Vaginal Victories

When did the vagina become a dirty word?

Think about it. Guys don’t think twice about calling their genitals what they are. Dicks. Cocks. Penises. In fact, neither do women. But when we’re talking lady parts, suddenly we speak in euphemisms. You’ve heard them. Vajayjay, girlie bits. In fact, I’ve even heard grown women refer to it as their “pee pee.” How old are we?

And then there are the derogatory names people call one another… Like cunt and pussy. The word, when used to describe a person is considered nasty and offensive. Okay, so guys can be called a dick, but that’s considered a mild insult by pretty much every stretch of the imagination.

Truthfully, I had an entirely different blog post I’d intended to write today, but then I saw a video that blew my mind. First, because these women had never seen their own vaginas. Part of me wondered how that was possible. Then the little voice inside my head kicked in and said, “You’re not really that surprised, are you? Think about how people are about masturbation or how hard they are on themselves about their bodies as a whole. With all the negative energy surrounding sex, why should anyone be any different about their reproductive organs?”

So I watched the video. I heard their stories. Some of these women touched me with their bravery, yet reminded me again why education and a sex positive message are so important. Take a look. Tell me what you think.

Did you catch what one woman said? All it took was one extremely negative statement from her first lover to completely destroy her confidence in both her vagina and her sexuality. The other woman who touched my heart was the woman who’d been raped. I suspect that one violent act made her feel unclean. Unworthy. Particularly in the vaginal area. I wondered if subconsciously she didn’t look because she wondered if she hadn’t had one, would this horrible crime have happened. Fear is not rational. Pain is not rational. Words hurt. So do actions.

Changing attitudes takes time, but the healing process can start today. With us. It can be as simple as choosing never to use genitalia as an insult word again. Maybe it starts with your lover in the bedroom. Don’t assume they know how beautiful you find their most intimate body parts. Take time to give them an honest and loving compliment. Heck, you may find it improves your sex life!

What other ways can we help improve this message of self love and empowerment? Are you the one in need of this message? What things have been said or done to you that destroyed your sexual confidence. How did you find your way back? Did you find your way back?


Image source

What do you do
When words said
Cut you to the quick
With their forceful

Where do you hide
When life
Barrels through
Just one more pothole
Along the way…

How do you
The gaping slices
Etched on your
Oozing thick, red
With each beat
Of your battered

Where can you run?
To lick your wounds,
Curl up,
Fetal position
To protect.

Deep breath.
Look up
Into eyes that see
The outer facade
To joint and marrow.
Feed on that power,
Regain your strength.
Shoulders back,
Head high.
One more challenge.
The answer…
Is you.

Yesterday…the words people say set me off into a ranting blog. As I thought about it throughout the day I realized…our words? They can carry a lot of meaning. They can have huge impacts on people whether we know it or not. The wrong words can be debilitating…regardless of right or wrong intentions.

I thought back to the things that have hurt most in my life… The inevitable conclusion? It was never anything physical…always mental. So if words can tear down… Don’t we, as writers and bloggers, also have the responsibility to build up? To leave someone a little better off? To encourage?

You never know whose will touch a heart. Or when what you have to say may be the difference maker in a person’s life. The thing that makes everything click…and make sense again.

Really, it’s always up to you, the individual, to choose who you want to be today…victim or survivor. Positive or Negative. Lover or Hater. Encourager or Naysayer.

Today I’m making my choice. Life…it’s full of bumps and bruises. Wounds that sometimes never fully heal. But I control one thing. My outlook….the decision to get up every morning no matter how battered yesterday may have left me…and to find the beauty and purpose in my today. Some may call me a sucker. I’ve been told I’m a glutton for punishment, that people will let me down. But you know what I’ve found? More people prove me right than wrong. I can wake up with a smile on my face. I can still appreciate the little things. I can love my life. Those other people? Well…isn’t it kind of sad that they can’t find a single thing to look forward to…except spreading their misery. Is it any wonder they find themselves alone more often than not…and not by choice?

I really believe you get what you put out in the world. What do you think? When was the last time you made a difference and you weren’t even trying? You guys do that for me all the time! So, let those scars become something that gives you character and join me in embracing life. 🙂

Strength In Smiles

This evening I’m steeped in fatigue and rocking a migraine, but still felt this burning need to write.

Earlier today I was paid one of the nicest compliments.  This older gentleman at church walked up to me and said, “You know, I really enjoy when I’m participating in the service because while I’m sitting up front I get to see you smile.  I just wanted you to know that you have the prettiest smile that just lights up a room and brings joy to everyone who sees it.  Thanks.  You made my day.”

The truth is, I’m always smiling.  It’s a big part of who I am.  It’s how I share my passion for life with the world (well, besides the writing and the singing), and it’s one of the ways I try to contribute to making the world a better place.  My mom and sister are the same way.

Somehow I think my mom, who was a devout Catholic in her youth, probably took her lesson about smiling from Mother Teresa who said:

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

Personally, it was George Bernard Shaw who resonated with me with his quote:

“Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.”

This implies that everything is a choice, most especially your outlook on the world.  And I truly believe that.  It’s not always easy to find something to smile about or to be grateful for, especially if you’re reflecting inward.  But often, if you’re shifting your vision outward to the rest of the world, there’s always something.

The thing about smiles is that most of the time they can give you the greatest joy…and they’re contageous.  But there’s a different kind of smile, too.  Have you ever seen a smile and wished you could look away because it broke your heart?  All you saw when you looked into that face was bravery and pain? A person tenaciously holding on to this strong, hidden inner core, but in their eyes was everything that let you know everything was NOT alright?

Today I saw that, too.  A couple from church had lost their son, but they came to be with their church family and gain comfort.  They smiled, but boy was there heartache in that smile.  I felt it in my soul.

I admire and respect that kind of pure stubbornness and iron will that allows a person to smile through their own heartache and pain.  The thing is, these people don’t have to say a word…you still get a strong sense of their grief. So for all those who are heartbroken and struggling to hold on to their smiles…here are a few songs for you to remind you that your smile matters to someone… And to hang on.