Hey, Stranger! Let Me Introduce Myself… #Hello2016

Hello

Bonjour! I hope everyone’s having a stellar new year so far.

When Anna over at Herding Cats & Burning Soup came up with this idea for a blog hop, I was pretty stoked! Basically, here’s how this one goes. In this hop, we’re to introduce you to fun, quirky things about ourselves and/or our blogs. Not the boring, obvious stuff like I’m an erotica writer who can turn practically anything into innuendo….but more random, surprising, or maybe disturbing things. PLUS, we give stuff away AND a lot of cool authors and bloggers are involved.

Is there anything better than FUN & FREE?

So here goes….

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My biggest fear is not blood or guts or gore…. If you want to see me get all weak, girly, and scream like someone murdered me (aka not in the good, orgasmic way)… watch me when I see a frog. I completely lose my dignity. Don’t believe? Read about it….HERE.

I don’t care what anyone thinks. They. Are. NOT. Cute!

Hospital

In a past life I worked for a hospital for several years. The tales I tell are both comical and a bit disconcerting with the strange things people have done…Check it OUT!

On a personal level?

Yup! I AM that girl that pretty much turns everything into a song. This was a little snippet from my wedding day. My sister gave me a hug, and someone said something like…”Awww, look at the sisters…” Which caused me to break into this song, and my sister to chime in. Yes, it’s a family thing. I come by it naturally.

The strange? Cause, ya know…. There had to be the strange, right?

My favorite flip flops and toe rings

My biggest insecurity body image insecurity came from my feet. I hated them with a passion. Felt they were ugly….until I met a foot fetishist who helped me view my feet in a different way. Here’s THAT story.

As for what most consider my most contradictory characteristic? I guess it’s the fact that despite writing ménage erotica, I don’t consider my very outspoken, focused belief in the Freak Flag, letting it fly to contradict my very passionate belief in Christianity and my faith. In fact, I wrote about that, too. It even got me on GirlBoner radio with August McLaughlin.

Anyway…. that’s a bit about me. Now, to tell you what I’m giving away and how to qualify.

I’m feeling generous. I’m giving away 3 books. Two are mine. (Three For All & Four One Night) The third? It’s a project I was honored enough to participate in… all about empowering female sexuality. This is a subject near and dear to my heart. The book? Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality. They are all in ebook format.

To win, I want you to share something unique and personal about yourself with me. Something that might surprise people, or maybe what you’re passionate about, or which body issues you’ve overcome. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s in the spirit of getting to know each other.

And if you want a chance at more prizes? Check out the link below and visit the other participants!

Just Call Me A Pimpstress….Come Join The Party!

I almost had heart failure and died today.

My sister and brother-in-law are in town for the holidays. After my hubby got back in town from work, we piled into my brother-in-law’s rental. While he was adjusting his seat, hubby and I got into the back. No sooner had I closed the door when hubby screamed, “What the hell was that?”

I glanced over to see what had freaked him out, just in time to see a hideous frog jumping his way along the floor in my direction. As many of you may recall from a prior post or two, I’m petrified of frogs with good reason. Yes, I admit it. The instant I knew what fell on hubby I screamed, “It’s a frog” and threw myself at the door to escape. Well, that was the plan, anyway. Instead, I bounced back, mostly because I forgot to pull on the door handle. Finally, on the second try, I was out and running down the driveway screaming and kind of laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. This time, I was grateful not to be alone. My sister and hubby also jumped out of the car laughing like loons and hoping for escape.

My brother-in-law was the hero who captured the frog, saved me from certain death, and released the beastie back into the wild where it belonged…far, far away from me.

Fortunately, if I had died, I would’ve passed on happy in the knowledge that I made a dream come true. Yep! For those of you who missed the news, my first novelette was officially published on Christmas evening. Click Here to read an excerpt and to buy. I’d also appreciate ‘Likes’ to my Kindle Author Page if you’re of a mind to stop by. Yes, the book is as racy as I tend to be… 😉 Look for the follow up to arrive in February!

As we head into the new year, I wanted to take a moment to share a few links to a few blogs that have made me laugh, made me think, made me healthier…and just made my day over the last year.

Blogs to Make you Laugh (satire/humor):
Katie at Sass & Balderdash– Sure, sometimes her humor is snarkriffic. It’s also very sharp and witty. She rarely pulls punches. LOVE her even when we don’t see eye to eye.
Don Of All Trades-Not all of his stuff is goofy, irreverent, and politically incorrect…but a lot of it is.
Austin from Modern Philosopher– It’s true, he actually started a huge uproar with Survivor when folks believed the satire (Yeah, cause there are zombies all over Maine, right? LOL!)
Jenny from More Cowbell– She is versatile and eclectic, but I think my ultimate faves are probably her Undie Chronicles. I mean, who else could write a blog that matches undies to political affiliations?

Blogs on Food, Recipes, Restaurant Recommendations:
Dishing With Clarissa– She’s got info on healthy food, GMOs, and great recipes. She also talks about her goal and journey toward Masterchef.
Phil from Regular Guy NYC– Between his restaurant/bar/speakeasy recommendations, his contests or his tongue in cheek tales of people watching, you’ve gotta love him.

Blogs on Self Esteem, Sexuality and Mind Healthy Habits:
August of #GirBoner fame– She battles for positive self image, embracing your sexuality and just pure fun.
Ande of Bring Back Desire– She gives tips on how to keep the fires burning in the bedroom…
Marcia Richards– She’s a beautiful, powerful woman who reminds us that perception and reality are often very different.

Blogs That Get You Thinking or Inspire:
Maria from Swimming To My 50’s– She reminds us that birthdays aren’t what make us who we are. We can still constantly learn, grow, and inspire.
Tammy from Witty Woman Ranting– She writes about living life to the fullest, owning our sexual power, family, overcoming fear…and everything in between.
Professor Taboo– He writes the existential, the sexual (usually kink), the academic….but most of all, he makes you think even as he shares his struggles with candor and a bone deep honesty you’ve got to admire.
Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride– She’s been through heck and back, yet her blog promotion parties are still the coolest around and she takes time to know her followers.

Blogs on Art & Poetry:
Ben from Expressions Of My Life– Even with his early onset Parkinsons he finds a way to smile and paint and write poetry. You’ve got to respect that kind of joie de vivre!
Jen from Ramblings From a Mum– A clever poet who shares both her words and her love of life.

I know I left out a few people…because truly, there are so many of you that inspire me and make my life a better place. What I’d like from you is for you to share someone whose blog truly helped, inspired or encouraged you sometime in the last year…then check out the ones your fellow peeps left behind. Let’s help some folks kick their New Year off right by giving them the attention they deserve! Heck, this may not be a Jenny Hansen Pimp and Promote or Susie’s Use Me, Abuse Me…. But it IS a great opportunity to show some love!

And while you’re at it… Why don’t you go ahead and answer the question the following song is asking…

Scared-y Kitt

Everyone has irrational fears. For some it’s spiders or maybe snakes. Others have fears of heights or tight spaces. Not me. Don’t laugh. Some of you may even remember from a prior post explaining the many varied reasons for this fear, but my irrational fear comes from these guys…

Frog

They seem innocent enough, but I’m telling you… It’s a trick. They are truly out to get me and they’ve decided this weekend to get more aggressive in their campaign to make me lose my mind. Like the things I wrote about in my prior post weren’t enough? At least back then it was spaced out over years!

What happened? Yesterday evening I decided to do something nice for hubby and get him some ice cream from the home made ice cream shop down the way. I had barely stepped out to my front walk up when frogs began dive bombing me from above! I admit it. I screamed bloody murder…then opened the door and told hubby he needed to get his butt out there to remove them. As my heart threatened to palpitate out of my chest I was grateful for one thing. Their bad aim. Thankfully, this time they were close, but no cigar.

I know what you guys are thinking. Kitt, that was one isolated incident. Right? Wrong!!!!

This afternoon, it was pouring out. Hubby, who is off today, decided to come with me as we took our girls out for their potty break. He grabbed the umbrella and stepped past our walk up to open it…and it started raining frogs from under The umbrella. I’m just glad I was standing at the door and not under that umbrella or I would’ve probably fainted, knocked my head on the concrete floor and had to be rushed to the ER with a bloody head and a concussion. It would have been horrible.

At least these particular frogs don’t seem to have the timing of the frog we discovered on our trip home from the airport after the Bahamas back in April. That tenacious MF’er didn’t show itself until we were going 80 mph down I-4. There I was, sitting peacefully in the car, relaxed and looking forward to seeing my girls in a couple of hours when this green, slimy thing works it’s way up from under the top front part of our hood and onto our windshield. Squealing like an utter sissy I start stuttering and babbling about the freaking frog on the window!!! (Seriously? Those suction cup thingies on that little terrorist’s fingers must be incredibly strong to withstand that kind of speed and maintain it’s position.)

Of course, hubby has to be the calm, rational one and say, “Kitt! Calm down. The frog’s on the OUTSIDE of the car.”

Please, like something as small as details are going to make a difference when there’s a Fracking FROG moving across a windshield of our car that’s going 80 mph? Seriously…it headed deliberately across the front of the car toward the side mirror on the driver’s side. Yes, hubby had to tell me to stop hyperventilating even as he admired the strength and tenacity of my little foe. He didn’t seem to appreciate that WE WERE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!

As if taking pity on me, he offered to roll the window down to flick the beastie off our vehicle. I nearly gave myself whiplash shaking my head in denial. Hell no!!! Can you imagine if the thing accidentally got flung INTO the car? I’d die!!!! No thanks.

Fortunately, between changing lanes and using the tool inside the car to turn the mirrors, the beast was expelled from our vehicle. Relief may have been too mild a description for how I was feeling. It’s a good thing love means not laughing your butt off at the hysteria of your partner because if he’d have laughed then, I might have killed him.

Am I aware that my fear is irrational? Sure. Does it matter one bit? Hell no! Now it’s your turn to share. What causes irrational fear in you? Any stories to share? Don’t leave me hangin’ here!

Freaky Froggy Findings

It’s okay… You can admit it. When you read that I was terrified of frogs a while back you laughed. That’s okay. I get that reaction a lot! But before you judge me, there are a few things you should know (of course there’s a story behind it. Isn’t there always?)

Between the ages of 6-10 I lived in the Philippines. It’s a beautiful place. It is a culture full of great food, warm welcomes and family and they’re blessed with great scenery. I absolutely LOVED being there. What does this have to do with my fear of frogs? Here’s the thing. I lived in a subdivision with a lot of multicultural kids..mostly because our dads were in the military. As kids we’d get into mischief. I’d climb trees and bring down coccoon husks and open them, curious about what was inside. We found a pregnant dead bird once and dissected her, trying to save the egg. So it was natural that when she told me that in her mom’s culture (her mom was Thai) that crickets were delicacies that we’d go out and try to catch them. We wanted to surprise her with a “treat”! What a lucky mom, right? Of course now I know that there are all different kinds of crickets, but hey…it was the thought that counted.

Somehow our cricket crusade morphed into a frog catching expidition. (It may have had something to do with hearing that people also ate frog legs and they tasted like chicken, but I’m not sure) We were armed with glass jars and since it had just rained, there were plenty of frogs out. We stayed out catching frogs until our parents called us in for the night. My family was vegetarian, so we sent all the catches with my little friend. The next morning I woke up crying and in pain. My precious hands had water blisters all over them. Turns out, I’m allergic to frogs.

Fast forward to about 8 years ago. I was leaving my house. As I turned to lock the door, from along the door jam a white frog landed on the corner of my face. It happened very quickly, but not fast enough that I didn’t recognize what tapped the side of my face (near my eye). I screamed bloody murder! My heart was pounding a mile a minute. My next door neighbor, bless his heart, came flying out of his house. Apparently he thought I was getting raped or murdered. How humiliating it was to tell him it was simply that a frog attacked. Fortunately the contact was so minute I didn’t have an attack. Curious as to what the frog looked like? I found a likeness…

That’s okay…I’ve also learned that when you’re in a long termed relationship, your phobias become contageous. I’m not exactly sure how it works, but I do know that my sister was in town visiting us one fall. She and I had went to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for her to make potato soup from scratch for my guy who wasn’t feeling well. We got back and he was standing out on the driveway with no shoes on, his boxers and a tshirt. He was a bit upset. Apparently a frog had tried to eat his ass! Laugh! I know I did.

He’d gone into our master bath to use the toilet, and just as he went to sit down, something caught his eye. He jumped back up just in time to see a toad the size of a grapefuit staring up at him. He insists that there was malicious intent in that toad’s eyes…but regardless, it freaked him out. He slammed the toilet lid down, yanked his pants back up, found the biggest, heaviest book he could find to put on the lid so that the big toad couldn’t escape…and planted himself on the driveway for one of us to rescue him.

As you already ascertained from my deep fear of frogs, I was the wrong person to be looking at for a rescue. In fact, I believe the words “you’re insane” may have come out of my mouth at some point as he looked at me to find a solution. Finally, after my sister was able to stop laughing hysterically, she grabbed a big plastic cup that we didn’t mind losing along with a magazine. She scooped the toad into the cup, covered it with the magazine and released Mr Toad back into the wild. Thank God for the practicality of nurses.

But is my fear of frogs really so irrational? After the news down here in Florida this week, I’m thinking it’s just good sense! If you have dogs, this story is a must read! It may save your dog’s life! Yes, there have been doggie deaths in Florida recently and it’s all been attributed to my nemesis.

Considering I have my two adorable furbabies, I think it may have turned out to be a blessing that I have this fear. I’d be devastated if anything happened to these two cuties….

These are my two girls. They’re Shiba Inu’s…The little one to the left is named Ryka (after the Mord Sith from Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth Series. The one on the right is Isabella. She was my Christmas gift several years ago. I’d be devastated if I lost them, so they are not allowed to play with frogs. Lucky for me, they prefer to chase rabbits. 🙂

If you’re a dog lover and a book lover, you should check out this review by Sheri DeGrom. This one may be right up your alley!

If you’re wondering what your dog is thinking, maybe you should check out his/her diary as written by Raelynn Barclay.

Or if you just want to talk about your adorable dog and commisserate about their bad habits, then Jen is your gal!

Anyway, thank you for letting me vent about my frighteningly froggy freak outs…and for adoring my cute doggies.

Happy Friday!