Toe-tally Loved!

Every person, no matter how beautiful, sexy, in shape or “with it” they may be has some part of them that they are or have been  insecure about. As often happens with me, a comment got me thinking about it.

Someone once asked me–If you could have cosmetic surgery and change anything about yourself, what would it be? My answer? My feet. More specifically, my toes. So when Renee asked to see my toe rings and I told her I’d share. I also decided to share a bit about how I overcame my insecurity.

Gold flower on the right, gold dolphins on the left.

Gold flower on the right, gold dolphins on the left.

These are my toes…and maybe you can’t see them very well, but those are only a couple of toe rings. The flower was a gift. The dolphins were purchased at a jewelry kiosk in a mall. As you can see, they’re not perfectly symmetrical. Although my feet are a little wide, it was the lack of symmetry that bothered me.

You see, I was always the “perfect” daughter. Not so much in the sense that I was actually perfect. It was more that I was blessed. I’ve always had the cute, exotic face (and I don’t say this in conceit, but rather what has been told to me most of my life). Growing up I was petite, outgoing, smart. I made friends easily and rarely had to spend much time on studying. Then I’d look down and see my less than perfect feet.

White gold band with light pink stones

White gold band with light pink stones

 

My sister, who was a bit shy and had to study long and hard to do well in school has perfect feet. Back then, in a house where sibling rivalry abounded, it was the one thing she had that I didn’t. Oddly enough, I didn’t begrudge her the perfect feet. I just hated that mine weren’t. (By the way, that, too was purchased at one of those kiosks.)

Thanks to my insecurity I rarely wore sandals or opened toed shoes. That included flip flops. I was too self conscious to get a pedicure. Rarely did I paint my nails because that would mean touching them, looking at them. To me they were hideous.

Sometime in my late teens I started seeing a guy. Okay, so “seeing” may be a bit strong for what we were to one another. He was more like a boy toy. A friend with limited benefits. He knew I was a virgin and wouldn’t have actual intercourse with him, but we sure flirted with those boundary lines.

Why am I bringing him up? Part of our “play time” together was spent with him doing things to my body to try to convince me to give him my virginity. One day, laying naked in his bed, he trailed kisses down the center of my spine, down my buttock and legs (yes, including the backs of my knees…Yum!) until he got to my feet. I started to pull away…but the feel of his tongue on my ankle stopped me. I told him he didn’t have to touch me there….and he laughed. He obviously knew something I didn’t. As he teased the underside of my feet, I found myself squirming….and feeling very hot. When he sucked my toes into his hot mouth one at a time…I almost lost my mind. He worshipped my feet. Didn’t even hesitate.

His actions and my responses had me rethinking my feelings about my toes. No, they weren’t perfect…but they didn’t bother him. Then I had my first pedicure. It wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be…and no one looked disgusted or said mean things. Then I moved to Florida…and flip flops became my favorite kind of footwear.

My favorite flip flops and toe rings

My favorite flip flops and toe rings

Somewhere along the way I met a foot fetishist who wanted me to wear sexy open toed shoes and walk all over him (literally). Maybe it was that moment when I stopped worrying all together. Shoot, if a connoisseur of feet could enjoy my feet, why shouldn’t I?

Above is a picture of me in my favorite flip flops…they’re sequined Dallas Cowboy flip flops. The toe ring on the left is white gold with pink stones all the way across….also picked up at one of those kiosks. The one on the right…that’s my favorite ring. I think I picked it up at one of the beach shops (maybe in Venice or Sarasota). It has a clear rubber wrap around so it looks like a flower floating on your toe.

So now you know my dirty little secret…the insecurity I’ve harbored about my body. I’m so glad someone helped me face my “ugliness” and overcome it. These days I don’t really care what other people think. I believe that every part of me is beautiful…and made just the way God intended me.

What about you? What part of you have you hated? Do you still? If you’ve overcome it…I’d love to hear how you achieved your success. If not, I hope one day you find a way to believe that you’re beautiful…inside and out. (I know you won’t believe me, but I hope this helps to show you that it CAN be overcome.)

In the meantime…I’ll leave you with some fun music by Zac Brown Band about Toes.

Doubt

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I sense you
Haunting footsteps
In the dark of night
Chasing me
Reaching out
With angry claws
So close
The air ripples
In angry disturbance
Shivering across my skin.
Your fetid stench
Whispers out,
Threatening
To steal all that is good.
With cleansing breath,
Digging deep
Reaching for the light,
I battle,
Defining myself
Refuse to hide,
To back down,
To run.
Today,
I make my stand.
I will
Look in the mirror
Happy with the person
I see
And know I’ve won
The fight within
Me.