Condoms, Kinks, and Hijinks

Have you ever wondered what your friends think of you? Well, yesterday gave me a dose of hilarity while answering what my pal, Jenny Hansen (of the More Cowbell fame) thinks of me…or at least where she thinks my mind is most of the time. She tagged me on Facebook with the following image and this message:

Kitt, I just laughed my butt off. I ran a search for you to catch up on your posts and here was the result. I about fell off my chair. LOL.”

Courtesy of Jenny Hansen

Courtesy of Jenny Hansen

I admit it. I giggle snorted immediately…because the first thing that drew my eye was what drew hers.

What can I say? Sex comes up a lot when I’m around. But only in the best possible way. As you’ve probably noticed by the post titles, there’s also not much I won’t talk about.

Which actually leads right into the whole condoms and kinks portion.

As a few of you might remember from my piercings post, I am in a private facebook group where the members love to read and talk kink of all sorts. There are no judgments, you can ask questions, you can talk fetishes…and share the hottest, sexiest reads you’ve discovered with likeminded individuals.

My pal, Anna, from Herding Cats and Burning Soup threw out a question to the group a week or two ago surrounding fetishes. She asked the group what specific fetishes they loved to read about. Not authors. Kinks. Mine were easy…and not much of a shock to those who’ve read my books because a lot of it is also what I enjoy writing. I LOVE M/M/F ménages, especially if there’s some bisexual play between the guys. I also love D/s power exchanges (and I’m not gender specific on who wields the whip). I’m also hugely intrigued by rope bondage, specifically shibari, and think I’d like to take a class to learn how. Heck, Fet-con in Tampa is only a hop-skip-and-a-jump away. Maybe I should sign up.

Anyway, as often happens with this group, things devolve into hilarity…and this time it was all about a condom. As some of you know, bare backing can be considered a kink if/when you’re involved in what folks may consider a “risky” lifestyle. (For those of you wondering, bare backing is another word for unprotected sex.) Anna pointed out that in these books the heroes are usually quite big players at the beginnings of these books until they meet their “soul mates.” So, for her, condoms are a must. Then she went on to lament that although most of her favorite authors use condoms in their stories, she’d love a little variety…like glow in the dark. When she said that, my brain responded with “challenge accepted.”

This, of course, got me thinking. Sex and fantasies. What type of fantasies get you hot under the collar? Are you a ménage person, like me? Does the idea of exhibitionism get your furnace fired up? Or maybe it’s roleplay games. You know. The naughty college student caught cheating on the test by teacher. Or the been caught speeding one where you have to talk the big, bad officer out of writing you that ticket so your license doesn’t get suspended. Yeah… there are all sorts of options.

And as for that condom challenge? Yeah…. I’ve promised her Glow-in-the-dark in NEON GREEN, of course! But ya’ll know me. I like to push the envelope. I fully anticipate a sort of Lightsaber theme and “crossed swords.” Anyone have any color recommendations? LOL!

Also, I’ve got to send a huge THANK YOU to my incredible pal, August McLaughlin. She introduced me to the folks at Sexual Wellness News, and they’ve hired me to write the occasional article for them! My first one was just posted at the end of last month and it’s all about How to Rev Up Your Sex Life! Please go over there, check it out, along with the other awesome articles (August is one of their contributors), and share the love!

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Powerplay

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I watch you,
Sleek,
coiled muscles,
Raw grace.
Big and strong,
You tower over me,
Air of barely leashed
Power.

I crave…
The urge to ride
Your inner storm,
Harness your power,
Bend you to my will,
For my pleasure
And yours.
Command your passion
And pain
With a word;
A touch.
Guide you
To heights
Never reached alone;
The match sparked,
Igniting the flame of need
Fueled by your hunger
To give
And be taken.

You crawl…
Led by my desire,
Your inferno within
Consuming you
With need to
Kneel before me;
A show of trust,
Of lust,
Giving over
Your control
To my able hands,
The thrill
Of letting go,
Unleashing your
Demons
Into my care,
The burn,
A fire in your veins.

You beg,
Watch me dance
Into your fire…
Fearless.
Light grace,
Rolling hips,
Shaft of hard heat
Engulfed;
Driven higher,
Faster,
Deeper.
Mine to guide,
Control,
Surround,
To quicken.
Trust given
And taken.
Barriers broken,
Driven past
The point of no return
On my command,
An explosion
Of fiery bliss
And molten heat.

Never so alive.

That’s Not My Kink

We’ve all heard the saying “different strokes for different folks.” All a person has to do is look around to see the factual reality of that saying. So why does it seem like such a difficult thing to accept and acknowledge when referencing sex? Some of you may be ready to reject the notion out of hand, but hold on for a second while I state my case.

Over the years I’ve come across some pretty interesting sexual kinks/preferences. Many of them are fairly common. Some like to get their hair pulled or their bottoms spanked or both. Some like to be the spanker/hair puller. Some of us have exhibitionist streaks. As the girl who confessed to road head and more, obviously I fall into this category, though there are those who prefer the tamer “accidental” peep shows. Our counterparts are the people who get intensely excited by watching…or voyeurs. Of course there’s also bondage (those who like to tie up, and who like being tied up). I was 18 the first time I restrained someone in a sexual way.

Yes, a lot of the above also incorporates the power exchange that happens when the person’s desire it to yield submission to another person who is into taking control. Sometimes standing alone (no power exchange) or also falling into this world (when power exchanges are incorporated) are the folks who enjoy more than one partner at the same time.

Also surprisingly popular are foot fetishes. For some that means admiring and worshipping pretty toes. For others, it goes deeper. Some love the earthy smells of sweaty feet. Others wish to give foot massages or bathe those dirty feet with their tongues. Others simply want to paint those toenails or have those dainty feet walk all over their bodies (sometimes in high heels).

Some people have more exotic tastes.

I remember talking to one young lady who was fixated on having sex in church sanctuary. Not gonna lie, I’ve done it in the parking lot, but I draw the line at actually entering a “house of God” for copulation purposes. Of course, it would stand to reason that my personal beliefs probably play a part in my discomfort. It may have worked for her, but it definitely wasn’t my cup of tea, but that was okay. That was her thing, not mine.

One woman, a female dominant, I’d become friendly with once shared with me how she had somehow become entranced checking posteriors; putting on surgical gloves and “cleaning them up.” Oddly enough, she was a nurse and thus qualified to go rooting around back there. I admit, the image wasn’t something I cared to keep in my mind. Again, like before, it wasn’t for me, but that was fine.

Many of us have heard of golden showers. Some have even assumed that this couldn’t possibly be a “real” thing. I mean, who would get into the various areas that this sort of play delves into? But it’s real. In fact, it’s as real as cross-dressing or people who enjoy wearing diapers and treated like babies. Heck, even CSI featured a fetish where everyone dressed up like a stuffed animal.

So if there are so many parts of sex that are less than vanilla, why is it that people seem to struggle with acceptance? Is it really so hard to simply say “It’s not my kink” and let it go? No judgment, no disdain. Just a simple acknowledgement that what works for one person may not work for the next and leave it at that.

For that matter, why do people struggle so hard to deny the things that excite them rather than acknowledge the truth and create a fulfilling sex lives for themselves in their relationships? Why do they hide their interests, deny what draws them and pretend it doesn’t exist? Why do their desires become a shameful secret rather than something they communicate with their partner(s)?

My dear friend, Professor Taboo, recently asked me in the comments portion of his Expectations post a question that I’ve been thinking a lot about. “Whether we get or not what we seek from others, is it reasonable to EXPECT the type of open, authentic, proactive communication…and as you pointed out, expecting that level communication whether there were sexual experiences or not? Is the real issue sexual experiences!?”

I thought it was a great question, and the only thing I could come up with for both the way we react to people whose desires deviate from ours as well as from the passions we refuse to acknowledge within ourselves is that we allow fear in.

When faced with others whose desires/kinks vary from our own, it’s easy to point a finger and criticize. “That’s disgusting” “That’s unnatural” or “That’s so wrong” are judgment phrases that often escape the lips of those who can’t or don’t share the same interests. Why? Unless it’s illegal or partners are unwilling, WHY should we care or judge? Why is simply acknowledging that it’s not your thing and moving on so difficult to do?

And if something does intrigue us? I suspect it’s fear that causes us to deny our true natures/desires. What if someone finds out? What if they judge me (often the way I’m judging everyone else)? What if I truly am weird or sick for wanting something besides missionary sex?

It occurred to me as I considered this issue… This is a lot like our tastes in partners. Everyone has different “types”. In fact, half-Asian me has never been attracted to Asian men…and am very picky when it comes to black men that I find sexy. Heck, I laugh all the time at how specific my parents’ types are. My mom likes her men blond with blue eyes. My dad? He likes them Filipina. How do I know that? Because those traits are traits that followed them both into their second marriages.

My mom would tell you that she always knew I’d marry a “latin based” type. Why? Because she said I’d always been attracted to Hispanics, Italians and Greeks; not that I didn’t date my fair share of WASPs, but the majority of the guys who caught my eye were either dark hair and eyes or dark hair and blue eyes. Heck, some would call the attraction to people in uniforms or dangerous jobs or with tattoos a type, too.

Variety is the spice of life. There are a ton of different flavors out there… in ice cream, drinks, cultures, appearances, sexual preferences. No one type is better than the other. There is no right or wrong (well, unless we’re talking illegal). There’s simply what works for you.

Am I making sense? Am I crazy? What’s the most unusual kink you’ve heard of or seen? Do you have a “type” of person you’re attracted to? I’d love to know what you’re thinking…

I’ll close this with a bit of humor….and share what happens when a fantasy goes a bit “off”.