The GirlBoner Goddess, August McLaughlin!

 

August M headshot

Hey everyone! August McLaughlin has been one of my very dear friends for quite some time now. We met through blogging and found very quickly that we had a shared passion for female emotional and sexual empowerment. We need strong, sexual, sensual women! Too often sex has been wrapped up as a weapon or as something bad or negative, and through our own experiences, we’ve found our voices to help.

Girl Boner cover uvSo, of course, when I found out that my girl was putting out a book made for the women we love to embrace and empower, I had to show her some love. As always, she graciously accepted the opportunity to share on my blog. (BTW, you’re going to want to read to the end as there may be an opportunity for YOU there.)

Me: Welcome to theinnerwildkat, August! So glad you could join me! I’m just going to dive in and pick your beautiful brain, ok? Tell us how the GirlBoner brand came to be…(How did you get the inspiration? Where did the name come from?)

August: Like many people, I learned very little about sex and sexuality during my youth. In sex ed, I remember learning a little bit about male sexual pleasure—at least that it existed—and zilch about anything positive for gals. So as soon as I learned what “boner” meant I literally wondered, What about Girl Boners?
Years later, embracing my sexuality helped me heal from a severe eating disorder. Once I’d built a writing career, it felt natural to use my platform to shed light on the type of sexual empowerment that helped save my life and that so many people still stand to gain.

Me: What of the subjects you covered in your book were most eye opening to you?

August: One of the biggest involved the (creepy) history of masturbation—or, rather, how solo play has been viewed and, no pun intended, handled. I want someone to write a thriller about that history one day. It would make an excellent movie! 

Me: We may have to dig deeper into that subject at a later time if you’re willing. But for now, let’s keep going. What did you find most entertaining? Maybe even funny? (Heck, sex can be both amazing and funny, right?) 

August: Heck, yes! Some of my favorite kicks and giggles came from my editor’s notes. I remember one clearly: “Did you mean to say ‘ring around the peenie?’” (I guess you had to be there!) (Also, yes, I did.)

GBR logo 2018Me: What about creating your brand—between your books, your radio show, your blog, BOAW—wowed YOU most?

August: I was stunned to find that I enjoyed blogging. My then agent had suggested it, and I was like, “Write more?” I was already writing articles nearly full-time and working on another novel. But I loved blogging straight away, and far more so when I started breaking the “rules” and focusing on material I felt compelled to explore with the goal of having fun or helping others.
Another biggie was realizing how important connection is to me. Talking with people and sharing others’ stories has become a major passion of mine, and fills in emotional gaps when I’m spending a lot of time in the writing cave.

Me: Looking back, is there anything you might have done differently?

August: There are some technical things I wish I’d done differently, like starting a mailing list straight away. I also went through a rough patch in 2016 and wish I had gotten support sooner. Let both of those be a lesson to anyone reading this: If you have a brand or product, start your list! And always, always take care of you.

Me: You have so many diverse guests on your radio show. Who has been your most memorable interview?

August: Some of the most memorable are the ghost hunter who I interviewed because I wanted to know if ghosts have sex, Tika Thornton, an incredible woman who survived sex trafficking, and my mom, who I never imagined with join me in the Girl Boner studio, but I’m so grateful she has – twice!

Me: I LOVE your mom. I was thrilled when she friended me on Facebook, and I love the bag she made that I won during one of the Beauty Of A Woman events, which leads in quite nicely to my next question. What has been your biggest life lesson through this whole process?

August: Probably that your mission is your reward. I wrote about this on my blog recently, but in short, I initially thought my Girl Boner book would release within a year or two once I launched the blog series—which was many proposals, two agents, multiple rejections and plenty of life ago.
In that time, though, Girl Boner has taken me in directions I hadn’t anticipated and allowed me to learn so much about myself, sexuality and my audience. I’m not sure we writers can write an impactful book without knowing who we’re speaking to on a deep level, especially when it comes to nonfiction.

Me: How has this experience changed YOU?

August: I’ve learned to be a better listener and how important listening is. It’s also given me a profound sense of purpose. It’s so cliché, but Girl Boner really does get me up in the morning most days. I love people so much and it means so much to me to be able to connect with so many wonderful ones and to write and speak about issues so near to my heart.
It’s also forced me to learn patience. My favorite type is the kind we don’t even realize we’re practicing (LOL). When you continue to create content and put forth effort, including efforts to take care of yourself, you don’t feel like you’re waiting around for any particular thing. You can stay hopeful, but also rest easy, knowing you’re doing the thing already.

Me: What’s next for you?

August: I’m kicking of a book launch tour with readings, live Girl Boner Radio recordings and more in Minneapolis, LA, NYC, Las Vegas and hopefully other cities, starting August 11th. I’m really looking forward to mixing and mingling with folks across the country. Between trips, I’ll be working on other-things-Girl Boner from home, with my animal coworkers.

Me: Would you like to share something about the book? (Excerpt, quote, anything?)

August: One of my favorite quotes in the companion book releasing the same day, Girl Boner Journal, came from a random tweet I posted a couple of years ago. I like it because it feels so true and so GB: 



“You know what lowers many women’s libido? Inequality. Repression. Damaging myths. When women rise, so do Girl Boners.”

Me: Well said! And with that, how can we get our hands on one of your hot new books?

August: The book is available for pre-order on amazon HERE. I’m running a little sweepstakes with The Pleasure Chest for anyone who preorders, which people can enter HERE! Thanks so much for having me, Kitt. You’re spectacular. 

Me: August, you’re welcome here anytime! Congratulations and good luck! Also, thanks so much for mentioning me in the book! Sooo HONORED!

Now, it’s time for you guys! What do you think? Any questions for me? August? Feel free! Also, you should really follow this woman. She’s got a ton of amazing knowledge to share if you’re interested. 

Beauty of Taking the Lead #BOAW2017

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI GirlBoner edition! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.

I was 14 years old the first time I went against tradition and “asked a boy out” instead of waiting for him to ask me. He said yes, but the thing I remember most was the relief and elation on his face. It was then that I realized that women weren’t the only ones who felt pressure and anxiety within the expectations surrounding gender roles.

As I matured I found that I preferred being able to take charge, especially in the sexual dynamics of my relationships. In fact, I was seventeen the first time I thumb cuffed my much bigger, stronger boyfriend to our sofa and explored his chest and abs with my tongue. As a tiny girl of 5’3″ and 105 lbs, it was intoxicating to have such power and control of my 6’1″ athlete boyfriend. I had never felt so alive and in control as I did in that moment. And neither had he.

It was through experiences like these that I realized I was not designed for the stereotypes. Not everyone is. I knew I got a thrill from taking the lead, and realized there were plenty of men (and women) drawn to my self awareness and take charge attitude. Taking the power someone entrusted me with and bringing them the pleasure they sought was a heady rush that we shared together. Me as the giver, them as the taker, but both parties extremely satisfied.

I knew it wasn’t “the norm.” In fact, there were times where some men would judge my behaviors and assume I was a bitch or women would think my brand of confidence meant I was a lesbian. But so many more who needed my willingness and ability to charge gravitated towards me. I was lucky. I’d been raised by a parent who made it easy to be who I am.

All these things taught me that there are no “right” or “wrong” roles. There’s simply what each person is comfortable with and accepting that there’s always someone somewhere who needs what we have to offer, but that the real power is staying true to who you are and learning to be comfortable in your own skin instead of the mantle someone else tries to throw on you. It’s often easier said than done, but the satisfaction found from self acceptance? Sooo worth it.

What epiphanies have you had regarding your sexuality? What makes you uniquely you? Are you still discovering yourself?

I’m so glad that August McLaughlin and GirlBoner have given me the opportunity every year to share in female sisterhood and sexual empowerment! To me, these are the unltimate ways to share the different facets that make up the Beauty of a Woman.

Virgin, Vanilla, or Virtuoso – It’s All About Sexual Freedom #BOAW16

Being part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman, especially the Girl Boner edition gives me a chance for reflection and candid sexual discussion, something I enjoy immensely and hope you do, too. In fact, when you finish here, I challenge you to check out the other participants and what they shared. I guarantee you’ll walk away empowered and enlightened….and now, on to my story.

There’s this myth that says people have to actually have sex to own their sexuality. Once upon a time I may have even agreed with them…but as I’ve matured, I’ve started to view things differently.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, one of my defining moments sexually occurred when I was in my late teens.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably would’ve taken more precautions, but it’s often through living life that we learn those important lessons. At the age of 18, I had no idea that one little experience with slightly younger (he was 17) boyfriend would give me the beginners guide to my preferred sexual kinks.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. Because of my constant “take charge” attitude, our best friend thought it would be a hilarious gag to give me a set of thumb cuffs to play with. I don’t think, in a million years, he thought I’d actually do anything. But I did.

Like any typical hormone crazed teenager, that afternoon was spent making out with the boyfriend. My best friend was laying across my living room sofa, so we were laying on the carpet. My best friend, ever the comedian, threw a blanket over us and told us to “get a room.”

I remember the blanket dropping and the comment because it managed to momentarily break up the kiss as we laughed. But the implied privacy also sent a thrill of daring through me. Before my boyfriend knew exactly what was happening, I was straddling his hips (He was 6′ to my 5’3″), my fingers twined in his, and his hands were raised over his head while I controlled our kiss. He didn’t even realize that I’d snapped the thumb cuffs on, effectively trapping him to the couch leg until he felt the metal touch his skin.

Yup. I had that whole 6′ tall male gymnast’s body at my mercy to play with as I chose. And I teased him, exploring his body with my hands and mouth to my heart’s content and he was powerless to stop me.

Looking back I think– Wow.

He should’ve had a safe word. Except we didn’t even know what that was back then.

It also solidified in my mind that I got off on the sexual power. I got off on taking a much bigger, stronger guy than me and bending him to my will, his pleasure and pain at my mercy.

As I looked backward, I also realized I thrived on both the audience and the threat of being caught. Danger and exhibitionism did it for me in a big way.

I was lucky. That particular boyfriend’s kinks lined up with mine. The “Wow! Oh My God, that was amazing. When can we do it again” were definite clues. My use of bondage had him hard enough to pound nails. My teasing him mercilessly and using his body as my own personal playground, making him beg, drove him wild with lust. We both thrilled at the power exchange that we didn’t quite understand.

Now, knowing what I do, I realize that the only smart things we did that day were making sure he could communicate or say no and having someone else in the room to witness or stop things should they have gotten out of control or gone wrong.

That day taught me what I liked. It led me to explore Dominance and submission more deeply, especially since it seemed practically ingrained into my DNA. And it taught me to communicate.

And every woman’s epiphany is going to be different, just as their experiences. What’s become most clear is that the most important things are a willingness to learn, self awareness, and communication.

For me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing someone who can easily overpower me voluntarily gives up his control to me in order for me to bring us both intense pleasure. For someone else it could be something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re still a virgin (hey, masturbation could be your kink, or it could be that you don’t have much of a drive-and that’s okay!) or not. Heck, maybe kink isn’t your thing… Whatever it is, own it. Celebrate it.

Share your thoughts and fantasies with your partner (if you have one). Be self aware… Look into yourself and don’t be afraid to embrace your inner sex goddess…in whatever form she may take.

You deserve it, and you’re worth it!

If you’re feeling brave, I’d love to hear from you… What prompted your sexual awakening? When did you realize that’s what it was?

Celebrating World Sexual Health Day and August McLaughlin

August McLaughlin (aka the GirlBoner woman)

August McLaughlin (aka the GirlBoner woman)

As many of you know, a great passion of mine is helping to spread a sex positive message and to aid in building people and their self esteems up. So when I stumbled across August McLaughlin’s blog about two years ago, an instant connection happened. And when she decided to introduce #GirlBoner, I was cheering loud and hard.

August has quite the compelling personal story, and she’s touched my heart. As we became friends, it was clear that she is someone to be admired and respected because she is a woman of both word and action. She celebrates life in general, and her fellow womankind in particular, by hosting such events as Beauty of a Woman (which I was honored to participate in this last year). But she doesn’t stop there. She’s got her own GirlBoner Radio show. If you haven’t tuned in and listened to her shows, you’re missing out. And as if that’s not enough, she was also one of BlogHer 2014’s Voices of the Year.

Yes…. August is one beautiful, busy woman….and tomorrow she’ll be a panelist and Emcee for World Sexual Health Day. What a well deserved honor for her, and what a fabulous cause! The really cool part is that we can participate online because the event will be streaming live! And if you want to be part of it via Facebook or Twitter, you can do that, too!

On top of all this, she’s an author and she sings! In fact, we’ve decided that the first time we meet face to face, we’ll be singing together, so we’re thinking karaoke party…. Who’s in and what songs are a must sing at a karaoke party to you?

And on a more serious note, how will you be celebrating your sexual health this September 4th?

Sexy Chatting With Miz #GirlBoner Radio, August McLaughlin

Ya’ll know there’s not much I love more than an opportunity to talk sexy. In fact, it was this exact penchant that helped cement a friendship between myself and the creator of #GirlBoner, August McLaughlin. We’ve been going back and forth between our blogs, Facebook and Twitter for so long now that she feels more like an old friend than a stranger whose voice I’ve only heard in YouTube videos and podcasts.

So, of course, when she contacted me about my blog post celebrating the Beauty of a Woman’s Sexuality (for her third annual BlogFest) from a Christian standpoint, and asked me to share it and chat with her on her radio show, I was over the moon! Me? On GirlBoner radio? Actually talking to August live? Practically in person? Of course! That was yesterday.

So, for those of you who’d like to take a listen….maybe hear what I really sound like, or what it’s like when two totally Sex Positive women get together and chat…

Kinky Christian: Not an Oxymoron?

All I can say is that it was an honor to talk to my dear friend.

Fangs Wands & Fairy Dust

Also, if you haven’t gotten a chance to visit Fangs, Wands, and Fairy Dust….stop on over. Stephanie is an awesome book blogger/supporter of authors…and there are still a few days left for you to participate in a chance to win a copy of my most recent book….

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

Have you checked out August McLaughlin’s radio show yet? If not, go do it! I promise, you will not be disappointed. Also, if you listened to my interview, I’d love to hear what ya’ll thought!

Friends are the Sweetest Thing EVER!

I’m fortunate to be surrounded both in real life and online by an amazing group of friends. We laugh together, support one another, and cheer each other on. In fact, my awesome buddy, Ande Lyons, of Bring Back Desire, was kind enough make me this!

Love Yourself

This was the quote August McLaughlin featured on her blog, announcing the winners from her Beauty of a Woman (Girl Boner edition) Blogfest! What’s even cooler? I’m one of those winners! I will be reading my post, then hanging out for a little bit to chat on the one and only GirlBoner radio! Yes, I’ll share more when the time comes, but guys…seriously. If you haven’t checked her show out yet, you need to do it NOW! You won’t regret it, I promise!

As if this isn’t already an abundance of friendship and support, there’s more! My dear friend, Stephanie, invited me to do a guest post and GIVEAWAY on her blog!

Fangs Wands & Fairy Dust

We actually met at Authors After Dark in Savannah (Steph, how did we not wind up taking a pic together then???). We sat together during the Vampire Ball and we started chatting. Afterward, we became friends on Facebook and Twitter and I followed her blog, so when she found out she’d be headed to my neck of the woods for a little while she reached out and asked if I’d like to meet her for coffee or wine.

COFFEE? WINE? I was IN! Well, truthfully, it was Steph, so she could’ve mentioned a walk on the beach and I’d have still been good to go. She’s pretty awesome.

She’d welcomed me to write a guest post for her blog, which thrilled me to death. I love her blog! But I wanted to do something special. Something unique for my friend. So, since my tastes vary and I’ll write whatever comes to mind anyway, I asked her if there was something specific she would like me to cover. The task she gave me proved to be not only fun, but right up my alley!

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

Stop by, show her some love (and me some support)…because, like I said….she’s awesome and I’m giving something away! Plus, we’re talking BDSM terms, fantasies and Four One Night!

And because it wouldn’t be The Sweetest Thing without a clip from one of my favorite movies of the same title…(And it’s a shout out to my favorite “kinkery” book club and their love of cock rings)…here’s a little something/something.

And my shout out to all my gal pals and our crazy ass sense of humor? (Because my BFF and I would totally do something like this.)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, despite hubby’s accident yesterday (he was unharmed), it’s been a great week for me. Are you celebrating anything you want to share with the class? 😉

Sacred Sexuality #BOAW3 #GirlBoner

boaw-gb-edition-14

When I was a little girl my mom told me two things that always stuck with me.

“Your body is a temple and should be honored as sacred to you and by those around you.”

AND

“You were created in God’s image. You are perfect to him.”

It wasn’t until much later that I realized the gift she’d given me by approaching sex clinically, and body talk spiritually. Because this was a frequent theme in my house growing up, I didn’t have many body issues. In fact, the closest I came was not exactly loving my toes. I assumed that my body was pretty close to perfect because my mom said I was designed in His image. How could I be anything else? Then puberty hit. I heard friends talking about themselves. In their eyes they were ugly and fat and in need of dieting. Whoa! They looked perfectly beautiful to me…and THAT’s when I realized that the lenses through which they saw their bodies must have been distorted. No one had ever told them how amazing their design was.

Even more important was the shame people seemed to feel about their ‘temples’ and the natural instincts that came with this gift. For me it all felt contradictory. Why on earth would a God…who designed us in His image give women a clitoris, a part of the anatomy strictly designed for pleasure and no other purpose, if he didn’t want us to enjoy the finer pleasures in life? How could touching it be considered sinful? Yet how many people are ashamed to admit or have actually NEVER TRIED masturbation because they believe it somehow goes against God? How? Why would he create it and put it on our persons if not for us to share in the joy of his creation?

Some of the first known (and most beautiful) erotica came from the Bible! Don’t believe me? Here’s a verse from Song of Solomon 7:1-13

How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels,
the work of an artist’s hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet
that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat
encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon
by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon
looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry;
the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.

She

May the wine go straight to my beloved,
flowing gently over lips and teeth.
10 I belong to my beloved,
and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.
12 Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes send out their fragrance,
and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old,
that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

Pure sensual seduction and admiration of lovers. And it’s beautiful, not ugly! It’s a celebration and appreciation of the gifts given them, the differences of form…and how they were meant to fit together. Pleasure and passion shared is to be a joy, not dirty. Not something that happens only strictly for procreation.

We made it dirty. Historically speaking, let’s look back. Biblically speaking, David had at least 8 known wives and 10 concubines documented between 1 & 2 Samuel. Solomon? Something like 700 wives and 300 concubines. And these guys were considered loved by God.

Perception of what was appropriate and acceptable in marital and sexual practices actually changed with Roman rule, thanks to their strongly patriarchal society. It was changed because the ruling culture required we find a way to fit in. This meant that power and land were passed down through the male line and it was important to keep these lineages “clean” and clear of doubt. Women had no real say in how things were run. They were merely property used to strengthen the family line for rulership and wealth, so their chastity was guarded carefully.

If you’re anything like me, you’re already drawing lines of why finding pleasure in sex/mating began to be discouraged…and why sex became a “duty” rather than a joy. Can you imagine what would happen if a teenage girl discovered self pleasure during this time? Why on earth would she wait to be married off to some man she probably didn’t know, much less love (and probably a zillion years older than her) if she knew the joys she could explore with someone she found visually pleasing? It wasn’t an accident that the two most powerful entities were Royalty and the Church and that their ties were strongly intertwined. Care to guess what those sermons sounded like for women? I’ll leave it to your imagination.

But as often happens with universal truths, the pleasures of the flesh began to be acceptable to explore again. Unfortunately, the church (who’d been thriving on threats of death by fire and brimstone for sinners) felt that this new, modern way of thinking took away from their power….and Puritans with even stronger rules against sexuality pushed their propaganda on the world….conveniently leaving out all the beauty and joy that should be experienced with lovemaking.

So why are we, in the new millennium, still letting archaic views dictate our thoughts, feelings and responses to sex? Isn’t it time we changed all that? Our bodies are temples. They’re meant to be worshipped, not left to decay and grow cobwebs from lack of use. If someone makes you feel less than beautiful when the clothes come off, kick him or her to the curb. They obviously don’t recognize that you’ve been created in God’s image and are beautiful.

Remember there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself or loving yourself. Getting in touch with your body is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and your partner(s). Learn how you like to be touched and pleasured. Teaching your partner(s) how to increase your enjoyment of lovemaking only strengthens the intimacy between you. When couples treat themselves and each other with great appreciation and their fantasies as gifts to be appreciated and explored, lines of communication are strengthened. The need to look outside the relationship for fulfillment is lessened. In fact, I’d hazard that if any venturing is done that includes outside parties, both partners are actively involved in the decision making process.

At the end of the day, nothing is more worshipful than celebrating each other. Afterall, you’re gifts of God to one another, designed in His image. Sex? That’s a gift, too. He didn’t have to design lovemaking to be pleasurable, but he did! Do you really believe he’d do that if it were an act solely to be saved for procreation? I don’t think so. Why deny yourselves the joy of your Sacred Sexualities by placing it on the altar of societal bullying and fear? Our (as August McLaughlin would say) Girlboners deserve better.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Have you been made to feel ashamed of your body? Your sexuality? If so, have you overcome those feelings? How? If not, how can we help you? Afterall, we’re all on this big, beautiful world together. Maybe it will help you to see how other people celebrate The Beauty of a Woman, #Girlboner style. Click here to read more on why we should love our bodies and sexuality.