Feminism and Submission: Kinky Coexistence #BOAW2018

In the last couple of years there has been a huge resurgence of attention and activism placed on feminism and women’s rights. We’ve had coordinated women’s rights marches, much more discussion around equality in pay, education, and career opportunities.

Yes, as a group we’ve become loud and proud, creating campaigns like #metoo and “Fight Like a Girl” designed to encourage our fellow woman to speak out and share in solidarity to the female sisterhood.

Even in movies we’ve been a force to be reckoned with….bringing out badasses and heroes like Arya, Khaleesi, Rey and Wonder Woman… and other movies like Black Panther and Hidden Figures where the women were strong, smart, and powerful. And this is all amazing. Really!

But I wonder sometimes if, in our battle for equality and power, we’ve lost some sensitivity and somehow managed to push others in our sisterhood into a deeper closet…made them doubt themselves and their acceptance in our new, fierce world.

Submission in a time where we’re calling on the badass women must be so difficult. I mean, living in the often highly misunderstood BDSM world is already tough. They already get the whole…blah, blah, blah…”abuse”,….blah, blah, blah…”Stockholm syndrome” crap from people with no understanding of the “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” lifestyle.

But now, when we’re talking about powerful women, I’m sure that there are many women fighting against their nature because somehow submission in this new world (not that it wasn’t already there a little bit) might make them seem weak or the ‘unfeminist.’ Or maybe their sisters will think maybe they’re not living up to their gender/power roles and are somehow encouraging female oppression, either silently make them feel like an insult or embarrassment to the cause, or outright say it…because they don’t understand.

And they’d be WRONG!

“A submissive is free to do whatever they desire, whenever they desire. Yet even with all their freedom, they choose to kneel. That is why submission is so beautiful.” ~ Unknown

My first contribution to Beauty of a Woman GirlBoner edition was Sacred Sexuality. At that time, I discussed my thoughts about being both a Christian and kinky. Why do I bring it up? Because I believe there’s something pretty sacred about the power exchange, too. Heck, people like to throw around the “wives submit unto your husbands” verses as a reason NOT to embrace Christianity, but I believe they don’t fully understand (or choose not to) the difference between submission and subjugation. Plus, the scriptures also say submit to each other, so it also doesn’t limit itself as a one way path down a gender specific street. Pronouns CAN be exchanged, in my opinion.

“The idea of submission is never meant to allow someone to overstep another’s boundaries. Submission only has meaning in the context of boundaries, for boundaries promote self-control and freedom. If a woman is not free and in control of herself, she is not submitting anyway. She is a slave subject to a slave driver, and she is out of the will of God.” ~ Henry Cloud

Submission is a physical, emotional, and mental act of consciously and deliberately giving oneself over into the loving care of another. Far from weak, it’s one of the hardest things to do, and only the strongest of soul and purpose is capable of giving up so much trust and placing it into a worthy Dominant’s hands.

“Fight for freedom when someone suppresses you.. Be submissive when someone gives freedom for you.” Shivaranjani Murugesan

I think that probably speaks to the strength, beauty , and power of submission pretty well. It takes a strong, self aware woman to willingly and knowingly walk this path. Isn’t that also what being a feminist is about? Knowing and understanding your needs and fearlessly reaching out and grabbing it? Being a trailblazer on a road less travelled? Knowing your true self and knowing what it takes to make yourself happy, then fearlessly reaching out for it, screw the voice of public opinion?

I mean, there’s something exquisitely beautiful about BDSM… It works because there’s an honesty to the relationship that you won’t find in many places. They realize that no one gets through life without a few wounds and scars, fears and insecurity. And it’s about building such a strong foundation in honesty and communication that you don’t hide the realest, ugliest parts of you. Because somehow, in the give and take that happens in such a surrender, they want those parts of you, too…and help you learn to accept and love even those darker parts of your soul that make you uniquely you. And it’s true on both sides of the relationship.

“I want the parts you’ve tried to throw away. The parts you were convinced no one could love.” ~ unknown

To me, the fearless strength a submissive has…to take their power and willingly, knowingly hand it over to someone worthy…well, if that’s not both powerful woman and feminist, I don’t know what is. It’s scary, sure. Misunderstood by many, absolutely. But true to your inner self? A beacon of strength that leaves many a Dominant in awe and grateful for the amazing gift? How could they not be?

Submissive, please don’t let yourself be stifled, squashed, or afraid because of the feminist message. YOU are the embodiment of EVERYTHING that makes a woman both powerful and a survivor.

Be fearlessly you!

This post is part of The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VII! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, click HERE. on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 9th.

Sending you all Love and Empowerment!

Hey, Stranger! Let Me Introduce Myself… #Hello2016

Hello

Bonjour! I hope everyone’s having a stellar new year so far.

When Anna over at Herding Cats & Burning Soup came up with this idea for a blog hop, I was pretty stoked! Basically, here’s how this one goes. In this hop, we’re to introduce you to fun, quirky things about ourselves and/or our blogs. Not the boring, obvious stuff like I’m an erotica writer who can turn practically anything into innuendo….but more random, surprising, or maybe disturbing things. PLUS, we give stuff away AND a lot of cool authors and bloggers are involved.

Is there anything better than FUN & FREE?

So here goes….

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My biggest fear is not blood or guts or gore…. If you want to see me get all weak, girly, and scream like someone murdered me (aka not in the good, orgasmic way)… watch me when I see a frog. I completely lose my dignity. Don’t believe? Read about it….HERE.

I don’t care what anyone thinks. They. Are. NOT. Cute!

Hospital

In a past life I worked for a hospital for several years. The tales I tell are both comical and a bit disconcerting with the strange things people have done…Check it OUT!

On a personal level?

Yup! I AM that girl that pretty much turns everything into a song. This was a little snippet from my wedding day. My sister gave me a hug, and someone said something like…”Awww, look at the sisters…” Which caused me to break into this song, and my sister to chime in. Yes, it’s a family thing. I come by it naturally.

The strange? Cause, ya know…. There had to be the strange, right?

My favorite flip flops and toe rings

My biggest insecurity body image insecurity came from my feet. I hated them with a passion. Felt they were ugly….until I met a foot fetishist who helped me view my feet in a different way. Here’s THAT story.

As for what most consider my most contradictory characteristic? I guess it’s the fact that despite writing ménage erotica, I don’t consider my very outspoken, focused belief in the Freak Flag, letting it fly to contradict my very passionate belief in Christianity and my faith. In fact, I wrote about that, too. It even got me on GirlBoner radio with August McLaughlin.

Anyway…. that’s a bit about me. Now, to tell you what I’m giving away and how to qualify.

I’m feeling generous. I’m giving away 3 books. Two are mine. (Three For All & Four One Night) The third? It’s a project I was honored enough to participate in… all about empowering female sexuality. This is a subject near and dear to my heart. The book? Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality. They are all in ebook format.

To win, I want you to share something unique and personal about yourself with me. Something that might surprise people, or maybe what you’re passionate about, or which body issues you’ve overcome. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s in the spirit of getting to know each other.

And if you want a chance at more prizes? Check out the link below and visit the other participants!

E- Easter Meant Everything

Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Easter is a very important holiday to me. The first stories ever told to me weren’t fairy tales, but rather stories of friendship like Jonathan and David, or stories of Esther, the girl queen who saved her entire nation, or David and Goliath and how a little guy with insurmountable odds stacked against him could win if he trusted that God was on his side. Those are just a few of the stories I was raised on.

I hear it all the time. “Hey Kitt, don’t you find writing erotica and talking about sex all the time to be contrary to your personal religious beliefs?” No, I don’t. The God I know believed that LOVE was at the core of everything. Loving Him and Loving Everybody. As for the sexuality thing, well, I’ve already answered that question before, but you’re welcome to listen to me chat with the incomparable August McLaughlin on her Girl Boner show entitled: Kinky Christian: Not an Oxymoron?

Most of my life I’ve had a favorite Bible verse. In fact, throughout my life, it has stayed as my hope and focus whenever I felt weak or alone or even like a failure….and it helped me remember my end goal.

“Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. In my father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself: that where I am, there you may be also.” John 14:1-3

Can you feel the hope God’s trying to send to us in that message?

Here’s the thing… whether you believe in God or not, it’s not my place to judge. Most, though, will agree that there’s a higher power. Why? Because despite all the hate and bigotry and anger, hope lives on and love remains.

Think about the incredibly powerful story of Jesus for a moment. For those who don’t believe in Christianity, imagine for a moment… What if it were all true. A higher power, God, sent his only son, to come down, live among us to better understand the daily temptations we face. Through it all, he had to find a way not to give in, despite direct taunts, hatred, bitterness, disbelief… And then, he did the unthinkable. He sacrificed himself on our behalf. And his father let him. Because they felt we were worthy of that sacrifice.

Worthy for a chance to go to heaven. Worthy to be adopted into His family. Worthy to be called his children. Worthy enough for Jesus to speak up on our behalf about the sins we’ve committed and the fact that it’s not easy, but he’d already paid our price.

Seriously? How could you NOT be moved by such a loving, benevolent Savior? Does that sound like the same guy who dooms people to hell based on who they love? Does he sound like someone who would turn his back at the first sign that someone might be a little bit different? Or because our bodies, the temple he gave us, designed in His image is flawed? Or maybe because we’ve learned to appreciate the anatomical gifts he’s given us? I think not….

Personally, I’m grateful every day for the sacrifice He made on my behalf. It’s going to give me a chance to see people I’ve loved and lost, like my brothers…. He gave me a way to be reunited with them someday. That, too, is a priceless gift.

Yup! Easter, and Jesus rising up from his tomb, means everything to a sinner like me.

So Much More Than Music, So Much More Than a Holiday.

As many of you saw in my prior post, my hubby has a slightly wicked sense of humor. It stands to reason since he married me. But those moments that move me are when his depth and sensitivity shine through. He gets me on a molecular level…so when he shared this particular revamp of a Leonard Cohen favorite into an incredible Christian Christmas celebration, I was moved to tears.

Have you heard a song that’s completely moved you this holiday season?

Sexy Chatting With Miz #GirlBoner Radio, August McLaughlin

Ya’ll know there’s not much I love more than an opportunity to talk sexy. In fact, it was this exact penchant that helped cement a friendship between myself and the creator of #GirlBoner, August McLaughlin. We’ve been going back and forth between our blogs, Facebook and Twitter for so long now that she feels more like an old friend than a stranger whose voice I’ve only heard in YouTube videos and podcasts.

So, of course, when she contacted me about my blog post celebrating the Beauty of a Woman’s Sexuality (for her third annual BlogFest) from a Christian standpoint, and asked me to share it and chat with her on her radio show, I was over the moon! Me? On GirlBoner radio? Actually talking to August live? Practically in person? Of course! That was yesterday.

So, for those of you who’d like to take a listen….maybe hear what I really sound like, or what it’s like when two totally Sex Positive women get together and chat…

Kinky Christian: Not an Oxymoron?

All I can say is that it was an honor to talk to my dear friend.

Fangs Wands & Fairy Dust

Also, if you haven’t gotten a chance to visit Fangs, Wands, and Fairy Dust….stop on over. Stephanie is an awesome book blogger/supporter of authors…and there are still a few days left for you to participate in a chance to win a copy of my most recent book….

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

Have you checked out August McLaughlin’s radio show yet? If not, go do it! I promise, you will not be disappointed. Also, if you listened to my interview, I’d love to hear what ya’ll thought!