Make It Memorable; Love’s Many Faces

Valentine’s Day. The day for lovers, right? Romance, flowers, whatnot…

Yeah, maybe.

But that’s not my most memorable Valentine’s Day.

Don’t get me wrong, there were elements of those things in that day, but that’s not the BIG MOMENT.

My day?

It was supposed to be my day off, but I had to finish making a schedule (and hubby was working anyway) so I stopped in to work for a few hours. I didn’t stay long; was out by noon. No sooner had I left that my office was calling again. Turned out Edible Arrangements had been there and delivered a gift from my guy.

GREAT start to my Day, right? I headed home to start cooking hubby his favorite Filipino dishes…chicken adobo (adobong manok), fried rice, and broccoli.

Hubby walked in to a great smelling house and a hot, tasty meal… There were probably gifts, but I can’t remember now. What I do remember is that he loved the meal, that I went to bed early as I had an early work day & a 14 hour shift the next day….

Right about now you’re scratching your head and wondering what is so memorable, right?

Well, I hadn’t gotten there yet.

Sometime after 11 pm, hubby came in and woke me up. Said he was having pretty severe abdominal pain and wanted to make sure I was ok. Apparently, he was worried it might have been food poisoning except I’d been sleeping like a baby. So then he narrowed the pain to his lower right side.

Googling his symptoms, I realized it could be his appendix. He was scared, but also worried about me and work. So I talked him into going to the ER alone, making him promise to call me if it turned out to be anything serious. At about 1:30 am, I got the call. He sounded a little terrified.

Him: Lovey, they told me I have a necrotic appendix.

Me: Oh no!

Him: Can you come here? They told me I need surgery. I tried to ask if they could write me a prescription to slow it down in the meantime so I could call a doctor and schedule it.

Me: (choking back a chuckle) Yeah. Pretty sure that’s not gonna happen.

Him: Nope, but it was worth a shot. They told me they didn’t think I understood. The ambulance is on the way now to take me to surgery. Can you come, please?

Me: I’m on my way.

Him: I can’t believe you poisoned me for Valentines Day.

Me: I did not. And stop saying that or there may be people who believe you or at least start to wonder. I’m on my way.

And that’s how I found myself in the emergency room on the 15th, calling out from my job, calling friends to walk my dogs during the day, and headed for the hospital to be with my husband.

So, yeah, my most Memorable Moment had everything to do with the ‘For Better or Worse, In Sickness and in Health’ part of our vows. Those moments mean more than any random superficial stereotypes. And that he hadn’t lost his sense of humor, even through his fear and pain? That just shows I married a badass.

So tell me about your most memorable Valentine’s Day. Did it embody any part of the wedding vow? Or are you an non-believer, feeling this only lines Hallmark’s pockets with gold?

What Makes Me #Embraceable?

Everyone is just a little bit different. It’s what makes us beautiful AND what bonds us.

But how often have you lost yourself?

Forgot to believe in you?

Been afraid to show your true colors?

Your sexuality?

I’ve been fortunate to work together with August McLaughlin and some of the most beautiful souls in the world to bring this labor of love to you guys…and it’s finally released on paperback!

Here’s a little bit of what I shared in the book on the subject of “Slut” Shaming:

Maybe part of me is still that young girl, fighting back against those bullies

who dared name me a “slut.” Maybe it’s simply my way of trying to help other

people understand that there’s nothing wrong or dirty about sex, but rather the

shaming and judgment that seem to follow it.

 

Yes, there’s more to the story than that….but you’ll have to read it to find out more. I truly believe that this book is powerful enough to change the world if we let it…

And the voice who brought us together? Well, August is generously doing a giveaway right HERE to celebrate the release of this amazing book that includes jewelry, gift cards, and more!

But if you’d like to purchase your own copy, please… feel free! Part of the proceeds are going to supply womens shelters with much needed feminine hygiene products! Buy your copy HERE!

And while you’re there… you can always pick up a copy of my book, Four One Night, which is on sale this weekend for $.99!

But, back to the above questions….

What makes you Embraceable?

Everything!

No Ass, No Choke-That’s What He Said!

“I don’t eat anything that starts with ‘ass’ or ends in ‘choke.'”

Translation?

“I won’t try asparagus or artichoke.”

The moment that cracked me up most, though, happened during a holiday at my mom’s house. She’d made the mistake of asking my hubby something about preferences for veggies.

As most of my regular readers have deduced, my hubby is a bit of a smartass. Let’s be real. You kind of have to be when you’re married to me. For me, his sense of fun and his sharp sarcasm are all part of his charm.

He also likes to cook and bake. He’s actually got some pretty impressive kitchen skills, and he’s creative with his culinary attempts. In fact, he’s often lamented about how he’d love to try his hand at something like the show “Chopped.” The random boxes of ingredients that need to be used to create some sort of masterpiece intrigues him.

But….

My man is picky. In fact, one of the few nods to “non-traditional” ingredients my hubby enjoys is almond milk. Hence the meme. Thus, I keep telling him that were he ever on the show, he’d have to pray for the perfect storm of ingredients or he’d lose.

He doesn’t believe me when I say these things to him, but he is…. And I partially blame it on his dad and the fact that he comes by his smartassery naturally.

Example? I’m half Asian. I love ethnic food. Until I’d met hubby, and he was 21 at the time, I’d never met a guy who hadn’t at least tried Chinese food. I mean, it’s practically a holiday staple with certain people. Yet I learned that my guy not only said “I don’t like Chinese,” he’d never given it a chance.

Why? Two reasons. First, was a combo of his dad and a scene from The Lost Boys. His pops called fried rice “flied lice.” And then he saw this scene….

And it didn’t help that his dad called soy sauce “bug juice.”

Thankfully, back then he was still working to impress me and tried the food. He got over his dislike really quickly once he tried it.

The thing is, when we conned him into trying the cooking tables at a Japanese restaurant, he found a new favorite. When he was peer pressured by colleagues to try seared ahi tuna or my grouper when we were in the Bahamas, he found there’s actually fish he would eat.

Because we went to a restaurant that made guacamole tableside, he tried it…and flan for dessert…and found he liked them both.

But most of the time? He balks like a big baby at anything he deems to be strange. And yet I’m still entertained by him….

Now it’s your turn. What foods kind of squick you out? Or even more interesting…if you’re in a long term relationship, what quirk does your significant other have that you find both entertaining and frustrating?

Celebrate Love

Today is hubby and my anniversary, so I wanted to take a moment to share how utterly amazing it feels to have someone who loves and supports you and your dreams through thick and thin, good and bad, and the failures as well as successes.

He waited patiently for me to be ready, and it took me years. He took the heat as the guy dragging his feet about getting to the altar when it was really me, not wanting to rush or make a mistake…because I will only marry once. Yes, I believe in happily ever after.

I’m blessed with a guy who loves God, me, and the Dallas Cowboys.

Someone with whom I can share my adventures.

Who isn’t afraid to get up and dance..

Who appreciates my brand of humor and my naughty mind…

Who loves coming back to Chicago as much as I do…

Yup! He’s my home, my soul mate, and my best friend….and he’ll be my life long adventure.

My wish for all of you today is that you all have or find someone who loves you unconditionally, flaws and all.

(BTW, in honor of our anniversary,  my book Three For All is only $.99. Click the link on the sidebar if you’re interested.)

Y is to Yield or Submit

Why is submission often seen as a trait of the weak?

How hard is it really to act tough; to take what you want or hide how you really feel behind the veneer of civilization and expectation? It’s not really that hard to play the part when a role has been written with you in mind, practically since conception. Telling you how you should feel, think, or act.

Yielding your will to someone else is often counter to everything you’re told you should want or need. Voluntarily giving up your power and bending to the desires of your partner for shared satisfaction and trusting that your lover will not only take care of you, but push your boundaries to bring you incredible pleasure.

To be willing to yield, you must be able to trust. Your partner. Your instincts. Your judgment. And your ability to recognize when to say no…or, in the world of Dominance and submission, to safeword.

You have to believe that your safeword will not only be acknowledged, but respected. That your partner has your best interests in mind. That they are watching you closely enough to pick up on your unspoken (and sometimes unrealized) triggers and kinks….and to know when to push or draw back.

To submit takes an incredibly strong person, comfortable in their knowledge of who and what he/she is. Letting down your walls and opening yourself up to all the possibilities and trusting your partner to be your strength and guide your journey…. Yeah, nothing at all weak in that.

That’s completely different than being a wimp or pushover. Because wimps don’t have the physical or emotional strength to stand on their own. They usually let others lead so that they can make excuses or blame others when things don’t go the way they wanted.

There is no greater gift a submissive could give a deserving Dominant than their willingness to cede their own power to their firm, controlling hand. No Dominant worth his/her salt would ever deliberately take that for granted, take advantage, or abuse that trust.

O is for Oral Sex and Orgasms

This is going to come as a shock to a few of you, but….. I’m not perfect.

I know. I know. Take a breath. It’s okay. I promise. You’re going to need it because I’m about to really blow your mind.

Not only am I not perfect, but I was also not always all that great certain aspects of sex. In fact, although I was amazing at receiving oral sex (talk about orgasms galore), I was not so great at giving it.

I had a gag reflex. I could work my fist around the base, knew how to twist with each stroke to enhance sensation, but when my head bobbed down…. Well, let’s just say that yacky, gaggy sounds aren’t really all that sexy, and it didn’t take much to hit that trigger.

Oddly enough, it was a lesson learned from years of dental and orthodontic works that helped me overcome.

What did I learn? If you don’t want to gag, breath in and out through your nose. It sounds so simple it couldn’t possibly work, right? But it does. Trust me. Try it.

The other thing? Well, to be fair, I knew I had this in me. I just didn’t realize how it would impact my cock sucking skills. I’ve got an exhibitionist streak a mile wide. For me it translated into the ability to give some pretty great road head minus the gag reflex because my sense of excitement overruled my usual issues.

Other things that I discovered that helped? There are actually gels, pills, and sprays that can be used to help numb the back of your throat/gag spots. The down side is that if you apply too much, it can also numb the dick you’re trying to pleasure… Which kinda defeats the purpose, right?

Finally, I had a fear of swallowing. I was afraid it would taste gross, maybe make me puke, or spew out so fast I’d choke on it. I was completely unwilling to try at first. But like I said, the possibility of being watched or caught? Brings out my inner wild child/Goddess. Not to mention the helplessness of the man, especially during the time of his release. He can’t think, he loses track of his surroundings, and becomes unable to think. He can only feel….

And that loss of control, along with my part in it?

Huge turn on, of course!

It was one such situation that allowed me to swallow the first time. I was enjoying my power, his helplessness….and feeding off his fear/excitement at the possibility of being caught. I pushed him past that limit and swallowed every drop. And discovered it didn’t taste at all like I feared. (I also later uncovered that different people and foods can change that flavor as well.)

Once I overcame that fear I became quite the skilled mouth. Which turned out to be a very good thing since many of my friends will randomly come up to me and ask me for sex advice. A lot. About a lot of subjects. Guess it’s a good thing I’m open to talking all things sex, huh?

I know I’m probably not the only one who’s ever run into sexual challenges… Please feel free to share some of yours. You never know who else may be going through the same thing…or who may be able to help you overcome.

And now I leave you with a clip on oral from one of my all time favorite shows, Queer as Folk.

How ‘Bout Some Holiday Hanky Panky?

The Christmas holiday, for me, has always been all about giving. Gifts, time, hugs….

In terms of my relationships, it’s also a time for extra snuggles, special surprise treats, and those unexpected romantic moments that present themselves. Even more importantly is acknowledging each other and the passion you share in both word and deed.

I love my sexy little holiday nights….

Man, now I’m wishing we had a fireplace.

Yes, my imagination really is that vivid.

Do you have sexy holiday fantasies? How would you make a little Christmas tonight?

 

Celebrating My Prince Charming

My happily ever after began 5 years ago, today…or that’s what a piece of paper says. In reality, it started when I was 19 years old and too full of myself to notice it.

That’s how old I was when I first met my husband. Back then I mostly dated pretty boy GQ types who rarely challenged me to be “more” on any level. My mom would tell you that’s probably why, in my youth, I changed boyfriends as quickly as some people changed bed sheets. She claimed that they weren’t “smart” enough to capture my interest, so she never worried. She knew I would get bored.

Still, when Mr. Kitt came along, he wasn’t what my friends considered my type. They cautioned him not to get his hopes up. He’d just grin. He knew exactly what he wanted and wouldn’t be deterred. He became my best friend, instead.

Most guys would hate being “friend zoned,” but not him. He noticed my friends lasted longer. He got to know me. My hopes, my dreams, my loyalty, my fears. And I got to know him. His sneaky brilliance, his ability to see through the facade to the true face of people, his irrepressible humor and ability to talk meaningfully about anything.

He waited a year before he made his first move. I never encouraged him, thinking we didn’t really have any sexual chemistry. Boy, was I surprised when he proved how thoroughly wrong I was!

That was 21 years ago. Our friendship? 22 years.

He’s taken the heat for years because the world assumed he was the reason it took us so long to get married. It wasn’t. He always knew what he wanted. Me? Let’s just say I had some scars. He knew it and he waited patiently for me to face them. He stood beside me all the while. He never let me get away with things. He was honest, even when it hurt. He challenged me. Made me think. And he expected the same from me.

So today, I’d like to say Happy Anniversary to the patient, loving man who knows me inside & out and loves me anyway. You truly are my best friend and partner, and the person I want to share happily ever after with because I know with you it will never be boring. Thanks for all the adventures so far, can’t wait to see what’s next.

Sensual Sweet Spots

Recently I wrote an article for the Sexual Wellness News site called The Orgasmic Body: Sexual Anatomy Basics. (Psst! I’d really appreciate if you’d head over, check it out, and maybe give it some love.) As often happens with me, the article set my mind wandering…. I mean, how could it not? We’re basically talking erogenous zones. Is there a better subject suited to my passions?

The thing is, although the article delves into the physiological, the biggest sex organ, though mentioned, was pretty much glossed over. Did you catch it? It was mentioned in the first paragraph. (I’m not going to mention it here, because I’d love for you to read the article, then come back and tell me which referral I’m flirting around.)

In that article we discussed the basics. The obvious basic. What we didn’t discuss were those sexy little nooks and crannies that we discover on ourselves and our lovers with careful and fun loving exploration. For example, did you know that the shoulder blade can be an erogenous zone? Yeah, neither did my virgin self until my boyfriend (now my husband) decided to plant his first kiss….a soft pressure of lips left on my right shoulder blade. I felt that one delicate, sensual touch go from my back to my nipples, and head further south. And all he did was lay his lips there until I felt the irresistible urge to turn around, wrap my fingers around the nape of his neck and pull his face down to mine for a kiss burned up as quickly as a wildfire.

Pulse points are erogenous zones that often get neglected once a couple is in a steady or long term relationship. The inside of the wrist, the sweet spot on the neck. Or spots like the inside of the elbow or back of the knees. And here’s the thing, ladies…. We’re not the only ones that go a little melty when those hyper sensitive spots get special attention. Men have sweet spots, too!

Have you ever wondered why it is that your man goes a little wild when, in the throes of passion, you forget yourself enough to bite down on their trapezius muscle? Or maybe it’s when you decide to rain down licks and kisses on the small of their back. Are you one who gives the cock plenty of play and appreciation, but maybe not so much his balls?

And what about the “taint” area? Lots of sensitivity there for both men and women. In fact, if you’re playing in the shower, and you’re feeling daring, have you rimmed your lover’s ass hole? Or allowed attention to yours? To be clear, I only mention shower because many find that area to be unsanitary, so it’s best to be either prepared or someplace where it’s being/has been cleaned. For men, that area can be mind blowing if they’re comfortable and/or willing to relax and let their partner explore. In fact, when properly prepared, it can be a pretty incredible experience for women, too. (Hasn’t anyone wondered why MFM ménages are all the rage these days? Because there are plenty of women who fantasize…)

There are so many awesome, incredible spots that we need to take the time to explore! With an open mind, you’d be amazed at what your partner might share with you, and how it can enhance your sex life. As one who is always learning, I’d love to throw this question to you guys…. What unexpected erogenous zones have you discovered? Was it a discovery on your partner'(s) body or yours? Yes, there’s a strong chance I will be taking your answers and exploring to see if it’s a spot that works for me, too.

As always, remember that just because a sweet spot works for one person doesn’t mean it works for everyone. BTW, ya’ll also know how much I love Aloe Cadabra. Have you seen their latest post on unusual uses people have found for their lube? I definitely appreciate their traditional uses, too, but I thought you guys might get a kick…because I was the one who used it to treat an insect sting on my dog. Hey, don’t laugh. It worked!

Baiser d’Amour

My Wedding Day

 

Smooth, gentle glide
A whispered breath,
Glanced soft on skin,
Delve inside.
Sweet seduction,
Satin lips;
Tangled heat,
Wet, velvet tongues
Battle–
Sear of desire,
Moaned surrender,
Captured,
Swallowed,
Shared.
Sealed
In passion’s kiss.

In honor of International Kissing Day I thought I’d write a poem. After all, passion starts with the mind, then a kiss, then everywhere else. A kiss can say so much…and so little. No one sings kisses better than Shania Twain.

Where does passion begin for you? Is there a song about kissing that melts your heart? I’m in a romantic mood tonight and would love if you’d share.

And just in case you missed it, we’re in the last few hours of my birthday weekend and I’m giving stuff away to say thanks for all the support you guys have shown me.