Just the Tip Leads to Sexhibition

Road Head.

Mile High Club.

Public Restrooms.

Back of a Movie Theater.

On the Dance Floor.

If you haven’t figured out yet what our topic of discussion is…let me enlighten you. A few weeks ago I was honored to spend some time chatting it up with one of my favorite people, August McLaughlin of Girl Boner, and discussing spicy sex tips.

Girl Boner Radio Podcast Spicier Sex Inspo From Erotica Authors + Low Libido Tips

Of course, me being me, we can’t introduce the tip without sliding in deeper so you really feel and appreciate the meat, IYKWIM. Every bump of knowledge and stroke of experience builds and drives towards a much more adventurous and satisfying sexual experience.

And I enjoy facilitating the dialogue and experiences as we openly share and discuss things that many might feel belong only in the bedroom.

Me? Not so much, but then, the joke runs in my family that the first man I ever flirted with naked was probably the doctor that delivered me into this world, and the spanking was just icing on the cake. LOL! (We joke…. no actual impropriety happened at my birth, I promise.)

So why do I refer to mutual masturbation as my sexual gateway drug of choice? Because probably my biggest, most favorite thing in the world is something super simple, inexpensive, and a huge adrenaline rush under the right circumstances.

Yup, you guessed it. It’s what all those things at the top of my post have in common…. Exhibitionism.

While I don’t have to be the center of attention all the time at a party and I’m more of an ambivert than an extrovert, from a sexual aspect, I am not shy.

I’m the girl who’s more nudist at home than not.

The person who isn’t shy about unbuttoning her bikini top at the beach or pool so she doesn’t get tan lines (and if she happens to “accidentally” flash someone while adjusting or trying to tie it back up, c’est la vie).

For me, there’s a freedom and a thrill at the thought that someone is finding my body or what I’m doing exciting and arousing. I also perform better at some things when I know I might have an audience.

I know what you’re thinking… Kitt, what do you mean, right? Well, I have a little bit of a gag reflex. I know all the tricks and they help, but that requires I think about what I’m doing to prevent that choking and retching (which, BTW, isn’t really all that sexy…and can be a turn off/fear inducer), but if we’re in a car and I lean over and undo my man’s pants while he’s driving? Wow… No thought needed. I’m feeling free, loose, and sexy as hell.

A couple disclaimers… I don’t recommend doing this on busy streets or during rush hour traffic. No need to get in an accident or arrested. Also, make sure your partner can handle the excitement. Not everyone can, so start with a few strokes of the hand to see if it’s doable (and if your partner finds it as exciting as you do, because as much as it saddens me to admit, not everyone is an exhibitionist).

This may explain how vehicular sex found its way into my first couple of books… And the mile-high scene in my first full sized novel.

So here are a few misunderstandings about exhibitionism…

  • Exhibitionism doesn’t always = crowds. It can be an audience of one.
  • You can be both shy and an exhibitionist.
  • Exhibitionist isn’t just for submissives. In fact, many Dominants love the power of controlling their audience.
  • Not every Exhibitionist is an attention whore and vice versa.

I’m sure I missed a few myths, and I’m sure some of you could fill in the blanks—and I hope you do.

Truth is, some of the sexiest things I’ve done were a thousand times heightened by both knowing someone could or was watching and/or the fear of getting caught.

While I know it’s not for everyone, there’s something incredibly freeing for me knowing I’m being watched, admired, and that my every move is exciting to my partner. The power I have over their arousal and my own is thrilling. So yeah, I’ll often kick it off with a mutual masturbation game. You sit on that sofa while I sit on the love seat across from you. I’ll touch myself. You’re welcome to watch and touch yourself, but you’re not allowed to touch me until I say so. Oh yeah… And please feel free to let me know how much you’re dying to touch me or for me to touch you. I’ll let you know when you’ve got the green light. ūüėČ

Yes, in my humble opinion, sex should be fun and adventurous. It should be an exciting, exotic trip you take together.

What excites you? Are you more exhibitionist or voyeur? And maybe my kink isn’t yours… That’s ok. Yours might not be mine, either, but I’m always willing to share and explore and try to understand, so please feel free to give me your thoughts.

K is for Kinship and Kink

Courtesy of Bitstrips on Facebook

Courtesy of Bitstrips on Facebook

Kink– sex that deviates from the traditional (and potentially boring) missionary position. Okay, so it’s really more than that, but you get my gist.

Like a little ass slapping and hear pulling with your doggie style? There are those that would call that kink.

Like to take charge in the bedroom? Control the play? Make someone beg? Submit to your dark, carnal desires? Yeah, that’s kink, too.

Enjoy a partner in crime in your seduction? Prefer 3 or more people with your seductions?

Preoccupied with anal sex? Seduced by feet?

Heck, there are so many more kinks out there it’s easy to lose track. But one thing is for certain… in the fetish world, there’s an acceptance, understanding, and camaraderie. No judgments.

Which reminds me…. I have always had a thing for bondage, but I’m dying to try my hand at learning rope bondage. I think it’s sexy as hell. Time to start looking for someone to give me rigging lessons. ūüôā

It’s actually through my love of kink that I made some of my coolest online friendships…that have blossomed into relationships that I cherish.

It was through our mutual love of kinky books (and sex)¬†that I met the¬†ultra fabulous, Ande Lyons. Thanks to shared interests and conversations, she invited me to guest on her Bring Back Desire site. Here’s one I wrote for her on Exploring Sensual Pleasure With Common Household Items. Through our shared interests, we’ve built a friendship for the ages.

Through blogging I discovered fellow blogger, author, and sexual empowerment advocate extraordinaire, August McLaughlin of Girl Boner. Her passion and desire to educate and help drew me in. Our mutual desire to empower and battle sexual shaming made us pretty much instant friends. One of my biggest thrills was guesting on her Girl Boner radio. If you haven’t checked her out yet, you don’t know what you’re missing! She’s sweet, smart, and savvy.

It was through a mutual friend who noted my love of the “kink and taboo” that I was introduced to one of my dear friends, the ever interesting and intellectual Professor Taboo. It took no time at all for me to become very intrigued with his blog posts. Due to our common ground and mutual love of dialogue, it was no time at all before we were very active in responding to one another’s posts. He’s one of those guys who calls it like he sees it, keeps it real, and lives his life unapologetically. The fact that we joke about what kind of clash for dominance would ever occur is just icing on the cake. ūüėČ

Between Twitter, Facebook, blogging, and writing it was only a matter of time before Anna of Herding Cats and Burning Soup¬†blog and I became friendly. In fact, despite the fact that we had connected through social media, it wasn’t until a mutual friend told me about her shared Facebook group, The Kinkery, that we really interacted with any sense of frequency. She’s a woman with a reading fetish for pierced cock, great dialogue, and sexy book covers. And then there’s the fact that she’s pretty no holds barred about what she’ll welcome on her blog. Is it any wonder I think she rocks? By the way, she’s also the one who talked me into this A-Z challenge.

Yep! There’s a distinct kinship that is created when mutually open minded and adventurous people come together. What things have you found bond you together with fellow bloggers or internet friends? What kinks do you enjoy? Is there something your dying to learn more about? Share! Who knows? I may even be able to help point you in the right direction…

#BOAW2015 Owning Sexual Empowerment #GirlBoner Style

boaw-logo-2015-gb

Empowerment. It’s such a powerful word, right? In any aspect of life, it’s an important part of personal growth. When it comes to women and their sexuality, it’s critical and all too often denied or ignored.

Some may remember my Sacred Sexuality contribution from last year where I explored my thoughts on religion, history, and their impact on body image and sex. This year I’ll be taking it a step further and exploring owning our growth and development, sexually speaking.

Historically speaking the world, especially in western civilization, we’ve been predominantly a patriarchal society. What that has meant is that men pretty much controlled power, purse strings, and the overall quality of life that women could expect to have.

For the most part, we’ve come a long way from being traded as chattel to better enhance familial, social, and political standing. Virginity is not really currency anymore. Well, okay. There are still some places in the world where these archaic views are upheld, but overall…. you get what I’m saying. We’ve moved forward.

But have we really moved that far?

It wasn’t very long ago when I was involved in a conversation with several female friends when one friend confessed that she had never achieved orgasm. Because she was in a long term relationship, most of the women there were quick to blame her guy for not “giving” her one. But was it really his fault? I’m not saying selfish lovers don’t exist, but to have never had an orgasm before speaks to more than a lover’s prowess, doesn’t it?

Here’s my take on feminine sexual empowerment….

It’s all about ownership. Of herself. Her body. Her wants and needs. Does it mean she has to be the aggressor? Only if she wants to be. But it does mean that she’s responsible to communicate. To explore her own body and discover what feels good.

Because here’s the reality. Despite the¬†√ľber Doms and alpha males we read or fantasize about… You know, the psychic ones who instinctively read a woman’s mind, body, and soul and know exactly what to do to give her thigh shaking, body quaking orgasms… Most real life men require guidance. Hints. Directions. And if¬†she doesn’t know what feels good? Or¬†she’s unwilling or unable to communicate with them when they touch¬†her body in ways that curls¬†her toes (or even in ways that might turn¬†her off), how can they ever hope to make her body sing? Or improve what skills they may already have in giving her pleasure?

Honest communication is key. So is taking responsibility for her actions. Faking an orgasm? That deprives her partner of the chance to find out what really pleases her, and her from exploring what works for them both. Saying the words candidly may be difficult at first, but the rewards far outweigh the negatives.

It all starts with trust…. And responsibility.

Because we women have gotten really good at not only holding men accountable for whether or not we experience orgasms, but more often than not, we’ve also placed the onus of making sure we’re protected on them, too. Granted, many are a little bit responsible via birth control pills and patches, but with the many variations of STDs these days that are transmitted through fluids, condoms are also necessary, especially for one time liaisons or short termed relationship.

So why is it that prophylactics often are predominantly a male responsibility? Why is it, if sex is initiated, it’s assumed that the male should come prepared? And how often do we really have the responsible health history talk before we head in that direction despite all the things we learned in health class?

Kudos to¬†Tiffany Gaines and the¬†young ladies from Lovability, Inc. for not only noticing the problem, but deciding to be proactive and do something about it! That’s responsible, empowered sexuality! Check out not only how they’ve owned their sexual responsibility, but how they’re working to help other women do the same!

So what about you? What things do you do to help you own your sexual empowerment? Do you struggle with it? Why do you think you do (or don’t)? Communication is key and I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts, and please check out the other Beauty of a Woman 2015 posts of female empowerment! I promise, you won’t regret it.

No Greater Gift Is There Than Love

All the fun holiday music is making me nostalgic for my youth. One of my favorite Christmas albums growing up was the Jackson 5 Christmas. There was such a youthful joy and exuberance in how Michael and his brothers sang back then.

It only seemed right that I include them in my daily holiday celebration music with this all time favorite…

The message is perfect for this time of year…a reminder that the holiday is not about commercialism, but the people. Did you have a favorite album as a child?

And while you’re at it…if you’re looking for some loving (and sexy) stocking stuffer ideas for your beloved…check out some of the Girl Boner solutions on August McLaughlin’s blog!

Are Sex And Body Issues Limited To Women?

Today, while chillaxin’ with some ladies on a Google Hangout hosted by Gigi Ross¬†I heard a question that got me thinking. We all know how dangerous that can be….Before I get into the question, let me give you some back story. I received an invite from my awesome buddy, August McLaughlin inviting me to an event about How Women’s Body Image Affects Sex. As many of you are aware through August’s GirlBoner posts, this is a subject near and dear to her heart, so I wasn’t at all surprised to hear she’d been asked to be a panelist for this event. In fact, her most recent post was entitled Sexual Confidence: How To Feel Sexier Naked. Based on her personal experiences, she was a fantastic selection.

Over the years I’ve noticed just how negative most women are about their self images. Somehow, with the exception of my toes, I’ve escaped many of those problems. Have I always been thrilled with my weight? No, but I also knew that I could do something about it at any time. Even better, regardless of what weight I’ve been, I’ve always felt sexy. I’ve just never felt like my sex appeal was very tied to my size/body weight. In fact, as you can see below, I was probably too confident for my mother’s peace of mind. In fact, if she’d had any idea back then that I’d ask a friend to take “flirty” pictures like this, she’d have probably skinned me alive. Believe it or not, though, the girl in that picture was a virgin!

Me At Nineteen

Me At Nineteen

As you’ve seen in other pictures I’ve shared, I don’t exactly look like that anymore. Despite that, I’ve been blessed with a healthy self image and lots of confidence (Yes, Ladies, confidence is sexy as hell and men notice when you’ve got that going on even more than they notice the “banging” body…at least that’s been my experience).

But let me get back to the question posed to the panelists:¬† Do you think that men struggle with body image? The general consensus was that no, men didn’t struggle with this issue or at least not much. It was the only time in the entire chat that I found myself pausing and thinking that maybe…just maybe…they were wrong about something. I kept thinking back to my husband and some of his issues over the years along with¬†a blog post by Don Of All Trades¬†and realized I needed to write about my take on this subject.

Hubby And I When We Were Bigger

Hubby And I When We Were Bigger

This picture was taken about 3-4 years ago. As you can see, neither of us was “thin”. In fact, we’d steadily been gaining weight for several years. Believe it or not, even then, I never questioned my sex appeal. My husband was a different story. He always seemed surprised when a woman would flirt with him. He questioned his desirability. He definitely struggled with his libido and feeling sexy. He stopped doing things he loved like going to amusement parks, afraid he was “too big” to participate.

I¬†worried about¬†his feelings over even the most innocuous statements. If someone used words like “big guy”, he’d assume they were poking fun at his weight…even if it never entered their minds. He hated taking pictures. He’d get depressed at the thought of going shopping. In fact, when he needed new work clothes in, he found it easier (less embarrassing) to send me to the mall without him¬†when he needed new work clothes. Or he’d buy directly from some Big And Tall store online.

It was around New Years a couple years ago that I decided I wanted to change things up. I wanted to get a little healthier, especially since I was not on the road as much for work. I decided to track my portions and minimize my complex carbs. I also decided to start using the treadmill we bought.

I still remember him coming home that first day to me on the treadmill and the conversation that ensued, verbatim.

Him: What do you think you’re doing?
Me: I’ve decided I want to work out regularly and get healthy.
Him: Yeah. Good luck with that.

And he walked back into the living room where he flopped down onto the couch and watched tv all night.

The funny thing, though? When I got home from work the next day, I had to wait my turn for the treadmill. Why? Because he was on it. He decided without any coercion from me that he wanted to change, so he joined me in tracking food and exercise through cell phone apps.

Us After the Weight Loss

Us After the Weight Loss

Within a year I lost 50 lbs and he lost 160 lbs! Pretty significant, right? Slowly but surely his confidence and libido grew. He was happier. He no longer assumes that everything is a dig at him about his physique.

Hubby At Tough Mudder

Hubby At Tough Mudder

I shared the question of male body image with him and this is what we came up with. The reason most women seem to assume that body issues don’t affect most men is because men aren’t nearly as dramatic about their body hate as women. They didn’t really have “false modesty” bashed into their heads. What they are is more stoic about their lack of confidence.

From what hubby shared with me, where women have often blamed the media and Hollywood for the popularity of unhealthy or unrealistic body images, men have remained quiet. However, media has¬†increased their impact on their negative self perceptions, too. How? He said that washboard abs have always been around, but it wasn’t nearly as threatening to a man’s ego because it wasn’t discussed so prevalently or so blatantly among women as it is now. The change, he said, comes from how more publicized articles based on “what women want” in a man. Now they’re getting a taste of articles that talk about the physical attributes that sexually attract women….and in great detail, leaving some men feeling lacking when being compared to the likes of The Rock or Bradley Cooper…or even Channing Tatum. Yup! They’ve got a pretty good idea about what women find sexy and it can be intimidating as hell.

Pretty perceptive of hubby if you ask me… So why don’t you guys and gals tell me what you think? Do you feel that there’s a tie between your body image and your ability to feel sexy? Do you believe that men struggle with body image issues?

And while you’re at it, I’d like you guys to tell me two things that you love about yourself and/or your body. This was the last question asked on the event and I thought it was a great positive note on which to end the body image discussion.

I’ll go first. The two things I love about my body: My lips and my eyes.

Well? What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? It’s your turn!!! I’m waiting…..

And for those of you who may have missed the discussion and want to watch it…Here’s the YouTube video for you to watch.

Self Discovery

self-touch

Soft touch
glide on scented
skin.
The reverent kiss
of finger tips
follow
curve
of breast
and hip.
Warm response,
arched back,
hardened buds,
taut;
seeking
heated suction
or cruel bite…
Aching.
Hand delves down,
discovers
center of my universe…
Wet welcome
permeates the air.
Hips raise,
meet seeking touch…
Beg to be filled.
Quick thrust,
fingers
strong and sure.
Once,
and again.
Light sheen glistens
Body uncontrolled.
Friction heats
tiny bud
bursts…
Red lips
raised in supplication.
“Oh, God!”

This is my 200th post! I wanted to do something different to celebrate my little landmark when it hit me! Timing is everything. Coincidences happen for a reason. I find it kind of hot that my 200th post happens to fall on National Masturbation Month. Inspired by August McLaughlin’s Girl Boner post on Self Love in relation to Body Image, I decided to follow her example.

It’s also been a while since I’ve shared poetry…especially erotic poetry, so I’ve been overdue. I hope you appreciate my poem in celebration of the joys of self love. The body is a temple that deserves celebration. What things about May make you want to celebrate?

Hope you guys also enjoy the sexy, hot song I found to go with our Sexy Study of Sensual Self.

Lightening Struck Twice!

Guess what? Guess what? I’ve got some news! Can you tell I’m excited?

So the Awesome Ande Lyons at Bring Back Desire reached out to me again and asked me to repurpose another of my posts¬†for another article! Of course I am thrilled! Anything to help women out there discover or rediscover their sensual side is an awesome cause to me. The fact that she dedicates an entire website and radio show to this specific purpose is amazing! In fact, I think she and August McLaughlin and her Girl Boners have a ton in common when it comes to shared causes! Maybe that’s why I enjoy them both so much. ūüôā

Anyway, I would love it if you guys would drop by her site, check out the post and give her some love! We have re-titled it, but I think some of you may still recognize it.

I’m also working on finishing another project by the end of the weekend, so hopefully I’ll have more free time to hang out with you guys again. I’ve missed you guys! In the meantime, Please, PLEASE! What have you guys been up to? What’s new?

To celebrate the near completion of my projects (thanks to¬†Jessi Gage, what¬†began as¬†one found a way of multiplying), another repurposed article under my belt and the beginning of the weekend…we need music! A little nostalgic flashback sounds good to me!