O is for Oral Sex and Orgasms

Doing it wrongThis is going to come as a shock to a few of you, but….. I’m not perfect.

I know. I know. Take a breath. It’s okay. I promise. You’re going to need it because I’m about to really blow your mind.

Not only am I not perfect, but I was also not always all that great certain aspects of sex. In fact, although I was amazing at receiving oral sex (talk about orgasms galore), I was not so great at giving it.

I had a gag reflex. I could work my fist around the base, knew how to twist with each stroke to enhance sensation, but when my head bobbed down…. Well, let’s just say that yacky, gaggy sounds aren’t really all that sexy, and it didn’t take much to hit that trigger.

Oddly enough, it was a lesson learned from years of dental and orthodontic works that helped me overcome.

What did I learn? If you don’t want to gag, breath in and out through your nose. It sounds so simple it couldn’t possibly work, right? But it does. Trust me. Try it.

The other thing? Well, to be fair, I knew I had this in me. I just didn’t realize how it would impact my cock sucking skills. I’ve got an exhibitionist streak a mile wide. For me it translated into the ability to give some pretty great road head minus the gag reflex because my sense of excitement overruled my usual issues.

Other things that I discovered that helped? There are actually gels, pills, and sprays that can be used to help numb the back of your throat/gag spots. The down side is that if you apply too much, it can also numb the dick you’re trying to pleasure… Which kinda defeats the purpose, right?

Finally, I had a fear of swallowing. I was afraid it would taste gross, maybe make me puke, or spew out so fast I’d choke on it. I was completely unwilling to try at first. But like I said, the possibility of being watched or caught? Brings out my inner wild child/Goddess. Not to mention the helplessness of the man, especially during the time of his release. He can’t think, he loses track of his surroundings, and becomes unable to think. He can only feel….

And that loss of control, along with my part in it?

Huge turn on, of course!

It was one such situation that allowed me to swallow the first time. I was enjoying my power, his helplessness….and feeding off his fear/excitement at the possibility of being caught. I pushed him past that limit and swallowed every drop. And discovered it didn’t taste at all like I feared. (I also later uncovered that different people and foods can change that flavor as well.)

Once I overcame that fear I became quite the skilled mouth. Which turned out to be a very good thing since many of my friends will randomly come up to me and ask me for sex advice. A lot. About a lot of subjects. Guess it’s a good thing I’m open to talking all things sex, huh?

I know I’m probably not the only one who’s ever run into sexual challenges… Please feel free to share some of yours. You never know who else may be going through the same thing…or who may be able to help you overcome.

And now I leave you with a clip on oral from one of my all time favorite shows, Queer as Folk.

Sensual Sweet Spots

Crawl into her mind

Recently I wrote an article for the Sexual Wellness News site called The Orgasmic Body: Sexual Anatomy Basics. (Psst! I’d really appreciate if you’d head over, check it out, and maybe give it some love.) As often happens with me, the article set my mind wandering…. I mean, how could it not? We’re basically talking erogenous zones. Is there a better subject suited to my passions?

The thing is, although the article delves into the physiological, the biggest sex organ, though mentioned, was pretty much glossed over. Did you catch it? It was mentioned in the first paragraph. (I’m not going to mention it here, because I’d love for you to read the article, then come back and tell me which referral I’m flirting around.)

In that article we discussed the basics. The obvious basic. What we didn’t discuss were those sexy little nooks and crannies that we discover on ourselves and our lovers with careful and fun loving exploration. For example, did you know that the shoulder blade can be an erogenous zone? Yeah, neither did my virgin self until my boyfriend (now my husband) decided to plant his first kiss….a soft pressure of lips left on my right shoulder blade. I felt that one delicate, sensual touch go from my back to my nipples, and head further south. And all he did was lay his lips there until I felt the irresistible urge to turn around, wrap my fingers around the nape of his neck and pull his face down to mine for a kiss burned up as quickly as a wildfire.

Pulse points are erogenous zones that often get neglected once a couple is in a steady or long term relationship. The inside of the wrist, the sweet spot on the neck. Or spots like the inside of the elbow or back of the knees. And here’s the thing, ladies…. We’re not the only ones that go a little melty when those hyper sensitive spots get special attention. Men have sweet spots, too!

Have you ever wondered why it is that your man goes a little wild when, in the throes of passion, you forget yourself enough to bite down on their trapezius muscle? Or maybe it’s when you decide to rain down licks and kisses on the small of their back. Are you one who gives the cock plenty of play and appreciation, but maybe not so much his balls?

And what about the “taint” area? Lots of sensitivity there for both men and women. In fact, if you’re playing in the shower, and you’re feeling daring, have you rimmed your lover’s ass hole? Or allowed attention to yours? To be clear, I only mention shower because many find that area to be unsanitary, so it’s best to be either prepared or someplace where it’s being/has been cleaned. For men, that area can be mind blowing if they’re comfortable and/or willing to relax and let their partner explore. In fact, when properly prepared, it can be a pretty incredible experience for women, too. (Hasn’t anyone wondered why MFM ménages are all the rage these days? Because there are plenty of women who fantasize…)

There are so many awesome, incredible spots that we need to take the time to explore! With an open mind, you’d be amazed at what your partner might share with you, and how it can enhance your sex life. As one who is always learning, I’d love to throw this question to you guys…. What unexpected erogenous zones have you discovered? Was it a discovery on your partner'(s) body or yours? Yes, there’s a strong chance I will be taking your answers and exploring to see if it’s a spot that works for me, too.

As always, remember that just because a sweet spot works for one person doesn’t mean it works for everyone. BTW, ya’ll also know how much I love Aloe Cadabra. Have you seen their latest post on unusual uses people have found for their lube? I definitely appreciate their traditional uses, too, but I thought you guys might get a kick…because I was the one who used it to treat an insect sting on my dog. Hey, don’t laugh. It worked!

Did She Say Organism Or Orgasm?

All in good fun, right?

All in good fun, right?

Yeah, there’s something really fun to me about spelling errors that inadvertently add humor to the sex discussion. How could I resist using this when I saw it?

Not too long ago, I was on the phone talking with an old friend about how uptight people seem to get regarding the topic of sex. She laughed as she compared the openness in her relationship with her current husband against the ego issues with her ex. She married her first husband at a fairly young age and he was a bit older and more “experienced” than her. Whenever she’d try to talk about things she thought might enhance their time in the bedroom, he’d shoot her down. His ego couldn’t take the idea that she might be less than thrilled with their sex life. Of course, as often is the case in these sorts of relationships, she learned to get really good at faked orgasms.

Things have been very different with her new husband. Although they’ve now been married for several years, their sex life is alive and well. She told me that she was so glad she’d found a good man that cared about her; someone who was willing to explore and experiment with her. She talked about what a shame it was that there are so many people, women in particular, who truly don’t have any idea about what they’re missing. She had been one of them.

Two daughters and she’d barely scratched the surface until she met her wonderful man. She loves that he still chases her around the house. That her three children (yes, she now has a son with her husband) get to see an example of a happy, healthy marriage. She enjoys feeling desired whether she’s wearing sweats or something sexy.

For once, she’s able to candidly talk about sex from a place of strength and empowerment, more true to the person I grew up with, rather than the woman she’d been while married to the wrong man. In fact, her jokes about the different types of orgasms had me rolling.

Her: I can’t believe how few women don’t even realize there’s more than one kind of orgasm!
Me: Right?
Her: I mean seriously. Of course there’s the vaginal wall one. Yeah, that’s kind of pleasant. Like a burp.
Me: (laughing) A burp, huh? That’s a new one.
Her: Yeah, figured you’d like that one. Then, of course, there’s the clit orgasm. Everyone knows that one. Well, almost everyone. It’s great. Gets you moaning and screaming…gives you a great endorphin rush.
Me: And some of us are fortunate enough to be able to repeat the process several times in one outing… And then there’s the G-spot orgasm.
Her: Oh, yeah. When that one happens hubby just looks down at me while I’m a shaking, quivering mass of human jello and says, “You’re welcome!”
Me: (giggling hysterically) That sounds about right. Kinda reminds me of a pleasure party I once hosted. The lady got to this g-spot vibrator and told us, “Now ladies, when you use this product you’re going to get this feeling like you have to pee. Don’t be alarmed and don’t stop. That’s not pee. That’s the toy is rubbing your g-spot. And when you finally do orgasm…it will be very wet and messy, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to put a towel down first.”

Yeah…we laughed a lot. But it did get me thinking about male orgasms and their version of the g-spot orgasm.

Most of you have probably seen Road Trip and remember the sperm bank (milking the prostate) scene. If not, I found it just for you. Yes, it’s a HUGE over exaggeration, but still a bit funny.

Over the years I’ve learned that women aren’t the only ones who get a little uptight and judgmental about what’s “appropriate” when discussing sex.

It surprised me when I discovered how many men had apprehensions about experiencing pleasure through back door stimulation. They assumed enjoying any attention there (especially through insertion) made them gay (or might). This may be a generalization, but enough people seem to feel this way that it caught my attention.

How many times have we heard cracks about “exit only?” Yet these same guys are the first ones who seem to want to explore a woman from back there. My other gal pal might have been on to something when she told her guy she’d let him have her ass, but only if she got his… In fact, knowing how intense a g-spot orgasm is, it seems the least we could do is help our men feel more comfortable with their darker feelings. Exploration should go both ways.

I’ve found that men are more likely to explore if they think the idea titillates and excites you. So bringing it up can be pretty simple… First thing to keep in mind is be sensitive. We don’t like it when they “accidentally” probe the wrong orifice, giving us little to no warning before they try sticking something of substance back there. It stands to reason, they’d feel the same way. However, minor finger probes while performing oral sex? You may be pleasantly surprised at how well received that can be. If they’re resistant, respect that until you can talk more seriously about the subject. If they don’t freak, go for it… It’s amazing how hard men can cum from a bit of rear entry stimulation.

Second, if you’ve successfully managed to play with the backside and they seemed to enjoy it, talk about it. Get your significant other to share with you how it made him feel. Offer to explore more deeply. Let your person know how hot it makes you to hear their moans and watch them lose control. Tell them how aroused you get knowing you can push their buttons much the way they do for you. Also, be prepared for retaliation. Turnabout is fair play…and ladies, if you’re already pretty heated? It usually adds a bit to the amazing sensations already rolling through your body.

If your partner decides to trust you to take it further, make sure you use lube. You’d want them to do the same for you. Ladies, tell me that it’s not a heady thought…you being able to make love to your man’s body in a similar way to how he loves you. Tell me that watching him moan and shudder and lose control for you because he feel safe and cherished enough by you to allow you to feel him inside isn’t a little bit heady.

Okay, so for some of you it probably isn’t. But for those of you who find yourselves getting flushed and excited by the thought? Talk to your guy. It doesn’t happen as quickly or clinically as the Road Trip clip, if he allows you to breach his walls both emotionally and physically…it adds something very spicy to the lovemaking… And seriously, any kinky fantasies you’ve been too afraid to share or talk about will suddenly not feel so scary or dirty…but just more fun exploration for bedroom play.

Am I the only one that finds this kind of exploration hot? Do you have any strange or interesting orgasm conversations you’d like to share? Any questions around this topic you’d like to discuss? Ya’ll know me. I’m not shy and I welcome conversation. Bring it on!

Project Cliteracy

Recently, it was brought to my attention that the first ever International Clitoral Awareness Week took place from May 6-12. As it’s also National Masturbation Month, we figured it’s never too late to celebrate the clit. So, today, in honor of the clitoris, a few friends and myself put together a #ClitLove Blog Hop and Twitter hash tag party. There Will Be Prizes!

As most of you have figured out over time, my sense of fun can be a bit on the naughty side. It stood to reason that the tongue on bean humor from Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back would be the perfect way to kick things off for me.

If there is one thing that seems to have been all over magazines geared to attract women it’s been the orgasm…and the zillion of variations with which women can achieve them (either solo or with a partner). Somewhere along the way the “Holy Grail” of orgasms became the G-Spot orgasm (never mind that there are those who think it’s like Santa and doesn’t exist). This got me thinking. Why, when we hear about women who’ve never achieved orgasm through intercourse, are we worrying about the hard to find one when we’ve got a little love button hidden in plain sight with nothing but a little hood for protection?

That pretty little pearl exists for nothing but a woman’s pleasure. In fact, it’s the only body part that functions purely for pleasure! A little shy, she needs a little coaxing to come out of her shell, but touch her just right and she’ll swell with beauty before detonating from the inside in shudders of pleasure and love juice.

Most self aware women are well aware of just how reliable that little bud is. In fact, “Clicking the mouse” is a reference to self pleasure through clitoral stimulation. Some of the most popular sex toys were designed with that tiny little pleasure part in mind from bullet and egg sex toys to butterfly panties (with remote) as made more popular by Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler in The Ugly Truth.

The good news is that unlike the G-Spot, pretty much everyone seems to know where to find the clit….or at least the general vicinity. The better news is that this area, like women, can enjoy all sorts of different and versatile approaches to similar results! That means it takes most of the guess work out of it. Watch!

Getting any ideas yet? I know I am… As My friend and fellow blog hopper, August McLaughlin would say…I’m well on my way to a Girl Boner. Check out her what she has to say about The Highly Sensitive Clitoris. My darling friend, Ande Lyons from Bring Back Desire, cheers on all things that make a woman feel sexy and sensual. She, too, is participating with a post called Celebrating The Clitoris. Yolanda Shoshana, a new friend on Twitter who specializes in Courtesan Coaching and Clairvoyance joined the party with her post, Cheers To The Clit. Lana Fox wrote Freud’s Big Clitoral Snake and Angela Tavares who wrote Where Were You The First Time You Found The Clitoris at Go Deeper Press.

You can also join us today on Twitter, using the hashtag #ClitParty. For a chance to WIN an erotic book from Go Deeper Press , an erotic romance selected by Bring Back Desire or a 30-minute clairvoyant reading with Goddess Isis Oracle (via Skype or phone), Tweet us about your clitoris: What you love about it, what you’d say to it, your nickname for it—whatever!—using the hashtag #ClitParty.

Prizes will be awarded for the most retweets and/or favorites, with extra points given for creativity. (Pssst! Guys can enter, too! Talk about a romantic gesture—tweeting about your sweetheart’s clit.;))

As you guys know, I love when people share their thoughts, so I look forward to seeing what you have to say on the topic both on here and on Twitter. You guys never disappoint in your love of all things fun and sexy! Orgasm education is a good cause, don’t you agree? Viva La Clitty!

And for those of you who still feel you need more info on the clit…check out Clitoris Guide.org. They have a ton of interesting stuff!