Getting Vocal on Oral Safety

Even as children we’re taught (hopefully) about the importance of practicing safe sex. The discussion can manifest itself in various ways depending on a family’s personal or religious beliefs, and that’s up to them. But the thing they usually have in common is discussing the medical results of unsafe sex.

As someone who grew up in hospitals and with family members and lots of friends in the medical industry (plus having worked in the medically related field in multiple roles over the years), knowing just how dangerous bodily fluid exchanges can be is hammered into your brain. As an office manager in a doctor’s office, it was my responsibility to make sure our staff had all the proper supplies to ensure their safety and to have a course of action prepared should our safety protocols fail because accidents can still happen.

By now you’re thinking, “Okay Kitt, we get it. Safe sex is important to you. But why are you sharing all this stuff with us?”

Good question. (And not just because I’m a big fan of Safe, Sane, and Consensual)

I was in a book group the other day when this question was brought up…

“Have you ever had someone cum on your face? If so, was it accidental or on purpose?”

The person asking had never had the experience and was curious. I was honest. I’ve only experienced it deliberately. Not only is it rude and exhibiting a lack of control for an “accidental” face mask, but it could also potentially be dangerous.

Then came the follow up question….

“If it was done without your permission, would you be pissed off?”

Hell yeah, I’d be pissed off! As stated above, there are all sorts of dangers that haven’t been discussed. If I’m going to let a man leave me an all natural, organic face mask, I’m going to want to know that the product isn’t tainted or substandard.

Right?

So imagine my surprise when someone came at me about my concerns being unrealistic. Why? Because apparently there are people out there who believe that the only way to have oral sex is unprotected. So since I already (in this person’s mind) had his uncovered cock stroking my tonsils, what’s the big difference as to whether or not I get his jizz all over my face.

First, there are plenty of people out there who know that it is absolutely possible to give head to raincoat covered cock. No, latex isn’t the tastiest, but it’s safe.

Second, even if I were to decide to have raincoat-less oral, sperm comes out fast and hot. If you’re going to potentially blind a woman, she has the right to make the choice to take the risk. ūüėČ

Third, the eyes are a very vulnerable when it comes to exposure to bodily fluids. The eye is a mucous membrane, hence it’s susceptible to quite a bit…so semen, golden showers, or any other exchange of bodily fluids near that area are not to be taken lightly.

Fourth, consent should always be an active part of sex. Any sex. Yes, that includes oral (and how it’s done). You wouldn’t just pee on someone without discussing golden showers first, would you? (And if your answer is yes, know it’s a great way to get your teeth knocked in.)

Just sayin’.

Safe sex is still a thing. And important. And being concerned about it doesn’t make you uncool. Any partner worth their salt should be having this discussion with you.

So yeah, I was a little surprised that my statement was seen as contradictory, but hey… Maybe I was overreacting.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Are there any subjects in the “safe sex” universe that have boggled your mind? Maybe made you feel old? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

O is for Oral Sex and Orgasms

Doing it wrongThis is going to come as a shock to a few of you, but….. I’m not perfect.

I know. I know. Take a breath. It’s okay.¬†I promise. You’re going to need it because I’m about to really blow your mind.

Not only am I not perfect, but I was also not always all that great certain aspects of sex. In fact, although I was amazing at receiving oral sex (talk about orgasms galore), I was not so great at giving it.

I had a gag reflex. I could work my fist around the base, knew how to twist with each stroke to enhance sensation, but when my head bobbed down…. Well, let’s just say that yacky,¬†gaggy¬†sounds aren’t really all that sexy, and it didn’t take much to hit that trigger.

Oddly enough, it was a lesson learned from years of dental and orthodontic works that helped me overcome.

What did I learn? If you don’t want to gag, breath in and out through your nose. It sounds so simple it couldn’t possibly work, right? But it does. Trust me. Try it.

The other thing? Well, to be fair, I knew I had this in me. I just didn’t realize how it would impact my cock sucking skills. I’ve got an exhibitionist streak a mile wide. For me it translated into the ability to give some pretty great road head minus the gag reflex because my sense of excitement overruled my usual issues.

Other things that I discovered that helped? There are actually gels, pills, and sprays that can be used to help numb the back of your throat/gag spots. The down side is that if you apply too much, it can also numb the dick you’re trying to pleasure… Which kinda defeats the purpose, right?

Finally, I had a fear of swallowing. I was afraid it would taste gross, maybe make me puke, or spew out so fast I’d choke on it. I was completely unwilling to try at first. But like I said, the possibility of being watched or caught? Brings out my inner wild child/Goddess. Not to mention the helplessness of the man, especially during the time of his release. He can’t think, he loses track of his surroundings, and becomes unable to think. He can only feel….

And that loss of control, along with my part in it?

Huge turn on, of course!

It was one such situation that allowed me to swallow the first time. I was enjoying my power, his helplessness….and feeding off his fear/excitement at the possibility of being caught. I pushed him past that limit and swallowed every drop. And discovered it didn’t taste at all like I feared. (I also later uncovered that different people and foods can change that flavor as well.)

Once I overcame that fear I became quite the skilled mouth. Which turned out to be a very good thing since many of my friends will randomly come up to me and ask me for sex advice. A lot. About a lot of subjects. Guess it’s a good thing I’m open to talking all things sex, huh?

I know I’m probably not the only one who’s ever run into sexual challenges… Please feel free to share some of yours. You never know who else may be going through the same thing…or who may be able to help you overcome.

And now I leave you with a clip on oral from one of my all time favorite shows, Queer as Folk.

The Danger of “Never”

Never Say Never?

Never Say Never?

I know, Bieber and Connery together is enough to make a person start to twitch, right? Believe me, that was my first reaction, too, when I google imaged the words “Never Say Never”. I mean, it’s not like the boy invented the words, right? They’ve been around longer than I’ve been born, and I was born many, many moons ago.

Then I started thinking…. Maybe the comparison was actually perfect for what I wanted to talk about today. Although the tabloids show “the boy who needs his hair combed” in a not so flattering light these days, he’s young. Immature. And he’s probably the perfect example of when, in youthful naivet√©, we said “I’d NEVER do that…”

Those "Doh" Moments...

Those “Doh” Moments…

Everyone’s familiar with the everyday moments… But in the spirit of Youth v. Experience, why not make this a bit more interesting? Let me elaborate….

Think back. Remember back in the day when you were fairly innocent to the inner workings of sexuality and all you had to go on was whatever your parents or friends told you about sex, maybe a dirty magazine or two…and your imagination? Maybe you’d already caught sight of your first porn video and it left more questions than answer, but you knew it was pretty hot?

Hubby tells a story about how his older, wiser 8th grade brother (they’re 3 years apart) found his dad’s Debbie Does Dallas video. (Little sidebar—this is not the reason I became a Dallas Cowboys fan. The coincidence is strictly incidental.) His older brother, wily as he was, realized early that the best way to keep from getting caught when involved in hijinks was to make sure little brother was also knee deep into whatever mischief he’d created. So what happened this time? Big brothers and his buddies decided to have a viewing party. Included in this little party were hubby and one friend of his choosing.

As with most porn material, ejaculation was a big outward show, causing this conversation to occur:

Hubby’s Friend:Ewww! He’s peeing on her!

Hubby: Uh. Dude, that’s not pee.

Hubby’s Friend: Gross. What IS it, then?

Hubby: Shhhh! I’ll explain it to you later.

Yes, big brother and his friends were laughing. Yes, the poor friend was pretty darned shocked when the details were explained to him. Yes, this can also serve as a warning for WHY you want to talk sex with your children early and often. If you don’t, someone else will…and you may not like how it happens.

Why did I bring this up? Because, open book/wild child that I am now, I wasn’t always that way and I doubt you were, either. I definitely had some “I’ll Never Do That…” moments revolving around sex in my younger years.

Prime example?

I’ll Never…give a guy a blowjob. Yeah, yeah…. go ahead and laugh. But seriously, back in the day, I still remember talking to a guy friend of mine and saying “No way, No how, Not EVER!!!!” Why?

“Eww! They pee out of that thing!”

“It’s unsanitary!”

I know what you’re thinking… Since when has sex ever been sanitary, right? My whole thought process about blowjobs have gone well past the way of my na√Įve notions and headed straight down 007’s way — which is to say, I’m “down with it–both literally and figuratively. There’s a power and exhilaration in being able to draw such visceral responses from a lover. A few pointers to remember when giving head:

  • Relax– If you’re tense, you’re more likely to trigger your gag reflex
  • Breathe through your nose — Trick learned at the orthodontist’s office making my teeth molds. Breathe through the mouth=gagging and tears. Breathe through nose=no triggers.
  • If you’re still having trouble, there are creams that can numb the parts of your mouth with the gag spots
  • Some find that exhilaration can make for better oral. Be spontaneous! For me, this equates to road head. LOL!

Funny little tidbit….I didn’t really have any qualms about a guy going down on me. If he was willing to do so, more power to him…and I loved every moment. LOL! Obviously I fell off my high horse….but I don’t regret it!

Okay, so in this matter, it wasn't love, but you get the gist

Okay, so in this matter, it wasn’t love, but you get the gist

I’ll Never… have anal sex. Ever. That was another shiny little tidbit from my youth that found me eating my words. My reasons? Very similar to the ones used regarding oral sex. Heck, it’s the poop hole! Of course they still applied! It didn’t even sound the slightest bit interesting. In fact, part of me wondered…”if someone shoves something up there, does it come out brown?” Hey, don’t laugh. It was an honest question.

I’ll even tell you my first foray into the whole experience wasn’t very fun! I mean, back then it wasn’t like people actually talked much about the “how to’s” of sex. Not nearly as candidly as many of us will today. Plus, that sort of thing simply DID. NOT. HAPPEN. in the romance novels I read. So it “couldn’t possibly” be a thing that anyone but gay men and porn stars did, right? WRONG!

I still remember a conversation I had with a gal pal of mine on the subject back in the day.

My Friend: So the boyfriend’s been begging to try anal with him.

Me: What did you say?

My Friend: I told him I’d only let him do it to me if he’d let me do it to him first.

Me: (laughing) So what happened?

My Friend: We’re going shopping for a strap-on this weekend.

Knowing what I do now about prostate orgasms, this may not have exactly been a hardship for him if she did it correctly. Of course, back then, I didn’t ask… The truth is, though I’d heard many of my gal pals threaten the same thing, she was the first one I knew who actually followed through. Most of the time the conversation was simply dropped.

After my first, not so auspicious, foray into back door play, it took me a while to be willing to try again. Still, it got me thinking…and doing more research. Unfortunately, erotic romances were still not readily available (or very good) during that time, but at least there was the internet. Also, pleasure parties were all the rage and the sales women were quite knowledgeable. And yes, I’ve backed down (ha!) from the I’ll Neverpoint of view.

Anal sex can definitely be quite pleasurable for women…but we, like men, need to be prepared. Those of you who have read some of the fabulous erotic romances out there know that there are several universal truths:

  • Make sure you have good, quality lube. Yes, there are some made specifically for anal sex (and some even have a numbing agent).
  • Build up to it! Start with smaller anal plugs and work your way up to the bigger sizes.
  • Have a candid conversation about it in advance so you’re both on the same page about “prep” (The last thing you want is someone who will just slide it in there with no prep or warning!)
  • Guys- don’t pull the “Oops, it slipped into the wrong hole” stunt. First, you wouldn’t like it if it was done to you. Second, it destroys trust. Third, I’ve been told it hurts like an SOB!
  • Breathe! And don’t force anything in…take your time!

There are more steps, but these will put you on the right path. Have you figured out why the two Never Say Never’s work well together now? Because one is the naive, “I’ll Never…” where we inevitably find ourselves backing down because the “I’ll Never…” was based on lack of knowledge, understanding and fear. The second? Well, you know the Mae West saying:

mae_west_500

If after you’ve actually tried it, and you’re a bit more “seasoned”, you STILL decide to say “I’ll Never..” Well then, dagnabbit, you’ve earned the right. The one lesson I’ve got from all of this? “I’ll Never…” pretty much guarantees it’s going to happen.

What about you? What things were you absolutely positive that you’d never, ever try (preferably sexually speaking) that found you eating crow? C’mon…I’ve shared my awkward moments and tips with you…I’d love for you to share some of your own with me!