Who Defines Your Beautiful?

It’s been a while since I’ve jumped up on my soapbox, but longtime followers of this blog know my hot buttons…and my lack of filter (hopefully in a good way).

Today I saw something that made me furious enough to write this post; something that hasn’t happened in a while.

An author friend of mine shared a “what-the-fuckety-fuck-is-this-shit” kind of promo privately. She was angry, and rightfully so! She was asking about the trope this “person” was writing in. I wish I could say I’ve never heard of that theme or that it didn’t exist, but it’s as old as time and pisses me off every time I see it.

When did being overweight or “ugly” translate into being undeserving of love? Because the way some of these stories are written, these women are undeserving of these so called heroes and their attention until they either become skinny and gorgeous or have a complete makeover and wardrobe overhaul. And then they’re finally deserving of being noticed and/or loved.

I call bullshit.

What makes a person truly lovable and beautiful, in my opinion, rarely has anything to do with physical appearances. In fact, some of the ugliest people I’ve seen are aesthetically pleasing and/or proportioned to societal standards, but don’t have heart or character. For me, it actually diminishes their physical beauty as well.

Now intelligence? A sense of humor? Empathy? I find those traits sexy as hell! Kindness? Not nearly enough of it in the world, so it beautifies a person just as much as a smile does.

Here’s my take on that lame-ass book trope. It’s right up there with the overuse of “billionaire” heroes. Old and tired.

My exception? If it’s the herione’s own insecurities that prove to be the stumbling block, not the hero’s lack of character and depth. Because here’s another sad truth. When people say “you can’t love someone who can’t love themselves,” there’s a grain of truth, but probably not in a literal sense. People who don’t love or believe in themselves don’t believe themselves worthy of the emotion when others try to give it. They may be receiving it, but they can’t be forced to accept the gift.

That’s something within themselves that they’ll need to fix, and no fault of the hero.

So if you’ve ever been made to feel like you were less somehow, I hope you realize that the deficiency is in them. Not you. You’re amazing just the way you are. BTW, it happens to all of us at some point… Even me. Hell, someone once offered me $1000 to lose weight and another one offered to buy me a boob job so I could fit their versions of beauty. Too bad I like who I am and I know my worth. I hope you know yours too, and shut that shit down. No one needs that kind of undermining negativity in their lives, agreed?

Know what I think makes me beautiful? My belief in the best in people and my willingness to battle for people not powerful enough to fight for themselves. (AKA don’t fuck with an underdog in my presence unless you want to bleed.) I also think my loyalty and intelligence may me a pretty decent catch. 😉

What about you? What makes you a beautiful person? Has anyone ever tried to make you feel less? How did you handle it?

Q is for Quit

We hear it all the time. 

“Don’t quit.” 

“Winners never quit, quitters never win.”

And generally speaking, I agree. 

However….

There are times when quitting is exactly what we need to do.

  

Quit making excuses. For yourself. For others. It’s easy to do. But it’s not productive. The message sent when excuses are accepted is that you don’t believe the excuse maker is capable of more.

Quit blaming others. Good or bad, it’s your life. Own it. You are the one who has to live with the consequences. 

Quit the people who don’t believe in your worth. You don’t need that kind of negativity.

Quit limiting yourself. Dare to chase your dreams. Don’t settle for anything less than your best.

Quit holding on to the mistakes of the past. Learn from them. Use them as stepping stones toward the future you’ve always wanted.

Quit trying to please everyone. It’s not possible. Do what’s right for you. Real friends will understand and support your decisions.

Quit listening to and/or participating in gossip. Drama tends to create stumbling blocks and cause drama. It develops rifts in relationships, and has a way of coming back on a person. It’s unproductive, a time suck, and generates stress. 

Quit playing down your skills and talents. Be proud of what you bring to the table. False modesty is counterproductive and utter bullshit. There’s a huge difference between being an ego maniac & knowing yourself well.

Finally, Quit living your life for other people. You are the one who will have to deal with the consequences of the choices you make. Not them.

In other words, quit the things that hold you back, hold you down, or hold your self worth hostage. You are worth so much more….

I’m sure you guys can think of other important things to quit that are been ficial, or maybe you’ve quit some of the things I’ve listed and have seen the positive impacts…. Care to share any of those with us? You know what they say… It takes a village. 

I is for Identity

Who are you? When you think of yourself, what physical or character traits define you? What are your strengths? Your weaknesses? Who do you try to project to the world? Are you happy with what you see?

Here’s the thing. No matter what, you’re always beautifully, uniquely you. Sometimes it just takes a while to gain the vision for yourself that those who love you share, but if you take a moment and just look deeply into yourself. At the things you do that give you a sense of pride or that bring joy or a sense of value to others. Or maybe the things that make you stand tall, shoulders back, head high…. You’ll realize there are many things to love about yourself.

A few years back I wrote a poem describing my identity, and because of my letter choice, I thought I’d re-share.

It’s called—

Kitt Bio Pic

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who I Am

I’m smiles of welcome
That warms my eyes.
A clever tongue
Wielded like a sharpened knife
Or rich sweetness of honey…
The choice is always
Yours.
I’m the core of steel,
Honed
By determination, grief and God.
I’m tears at sappy movies,
Laugh out loud with books.
Words and music
Flow
Like the blood in my veins.
I believe the best,
Till worst is proven.
Faith is more than
Lip service;
infused into my heart.
Slow to anger,
And slower still
To forget.
Work hard,
Play harder….
Enjoy the raunchy.
Brutal honesty is
Valued,
Respect is earned.
Push
And I push back…
Harder.
Control is my strength
And my weakness;
I rarely let it go.
I love
Without reservations
And try to never hate.
I may bend,
Sometimes fall,
But will never be broken.

Now it’s your turn. What do you love about you? What things do you love about people you care about that maybe you wish they’d see in themselves?