Hey Ditty Ditty – A Request From Jenny Hansen

My friend, Jenny Hansen, posted an Undie Chronicle on More Cowbell yesterday regarding Panty-O and kegel panties. Yes. They DO exist.

pantyo-vertAs usually happens on Jenny’s blogs, funny, quirky conversation ensued… Of course I participated. Here’s what I said and Jenny’s response. :

Kitt Crescendo says:

So how strange is it that these kegel panties had me thinking Night Court and Dan Fielding? This sort of thing seemed right up his alley. LOL!

As there are people that walk around with plugs in even more delicate places down south, I’m pretty sure you’d be able to survive the Panty-O fitness regime if you chose to create one for you. I’m also positive that there are a bunch of us on here who would be happy to create little reminder ditties for you…;-)

  • ROFLMAO!!! Do create a reminder ditty. Please, please do.

    I’m a little frightened by this Night Court analogy, but I guess, it’s better Dan than the bailiff…

So of course, when she challenged me to write a ditty, I couldn’t resist. Here are a couple songs I made to encourage Jenny to put on these panties.

The first one goes to the tune of Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. For those of you unfamiliar with the song, I’ve included the original.

Itsy Bitsy Plastic Thingie

She was afraid to come out of the bathroom,
She was as nervous as she could be.
She was afraid to come out of the bathroom
She was afraid of the work out panty.

1 – 2- 3- 4
Tell the people what she wore!

It was an itsy bitsy plastic thingie
Tucked inside her brief bikini
She had to squeeze
As she went through her day.
An itsy bitsy plastic thingie
Tucked inside her brief bikini
So in the bathroom
She wanted to stay.

1 – 2 – 3 – 4
Stick around, we’ll tell you more!

She was afraid it would feel very awkward,
So she almost put it in a drawer.
She was afraid it would feel very awkward
But she wore them and went for the door.

1 – 2 – 3 -4
Tell the people what she wore!

It was an itsy bitsy plastic thingie
Tucked inside her brief bikini
She had to squeeze
As she went through her day.
An itsy bitsy plastic thingie
Tucked inside her brief bikini
Her lady bits
Would get stronger each day.

1 – 2 – 3 – 4
Stick around we’ll tell you more!

Now she’s afraid to be seen out in public
And I wonder what she’s gonna do.
She’s afraid to be seen out in public
But maybe others are wearing them, too.

1 – 2 – 3 – 4
Tell the people what she wore!

It was an itsy bitsy plastic thingie
Tucked inside her brief bikini
She had to squeeze
As she went through her day
An itsy bitsy plastic thingie
Tucked inside her brief bikini
I cheered her on
With a hip hip hooray!

From the bathroom to the drawer,
From the drawer to the door,
From the door to out in public
And now her girl bits are sore.

But wait! I’m not done! Just in case she didn’t like this one, I created another one….to the tune of  YMCA… and since Natalie was so kind as to point out to Jenny that she’d already “gone there” with a post, I thought it only right I include her in the song, too. 😉

Now everyone’s familiar with this song, but it’s fun, so I’m posting it anyway….

Kegels Each Day

Jenny,
Don’t let your girl parts down.
I said Jenny,
Uterus off the ground.
I said Jenny,
There are panties around
That can help you fix this problem.
Jenny,
There’s a place you can go
I said Jenny,
If you’ve got enough dough.
You can buy them
And I’m sure you will find
Use them
They’ll be worth ev’ry dime.

Chorus:
It’s always fun to do
Kegels each day.
It’s always fun to do
Kegels each day.
They will strengthen your “P”
You might even enjoy
The side benefits with your boy.
It’s always fun to do
Kegels each day.
It’s always fun to do
Kegels each day.
You can squeeze yourself strong
While you’re having a meal.
You can squeeze whenever you feel.

Jenny,
Are you list’ning to me?
I said Jenny,
What do you want to see?
I said Jenny,
You can buy some with bling
But you’ve go to wear this one thing.
Jenny,
You’re not all by yourself
I said Jenny,
Nat’s got some on her shelf
So just order
From the Panty-O Store
I’m sure they would love to help more.

Back up to Chorus

Jenny,
This is better than shoes
I said, don’t be
Down and out with the blues.
You can fix this,
Bring your girl parts to life
Wear them when you go for a drive.
That’s how
You will start to believe
I said Jenny,
You will no longer grieve
You’ll be thankful
You found something to do
Made your lady bits feel brand new.

Back up to Chorus

So now you’ve seen my little ditties. But I know you guys… You’re all a ton of fun and a bit quirky. I want to see what kind of ditties you come up with! Time to put those creative minds to action and join in the fun and silliness… Don’t leave me hangin’ guys! 😉

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Gonna Make You Sweat…

Last night I was sitting peacefully talking on the phone with one of my oldest friends, catching up on how her holidays went and finding out if her Monster-In-Law had finally left for good (and what damage she left in her wake). I’d had a pretty productive day. Managed to get an hour long work out it, was debating signing up for my first 5K run.

My pal and I were laughing and talking and wishing she lived nearby again so we could be doing it in person with either a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. Her Monster-In-Law usually required wine.

Coffee or Alcohol

Anyway, hubby came into the kitchen where I was sitting. As he was walking my way, he said, “Lovey, give me a hug” and spread out his arms to envelop me.

Hopping quickly from my perch I began to run away from him in earnest.

“Stay away from me! Don’t touch me,” I huffed as I ran around my dining room table.

“Come on,” he cajoled as he gave chase, “Don’t you love me anymore?”

Hand cradling the phone to my ear, I hollered over my shoulder, “You’re disgusting! Get away!”

“Do I want to know?” I hear my bestie against my ear.

As if he’d heard her, hubby shouts out, “See how she is, Amadiex? Not very loving or wifely, is she?”

“Go finish your work out and leave me alone,” I say as he closed in. My face was scrunched up and turned away from him, shoulders curled in, knees headed towards my chest. Yes…my entire body language said “get away!”

Finally he laughed and headed back to the treadmill.

Turning back to my phone conversation I said, “he is soaked in sweat.”

She laughed, “That can be hot!”

“Not when it’s dripping off him like he’s been standing in the rain, but it’s all work out sweat,” I answered.

Groaning, she answered, “No. That’s definitely not sexy.”

I shook my head, then realized she couldn’t see that through the phone line and answered, “Nope. It’s that nasty, smelly sweat…not the sexy glistening kind. And now you know why I ran like hell!”

She was too busy laughing to answer me.

The reality is, there is a huge difference between a man who looks like he’s been standing out in the rain because he’s been drenched in sweat and a man who’s truly been standing out in the rain… One is sexy…the other needs a shower.

raining man

This picture is sexy… but if the man standing there did not have the rain pouring down on him and was still in that condition…I’d offer to jump in the shower and wash his back. I would not be kissing him until the disgusting amount of sweat was gone.

Of course my puppy is more than happy to kiss him when he’s sweaty…but I think it’s the salt. I love my husband…I’d jump his bones almost any time he wants…but not when he could smother me in his sweat. If I’m going to get sweaty, it will either be self generated…or generated together from doing fun horizontal activities. 🙂

So my question tonight is this…what things do you find that can be sexy under certain circumstances and disgusting under others? Was fitness one of your resolutions? How are you doing with it?

And just to further entertain…you may want to check out my friend Katie’s blog post on “The 5 People You Meet In The Gym” and Natalie’s compelling “Orgasm…Through Exercise???”

 

Last Gifts And New Beginnings

My wonderful friends, Len Williams Carver from My Own Heart Me, and Sheri DeGrom honored me by nominating me for Blog Of The Year 2012, giving me my sixth star! Both these women are so admirable in the way they lead their lives. Their ultimate focus is to walk in faith and to be a shining light on the world around them. They both succeed with grace and beauty.

Blog of the Year Award 6 star jpeg

Here are the rules for Blog Of The Year 2012 (Thankfully, they’re simple):

  1. Select another blog or other blogs who deserve the ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award;
  2. Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen – there’s no minimum or maximum number of blogs required – and ‘present’ them with their award;
  3. Include a link back to this page Blog of the Year 2012’ Award at the Thought Palette and provide these ‘rules’ in your post (please don’t alter the rules or the badges!)
  4. Let the blog(s) you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the ‘rules’ with them
  5. You can now also join our Facebook group – click ‘like’ on this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award Facebook group and then you can share your blog with an even wider audience
  6. As a winner of the award – please add a link back to the blog that presented you with the award – and then proudly display the award on your blog and sidebar … and start collecting stars…

I’d like to thank them very much for gifting me with this honor and recommend you check out their blogs if you haven’t already! Now I’d like to share this final award of the year with some really wonderful people who have made me laugh, inspired me and just made me feel like a welcome new addition to the blogging community since I started back in August.

Jenny Hansen- Her blog, More Cowbell, is chock full of hilarity, advice (especially for writers) and genuine feel good stuff. Between her and Natalie Hartford (she was nominated on one of the earlier stars) they keep me laughing and my spirits up. Don’t believe me? Click the link to her blog…she finds the most UNIQUE things to talk about…;-)

Tameri Etherton– You think you’ve had crazy things happen to you? Her spa moment got me following her blog…her outlook on life and the way she promotes books kept me entranced. (By the way, her spa post came on the anniversary of my brother’s death…her pain was one of the things that helped me get through the day…Sorry, Tameri, for laughing at your pain. But thanks for lightening my day.)

Leanne Shirtliff-Her blog, Ironic Mom, has been around for a while, but I haven’t. The post I’m featuring is as funny for the content as the comments…all of which had me rolling! She’s exactly what her blog claims to be…a mom who finds humor in the most interesting places…then is kind enough to share it with her readers! If you hadn’t discovered her before…you don’t know what you’re missing!

Blowing Off Steam And More-She talks about her child as well as cooking successes and failures! There is nothing better than someone who can laugh with you during the craziness life has to offer.

How To Date In Las Vegas– She is fun, she’s wacky…and she’s brutally honest.  Love it! And ladies…she makes some very valid points about our ability to become the psycho chick every man is terrified of dating… She’s new to the blogging world, but I think once people read her stuff, she’ll have quite the following.

As we close out the year, I’d also like to remind everyone…enjoy the time with your loved ones…Make sure to plan to make time for them in the New Year. They truly are the most important part of your life…the thing that makes it worthwhile!

 

The Greatest Gift

I’ve discovered in life that my favorite thing in the world is to watch someone’s face light up with pleasure when….Yeah…get your minds out of the gutter…I find just the right gift to convey how much I appreciate them. I must not be the only one because my awesome friend, Joe, decided to gift me with the Blog Of The Year 2012 award for Christmas. That means I’ve either been very, very good…or very, very naughty. Since he’s become like a brother to me, I’m betting on the former.

Blog of the Year Award 1 star jpeg

Here’s the thing….when I started this blog a few months ago I had no idea what I was doing or if anyone would read my stuff…and quite frankly, I wasn’t doing it for them. Along the way, though, I made some great friends. So, I’m embracing Joe’s idea…since I can’t send all my lovely friends Christmas gifts (I’d go broke) or Christmas cards…I wanted to at least gift you with this award to let you know that you helped to make my year an awesome one.

The Rules are:

1 Select the blog(s) you think deserve the ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award

2 Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen – there’s no minimum or maximum number of blogs required – and ‘present’ them with their award.

3 Please include a link back to this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award – and include these ‘rules’ in your post (please don’t alter the rules or the badges!)

4 Let the blog(s) you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the ‘rules’ with them

5 You can now also join our Facebook page – click the link here ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award and then you can share your blog with an even wider audience

Please keep in mind if you aren’t given this gift…it doesn’t mean I don’t love you…or don’t plan on giving you one. In the last 3 days I’ve stacked up 3 of these bad boys so I’m not trying to hit the same people twice…And I’ll be spacing out the awards.  🙂

  • First goes to my first real friend on here…she’s looked out for me, she’s commented on my stuff, she welcomed me with open arms, then included me in some of her challenges and invited me to be part of her Triberr group… Mae Clair, with her talent for writing and her dreamer’s heart, this lady is one in a million. I love her Mythical Mondays best…and I’m wishing her all the success in the world on her books, the first which was also published this year! Check her out!
  • Another of my earliest friends on WordPress is Sheri DeGrom. Her advocacy for Veterans rights is awesome and her heart is just as sweet. She does a great job reviewing women’s fiction and she’s a pretty prolific writer in her own right. Our shared passions for words and music drew us together. If you haven’t been introduced, consider this your introduction.
  • Then there’s Emma Meade, my sexy music buddy…and vampire lover extrordinaire. She loves her supernatural stuff and makes no bones about it. The badder the boy, the sexier she finds him…well, at least on paper.  And she’s got great taste in sexy songs. Did I mention that she, too, has a book out? This awesome Irish woman is wonderful and I’m so glad I met her.
  • Have ya’ll met my girl, Katie? She is a fellow Chi-town girl and rip roaring hilarious! Not only has she lost a shit ton of weight, but she calls things like she see’s them.  She is not ashamed to discuss the fact that she’s cheating on her DVR with her boyfriend…or that she thinks her boyfriend may be stepping out on her with the TV…or about the horrific things that happen in a gym.  (My favorite is her most recent post about panty lines and the assacre it creates, so I linked it in…just so you can share in the hilarity.)
  • What about Miz Vagenda Vixen, who has her page decked out in my favorite…Hello Kitty. She is always looking for the brighter, more colorful side of life…and has a unique dancing style that will keep you in stitches…because all she wants is smiles, bright colors and sunshine…
  • I can’t do one of these awards without including the indomitable Natalie Hartford and her love of Urban Word Wednesday, pink and bedazzlers. There’s hardly anything out of bounds on her blog…except maybe talking bad about Mac…but hey, she’s a self professed Macturbator. Tears and howls of laughter ensue when I’m at her place… The cause nearest and dearest to her heart? MADD…and you should ask her why.
  • My buddy LJ has been the unfortunate victim of Blog loss in the last few months…which has enabled her to migrate over to WordPress…Yay, US! She is a writer friend who has been a huge support to me, and who had great taste in men. (Something I like to encourage). She always has time for a kind word, and that means everything.

These are a few of the people who’ve made a difference to me… I sincerely hope you check them out…and find something worth following, just like I did. For my nominees? I hope you like your early Christmas gifts….:-)

So, I sincerely hope you check out these folks and

Claiming Christmas (with a little help from my friends)

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No post yesterday…I know, bad of me. Usually I give warnings if I’m going to miss. Unfortunately, duty called. Anyway, still in El Paso, so I’m missing my family. As I sat at breakfast this morning, I started looking at pictures of Christmases past and thought I’d share. The above picture is my oldest girl, Isabella…she is such a tolerant girl. She sat with those antlers on her head so we could take pictures and didn’t even try to take them off.

You know who else is great? Hubby! For Christmas a couple years ago he got me this awesome holiday dish set so we could entertain friends and family in festive fun. He knows my entertainer spirit so well! Of course my friend, Natalie, has a hubby with some pretty interesting gift ideas, too!

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On the subject of gifts, my buddy Marcia also has some great ideas on how to help our deficit & economic issues while shopping for the holidays. In fact, I’m taking her up on the challenge and trying it, myself! Care to join us?

As I sat in my hotel lobby, enjoying the fireplace and thinking about different holiday traditions over the years, I came across my friend, Mae’s post on Mythical Monday about Yule logs! It was like she was psychic and knew where I was while I was busy being homesick!

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The thing is, usually hubby decorates the outside for Christmas and I decorate the inside….including putting up the tree. Well, he sent me a picture of outside…

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And he told me that he’s already put up the tree, too, since we’re not sure how long I’ll be away from home. He even volunteered to write out the Christmas cards! He also mentioned something about baking Christmas cookies! I know it’s sweet, but part of me is a bit sad. To comfort myself, I’ve been looking at unique Christmas Tree Ideas for the book lover. It did help me to re-find my smile. Here’s a pic of our tree from Christmas past…

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Now no one quite dressed the Christmas part like my grandpa…well, except maybe Santa! So, finding this old family picture from Christmas Eve a few years back (complete with my cousin’s dog and gramps’ oxygen tank) made me smile… This was one of our last Christmases before he passed away. Check out his snazzy red Christmas pants and sweater! Loved that!

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The guy in the grey suit in the back row? That is my stepdad. He has gluten allergies. For Christmas last year I made him a gift box filled with home made GF treats…bread, chocolate brownies, peanut butter cookies. You get the idea. It was probably one of my favorite gifts to give, too! Like Amber from Journey Of Steps said…nothing replaces the good feelings associated with the true intentions of Christmas!

Now to add the final steps to ensure I don’t become a Christmas Curmudgeon, I need Christmas Carols, people! I need to know all of your favorites…so I can sing them to myself. So help a sister out! What is putting you in the Christmas spirit? What is your all time favorite Christmas song and why? What is the best gift you’ve ever given at Christmas and why? Because nothing makes me Christmas Cheery quite like singing Christmas music. Well, except maybe this adorable girl….

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Cheating: Where Does Your Line Get Crossed?

Ok, guys and gals…it’s confession time again. Today’s topic? Fidelity. No, no…hubby and I are fine. No need to worry on that front. Nothing extramarital…unless you count the heroes in my naughty, naughty stories…as they dance their way through my brain.

Here’s the deal. I’m very quirky about extramarital affairs. I hated The Scarlet Letter and refuse to watch or read The Bridges Of Madison County. Maybe it comes from my dad repeatedly cheating on my mom, but I don’t find anything that glorifies or excuses adultery to be the slightest bit appealing. Having said that…I’m about to throw a big kink (pun intended) in this whole thing. Strange as it may seem, I have absolutely no issue with committed polyamorous relationships or sharing as long as both parties in the committed relationship are either there or have given consent. Yeah, that means I’m okay with exploring the voyeur/exhibitionist sides of relationships. The truth is, I LOVE reading this kind of book. Menage, BDSM, exihibitionism/voyeurism…I’m good with all of it! In fact, that’s the playground where I enjoy dipping my pen. Is this kind of relationship something I’d be interested in for real? No. I’m perfectly happy with having only one husband. Two may be a bit much to handle…LOL!

Why am I bringing this up? First, because I can. 😉 Second, because a friend of mine called me yesterday and got me thinking about cheating. She was talking in the context of her ex-husband. I’ll expand on this in just a moment.

Here’s the question I have for you guys before I continue with her story and put in my $.02. What construes cheating to you?

I know people can be very different about this. I’ve spoken to some women who’ve told me that the reason they’ve never purchased a sex toy (vibrator, dildo) is because their husband would feel threatened…and felt that this was necessary because they weren’t good enough in bed or some other such (in my opinion only) nonsense. The husbands have stated that they viewed this as a form of cheating. Personally, I subscribe to my friend Ande’s point of view that it can enhance the relationship (especially when used together). I don’t think that’s particularly progressive, just fact. Am I wrong? Well, if my girl Katie could cheat on her DVR with her boyfriend, I guess anything’s possible…;-)

I have other friends who feel watching porn is cheating. Personally, I don’t have a problem there, either. In fact, hubby and I have watched adult movies together. Sometimes it can spice things up! Sometimes it can give you ideas. Hopefully those ideas are more feasable than Natalie’s, because trips to the ER are not much fun, not to mention embarassing to explain to hospital personnel…trust me. I used to be hospital personnel…I could tell you stories! LOL! (Maybe another time)

What about constant texting and Facebook/Twitter messaging or emailing? Especially if it’s kept quiet from the significant other? Some feel that this is cheating emotionally. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I don’t quite think it’s cheating. It’s definitely a gateway to heading down that path…because then it’s usually followed by meeting for coffee or drinks without telling the person with whom you’re in a relationship. Yeah…that’s a gateway. Anything that requires secretiveness and/or lies is probably not a great path to go down…but still not quite cheating.

Prostitutes or other one nighters…different area code or not? Yeah, to me that’s cheating. Sex of any kind without your significant other’s concent crosses a line for me. Am I wrong?

Here’s the story with my friend’s ex. You guys tell me if you think it’s cheating. My last statement above should probably tell you what my thoughts are… Her ex-husband used to sit online looking at porn and “spanking his monkey”. A lot. Here’s the twist. He was “jerkin’ his guerkin” to live webcam feeds. Interacting with the girls. Paying them. Telling them what to do. Watching them while they watched him. In a situation like that, would you consider it cheating? That he was doing this furtively goes without question. Where do you draw your cheating line?