O is for Oral Sex and Orgasms

Doing it wrongThis is going to come as a shock to a few of you, but….. I’m not perfect.

I know. I know. Take a breath. It’s okay. I promise. You’re going to need it because I’m about to really blow your mind.

Not only am I not perfect, but I was also not always all that great certain aspects of sex. In fact, although I was amazing at receiving oral sex (talk about orgasms galore), I was not so great at giving it.

I had a gag reflex. I could work my fist around the base, knew how to twist with each stroke to enhance sensation, but when my head bobbed down…. Well, let’s just say that yacky, gaggy sounds aren’t really all that sexy, and it didn’t take much to hit that trigger.

Oddly enough, it was a lesson learned from years of dental and orthodontic works that helped me overcome.

What did I learn? If you don’t want to gag, breath in and out through your nose. It sounds so simple it couldn’t possibly work, right? But it does. Trust me. Try it.

The other thing? Well, to be fair, I knew I had this in me. I just didn’t realize how it would impact my cock sucking skills. I’ve got an exhibitionist streak a mile wide. For me it translated into the ability to give some pretty great road head minus the gag reflex because my sense of excitement overruled my usual issues.

Other things that I discovered that helped? There are actually gels, pills, and sprays that can be used to help numb the back of your throat/gag spots. The down side is that if you apply too much, it can also numb the dick you’re trying to pleasure… Which kinda defeats the purpose, right?

Finally, I had a fear of swallowing. I was afraid it would taste gross, maybe make me puke, or spew out so fast I’d choke on it. I was completely unwilling to try at first. But like I said, the possibility of being watched or caught? Brings out my inner wild child/Goddess. Not to mention the helplessness of the man, especially during the time of his release. He can’t think, he loses track of his surroundings, and becomes unable to think. He can only feel….

And that loss of control, along with my part in it?

Huge turn on, of course!

It was one such situation that allowed me to swallow the first time. I was enjoying my power, his helplessness….and feeding off his fear/excitement at the possibility of being caught. I pushed him past that limit and swallowed every drop. And discovered it didn’t taste at all like I feared. (I also later uncovered that different people and foods can change that flavor as well.)

Once I overcame that fear I became quite the skilled mouth. Which turned out to be a very good thing since many of my friends will randomly come up to me and ask me for sex advice. A lot. About a lot of subjects. Guess it’s a good thing I’m open to talking all things sex, huh?

I know I’m probably not the only one who’s ever run into sexual challenges… Please feel free to share some of yours. You never know who else may be going through the same thing…or who may be able to help you overcome.

And now I leave you with a clip on oral from one of my all time favorite shows, Queer as Folk.

Life Lessons With Brian Kinney

Have you ever had a tv relationship leave such a strong impact on you that years later, you still look back on those characters with fondness, remembering all the good times as if you were there and the challenges they’ve overcome with pride. Maybe you even learned something along the way.

I have a show like that. The leading man was arrogant, narcissistic, a bit of a whore and mean. And I loved him for it. Brian Kinney, played by Gale Harold, was my hero because deep down behind that a$$hole veneer was a heart of gold. As for the mean…it wasn’t so much mean as brutal honesty. He called it like he saw things and he didn’t ever pull punches. I think I loved him a bit for that… No one could ever say that they didn’t know where they stood with him…and his kindnesses showed itself at the most unusual moments in the most original ways.

Gale Harold aka Brian Kinney of Queer As Folk

Gale Harold aka Brian Kinney of Queer As Folk

At first glance one might think, whoa! That age difference doesn’t bode well for this relationship. Normally, you might be right. If the younger guy was anyone but Justin. He’s an oddly compelling mix of innocence and wisdom. He’s the actual grown up in the relationship, emotionally speaking.

Justin Taylor

Randy Harrison aka Justin Taylor from Queer As Folk

The show? Queer As Folk, a Showtime Original TV show back in the early 2000’s. My absolute favorite scene happened at the end of Season One, when the young man, Justin Taylor played by Randy Harrison, who caught his eye (a high school senior) asked him to prom. He said no. He was concerned that maybe the relationship wasn’t so appropriate because of their age difference. He was in his late twenties. He does, however, decide to show up for one dance…

Sadly, after that dance, tragedy strikes. Justin walks Brian to the garage where he’s parked to kiss him goodnight. Brian starts to get into his jeep. As Justin heads back to finish the prom with his best friend, Daphne, a football player from his school with a baseball bat hits him in the head from behind. Brian, seeing him coming from his side mirror screams Justin’s name, but it’s too late. The damage is done. Brian fights the guy off and calls the ambulance for an unconscious Justin. Fortunately, Justin survives and eventually recovers.

Brian always thought he could hold himself apart. That he wouldn’t allow anyone close enough for him to love them. Except somehow, Justin was able to sneak in. Debbie, played brilliantly by Sharon Gless, is his childhood best friend, Michael’s, mom. Unaccepted by his own family, she knows him best… I love this scene where she calls him out on the feelings he’s trying so hard to avoid.

Then there’s what Queer As Folk taught me about gay marriage. Lindsey Peterson, played by Thea Gill, is Brian’s female best friend and the mother of his child. Well, okay, technically he’s the sperm donor for her baby with her girlfriend, Melanie, played by Michelle Clunie. After one problem after another in planning a wedding that won’t be recognized by anyone but their friends, Brian brings their friends together to help them put together the wedding of their dreams…

It was actually through this show that I saw all too clearly why legalizing gay marriage is important. Here’s my take based on what I learned. If it were simply a matter of love, many would probably be okay with commitment ceremonies. But it’s not just the love aspect that makes marriage so important. Actually, it’s the legalities that we heteros take for granted.

For example, in season one, Gus, Lindsey and Melanie’s son becomes ill. When they rush him to the hospital the only people they’d let back with him to the doctor was his biological parent. When Brian arrived after Melanie called to let him know Gus was sick, he wondered why she wasn’t with their son. When she explained, he became furious on her behalf. In the end, they were both able to go back (mostly because the “biological father” approved it). It didn’t matter that she was the parent raising the child.Later, to ensure that both mothers would be able to care and be responsible for Gus, he allowed both women to adopt him, effectively signing his parental rights away despite the fact that he obviously cared about him.

In a later season, an anti-gay activist group (I’m sure you know which “religious group” they resembled) decide to blow up the local dance club, Babylon, during a fund raising event to “Stop Prop 14”. In the explosion many were hurt and several were killed including one of Lindsey and Melanie’s lesbian friends. She was the mother of two children. She and her life partner had been together for years. When she passed away, not only did her partner lose her, she lost their children. Why? Because she wasn’t the biological parent and had no legal rights. Technically, those went to the family who’d never approved of their relationship to begin with. That just struck me as wrong on so many levels for both the kids (who knew her as mom, and for the woman).

I know that this may not be a very accurate depiction of how things work these days. I’m sure there are legal documents that can be created that will protect some of these rights. But still… There are still so many places who won’t give health insurance to life partners, but will approve it for spouses. And that’s just for starters.


When I look back on this show, I appreciate how it broadened my horizons. I loved the characters and the plot lines. And I’ll forever love Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor. In my little universe, they found their happily ever after. (And yeah…I found their sex to be smokin’ hot!) Of course, with these guys of mine, they had to go and put a twist on the series finale…

Has there been a show that’s opened your eyes? Maybe helped you grow? View the world just a little bit differently? I’d love to hear about it. And Debbie’s final question is a valid one…How the hell DO you return a water buffalo?

Happily Ever After?

One of my all time favorite tv couples has always been Brian and Justin on “Queer As Folk”. I remember checking the show out on a whim, then deliberately. In fact, when my boyfriend was ready to cancel premium channels back then, I told him that it was ok as long as we kept Showtime. I didn’t care about anything else. In fact, I didn’t even care about anything else on Showtime!

What made them so compelling? Well, besides the obvious hottie appeal, Brian Kinney was the quintessential bad boy. Apparently Justin Taylor and I had similar tastes in men. Brian was the successful, much older, wilder man. Justin was the younger, wiser boy. He saw through Brian’s facade to the sensitive, damaged person that even most of his friends didn’t know existed.

And Brian? He couldn’t resist Justin’s sweetness, his wisdom, his stubbornness, not to mention his unwillingness to give up on him. And over the years Brian gave Justin reasons. Deep down, I don’t think he felt good enough or deserving enough of Justin’s pure love. But Brian loved him, unselfishly and without reservation. His love for Justin was the purest, best part of Brian’s heart…and you saw it reflected in his eyes every time he looked at him.

And then there were the sex scenes! These guys burned up my tv screen when they’d burn up the sheets. Who could forget the scene when Brian caught up with Justin in New York after they’d fought and Justin had run away, taking Brian’s credit cards with him.

But there were also the sweet ones. I still find their dance at Justin’s prom to be one of the sweetest, most romantic scenes to grace a tv screen. To end Season 1 in that kind of violence after such sweetness? It blew my mind…and brought home the sad reality of gay bashing. Prior to that point, I don’t think I would’ve fully understood. Let’s face it! I’m a straight woman…and up till a couple years after that, I didn’t even know I had any gay friends.

Sitting at home last night, putting down a scene on paper that had been tugging at my brain had brought the song “Save The Last Dance For Me” to my head. Of course, since that was the song they’d danced to at prom, I remembered my favorite “Super Couple”. (Music does that to me) I started YouTubing Brian and Justin…and found this clip. It definitely showed their ups and downs, but it really showcased the love.

Now “Queer As Folk” has been off the air for years, but I know I’m not the only one who feels this way about these guys. In the last episode, we saw Justin headed to New York to chase his dream as an artist as Brian stayed behind. Their wedding was cancelled. But when I think back to these guys, I have a hard time thinking that was the end of their story together.

In my mind, I see them finding their way back to each other and living happily ever after. I feel like there are just some couples who are meant to stand the test of time, regardless of how their tv shows end. Do YOU have a couple who does that for you? Who captured your heart and your imagination? Who still makes you wonder where they are now?

Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be tempted to write my image of how their story really ended.

Of course, fan fic being what it is, there’s a good chance someone already has! (Not that it will stop me)