standing. Virginity is not really currency anymore. Well, okay. There are still some places in the world where these archaic views are upheld, but overall…. you get what I’m saying. We’ve moved forward.

But have we really moved that far?

It wasn’t very long ago when I was involved in a conversation with several female friends when one friend confessed that she had never achieved orgasm. Because she was in a long term relationship, most of the women there were quick to blame her guy for not “giving” her one. But was it really his fault? I’m not saying selfish lovers don’t exist, but to have never had an orgasm before speaks to more than a lover’s prowess, doesn’t it?

Here’s my take on feminine sexual empowerment….

It’s all about ownership. Of herself. Her body. Her wants and needs. Does it mean she has to be the aggressor? Only if she wants to be. But it does mean that she’s responsible to communicate. To explore her own body and discover what feels good.

Because here’s the reality. Despite the über Doms and alpha males we read or fantasize about… You know, the psychic ones who instinctively read a woman’s mind, body, and soul and know exactly what to do to give her thigh shaking, body quaking orgasms… Most real life men require guidance. Hints. Directions. And if she doesn’t know what feels good? Or she’s unwilling or unable to communicate with them when they touch her body in ways that curls her toes (or even in ways that might turn her off), how can they ever hope to make her body sing? Or improve what skills they may already have in giving her pleasure?

Honest communication is key. So is taking responsibility for her actions. Faking an orgasm? That deprives her partner of the chance to find out what really pleases her, and her from exploring what works for them both. Saying the words candidly may be difficult at first, but the rewards far outweigh the negatives.

It all starts with trust…. And responsibility.

Because we women have gotten really good at not only holding men accountable for whether or not we experience orgasms, but more often than not, we’ve also placed the onus of making sure we’re protected on them, too. Granted, many are a little bit responsible via birth control pills and patches, but with the many variations of STDs these days that are transmitted through fluids, condoms are also necessary, especially for one time liaisons or short termed relationship.

So why is it that prophylactics often are predominantly a male responsibility? Why is it, if sex is initiated, it’s assumed that the male should come prepared? And how often do we really have the responsible health history talk before we head in that direction despite all the things we learned in health class?

Kudos to Tiffany Gaines and the young ladies from Lovability, Inc. for not only noticing the problem, but deciding to be proactive and do something about it! That’s responsible, empowered sexuality! Check out not only how they’ve owned their sexual responsibility, but how they’re working to help other women do the same!

So what about you? What things do you do to help you own your sexual empowerment? Do you struggle with it? Why do you think you do (or don’t)? Communication is key and I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts, and please check out the other Beauty of a Woman 2015 posts of female empowerment! I promise, you won’t regret it.