That Awkward Moment When…

That awkward moment when

Come on, be honest…. We’ve all had one or two or zillions of those awkward moments. That’s kind of what makes them so funny…well, to the rest of the world, at least. For us, it may take a few days/weeks to recover (or sometimes never) before we find the humor in those awkward moments. So, you guessed it…I’m going to share a couple.

That Awkward Moment When…..

When you think you may have double booked your lunch date and you realize the person you’ve been talking to isn’t the same person you thought you’d be meeting. Okay, so maybe this moment was a little more awkward for my fantastic friend, Renee Schuls-Jacobson, but she’s got a way of spinning things like this into hilarity. Don’t believe me? Check out her So Wrong section of her blog. It’s dedicated to these kinds of moments!

The only time I’d ever been double booked had been by a cheating ex-boyfriend back in high school (he double booked me and 3 other girls for the same night). I broke up with him and it never happened again…until yesterday.

So here’s what happened. Renee and I had been chit chatting back and forth between our blogs, email, Twitter and Facebook. She’d recently bought a summer place down in my neck of the woods and we’d discussed meeting up. A couple of days ago we messaged each other about finally meeting face to face (Yup! You’ve got it. Up until yesterday we’d never actually met in person). Anyway, we talked on the phone and decided to meet at a restaurant in her part of town. Having arrived early, I texted her to let her know I was going to look around in the store next door. Heck, I’m a sucker for Kirkland’s and they had a big sale going on! She had arrived early, too. She sent me a message telling me she’d meet me in there, so I responded with the color of my shirt–just in case she didn’t recognize me from the few pictures I’ve put up online.

Renee walks in, gives me a warm hug and we do a little browsing, then head to the sporting goods store next door. Suddenly she stops dead in her tracks and shushes me.

“Hang on for a second while I figure this out,” she says, fiddling with her phone, flustered. Under her breath she keeps muttering something about “how did this happen?” and “crap!” and a similar things.

Concerned, I ask her what’s going on. She finally tells me she thinks she might have double booked me and a new neighbor friend she’d been talking to at the same time, but she wasn’t sure. The problem? She had talked to both me and this new neighbor friend of hers at around the same time…and didn’t save our names in her phone, so she had thought she was talking to the neighbor lady when she’d been talking to me. Icing on the cake, she thought she might have told one of us that she wasn’t going to be able to meet with one of us based on a prior engagement, but wasn’t sure who…or if she’d imagined that conversation. Even better, when she assigned my name to my number she inadvertently deleted this other woman’s number and how to contact her.

The whole thing was a hilarious cluster fuck. Was I offended? No. I was too busy laughing. She had vacation brain! Plus, once she realized that it was me she talked to both times, she started breathing again and we had a riot of a day. There are some people you meet for the first time and it’s a bit strained for a while…. This was NOT the case with us. Of course, we had the mother of all icebreakers with the little snafu beginning, but I think it would’ve been that way regardless. In fact, our introduction was as fun to me as my first meeting with my BFF, Amadiex. Her little brother was throwing rocks and sticks at me- I put him in a full Nelson to make him stop, and a lifetime friendship was born!

I’m sure, as this is only from what I know of this story, Renee probably has a slightly different view on what happened. But it’s not fair for her to be left out to dry alone, so here’s one about me….

That Awkward Moment When…

You find yourself on your knees in front of a Dom and his submissive…at work. You guys are well familiar with my playful streak. You may have even figured out that my tastes can be somewhat less than “vanilla”. As if that’s not enough, I’m a bit of a control freak…and I understand the connotations to kneeling for a Dom. To say I was a bit disconcerted is putting it mildly!

Imagine this scenario. There I am, a manager in retail, wearing a skirt and heels. I’m working a double and it’s nearing the end of the evening. My employees are all with customers when a guy walks in with his lady. They get checked in and sit down on a nearby bench sofa. Because there is a wait, I decide to walk over and try to triage this tech support related issue. The young lady is pretty soft spoken, so I lean down to hear what she’s trying to say. Because my feet are aching and I’m in a skirt, I decide to kneel in front of them. Afterall, I’m not trying to stick my butt out for the whole world to see and it gives me a chance to take some pressure off my abused feet.

I ask her for her phone, and as I hold out my hand I happen to look up. She is wearing a hemp necklace (something other folks may refer to as a “collar”). This particular necklace had a circular silver colored pendant woven in. The thing was engraved….”Property of…” I’m sure if the disc were flipped over, I would’ve found the gentleman’s name.

I won’t lie. My first reaction was to blink a couple of times before looking back up. Nope. It was not just my imagination. My second reaction? “Oh, HELL no!” Fortunately that one was only in my head. I took a deep, calming breath and let it out. I was working. As long as the guy didn’t try to approach me or make a comment assuming my kneeling meant more than it actually did, we’d be good. Honestly? I’m not sure at all how I would’ve responded if he’d misconstrued my kneeling as a sign of my submission to him.

Thankfully, that awkward was only in my mind…. Ah, how different situations can be read through the eyes of someone with a granule of knowledge. LOL!

C’mon. Admit it… One or both of these situations made you either laugh or shake your head. I’m pretty sure you have a few “Awkward Moments” of misunderstanding you could share with us…. In fact, I’d love for you guys to tell me some of yours so Renee and I won’t have to be embarrassed alone!

Guess it could’ve been worse…. At least an awkward moment like the one in this Alan Jackson video!

My Battle With The Foot In Mouth Disease

My fantastically funny friend, Gloria Richard wrote a post yesterday entitled Ever Lost Your Brain’s Remote Control. After recounting several of her hilarious mishaps over the years, she challenged us to share some of our moments. As I sat thinking about the many idiot moments I’d had over the years I figured I’d share some of my own. Hey, turnabout is fair play, especially since I shared some of my friends’ more awkward moments in the past.

openmouth_insertfoot

Those of us who tend to say what we think know that there is a hazard that goes with being blunt. For example, there was a young lady that I used to work with at a popular electronic retailer store. I was new, and she and I were pretty friendly. The weather had taken on a cooler edge recently, so when I walked in, I was wearing my black leather biker jacket.

black biker jacket

It was a men’s jacket and I loved it…still do, actually. I was the first “real” gift hubby ever gave to me. Anyway, back to the story. As I came walking down this young lady’s department, she came over to say hi and the following conversation ensued.

Her (with a big grin and a nudge) : Hey there, Biker Bitch!
Me (with a grin and a wink) : Better watch your step or I’m going to make you my bitch.
Her (eye contact, not laughing) : Any time.
Me (blinking) : Um, yeah….

Oops! Yeah, I’d heard the rumors about her being either lesbian or bisexual, I just didn’t care. It just never occurred to me that a simple off the cuff response could create such an interesting ripple. Well, it confirmed the rumor if nothing else…LOL! Oddly enough, that moment helped to cement our friendship.

Unfortunately my talent for the awkward started much earlier. It’s the hazard of being a person whose mouth rarely stops moving. Sometimes we can be deliberately hurtful and regret it later. My “lesson learned” moment actually became my college application essay. Here’s the short version.

While we lived in the Philippines we had some live in help. A maid and a nanny. Hey, the dollar stretches quite well in third world countries. Anyway, as my mom is also Filipina, our servants were more like family and were treated as such. I was about 7 years old when my mouth got me into trouble.

Nanny (looking around at toys strewn all over the floor): Kitt!
Me (fake innocent look): What?
Nanny (pointing at all the toys): Put away all your toys or you’re not playing outside.
Me (irritated): Pfft! Your the maid. Isn’t that what we pay you for?
From somewhere behind me….
Mom (snarling): Kitt. What. Did. You. Just. Say?

Yeah…mom had walked up behind me and heard the whole thing. She was NOT happy. I got my butt whipped, had to clean up my toy AND I got grounded for the day. No bueno.

My sophomore year in high school there was a 4 day choral music festival held at a one of the private universities in Michigan, culminating in a concert on Saturday afternoon with the University Orchestra. The private high schools tied to this particular religion from the surrounding 5 states sent the top 2 singers from each section (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Bass) to go to this event. It was a privilege to be chosen, and I was one of the 2 sopranos chosen to represent my school. We were put up in the women’s dorm and spent most of the time rehearsing songs in German (Haydn) and Latin with a couple of English ones thrown in for good measure.

As you can imagine, after a while we became restless. Several of us congregated in one of the dorm rooms early that Saturday afternoon waiting for the concert. Keep in mind, most of us were little suburban kids. I, being half Asian, was the closest we had to an ethnic mix in that room. To this day I’m not exactly sure how it started…all I remember was thinking I was going to die.

What had I done? I sang Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love Of All”. And not in my normal voice. NOOOO. I was singing it at the top of my lungs, over enunciating each word with theatrical dramatics.

“I Buhleeve that children are hour fyuchaaaa.
Teech them well ahnd let them lead the waaaayyyy.
Show them ahl the beauty they possess insiiiiide.
Give. Them. A Sense of pride.
To make it easiahhhh!”

The girls were all in a fit of giggles as I belted it out….and then came the knock on the door. My singing stopped. We all looked at each other, eyes huge and praying… Why? Because late that night an all black university from Canada had come down for an event the following week and were staying in the rooms across the hall from us.

Of course, with my luck…it WAS, in fact, several of the very nice ladies from that university. Here’s what happened:

My traitorous friend: Uh, hello?
Nice lady: Hi girls, we heard someone singing from down the hall. Who WAS that?
(Yup! You guessed it. All hands pointed at me as I slowly turned around to face the women in the doorway.)
Me: Sorry about that.
Nice lady: Why are you sorry? We thought you sounded GREAT!!!!
Me (blinking while my friends all tried to hide their laughter): Um… Thank you?

And just like that, they were gone… Thankfully they hadn’t realized I was poking fun at the way a lot of divas overdramatize song lyrics. As my friends cracked up, I was mortified. Seriously. What if I’d really offended them? Sooo not my intent.

Then there was the time I met the Pittsburgh Steelers Pro Football Hall Of Fame quarterback, Terry Bradshaw.

Terry_Bradshaw

Okay…so I’m unapologetically an Dallas Cowboys fan, but still. I love football and I respect the game. That’s one of the reasons that every time I think of this moment I want to hide somewhere. Why? Because my usual eloquence eluded me that day in a big, BIG way…making me sound like a total airheaded bimbo (something I hate).

So the back story? Mr Bradshaw’s brother has a home in the Sarasota area. He’d come to town for a visit only to realize he’d left his camera bag back at home in his foyer. What did he do when he discovered this error? Why, what every wealthy man does, of course. He showed up to the local electronics store with his dad at opening (when it’s least crowded) and replaced everything he’d left behind.

The guys in the store were dying to talk to him and ask for his autograph, but figured it would be easier to break that ice if they sent a female in. As I qualified and was the only woman knowledgeable enough about football and his HOF career, they asked me to go over and talked to him. I didn’t want to disrespect his privacy so I declined being used in this manner. Fortunately for them, he noticed several guys hovering and welcomed them over to get his autograph and offered the opportunity to any employee in the store who wanted it.

Once he gave permission, the guys let me know and I walked over to get his autograph before I left. Here’s how THAT went down.

Me (in a timid voice that was so unlike me the guys all blinked): Excuse me Mr Bradshaw. Would you mind if I asked you for your autograph?
TB (with a gentle smile): Sure thing, Sweetheart. Do you have anything for me to sign?
Me (holding up small brochure form): This?
TB: Why don’t we find something a bit bigger?
(Grabs a manual receipt form)
Me (while he’s signing): Thank you so much! (And then I made my big faux pas that made me want to commit seppuku) I just want to say, I really LOVE watching you and Howie (Long) on Sundays.
TB (Showing class all the way, put an arm around me): Aw, thank you sweetheart. We need more fans like you.
long-bradshawx-large

 

Why was that so mortifying? Because I was well aware of his Hall of Fame career and his 4 Superbowl rings…and what did I mention? His Fox Sports thing? OMG! Yes, that is my head you hear banging on my desk. Never mind that this incident happened nearly 10 years ago. I’m still mortified…. But I also still have this awesome autograph.

Terry Bradshaw Autograph

My Terry Bradshaw Autograph

Okay, enough of my verbal face plants…. What about you guys? Care to share some of your more awkward moments? If not, I’m open to you sharing the awkward moments of friends and family. And just so no one can question my Cowboy Fandom….Here’s a pic of me at one of them many Cowboy events I’ve been to… Hanging out with some Cowboy Legends

Tailgate in Big D with Hubby, Bill Bates, Me, Everson Walls & Kenny Gant

Tailgate in Big D with Hubby, Bill Bates, Me, Everson Walls & Kenny Gant

And here’s another one of me with my girls at a game at Cowboy Stadium.

At The Game

At The Game