Masturbation Misses

Masturbation Month

I couldn’t let the end of Masturbation month without acknowledging it. After all, we have a pretty strong history together if you recall my prior posts like Self Discovery, or Lessons in Going Solo, or Self Pleasure: A Solo Sport? Obviously I’m passionate about sexuality and self pleasure.

Maybe that’s why I’m still able to be surprised when I come across the woefully uneducated or amazingly puritanical viewpoints. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but in this modern age of technology and education, I still find myself blown away.

look_mom_im_a_unicorn

Okay, so this one is funny and a bit cute. There’s nothing at all wrong with the naïve innocence that comes with youth. In fact, it’s important to hold on to that innocence.

But…

And this is a big one.

It’s also important not to shelter your child so much that they are completely clueless about themselves, their sexuality, and the world around them. Don’t leave the job of teaching sex (and I’m not talking in the “sex is evil” sort of way) and/or the body to their friends or teachers.

Teach them not to be afraid of self discovery. Teach them not to be ashamed of the strong physical reactions self pleasure can bring. And for goodness sake…at least give them an idea that sex toys exist or you could wind up with a situation like this….

Fleshlight

Okay. So it’s funny in an OMG, kinda gross sort of way. But here’s a truth. If we talked about sex openly and honestly, would this meme even ever happen?

Or worse….

Can you imagine being so woefully uneducated about sex toys and pleasure that this happened?
image

So technically it’s not a masturbatory toy, but you get my drift. These things are misses in education. In open discussion. In sexual awareness.

Self pleasure is a powerful thing! So is information. It’s through self pleasure that we discover what feels good. How to teach our partners to help us enjoy sex. How not to settle for a poor relationship simply because they make you “feel good” because you can do that all on your own without any help.

So now it’s your turn…

Why is masturbation and/or sex education important to you? Or if it isn’t, why not?

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Playtime: What Goes in the Box…

Vibe

Many moons ago I bought my first vibrator. It was exciting. It was taboo. It was hidden in a brown bag so no one would know what I’d purchased. After a quick trip to the store to pick up some batteries (let’s be real, first timer…didn’t want to run out and didn’t know what to expect) I rushed home, excited to play.

Alone in my room, I freed the teal gel cylinder from the wrapping, washed it, and slid the batteries the hard plastic handle piece. I toyed with the various settings against my hand to get a feel for how it operated, then disrobed and moved to the bed.

This was going to be awesome, right? So much easier and fun than my own fingers?

Not exactly.

It wasn’t so much the going in. Lubrication (both self and purchased) helped with that. It was more the uncomfortable, burning feeling.  And the feeling like the only way to rid myself of that uncomfortable burn was to pee.

I knew that the lady at the pleasure party said that they were considered “novelty” items, but it was explained that this had more to do with the rules of other countries about exporting things that were used for sex. That’s why there were things like rabbit ears or hummingbirds or dolphins on the clitoral stimulator….or so I understood back then.

It never occurred to me that pleasure items were not held to any health or safety standard. That they could be toxic. In the end, I gave up on that particular toy figuring it must be an allergic reaction. Heck, I’ve been known to have a sensitivity to latex condoms, so I just chalked it up to that! And then I did a bit more research.

Did you know that many of the older toys were made with toxic products? That they were safer to be used in conjunction with a condom? Or that the type of lubricant you use can actually dry you out? In fact, check out the article I wrote for Sexual Wellness News on exactly this topic this week! It’s all about how to shop for great non-toxic toys. And if you have any doubts that not all lubes are created equal? Check out this blog post from my favorite lube company. It’s from a nurse’s perspective on why their stuff is head and shoulders above the rest.

Don’t get me wrong, this has NOT stopped me from enjoying pleasure enhancers. It’s just made me much more careful in my choices. Heck, ya’ll know I’ve always been pretty vocal about sharing what I like….and reading materials to help you get there.

What about you guys? Any sex toy nightmares to share? Any tips you’ve learned along the way? Caring is Sharing, afterall!

Lessons In Going Solo #MasturbationMonth

Who has ever heard or said some derivative of one or both of these statements?

“He has intimacy issues.”

or

“It’s his responsibility to make sure you cum first.”

I’m guilty. I remember finding out from a friend at a pleasure party I hosted that she’d never achieved orgasm and me (and every other woman in the room) blamed her boyfriend. It was a reflexive reaction, probably partially programmed through years of hearing how when something goes wrong it must be the man’s fault/responsibility.

Lately, though, I’ve started looking at things differently. Men aren’t the only ones with intimacy issues. In fact, many women have major physical intimacy issues with themselves. I wish I could say it’s uncommon to hear how women are uncomfortable with their own bodies or that discomfort at masturbation is still a thing. But it’s not. In fact, I’ve discovered that it’s much more likely for me to talk to people with hang ups about this subject.

Why is that? As my buddy, August McLaughlin, points out in one of her GirlBoner posts, Orgasms are good for us! I’m going to take things a step forward and say that self induced orgasms are important for both your confidence and your love life.

Remember the old adage, “how can you expect someone else to love you if you can’t love yourself?” There’s truth to that. Not because other people can’t love you, but because if you don’t love yourself, often you don’t recognize when someone else does. Well, why are our bodies any different? If we don’t know how to rev our own engine, is it really fair to blame the partner who has difficulty deciphering our physical codes? Sure, there will be times when someone who really knows his/her way around the human body may make yours sing in ways you’ve never experienced before, but that’s not the norm.

Building and maintaining physical heat takes communication… Sharing what gets you hot (or not). If you don’t know where to start on your own body, it’s total guess work for your partner. And if you’re one of those people who “fakes it” because you don’t want to disappoint, you’ll probably never know the wonders that your body is capable of providing for you. The endorphin rush is amazing. Addictive, even.

But seriously. The best way to ensure sexual satisfaction? Start with yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of sensual exploration. In fact, here are a few suggestions to aid in your self discovery.

My newest favorite

Lubricant– ladies, lube isn’t just a thing for men, and they’re not all created equal. We’re not always wet when we begin a self pleasuring session, and this can be an incredible help. This particular one, made by Aloe Cadabra, is made with 95% Organic Aloe and is 100% awesome! The one pictured in my hand is the peppermint flavor that gives you that wonderful tingly sensation while you’re playing south of the border. It also doesn’t leave you feeling greasy or sticky or slimy when you’re done. It’s even got healing properties…. Who knew?

Pleasure paraphenalia

Pleasure paraphenalia

Toys– There’s this myth that says growing up means we outgrow playing with toys. I beg to differ. The type of toys we play with simply changes. When I began to explore these bedroom enhancers, I found some very interesting devices, but found I had a sensitivity to some of the materials used (jelly, specifically) to create these passion playthings. That’s when I remembered hearing about glass toys. They can be warmed and cooled, allowing me to pick my pleasure without the after-effects of vaginal irritation and/or discomfort. Nowadays, it’s amazing how many options there are, so it’s just a matter of finding what works for you. Me? I enjoy shopping at adult shops or hosting pleasure parties (though others may prefer the privacy shopping online affords them). In fact, I hosted one at the end of last month. My consultant was a truly fabulous woman named Stacey…and she’s moving to Wisconsin, so if you live in that area and want to have a party, here’s her website. Tell her I sent you!

naughty nights2

Inspirational Paraphanelia– Not everyone can get heated just because they’ve decided to explore. Some are great at being able to close their eyes and fantasize, but not everyone can do it quite that easily. Erotic reading materials are a fantastic source of inspiration. In fact, click here to check out a current ongoing blog hop (It ends on the 21st) that’s all about giving away Wickedly Hot and Sexy books or Amazon gift cards. Yes, I’m giving away a copy of one of my books. 😉

Partners– Hey, if you’re in a relationship, discovering what works for you can be a joint adventure. There’s something extremely sexy about sitting across the room from your lover, watching him/her enjoy himself while you do the same. Me? Sometimes I prefer a taste of danger or the possibility of getting caught. Yes, there’s something about enjoying myself in the passenger seat when my partner has to keep his hands on the wheel that appeals to me. Or surreptitiously doing it in a public place where an observant person might notice, but maybe not. You know, like in a fancy restaurant, sitting across from your lover….or in a movie theater.

Yes, the pleasure possibilities are endless! The health benefits are great. The ability to take responsibility for your own orgasm and lead your partner to pleasing you? Priceless! The fact that May just happens to be Masturbation Month just gives you the perfect excuse opportunity to explore.

What major insights or changes in thinking have you experienced with regards to sexuality and/or relationships? If you’re one who enjoys the solo touch, what advice or lessons would you care to impart on folks who might just be opening up to self discovery?

And, of course, my warped humor wouldn’t let me leave out the ever-so-famous Sex in the City “Rabbit Intervention” episode. 😉 Enjoy!

 

Self Pleasure A Solo Sport?

Why wait till May to talk masturbation???

Masturbation

A couple days ago I confessed to you guys that I can be a bit of a Grammar cop. Before I continue, look at the sentence under Masturbation….that statement needs a well placed comma to match the above picture, no? I’m pretty sure the sentence is also pretty accurate, too, though. Masturbation isn’t just limited to men I know. 😉

Remember those myths/old wives tales we used to hear about masturbation? My personal favorite was probably frequent self pleasure will make you go blind. Or what about the one that said touching yourself would make your palms hairy? Maybe you heard that masturbation would cause you to lose your ability to orgasm during actual sex…. or any of the many other myths out there.

With all the craziness surrounding something as simple and natural as masturbation, it’s no wonder folks are unwilling to admit to taking pleasure into their own hands. For me, personally, it’s my ideal way to relieve stress…assuming I’m someplace I can shuck my clothes. As it turns out, not only were those endorphins helping me to release stress and tension, they were also increasing my sex drive.

There’s this other myth that says that masturbation is a solo sport. I beg to differ. Everyone needs a helping hand. Sure, it can be… but alone is not your only option. I’m not talking about the whole leave your window curtains open “accidentally” so that the neighbors can get a peek…though if that does it for you, I’m the last person who will be throwing stones. What I’m talking about can be done several ways for multiple benefits.

Mutual Masturbation.

As we know, we women tend to need mental stimulation. Most men need visual stimulation. It would seem to me that playing in pairs would have a symbiotic effect. We can read our most recent racy novel or float off to fantasyland in our heads, then once our bodies are raring to go, invite our partners into the bedroom.

You can make it a game….

You: Baby, I’m feeling a little frisky and I want to play…
Him: Okay.
You: I want you to watch me touch myself…
Him: (thinking it’s incredibly hot and he just scored…wondering what’s the catch.) That’s hot.
You: There’s just one thing. I want to touch me. I want to watch you watch me touch myself. But you don’t get to touch me until I say okay. (After your first orgasm.)
Him: (Wow…That’s the catch?) Sounds hot. Do I get to touch myself?
You: (The view is just added inspiration) Absolutely.

Okay, so maybe the dialogue is a little cheesy, but think about this… There is something very sexy about sitting across from each other and pleasuring yourselves. Looking into each others eyes builds intimacy. Watching each other touch yourselves does something else. If you pay close attention, you will learn how your partner likes to be touched. Struggled to help your partner attain orgasm? They’re giving you an in depth look into their points of pleasure! Things have been getting a bit stale? Watch the “way” they touch themselves. There may be cues for different interests or role play scenarios in the future. You’ll learn if you’re too soft, too hard, too gentle…or just right (which can be an incredible ego boost).

Of course, you can also bring out the toys! Who says you have to be the one to masturbate you? Why turn a partner down if they’re in the mood to drive you out of your mind with ecstasy? Or *gasp* you could initiate it. Maybe you have a whole array of toys and your own toy chest or maybe you’ve never bought a vibrator before. Either way, do you know how exciting it can be for a man to be invited to join you as you “break in” a new toy? Maybe it’s one of those little finger vibes…(don’t knock ’em, they can be very powerful these days) or maybe it’s your rabbit. Personally, I’m enthralled with glass dildos these days (something about the fact that they can hold heat or cold gives me the shivers in a good way).

Here’s a truth…we all have our insecurities revolving around sex. Sharing intimacies like this with our partners helps break down those walls. It also helps both of you to better be able to meet your needs without pressure and frustration. In fact, if you haven’t found your g-spot yet, why not ask your partner for a team assist? You could “research” the subject online together…watching all sorts of “educational” videos. Maybe you could read books or articles…or go toy shopping and find something designed to hit “the spot”. Or that can just be your excuse to play…;-)

And if you’re newer to a relationship? Won’t they think you’re nasty or a slut or some other hideous label people create? Unless they’re severely repressed, not likely. In fact, you’ve just told them three things about yourself. You know your body and are not ashamed (nor should you be–regardless of what clothing size you might wear because they were attracted to you for a reason), you expect communication with your sex (novel concept, I know) AND that you like a bit of adventure with your loving. THERE IS NO DOWNSIDE HERE! (In fact, if they’ve got a problem…they’re likely also the downside…)

Masturbation is a genuine pleasure for me. There are all sorts of scenarios you can play out for pleasure…the one I listed above was just one of many…and meant to get your creative juices flowing. So while you’re thinking of it, what myths have you heard about sex that you know are just not true? You know I’m open to any questions you may also have surrounding masturbation and sex, so feel free to ask…

As you all know, I don’t believe in taking sex too seriously, so I thought I’d share with you the most hilariously cheesy song I’ve heard in a while…appropriately called “Masturbation Song”.

Project Cliteracy

Recently, it was brought to my attention that the first ever International Clitoral Awareness Week took place from May 6-12. As it’s also National Masturbation Month, we figured it’s never too late to celebrate the clit. So, today, in honor of the clitoris, a few friends and myself put together a #ClitLove Blog Hop and Twitter hash tag party. There Will Be Prizes!

As most of you have figured out over time, my sense of fun can be a bit on the naughty side. It stood to reason that the tongue on bean humor from Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back would be the perfect way to kick things off for me.

If there is one thing that seems to have been all over magazines geared to attract women it’s been the orgasm…and the zillion of variations with which women can achieve them (either solo or with a partner). Somewhere along the way the “Holy Grail” of orgasms became the G-Spot orgasm (never mind that there are those who think it’s like Santa and doesn’t exist). This got me thinking. Why, when we hear about women who’ve never achieved orgasm through intercourse, are we worrying about the hard to find one when we’ve got a little love button hidden in plain sight with nothing but a little hood for protection?

That pretty little pearl exists for nothing but a woman’s pleasure. In fact, it’s the only body part that functions purely for pleasure! A little shy, she needs a little coaxing to come out of her shell, but touch her just right and she’ll swell with beauty before detonating from the inside in shudders of pleasure and love juice.

Most self aware women are well aware of just how reliable that little bud is. In fact, “Clicking the mouse” is a reference to self pleasure through clitoral stimulation. Some of the most popular sex toys were designed with that tiny little pleasure part in mind from bullet and egg sex toys to butterfly panties (with remote) as made more popular by Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler in The Ugly Truth.

The good news is that unlike the G-Spot, pretty much everyone seems to know where to find the clit….or at least the general vicinity. The better news is that this area, like women, can enjoy all sorts of different and versatile approaches to similar results! That means it takes most of the guess work out of it. Watch!

Getting any ideas yet? I know I am… As My friend and fellow blog hopper, August McLaughlin would say…I’m well on my way to a Girl Boner. Check out her what she has to say about The Highly Sensitive Clitoris. My darling friend, Ande Lyons from Bring Back Desire, cheers on all things that make a woman feel sexy and sensual. She, too, is participating with a post called Celebrating The Clitoris. Yolanda Shoshana, a new friend on Twitter who specializes in Courtesan Coaching and Clairvoyance joined the party with her post, Cheers To The Clit. Lana Fox wrote Freud’s Big Clitoral Snake and Angela Tavares who wrote Where Were You The First Time You Found The Clitoris at Go Deeper Press.

You can also join us today on Twitter, using the hashtag #ClitParty. For a chance to WIN an erotic book from Go Deeper Press , an erotic romance selected by Bring Back Desire or a 30-minute clairvoyant reading with Goddess Isis Oracle (via Skype or phone), Tweet us about your clitoris: What you love about it, what you’d say to it, your nickname for it—whatever!—using the hashtag #ClitParty.

Prizes will be awarded for the most retweets and/or favorites, with extra points given for creativity. (Pssst! Guys can enter, too! Talk about a romantic gesture—tweeting about your sweetheart’s clit.;))

As you guys know, I love when people share their thoughts, so I look forward to seeing what you have to say on the topic both on here and on Twitter. You guys never disappoint in your love of all things fun and sexy! Orgasm education is a good cause, don’t you agree? Viva La Clitty!

And for those of you who still feel you need more info on the clit…check out Clitoris Guide.org. They have a ton of interesting stuff!