Power Of A Name

Ever have someone ask you something and the first thing that comes to mind is…”that’s an epically bad idea?” That’s what happened to me this week, and it was all around names.

Who knew I could have such a visceral reaction to something so simple?

But it makes sense, right? I mean, names help to define who we are expected to be by the world as well as who we feel we can become, right?

And as writers, haven’t there been characters you’ve agonized over, trying to find just the right name to suit their appearance and their temperament?

So what name set me in such a tailspin it shoved me back onto my blog (which I’ve missed, by the way, and I’ll go into where I’ve been another day)? The name Judas. One of my sweet co-workers asked me what I thought of that name for a little boy.

I admit it. I was pretty horrified.

Me: Why would you do that to a child?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Do you have any idea of the connotations behind that name?

(She gave me that confused head tilt thingie that all dogs have down pat when they hear strange noises)

Her: Huh?

Me: Dude, Judas betrayed Jesus and got him killed! For 30 pieces of silver.

Male Co-worker chimes in: I think it’s a cool name.

Her: (looks over at me) She’s right, though.

Guy: But who was Jesus back then? A nobody. Why should he have cared? It was for money.

Me: (gasping in shock) Uh…even if you think back then Jesus was a nobody (and I definitely had no plans of getting into a deep theological discussion with two kinds I suspected weren’t very versed in that subject or history), he was supposed to be one of his best friends. They were together non-stop for 3 years! And he betrayed that friendship for 30 pieces of silver.

Her: That’s true. They were best friends.

Me: And, he felt so shitty afterwards that he committed suicide. Why would you want to put all that on a kid? Don’t you know that even to this day, when someone calls someone Judas they’re calling the person a traitor? And that happened a long time ago.

I didn’t even go into how much more time had passed compared to Benedict Arnold’s and how the negative connotations never disappeared.

As I thought back on that chat I got to thinking about all the effed up names out there. And I’m not just talking some of the sillier ones celebs come up with like Apple, etc. I mean, a good friend of mine in healthcare was telling me that she’d seen several people come in and write this ‘La-a’ one admission paperwork for their little ones. Unsure how to pronounce, she asked and was told (with a look telling her they thought she was stupid) “It’s La-dash-a!”

Am I the only one not cool enough to know that the proper words for punctuation marks are now to be part of the name?

And what names do you feel give bad juju anyone with the misfortune of having it? Are there certain names you feel predestine people for questionable career choices? And are there ones you absolutely love? How did you get your name? I’d love to hear from you!

What Makes Me #Embraceable?

Everyone is just a little bit different. It’s what makes us beautiful AND what bonds us.

But how often have you lost yourself?

Forgot to believe in you?

Been afraid to show your true colors?

Your sexuality?

I’ve been fortunate to work together with August McLaughlin and some of the most beautiful souls in the world to bring this labor of love to you guys…and it’s finally released on paperback!

Here’s a little bit of what I shared in the book on the subject of “Slut” Shaming:

Maybe part of me is still that young girl, fighting back against those bullies

who dared name me a “slut.” Maybe it’s simply my way of trying to help other

people understand that there’s nothing wrong or dirty about sex, but rather the

shaming and judgment that seem to follow it.

 

Yes, there’s more to the story than that….but you’ll have to read it to find out more. I truly believe that this book is powerful enough to change the world if we let it…

And the voice who brought us together? Well, August is generously doing a giveaway right HERE to celebrate the release of this amazing book that includes jewelry, gift cards, and more!

But if you’d like to purchase your own copy, please… feel free! Part of the proceeds are going to supply womens shelters with much needed feminine hygiene products! Buy your copy HERE!

And while you’re there… you can always pick up a copy of my book, Four One Night, which is on sale this weekend for $.99!

But, back to the above questions….

What makes you Embraceable?

Everything!

Hey, Stranger! Let Me Introduce Myself… #Hello2016

Bonjour! I hope everyone’s having a stellar new year so far.

When Anna over at Herding Cats & Burning Soup came up with this idea for a blog hop, I was pretty stoked! Basically, here’s how this one goes. In this hop, we’re to introduce you to fun, quirky things about ourselves and/or our blogs. Not the boring, obvious stuff like I’m an erotica writer who can turn practically anything into innuendo….but more random, surprising, or maybe disturbing things. PLUS, we give stuff away AND a lot of cool authors and bloggers are involved.

Is there anything better than FUN & FREE?

So here goes….

Image courtesy of Karen Shaw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My biggest fear is not blood or guts or gore…. If you want to see me get all weak, girly, and scream like someone murdered me (aka not in the good, orgasmic way)… watch me when I see a frog. I completely lose my dignity. Don’t believe? Read about it….HERE.

I don’t care what anyone thinks. They. Are. NOT. Cute!

In a past life I worked for a hospital for several years. The tales I tell are both comical and a bit disconcerting with the strange things people have done…Check it OUT!

On a personal level?

Yup! I AM that girl that pretty much turns everything into a song. This was a little snippet from my wedding day. My sister gave me a hug, and someone said something like…”Awww, look at the sisters…” Which caused me to break into this song, and my sister to chime in. Yes, it’s a family thing. I come by it naturally.

The strange? Cause, ya know…. There had to be the strange, right?

My biggest insecurity body image insecurity came from my feet. I hated them with a passion. Felt they were ugly….until I met a foot fetishist who helped me view my feet in a different way. Here’s THAT story.

As for what most consider my most contradictory characteristic? I guess it’s the fact that despite writing ménage erotica, I don’t consider my very outspoken, focused belief in the Freak Flag, letting it fly to contradict my very passionate belief in Christianity and my faith. In fact, I wrote about that, too. It even got me on GirlBoner radio with August McLaughlin.

Anyway…. that’s a bit about me. Now, to tell you what I’m giving away and how to qualify.

I’m feeling generous. I’m giving away 3 books. Two are mine. (Three For All & Four One Night) The third? It’s a project I was honored enough to participate in… all about empowering female sexuality. This is a subject near and dear to my heart. The book? Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality. They are all in ebook format.

To win, I want you to share something unique and personal about yourself with me. Something that might surprise people, or maybe what you’re passionate about, or which body issues you’ve overcome. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s in the spirit of getting to know each other.

And if you want a chance at more prizes? Check out the link below and visit the other participants!

X is for Xenial

Definition of XENIAL

:  of, relating to, or constituting hospitality or relations between host and guest and especially among the ancient Greeks between persons of different cities

That’s the definition according to Webster, anyway. Urban dictionary’s actually not very far off from that…

xenial

Xenial is an adjective meaning giving gifts to strangers. Xenial people are usually very helpful.

This spoke to me. It reminded me that kindness and generosity are what makes the world go ’round. It also brought to mind the joy and hope, not to mention the beauty that can be found in random acts of kindness.

These acts are not limited to only the people around us. It’s scope of impact is so much bigger than we realize. It’s something that can be done for anyone. Anytime or anywhere. Someone you know or a complete stranger. You never know if you’ll change their day or their life.

Kindness means that much. Makes that strong of an impact.

You never know when that cup of coffee you bought for that person standing in line behind you might have been the first nice thing they’ve experienced today or maybe in much longer than that.

Xenial to me? Kindness and generosity to someone you may never have met before. When’s the last time you did something kind do a random person? Do you remember the last time someone did something nice for you? How did it impact you? Wouldn’t you love to pay it forward?

W is for Wanton

I’m not going to lie…. When I went looking for the literal translation of wanton, it bothered me. Why? Because I wasn’t thrilled with the way the archaic version of the word singled out women. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all cheers for anyone who is sexually immodest. Who embraces their bedroom beast. But considering how, historically speaking (especially in patriarchal societies), women have been oppressed into hiding that they even have a sex drive, to see my gender singled out… Grrr.

…And off my soapbox. Just to be clear, when I’m talking wanton, I’m being gender neutral. Mostly because I believe that overall life in general and sex in particular should be lived with wanton abandon.

Be wanton enough to chase your dreams, uninhibited by fear or judgment of others. Throw yourself feet first into your passion. No safety net.

Be wanton enough to explore your passions and desires. Share them with a lover. Don’t be afraid to try something at least once.

Be wanton with honestly sharing your feelings. Fear of rejection can destroy many wonderful life opportunities before they’ve even started. You’ll never know until you’re honest.

Love wantonly. It’s never a mistake, even if it isn’t always reciprocated.

Give yourself over to the life you deserve by pursuing it with raw, wanton passion.  And when those times come that it doesn’t work out? Learn from them so that the next adventure you wantonly chase is even bigger and better than the next!

H is for Happiness

IF.

I truly believe it’s one of the most dangerous words in the human language.

If I had more money… If I had a better job… If insert name here loved me… If I had taken that other path instead…

How many times have you heard people lament their lack of joy in their lives with that little word? If.

It’s tough to live in the now; to see the good things that are happening all around you when your energy is spent focusing on what you don’t have or envying the good fortune of others.

What we often neglect to realize is that every day we make a choice. To see the good in things and people. Or not. To believe in the best in people. To live in the moment. To recognize the things in life that are worth holding on to, believing in, and fighting for….and then doing it.

That’s part of the discovery of all the worthwhile things in life.

What brings you happiness? For me it’s the simple things. A song. An unexpected word of appreciation. A hug. Jokes. Beauty of nature painted across the sky, or in the sway of the leaves, a gentle breeze caressing my cheek. Playing in the rain. Time spent with friend or family (by the way, pets fall into this category).

That’s happiness….and it makes me the wealthiest woman in the world.

What things bring you happiness?

G- Goodbye Glee

I was one of those people hooked on Glee from day one. Between my love of music and my sense of playfulness, this show got to me.

Who could resist the irreverent Sue Sylvester and her love/hate relationship with Will Schuster? Or watching Rachel and Finn fall in love? Or better yet, Kurt and Blaine?

In honor of the end of Glee, I’d like to share a few of my favorite songs over the years….

Sometimes they make you nostalgic and dance with a few guilty pleasures…

Then there are moments you have one of those moments when you’re looking back at the mistakes you’ve made and trying to find your way back to right….

Or the times when they’d break your heart with their honesty and grief bleeding through the lyrics.

Goodbye Glee! I’ll keep you in my heart.

 

It’s Just a Hallmark Holiday, Right?

Image courtesy of cuteimage at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

The longer I’ve lived, the more I’ve grown to wonder something.

When exactly did love become a noun? Isn’t it supposed to be a verb? An action verb, at that? And if I’ve learned nothing in my years on this earth, I’ve also learned that there are two things that are not for wimps. Long termed relationships and aging. And sometimes I think aging might be easier because there’s really nothing that can be done about the passing of time except maybe make healthy choices to make that passage a bit easier.

Love, the lasting kind, takes a lot of work. It’s not all roses, hot bodies, and rampant sex despite how much I adore the books and movies that tout this message. Is some of that a part of it? Absolutely! Would they be so popular otherwise? I may not be a therapist, but here’s my take on the impact of these things:

• Roses, candies, cards, and romantic gestures- They let your partner know that you’re thinking of them. That they’re a priority to you and that (especially if you’ve been together for longer periods of time) you aren’t taking their presence in your life for granted.
• Hot bodies- Okay, so more often than not, this isn’t always your own or your partner’s, but rather the viewing of others for the purpose of fantasies (hopefully shared and communicated with one another to keep your relationship fresh and interesting). But if it is yours, even better! The message your sending is that you care to keep yourself in tip top shape so your partner can admire and enjoy your physique for years to come….and that you want to make sure you live a nice long life so that you can spend as much time with the people you love as humanly possible.
• Rampant sex- So over time this may slow down from 3-5 times a day to several times a week/month. The thing about sex, though, is that it’s hugely important so that you maintain the physical and emotional connection with your partner. Listen, that hot and heavy, can’t-take-my-hands-off-of-you passion can be cyclical. But that doesn’t mean that shared comfort and vulnerability is anything to turn your nose at. That vulnerability and connection is a form of communication, too. It is a type of comfort, release, and a way of sharing your most intimate self.

Think for a second about a parent/child relationship.  When a child screws up, does a parent just walk away because it’s too hard? Do they quit caring? Do they find another child that might be “easier” to deal with? But isn’t that what we do all too often in relationships when the going gets tough?

How many times have you heard someone talk about a marriage and end with a shrug and “if it doesn’t work out, we can always get divorced?” Is that really giving a relationship a fair shake?

My heart has been aching for a few friends who’ve recently come to me, speaking about their relationships in terms of ending them. And don’t get me wrong… I’m well aware that there are plenty of things that can happen to permanently destroy a relationship. And I’ll always support my friends, regardless. But there’s so much damage done to a person’s spirit when relationships end and the connection, the trust, and the partnership are severed.

I’m lucky. My guy and I have been through ups and downs…22 years worth. Regardless of all that life has thrown at us, he’s always been my very best friend. When I’m hurting, he’s the first one to open his arms and ask if I need a hug. He cheers me on, and I do the same thing for him. He understands who I am and accepts me unconditionally, even when he doesn’t always agree with the decisions I make. But he’s always in my corner, cheering me on in the good times. Building me back up through my failures. He listens to me. Believes in my dreams. And I do the same for him.

And we talk. Even when it’s not the easiest conversation. Or when the truth hurts. We still talk. And when one of us screws up, we apologize and mean it. If one of us is still holding on to hurt or anger, we share that, too, until we’re finally able to let things go. There have been times when we’ve both fought with each other and for each other, though as we’ve grown together, the “with each other” doesn’t happen as much.

And for those of you who have wondered how he handles the racy stories I write? He grins and shrugs. Does he read them? Bits and pieces every now and then. The girl on girl action scene in Four One Night? Yeah…. LOL! His response? Low key, like him. He just nodded and said it was hot.

He’s the other part of my heart and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but it’s work. Constant work. Worthwhile work. And the reward of him being such a core part of my life? Worth every sacrifice. I’ve told him that when I imagined my “dream man,” I never pictured him, but I thank God every day that he sent me everything I didn’t know I wanted and needed. Things I never dreamed of asking for past the superficial stuff.

Aren’t I lucky?

Now it’s your turn…. Share your thoughts on love. (By the way, you don’t have to agree with me or my thoughts. I’d still like to hear from you.)

Family, Food, Football, and Fun

This is the first Thanksgiving in about 15 years that I won’t be cooking. Normally my whole day would be spent between the kitchen and the tv…cooking or watching football. But this year, for the first time in forever, hubby has to work. It’s pointless to cook for one.

Fortunately I have friends and family who’ve been generous enough to invite me to share the holiday with them, so I’m going to hang out at my cousin’s. I know, little foodie that she is, that she’ll have brined the turkey…(I usually do the same).

If you got the above turkey naked and swapped out those rose petals with other seasonings (though you could also keep those roses if you’re that kind of chef)…and maybe used a cooler instead of a bath tub, that would be brining. 😉 The turkey is terrific that way!

And of course, the house is usually full of family and friends and definitely football….so you’re always looking for ways to keep everyone entertained. Let’s face it, not everyone is a football fan…. This year I saw this particular version of BINGO and cracked up! Can you imagine?

Okay, so some of it isn’t nice or Thankful….but you have to account for close quarters and family…and the complications that are usually entailed when you get a mix of such different personalities (and family members) in the same room.

My Cowboys play every Thanksgiving, so I always have that joy…. I’m also finding it very interesting that this year is going to be an all NFC game holiday. For me it’s definitely a “Go Cowboys!” day…so all Cowboys gear, even to Thanksgiving dinner.

Of course when you combine Family, food, and football….fun usually ensues. Sometimes it comes from the announcers on TV, other times it’s from the people at your table… (C’mon…y’all had to know I couldn’t keep it clean forever. Whose blog did you think you visited?)

Still, at the end of the day….it’s all about gratitude. And making a difference. Recognizing those meaningful moments. Some prayers answered, and some gifts of unanswered prayers. I’ve seen a lot of different videos today, but I think the one that touched me most was shared on Facebook by my pal, Jess Witkins. Watch this and see if the power of this message doesn’t move you the way it did me.

Finally, I’d just like to say that I’m thankful for each and every one of you. May you all have plenty to eat, love that knows no bounds, and a life well lived…with very few regrets!

Life is Short. Live it Well!

Yesterday I received the news that an old friend and mentor passed away. She was 66 years older. For a moment, sadness overwhelmed me. But only for a moment. It was hard to be completely sad when I knew just how passionately she lived her life.

Truth was, when I met her she’d just come back from being on leave. She’d battled cancer and was on her way back. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for the brightly colored scarf wrapped around her head, I would never have known. She was bright, vivid, and vivacious. She attacked life. She always had an ear for anyone who needed it. She played as hard as she worked, and she always made sure to recognize and acknowledge a job well done in an industry where criticism came more frequently than praise.

So how could I be sad? The party in heaven just got a little wilder. To honor her, I’m going to share a few songs that I feel exemplified the way she lived her life.

Bare Naked Ladies were one of her favorite bands. I remember carpooling together to Orlando and listening to their music the entire ride up, laughing and talking and generally enjoying each other’s company.

Remember the way I said she grabbed life? This song was more than a philosophy for her.

She marched to the beat of her own drummer and encouraged those around her to do the same…

And she was definitely always the life of the party (with a vial of Visine in her purse to cover up the red eye giveaway if we had to be up early the next morning).

Yeah, it goes without saying that I was honored to know her and I will cherish all the memories she left me with.