Honoring Family Ties Created By Love

It takes more than biology to make a parent. I firmly believe that. Life has proven that lesson to me.  I also consider myself blessed to have been gifted with a strong, forward thinking mother who is a role model to me (regardless of what she thinks when I choose not to take her advice).

Those of you who’ve read my blog for a while know that I attribute my personal body image and positive sexuality messages from my mother and the wonderful message she sent throughout my childhood. So much of who I am came from the example she set. She taught me to be a strong, powerful woman. Even after she lost my brothers and her marriage to my bio-father, when she had every reason in the world to doubt and be negative, she held on to her faith and her sense of humor….and taught my sister and I the importance of standing on our own two feet.

She probably doesn’t realize I took her to heart when she told me, “Kitt, date lots and lots of boys. This way, when the right one comes along, you’ll recognize him. Don’t be so quick to rush into something before you’re ready. Enjoy life….and whatever you do, make sure you can support yourself so that whatever man you choose will know he’s there because you want him there, not because you’re afraid to be without him. There’s a huge difference. You’ll also know that no matter what, you’ll be okay.”

Me with Mom & Step-dad on my wedding day

Me with Mom & Step-dad on my wedding day

But I also knew my bio-dad did a lot of damage to her heart. I began to doubt whether she’d go out on a limb and share her life with another man again. And then she met my stepdad in 1989. Her first words to him on her date have become a source of laughter within the family….”I don’t believe in adultery, nor do I believe in fornicatious behavior.” (She’s okay with all sorts of wild, raunchy sex in and out of high heels once she’s married…but that’s her thing.) I should’ve known my stepdad was a keeper when he answered, “Lady, I just want to take you to dinner!”

When they got married on May 7, 1993 (yep, yesterday was their anniversary), I even paid for their wedding! Okay, so my stepdad forgot his check book and the courthouse didn’t take credit cards…and it only cost me $35. It still counts. 😉 And you know what? It was worth every penny. He’s a good man who’s been there for my sister and me in ways my bio-dad never was. He became the parent of our hearts. The one who walked my sister down the aisle. The one who did the father/daughter dance at our weddings. He was there for our concerts, our graduations. He’s helped when our cars have broken down, he’s fixed stuff when they’ve broken in our houses, he’s opened his house to host our bridal showers….and just been there when we’ve needed him.

He’s earned the Father’s Day cards….and we love him. And we truly appreciate the way he loves our mom. Happy Anniversary!

 

Sexy Chatting With Miz #GirlBoner Radio, August McLaughlin

Ya’ll know there’s not much I love more than an opportunity to talk sexy. In fact, it was this exact penchant that helped cement a friendship between myself and the creator of #GirlBoner, August McLaughlin. We’ve been going back and forth between our blogs, Facebook and Twitter for so long now that she feels more like an old friend than a stranger whose voice I’ve only heard in YouTube videos and podcasts.

So, of course, when she contacted me about my blog post celebrating the Beauty of a Woman’s Sexuality (for her third annual BlogFest) from a Christian standpoint, and asked me to share it and chat with her on her radio show, I was over the moon! Me? On GirlBoner radio? Actually talking to August live? Practically in person? Of course! That was yesterday.

So, for those of you who’d like to take a listen….maybe hear what I really sound like, or what it’s like when two totally Sex Positive women get together and chat…

Kinky Christian: Not an Oxymoron?

All I can say is that it was an honor to talk to my dear friend.

Fangs Wands & Fairy Dust

Also, if you haven’t gotten a chance to visit Fangs, Wands, and Fairy Dust….stop on over. Stephanie is an awesome book blogger/supporter of authors…and there are still a few days left for you to participate in a chance to win a copy of my most recent book….

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

Have you checked out August McLaughlin’s radio show yet? If not, go do it! I promise, you will not be disappointed. Also, if you listened to my interview, I’d love to hear what ya’ll thought!

Sacred Sexuality #BOAW3 #GirlBoner

boaw-gb-edition-14

When I was a little girl my mom told me two things that always stuck with me.

“Your body is a temple and should be honored as sacred to you and by those around you.”

AND

“You were created in God’s image. You are perfect to him.”

It wasn’t until much later that I realized the gift she’d given me by approaching sex clinically, and body talk spiritually. Because this was a frequent theme in my house growing up, I didn’t have many body issues. In fact, the closest I came was not exactly loving my toes. I assumed that my body was pretty close to perfect because my mom said I was designed in His image. How could I be anything else? Then puberty hit. I heard friends talking about themselves. In their eyes they were ugly and fat and in need of dieting. Whoa! They looked perfectly beautiful to me…and THAT’s when I realized that the lenses through which they saw their bodies must have been distorted. No one had ever told them how amazing their design was.

Even more important was the shame people seemed to feel about their ‘temples’ and the natural instincts that came with this gift. For me it all felt contradictory. Why on earth would a God…who designed us in His image give women a clitoris, a part of the anatomy strictly designed for pleasure and no other purpose, if he didn’t want us to enjoy the finer pleasures in life? How could touching it be considered sinful? Yet how many people are ashamed to admit or have actually NEVER TRIED masturbation because they believe it somehow goes against God? How? Why would he create it and put it on our persons if not for us to share in the joy of his creation?

Some of the first known (and most beautiful) erotica came from the Bible! Don’t believe me? Here’s a verse from Song of Solomon 7:1-13

How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels,
the work of an artist’s hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet
that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat
encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon
by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon
looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry;
the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.

She

May the wine go straight to my beloved,
flowing gently over lips and teeth.
10 I belong to my beloved,
and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.
12 Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes send out their fragrance,
and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old,
that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

Pure sensual seduction and admiration of lovers. And it’s beautiful, not ugly! It’s a celebration and appreciation of the gifts given them, the differences of form…and how they were meant to fit together. Pleasure and passion shared is to be a joy, not dirty. Not something that happens only strictly for procreation.

We made it dirty. Historically speaking, let’s look back. Biblically speaking, David had at least 8 known wives and 10 concubines documented between 1 & 2 Samuel. Solomon? Something like 700 wives and 300 concubines. And these guys were considered loved by God.

Perception of what was appropriate and acceptable in marital and sexual practices actually changed with Roman rule, thanks to their strongly patriarchal society. It was changed because the ruling culture required we find a way to fit in. This meant that power and land were passed down through the male line and it was important to keep these lineages “clean” and clear of doubt. Women had no real say in how things were run. They were merely property used to strengthen the family line for rulership and wealth, so their chastity was guarded carefully.

If you’re anything like me, you’re already drawing lines of why finding pleasure in sex/mating began to be discouraged…and why sex became a “duty” rather than a joy. Can you imagine what would happen if a teenage girl discovered self pleasure during this time? Why on earth would she wait to be married off to some man she probably didn’t know, much less love (and probably a zillion years older than her) if she knew the joys she could explore with someone she found visually pleasing? It wasn’t an accident that the two most powerful entities were Royalty and the Church and that their ties were strongly intertwined. Care to guess what those sermons sounded like for women? I’ll leave it to your imagination.

But as often happens with universal truths, the pleasures of the flesh began to be acceptable to explore again. Unfortunately, the church (who’d been thriving on threats of death by fire and brimstone for sinners) felt that this new, modern way of thinking took away from their power….and Puritans with even stronger rules against sexuality pushed their propaganda on the world….conveniently leaving out all the beauty and joy that should be experienced with lovemaking.

So why are we, in the new millennium, still letting archaic views dictate our thoughts, feelings and responses to sex? Isn’t it time we changed all that? Our bodies are temples. They’re meant to be worshipped, not left to decay and grow cobwebs from lack of use. If someone makes you feel less than beautiful when the clothes come off, kick him or her to the curb. They obviously don’t recognize that you’ve been created in God’s image and are beautiful.

Remember there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself or loving yourself. Getting in touch with your body is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and your partner(s). Learn how you like to be touched and pleasured. Teaching your partner(s) how to increase your enjoyment of lovemaking only strengthens the intimacy between you. When couples treat themselves and each other with great appreciation and their fantasies as gifts to be appreciated and explored, lines of communication are strengthened. The need to look outside the relationship for fulfillment is lessened. In fact, I’d hazard that if any venturing is done that includes outside parties, both partners are actively involved in the decision making process.

At the end of the day, nothing is more worshipful than celebrating each other. Afterall, you’re gifts of God to one another, designed in His image. Sex? That’s a gift, too. He didn’t have to design lovemaking to be pleasurable, but he did! Do you really believe he’d do that if it were an act solely to be saved for procreation? I don’t think so. Why deny yourselves the joy of your Sacred Sexualities by placing it on the altar of societal bullying and fear? Our (as August McLaughlin would say) Girlboners deserve better.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Have you been made to feel ashamed of your body? Your sexuality? If so, have you overcome those feelings? How? If not, how can we help you? Afterall, we’re all on this big, beautiful world together. Maybe it will help you to see how other people celebrate The Beauty of a Woman, #Girlboner style. Click here to read more on why we should love our bodies and sexuality.

Pre-Valentine’s Day Preparedness

Whether you’re single, in a relationship or an “old married couple” there’s something about the Hearts and Flowers holiday that brings out the need to love and be loved.

As it turns out, I’ve got some people who just might be able to help with that!

First, we have my dear friends at Go Deeper Press, Lana Fox and Angela Tavares, hosting a 3 day event for FREE called The Mermaid Voyage. This is all about erotic self discovery. These lovely women are in touch with their sensual sides and are offering their assistance to help YOU get in touch with YOURS!

Next, here’s some help from Love Experts, Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird for those of you who feel like you’re in a sexual “rut” with your partner. Nothing like a little Role Play (and the right rules) to help bring back the spice. These guys are fantastic.

Then there’s my dear friend, August McLaughlin and her GirlBoner radio (available to view FREE HERE on iTunes). She’s all about frank, honest talk about the joy and beauty of human sexuality. I love her Sex Positive outlook on the world (which is actually probably one of the first bonds we shared). Care to know more about what it means to be Sex Positive? Read this post…I felt pretty awesome that she enjoyed my first book enough to mention it as part of this post. What an honor!

Finally, for those couples looking for something more “obscure” to spice things up….Here’s a post from one of my buddies, Anna Cade, of Herding Cats and Burning Soup that lists some of the more unique toys…including a “fleshlight.”

Now it’s your turn. Have you recently found a post that you think needs to be shared in preparation for Valentine’s Day? Are you a Valentine’s day hater? Do you have some great/funny opposing views to share?

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

My contribution to Valentine’s Day this year is my newest release, Four One Night. Did you miss the excerpt I shared on Emma and Loni’s pages a couple posts ago? Here it is, one more time, just for you guys.

Excerpt:

I nodded my head, an idea taking hold in my mind. “You know, I decided I needed to blow off some steam about three hours ago. You’re coming with me. You need it even more than I do. We’ll call it medicinal.”

“That sounds exactly like the kind of distraction I need,” she said, a smile flitting across her face.

“Good. Because it’s too freaking cold to be standing around. My nipples are pointing all over the place for all the wrong reasons!” We hustled to my car, heels clicking a rapid staccato against the asphalt. “All this pent up energy has me in the mood to play. It’s time to call in reinforcements.”

“Ooh!” She looked at me over the hood, her baby blues full of mischief. “That means Michael’s coming. Think he can handle both of us?”

“We’re about to find out! If not, there’s always you and me.” I laughed and yanked my phone out of my purse pocket.

“Danielle Monroe! You are such a tease.” She tossed her dark gold curls over her shoulder.

“Am I? You’ve never seen my bad girl side.” My eyebrow raised, daring her to take me up on the offer.

“Now that sounds promising.” She said, batting her eyes in the worst parody of exaggerated flirtation I’d seen in a while.

Shaking my head and smiling at our antics, I dialed Michael. With the receiver to my ear, the muted strains of “My Cherie Amour” floated through instead of a ring. The frigid air whipped through the thin cotton of my shirt causing a shudder to ripple through my curvy frame. I grabbed for my key fob and quickly pressed the unlock button.

“Hey babe,” his dark, raspy voice came on the line. “What’s up?”

“Well, that all depends on you,” I purred as my hands motioned Candace to get in the car. “Work was nuts and Candace and I need to blow off some steam. We’re headed over to Club Heat for ladies night. Will you join us or do we need to find some other sexy men to play with?”

“Ooh, someone’s feeling feisty.” I could practically see his smile through the rumble in his voice. “I love it when Miss Dani comes out to play.”

“Then you’re gonna love me tonight.” Grabbing the handle, I tugged my door open. Finally out of the chilled air and in the driver’s seat, I slammed the door shut and shoved my key in the ignition.

“Two wild women looking to unleash themselves after a bad day?” The little beep of his car alarm being released sounded through the receiver followed by the slam of the door. “That may be more than I can handle alone.”

Tipping my head against my shoulder to cradle the phone, I turned the key in the ignition, quickly followed by the heater. “Michael Gallo! Afraid you might need reinforcements?”

Music flared in the background as he started his car. “Afraid is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as being prepared for any eventuality.”

“Well, you know how I feel. The more, the merrier. Hot men and alcohol make everything better!” With one last look in my rear view mirror, I shifted into drive, leaving our bad day in the dust.

Lessons in Life and Love from Once Upon a Time

I wasn’t the girl who was hooked on Once Upon a Time from the beginning. I’d recorded it with the intent to watch, but somehow, I never did. Until the end of this last season. What I found was brilliant script writing, fairy tale characters I remembered, but spun to be virtually unrecognizable in the coolest way possible….and some awesome lessons in living and loving well if you paid attention.

If you know anything about fairy tales, you know that there are certain inalienable truths.

According to Shakespeare, “The path of true love never did run smooth.” The folks in Storybrooke, Maine would agree with that. In fact, they don’t even know it, but they’ve been trapped by a curse placed upon them by the evil queen to gain her revenge on Snow White, a local school teacher. Yes, when she activated the curse, she moved her world of magic into our world, a place where magic didn’t exist. In this world, no one remembered who they were or got happy endings…well, not until the “savior” arrived and the curse was broken.

Lesson: True love takes a lot of work, faith (both in yourselves and each other), and sacrifice. Problems and challenges don’t just disappear because you’ve found your true love. In fact, there will be times when you will lose sight of what’s important. In those times, the other part of you will rise up to the challenge–to believe and fight enough for you both.

Charming said it best. “I will always find you.”

Then there are the villains, Regina, the Evil Queen, and Rumplestiltskin…and even, to an extent, Regina’s mother, Cora. They’ve made some terrible, hateful decisions in the name of anger and revenge. But they are capable of love…and when they embrace that rarely used part of their souls, amazing things happen.

Lesson: With the power of love, no one is irredeemable. Flaws are there, and seen, but true love is acceptance, warts and all. Love means letting go of hate and anger, sometimes sacrificing yourself, to put someone else’s happiness and well being above your own.

Sometimes people will lose their way, forget who they are. In Storybrooke, this has happened quite literally. Charming lost his memory, for a while the entire town had no memory of their life in The Enchanted Forest, and Belle literally lost all her memories of Rumplestiltskin and their love. Sometimes losing their way can also be metaphoric. Snow lost sight of who she was in her quest for revenge, Pinnochio forgot his path and his responsibilities, even Red (yes, that’s Little Red Riding Hood) lost sight of the true meaning of family and acceptance when she met her mother.

Lesson: Those who love you will remember who you are and hold on to you. They won’t let you stay lost for long. They’ll remind you of just how important you truly are.

In life, we’re all bound to make mistakes. They don’t have to define us. In Once Upon A Time, Emma had given Henry up for adoption, thinking she had nothing better to offer him. He found her, and she fell in love. He was adopted by Regina, the Evil Queen, who had cast a curse of vengeance against Snow and Charming, Emma’s parents.

Lesson: Everyone has an opportunity to redeem themselves if they’re brave enough to take the chance. Love means owning your mistakes and moving forward. They don’t have to define who you are.

And finally, the most important lesson of all– “True Love is the most powerful magic of all.”

Yes, I’ve definitely got a soft spot for fairy tales. Always have. I love the way these ones are being told and blended into this beautiful tapestry. Are you a Once Upon A Time fan? Are there any lessons from the show that you’d like to impart? Is there another show that’s gotten you hooked? What life/love lessons did you catch?

 

A Grown Up Christmas Eve

It’s been a while since I’ve written poetry, so I figured…what better time than now? Moms and dads…this particular poem is for you guys. After all, you guys deserve a bit of naughty with all that nice, right?

A Grown Up Christmas Eve

Christmas eve has finally come,
The kids are tucked away
On whimsical dreams of Santa Claus
Arriving on his sleigh.

I wrap the gifts, you pour the wine,
Admire our lighted tree…
Music fills our silent night
As you softly sing to me.

You waltz me ‘cross the living room
Beneath the mistletoe,
Pull my body close to yours,
Kiss me sweet and slow.

Unwrap me like a present,
Unleash my inner fire,
Feel me quiver in your arms
Incite my heart’s desire.

Spread me open to your gaze,
Touch me skin to skin,
Slide your power into me
Fill me from within.

Drag my nails along your back,
Feral, wild, untamed.
Glide your tongue on heated flesh,
Until I scream your name.

Flood me with your ecstasy,
Drill me till I’m whole.
Surrender to my heart’s demand
Claim me, body and soul.

Wouldn’t you know, as I shared this one with hubby, he started to sing a song… So, since it also seemed appropriate, he picked our song for the night. I figured a bad boy like Mellencamp had the perfect version. 😉

 

What I Brought Back

bringing-sexy-back

Unlike Justin Timberlake, I feel no need to bring sexy back…mostly because I never thought it was lost.

Sexy is something intangible that lives inside each and every one of us…. Often, all it really takes is tapping into our innermost thoughts and fantasies.

Desire is another story all together. Sometimes we need some poking and prodding…and some good directions to help us Bring Back Desire…. Today, Ande Lyons has invited me to share some of my thoughts on ways to make this happen by repurposing a post I wrote a little while back…with a bit of a Bring Back Desire twist.

Stop by and say hi! We’d love the company…and to hear your thoughts on our chosen subject for the day. You guys aren’t the slightest bit shy, so I’m sure you’ll have plenty to contribute. I, for one, can’t wait to get your thoughts.

In the meantime…. (And I’d love to hear about when this happened to you) Ever found yourself in a situation where you were in denial about what was really going on?

Ladies (or maybe guys, too)…ever found yourself dating a guy and wondering how that happened? You guys were just hanging out…ALL THE TIME…and he paid… But you kind of thought you were just friends until someone said something?

Guys…ever had a friend make a comment about how he didn’t realize you and your girlfriend had moved in together and you said he was wrong…only to look around and realize her toothbrush was next to yours in the bathroom, that she had a couple of drawers in your bureau and clothes in your closet…her shampoo in your shower…and she really didn’t go “home” much anymore?

Then you’ll really appreciate the humor in this video… and don’t forget to check out my guest post at Bring Back Desire!

A Simple Sorry Will Do

“I’m Sorry”

The words aren’t exactly difficult to pronounce. They’re not complicated. In fact, next to “I love you” it’s probably the most important sentence in the English language. So what makes it so difficult for some people to say?

Through the years I’ve come to recognize several different avoidance tactics… Maybe you’ll recognize them too.

The first, and probably most popular, avoidance tactic is the guilt purchase in lieu of an apology. This is my mother’s go to technique. An example? How’s this…

Back when I was in high school my mom accused me of going on birth control without her permission. She was furious. She wanted to know where I’d managed to go to get on the pill and didn’t believe me when I told her I wasn’t. She swore up and down that I was having sex and swore that if I got pregnant, she’d disown me (yeah, that part I know she was exaggerating about…she’d never do that to me). It didn’t matter how many times I tried to defend my innocence. She was sure I was lying. Well, until my sister came into the room, grabbed the packet of pills she was waving around in my face and told her that they were her cleaning enzymes for her contacts.

You know teenagers…we feel things intensely. To say I was furious and wounded would be a mild understatement…especially when my sister vindicated me. I wanted an apology! So, I did what any loudmouth teenage daughter would do. I gave her the silent treatment. Hey, I’m not stupid. I knew she’d realize quickly that I was mad and hurt.

That evening, while I lay on my bed reading a book, she popped her head into my bedroom.

Mom: (Tosses cool black leather and silver metal barrette on the bed next to me) Hey Kitt. I went shopping today and bought this for you.
Me: (Head comes up from my book to look at her. Glares at her because I realized she didn’t apologize and feeling as though she’s trying to buy me off…because she is. Looks back down at the book. Not a word said.)
Mom: (Pretending nothing’s wrong) Do you like it?
Me: (Looks back at her, one eyebrow raised & shake my head as I look away again)

She finally walked away. I was determined not to accept the blackmail or her non-apology. After several hours of silence, she finally broke. She flounced into my room (yes, moms can flounce, too) and said. “Fine, I’m sorry. Okay?”

I looked up and smiled and said “Thank you.”

I won’t lie…I grabbed that hair clip and kept it after she gave her apology. No sense in letting it go to waste… And to be fair, I know my situation is not the norm…many people will just continue on with their business and never say the words.

The second avoidance tactic is the “Sounds like an apology non-apology”.

There was a guy I used to manage with. He was so proud of his “faux-pology” skills. He used to use it on customers a lot. An example?

A customer was frustrated with her treatment by one of his employees. She felt the employee misled her on her plan and how returns worked.

Him: I’m sorry you didn’t listen to your rep about the return policy.

or

Him: I’m sorry you didn’t think to read the fine print.

or

Him: I’m sorry you waited until two weeks later to tell me about how your rep treated you, now that you’re outside your return policy and my hands are tied.

As you can see…none of these things were real apologies. Nothing to validate their feelings.

All I could think was…would it have been so hard to tell the customer “I can only imagine how frustrated you’re feeling right now. I’m sorry you were made to feel unimportant. We value your business. Why don’t we take a look at this together and see what options and alternatives we can come up with”?

Somehow I doubt his customers were pleased with their service….or stayed very long.

The third avoidance tactic is where you tell someone that you love them, but never that you’re sorry. This is used most often on family. It’s very similar to #1, except that instead of blackmail with something of monetary value, you resort to twisting up emotions.

For example, you embarrass your significant other…maybe you lose your temper and yell at him/her in front of other people. Your partner is hurt and walks away. After you cool down you realize you might have overreacted. Instead of an apology, you seek him/her out and tell them “I love you”.

Courtesy of sweetstuffcalledlove.tumblr.com

Courtesy of sweetstuffcalledlove.tumblr.com

Two words. Two simple words… So why are they so hard for some people to say? How can accepting responsibility for injured feelings or poorly chosen words be so hard for some people? The funny thing is, many of these folks are sorry. They feel remorse for their careless/thoughtless actions…but they just can’t say it! Granted, there are those who refuse to apologize simply because they’re narcissistic enough to believe they’re never wrong…but usually that kind of arrogance spills over into every other aspect of their personality, making it a trait that’s fairly easy to recognize.

One thing I’ve learned…with love, there’s no room for foolish pride. Someone who loves you won’t take an admission of wrongdoing as an opportunity to browbeat you and hold it over your head. They recognize your willingness to humble yourself in front of them as a gift…and it strengthens your love and makes it easier to let go of hurts and move forward together.

When it’s left unsaid, resentments fester. Doubt creeps in. Feelings of inadequacy and lack of appreciation become so strong. All the good becomes overpowered by memories of every hurt and each slight. Yes, withholding the “I’m sorries” in my opinion, are just as dangerous as never saying “I love you”.

Before you ask… Yes, I’m well aware that there are also those people who overuse I’m sorry, but never mean it. But those people…their actions speak so loudly that they make it easy to walk away. The other ones, though…they devastate. You want to fight for your relationship. You try to fight. But after a while the battle feels one sided and you wonder if you’re the only one bothering. You begin to wonder WHY you try.

The words may be scary to say…especially if you’re the person who’s always held it back. But if you put yourself on that limb. Say the word. The rewards are so much bigger your fears. You’d be amazed at the difference it can make. Try it! I promise it won’t kill you.

What are your experiences with “I’m Sorry”? Which of these non-apologies do you see most frequently? Have you seen other avoidance techniques that we should be on the lookout for? Have you been the victim of this kind of hurt? How did it impact you?

In the meantime…I thought I’d share a little Elton John….

Love Celebration

One of our Bahamas trips

One of our Bahamas trips

 

Today’s our 4th anniversary…technically speaking. We’ve actually been together for 20 years. Half my life. Wow! I always thought that sounded like a long time, but really…there’s no one else I’d rather spend my time with! I’m lucky to be with my best friend in the whole world. On Facebook I shared a poem I wrote for him in my status called Haven.

But today, here, I’m going to get sappy and share some of my favorite songs that I believe encompass aspects of our relationship…

It’s so important to reconnect and rejuvenate your spirits together. Forget the outside world for a while and remember why you love each other.

Look past Lorrie Morgan’s big hair and hear her message. To connect in that way, to share your thoughts and your spirit with someone who will cherish them…Huge gift.

Life can get really tedious if you’re always looking for the big gestures. Sometimes it’s those little everyday things that really tell you just how much you’re loved. I love that Bryan White got that…

There’s something very reassuring about knowing there is always someone you can count on!

This one kind of reminds me of the “Footprints In The Sand” poem…. It talks about the give and take in a relationship. Not everyone is strong all the time.

Hope you guys enjoyed some of my song selections. I’d love to hear from you guys, though…what songs make you think of love? Any sharing will be considered an generous anniversary gift to us!

Self Pleasure A Solo Sport?

Why wait till May to talk masturbation???

Masturbation

A couple days ago I confessed to you guys that I can be a bit of a Grammar cop. Before I continue, look at the sentence under Masturbation….that statement needs a well placed comma to match the above picture, no? I’m pretty sure the sentence is also pretty accurate, too, though. Masturbation isn’t just limited to men I know. 😉

Remember those myths/old wives tales we used to hear about masturbation? My personal favorite was probably frequent self pleasure will make you go blind. Or what about the one that said touching yourself would make your palms hairy? Maybe you heard that masturbation would cause you to lose your ability to orgasm during actual sex…. or any of the many other myths out there.

With all the craziness surrounding something as simple and natural as masturbation, it’s no wonder folks are unwilling to admit to taking pleasure into their own hands. For me, personally, it’s my ideal way to relieve stress…assuming I’m someplace I can shuck my clothes. As it turns out, not only were those endorphins helping me to release stress and tension, they were also increasing my sex drive.

There’s this other myth that says that masturbation is a solo sport. I beg to differ. Everyone needs a helping hand. Sure, it can be… but alone is not your only option. I’m not talking about the whole leave your window curtains open “accidentally” so that the neighbors can get a peek…though if that does it for you, I’m the last person who will be throwing stones. What I’m talking about can be done several ways for multiple benefits.

Mutual Masturbation.

As we know, we women tend to need mental stimulation. Most men need visual stimulation. It would seem to me that playing in pairs would have a symbiotic effect. We can read our most recent racy novel or float off to fantasyland in our heads, then once our bodies are raring to go, invite our partners into the bedroom.

You can make it a game….

You: Baby, I’m feeling a little frisky and I want to play…
Him: Okay.
You: I want you to watch me touch myself…
Him: (thinking it’s incredibly hot and he just scored…wondering what’s the catch.) That’s hot.
You: There’s just one thing. I want to touch me. I want to watch you watch me touch myself. But you don’t get to touch me until I say okay. (After your first orgasm.)
Him: (Wow…That’s the catch?) Sounds hot. Do I get to touch myself?
You: (The view is just added inspiration) Absolutely.

Okay, so maybe the dialogue is a little cheesy, but think about this… There is something very sexy about sitting across from each other and pleasuring yourselves. Looking into each others eyes builds intimacy. Watching each other touch yourselves does something else. If you pay close attention, you will learn how your partner likes to be touched. Struggled to help your partner attain orgasm? They’re giving you an in depth look into their points of pleasure! Things have been getting a bit stale? Watch the “way” they touch themselves. There may be cues for different interests or role play scenarios in the future. You’ll learn if you’re too soft, too hard, too gentle…or just right (which can be an incredible ego boost).

Of course, you can also bring out the toys! Who says you have to be the one to masturbate you? Why turn a partner down if they’re in the mood to drive you out of your mind with ecstasy? Or *gasp* you could initiate it. Maybe you have a whole array of toys and your own toy chest or maybe you’ve never bought a vibrator before. Either way, do you know how exciting it can be for a man to be invited to join you as you “break in” a new toy? Maybe it’s one of those little finger vibes…(don’t knock ’em, they can be very powerful these days) or maybe it’s your rabbit. Personally, I’m enthralled with glass dildos these days (something about the fact that they can hold heat or cold gives me the shivers in a good way).

Here’s a truth…we all have our insecurities revolving around sex. Sharing intimacies like this with our partners helps break down those walls. It also helps both of you to better be able to meet your needs without pressure and frustration. In fact, if you haven’t found your g-spot yet, why not ask your partner for a team assist? You could “research” the subject online together…watching all sorts of “educational” videos. Maybe you could read books or articles…or go toy shopping and find something designed to hit “the spot”. Or that can just be your excuse to play…;-)

And if you’re newer to a relationship? Won’t they think you’re nasty or a slut or some other hideous label people create? Unless they’re severely repressed, not likely. In fact, you’ve just told them three things about yourself. You know your body and are not ashamed (nor should you be–regardless of what clothing size you might wear because they were attracted to you for a reason), you expect communication with your sex (novel concept, I know) AND that you like a bit of adventure with your loving. THERE IS NO DOWNSIDE HERE! (In fact, if they’ve got a problem…they’re likely also the downside…)

Masturbation is a genuine pleasure for me. There are all sorts of scenarios you can play out for pleasure…the one I listed above was just one of many…and meant to get your creative juices flowing. So while you’re thinking of it, what myths have you heard about sex that you know are just not true? You know I’m open to any questions you may also have surrounding masturbation and sex, so feel free to ask…

As you all know, I don’t believe in taking sex too seriously, so I thought I’d share with you the most hilariously cheesy song I’ve heard in a while…appropriately called “Masturbation Song”.