Just the Tip Leads to Sexhibition

Road Head.

Mile High Club.

Public Restrooms.

Back of a Movie Theater.

On the Dance Floor.

If you haven’t figured out yet what our topic of discussion is…let me enlighten you. A few weeks ago I was honored to spend some time chatting it up with one of my favorite people, August McLaughlin of Girl Boner, and discussing spicy sex tips.

Girl Boner Radio Podcast Spicier Sex Inspo From Erotica Authors + Low Libido Tips

Of course, me being me, we can’t introduce the tip without sliding in deeper so you really feel and appreciate the meat, IYKWIM. Every bump of knowledge and stroke of experience builds and drives towards a much more adventurous and satisfying sexual experience.

And I enjoy facilitating the dialogue and experiences as we openly share and discuss things that many might feel belong only in the bedroom.

Me? Not so much, but then, the joke runs in my family that the first man I ever flirted with naked was probably the doctor that delivered me into this world, and the spanking was just icing on the cake. LOL! (We joke…. no actual impropriety happened at my birth, I promise.)

So why do I refer to mutual masturbation as my sexual gateway drug of choice? Because probably my biggest, most favorite thing in the world is something super simple, inexpensive, and a huge adrenaline rush under the right circumstances.

Yup, you guessed it. It’s what all those things at the top of my post have in common…. Exhibitionism.

While I don’t have to be the center of attention all the time at a party and I’m more of an ambivert than an extrovert, from a sexual aspect, I am not shy.

I’m the girl who’s more nudist at home than not.

The person who isn’t shy about unbuttoning her bikini top at the beach or pool so she doesn’t get tan lines (and if she happens to “accidentally” flash someone while adjusting or trying to tie it back up, c’est la vie).

For me, there’s a freedom and a thrill at the thought that someone is finding my body or what I’m doing exciting and arousing. I also perform better at some things when I know I might have an audience.

I know what you’re thinking… Kitt, what do you mean, right? Well, I have a little bit of a gag reflex. I know all the tricks and they help, but that requires I think about what I’m doing to prevent that choking and retching (which, BTW, isn’t really all that sexy…and can be a turn off/fear inducer), but if we’re in a car and I lean over and undo my man’s pants while he’s driving? Wow… No thought needed. I’m feeling free, loose, and sexy as hell.

A couple disclaimers… I don’t recommend doing this on busy streets or during rush hour traffic. No need to get in an accident or arrested. Also, make sure your partner can handle the excitement. Not everyone can, so start with a few strokes of the hand to see if it’s doable (and if your partner finds it as exciting as you do, because as much as it saddens me to admit, not everyone is an exhibitionist).

This may explain how vehicular sex found its way into my first couple of books… And the mile-high scene in my first full sized novel.

So here are a few misunderstandings about exhibitionism…

  • Exhibitionism doesn’t always = crowds. It can be an audience of one.
  • You can be both shy and an exhibitionist.
  • Exhibitionist isn’t just for submissives. In fact, many Dominants love the power of controlling their audience.
  • Not every Exhibitionist is an attention whore and vice versa.

I’m sure I missed a few myths, and I’m sure some of you could fill in the blanks—and I hope you do.

Truth is, some of the sexiest things I’ve done were a thousand times heightened by both knowing someone could or was watching and/or the fear of getting caught.

While I know it’s not for everyone, there’s something incredibly freeing for me knowing I’m being watched, admired, and that my every move is exciting to my partner. The power I have over their arousal and my own is thrilling. So yeah, I’ll often kick it off with a mutual masturbation game. You sit on that sofa while I sit on the love seat across from you. I’ll touch myself. You’re welcome to watch and touch yourself, but you’re not allowed to touch me until I say so. Oh yeah… And please feel free to let me know how much you’re dying to touch me or for me to touch you. I’ll let you know when you’ve got the green light. 😉

Yes, in my humble opinion, sex should be fun and adventurous. It should be an exciting, exotic trip you take together.

What excites you? Are you more exhibitionist or voyeur? And maybe my kink isn’t yours… That’s ok. Yours might not be mine, either, but I’m always willing to share and explore and try to understand, so please feel free to give me your thoughts.

Playing Catch Up

Hello blogosphere! I know. I KNOW! Kitt, where’ve you been? Your posting has been sporadic at best lately…

You’re right. I’m sorry. Like everyone else, 2020 has been a rollercoaster. But I’m kinda over talking about the bad and the sad, okay? So let’s talk about what I’ve been up to, shall we?

First, I’m practically waist deep into my next book from my Lovers and Lyrics series…and yes, I’ve got a name for it. How does Go Ahead and Break My Heart sound? Personally, I love it. And I’ve started sharing teasers and info on my Facebook Author Page and also on Goodreads, so I’d love for you to either friend or follow me for updates. I’ve also recently fallen in love with Bookbub and would love to be found there.

I also had a chance to catch up with one of my favorite fellow bloggers and dear friends, Girlboner’s own August McLaughlin, for her smexilicious podcast. Those of you who’ve been regulars on here know just how much I love talking down-to-earth, real sex discussions…tips included (and not just on the peen…hehehe).

If you wanna take a listen, here are a few different ways you can make that happen: Girboner Radio’s Homepage, Apple podcasts, or iHeart Radio. If you’d like to get an idea of what we talked about first, drop by August’s blog to get the Cliff’s Notes version. 🙂 And no, I’m not gonna tell you what I talked about…mostly because I’m hoping you’ll get curious and check it out, then give some feedback.

But it’s not always all about me. Well, ok. It kind of is…in that this is my blog and I share all my stuff. Next up is my latest author friend/book discovery. E.J. Frost is a UK author I’ve gotten quite friendly with online.

The truth is, I get nervous about reading and reviewing a book once I know and love the author because…what if I hate it? What if they’re not as good as I built them up to be in my mind? Will it change how I look at them? Well, the good news is… SHE WAS FABULOUS! (And I left her a 5 Star Review.) If you haven’t checked her out yet, you should… Although Daddy/littles aren’t my kink, I do enjoy reading them, and the way she went about it? Super intriguing. Can’t wait for the sequel!

Last, but certainly not least…. I’ve been craving more S.H. Timmins, and since I’ve already read all her dark books and her YA/NA and loved them, I decided to go back to the beginning of her writing career. Yes, I hit the backlist and found her first book which was a romantic comedy. While, yes, you could tell it was her first book due to a few editing issues, the magic of her writing is more than enough to overcome it.

The above quote is from her book, Bent, that I’m in the middle of reading (and you’re welcome to either read along or follow my journey on Goodreads), and I’ve laughed out loud more than once. No, penile fractures are nothing to laugh about….but they kind of are, too.

You know what else was cool? It was kinda like I was psychic because… Look what she just announced on FB today!

Yup! She said it’s coming soon and I, for one, can’t wait!

So those are the good things besides my sister and her family moving out of Chicago and closer to yours truly… Now that they’re less than 30 minutes away, I can see everyone, including my sweet nephew, pretty much whenever I’d like.

What silver linings has this pandemic brought you? Do you need a hug? I’m happy to supply those, too.

What the Dirty Mind Projects…

If it doesn’t sound familiar to you, good on ya.

Me? I practically wrote that book. I’d apologize, but I’m pretty sure no one would believe I was being sincere.

It’s not like I go out of my way… These opportunities just fall into my lap. I mean, have you ever really listened to announcers for sporting events? I do. And half of what they say is outright naughtiness. And, of course, me being me…I share it on FB or Twitter. Of course, if you’re my friend or follower on either of these formats, I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know.

I can’t be the only one, right? Those play-by-play guys sound completely pervy?

The knack for finding naughty in the midst of all things innocent is a gift…and happened again the other day at work. Because it happens so often I thought nothing of it until a couple days ago when this happened:

Co-worker: I got a new keychain.

Me: Cool!

Co-worker: Don’t act so surprised. It’s all your fault.

Me: Huh?

Co-worker: Ever since you made that comment about my old one, I can’t un-see it! Plus, I had a tendency to flick it which just made it that much worse.

Me: (laughing hilariously) So what you’re saying is I wasn’t wrong…

Of course, she didn’t comment on that. Well, unless you count when another co-worker mentioned her getting a new key chain which had her blaming me again and telling the other co-worker what I’d told her. The other peer’s response? “Of course she said that….”

You all tell me…

When you look at the above keychain, would you say something like, “Oh how cute! It’s a mini-flogger keychain!” Especially if it were red leather and the person holding it kept snapping her wrist and making the falls dance….?

Sadly, I then had to explain what the word flogger meant…she understood whip better (or maybe I should say ‘worse’). Of course, part of me found that kinda fun, too. Wouldn’t you if you were me?

Obviously I’m still way too entertained by this whole thing, but it had me wondering. When people say “we always have that one friend who…” I know the next part of that statement as it pertains to me will have something to do with either my grammar fetish or my dirty mind. What do people say about you? And what have you ruined for someone else that left you completely amused?

The GirlBoner Goddess, August McLaughlin!

 

August M headshot

Hey everyone! August McLaughlin has been one of my very dear friends for quite some time now. We met through blogging and found very quickly that we had a shared passion for female emotional and sexual empowerment. We need strong, sexual, sensual women! Too often sex has been wrapped up as a weapon or as something bad or negative, and through our own experiences, we’ve found our voices to help.

Girl Boner cover uvSo, of course, when I found out that my girl was putting out a book made for the women we love to embrace and empower, I had to show her some love. As always, she graciously accepted the opportunity to share on my blog. (BTW, you’re going to want to read to the end as there may be an opportunity for YOU there.)

Me: Welcome to theinnerwildkat, August! So glad you could join me! I’m just going to dive in and pick your beautiful brain, ok? Tell us how the GirlBoner brand came to be…(How did you get the inspiration? Where did the name come from?)

August: Like many people, I learned very little about sex and sexuality during my youth. In sex ed, I remember learning a little bit about male sexual pleasure—at least that it existed—and zilch about anything positive for gals. So as soon as I learned what “boner” meant I literally wondered, What about Girl Boners?
Years later, embracing my sexuality helped me heal from a severe eating disorder. Once I’d built a writing career, it felt natural to use my platform to shed light on the type of sexual empowerment that helped save my life and that so many people still stand to gain.

Me: What of the subjects you covered in your book were most eye opening to you?

August: One of the biggest involved the (creepy) history of masturbation—or, rather, how solo play has been viewed and, no pun intended, handled. I want someone to write a thriller about that history one day. It would make an excellent movie! 

Me: We may have to dig deeper into that subject at a later time if you’re willing. But for now, let’s keep going. What did you find most entertaining? Maybe even funny? (Heck, sex can be both amazing and funny, right?) 

August: Heck, yes! Some of my favorite kicks and giggles came from my editor’s notes. I remember one clearly: “Did you mean to say ‘ring around the peenie?’” (I guess you had to be there!) (Also, yes, I did.)

GBR logo 2018Me: What about creating your brand—between your books, your radio show, your blog, BOAW—wowed YOU most?

August: I was stunned to find that I enjoyed blogging. My then agent had suggested it, and I was like, “Write more?” I was already writing articles nearly full-time and working on another novel. But I loved blogging straight away, and far more so when I started breaking the “rules” and focusing on material I felt compelled to explore with the goal of having fun or helping others.
Another biggie was realizing how important connection is to me. Talking with people and sharing others’ stories has become a major passion of mine, and fills in emotional gaps when I’m spending a lot of time in the writing cave.

Me: 

August: 

Me: 

August: 

Me: 

August: Probably that your mission is your reward. I wrote about this on my blog recently, but in short, I initially thought my Girl Boner book would release within a year or two once I launched the blog series—which was many proposals, two agents, multiple rejections and plenty of life ago.
In that time, though, Girl Boner has taken me in directions I hadn’t anticipated and allowed me to learn so much about myself, sexuality and my audience. I’m not sure we writers can write an impactful book without knowing who we’re speaking to on a deep level, especially when it comes to nonfiction.

Me: 

August: 

Me: 

August: I’m kicking of a book launch tour with readings, live Girl Boner Radio recordings and more in Minneapolis, LA, NYC, Las Vegas and hopefully other cities, starting August 11th. I’m really looking forward to mixing and mingling with folks across the country. Between trips, I’ll be working on other-things-Girl Boner from home, with my animal coworkers.

Me: 

August: 


Me: Well said! And with that, how can we get our hands on one of your hot new books?

August: The book is available for pre-order on amazon HERE. I’m running a little sweepstakes with The Pleasure Chest for anyone who preorders, which people can enter HERE! Thanks so much for having me, Kitt. You’re spectacular. 

Me: August, you’re welcome here anytime! Congratulations and good luck! Also, thanks so much for mentioning me in the book! Sooo HONORED!

Now, it’s time for you guys! What do you think? Any questions for me? August? Feel free! Also, you should really follow this woman. She’s got a ton of amazing knowledge to share if you’re interested. 

Masturbation Misses

Masturbation Month

I couldn’t let the end of Masturbation month without acknowledging it. After all, we have a pretty strong history together if you recall my prior posts like Self Discovery, or Lessons in Going Solo, or Self Pleasure: A Solo Sport? Obviously I’m passionate about sexuality and self pleasure.

Maybe that’s why I’m still able to be surprised when I come across the woefully uneducated or amazingly puritanical viewpoints. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but in this modern age of technology and education, I still find myself blown away.

look_mom_im_a_unicorn

Okay, so this one is funny and a bit cute. There’s nothing at all wrong with the naïve innocence that comes with youth. In fact, it’s important to hold on to that innocence.

But…

And this is a big one.

It’s also important not to shelter your child so much that they are completely clueless about themselves, their sexuality, and the world around them. Don’t leave the job of teaching sex (and I’m not talking in the “sex is evil” sort of way) and/or the body to their friends or teachers.

Teach them not to be afraid of self discovery. Teach them not to be ashamed of the strong physical reactions self pleasure can bring. And for goodness sake…at least give them an idea that sex toys exist or you could wind up with a situation like this….

Fleshlight

Okay. So it’s funny in an OMG, kinda gross sort of way. But here’s a truth. If we talked about sex openly and honestly, would this meme even ever happen?

Or worse….

Can you imagine being so woefully uneducated about sex toys and pleasure that this happened?
image

So technically it’s not a masturbatory toy, but you get my drift. These things are misses in education. In open discussion. In sexual awareness.

Self pleasure is a powerful thing! So is information. It’s through self pleasure that we discover what feels good. How to teach our partners to help us enjoy sex. How not to settle for a poor relationship simply because they make you “feel good” because you can do that all on your own without any help.

So now it’s your turn…

Why is masturbation and/or sex education important to you? Or if it isn’t, why not?

Continuing Education of the Sexual Variety

SexEd

A friend of mine recently reached out to me and asked for my opinion based on an article that had caught her eye. The subject was sex education in high school (and whether or not a certain text book selected for the class was appropriate for 9th graders). It was a topic of controversy in California. Parents were outraged. Civil liberty people were called. Text books were deemed by many of the parents to be “pornographic.” And in the end, the text book was pulled. The parents won.

As I read the article and contemplated her question about my opinions I found myself thinking about how often misconceptions surrounding sex come up. How often friends ask me for clarification and/or advice despite the fact I’m not a therapist. I’m just pretty knowledgeable and enjoy researching the subject (in the many various formats available for “research”.)

So here are my thoughts as they pertain directly to the California scenario. The parents were well within their rights. Although I firmly believe it’s very important that sexual education continue, and not just from a “sex is evil/having sex can get you diseases that can range from embarrassing to lethal/save yourself till marriage” standpoint, there are certain subjects that should probably be left for private discussions rather than a public forum. For example, the text book chosen went into details such as sexual positions, bondage, and helpful hints for masturbation. Now, to be fair, there’s no way to know if these subjects would’ve been discussed in class, but they also came with illustrations a la The Joy of Sex. In my opinion, that’s probably pushing it a bit, and I can see why the parents were up in arms.

In an ideal world kids would come to their parents or schools would have a social worker or therapist on staff that they could come to…to sit down and talk about these things if they’re curious. Heck, let’s be real….do you really think there aren’t any precocious freshmen girls who haven’t read 50 Shades? You’d be deluding yourself. But on the flip side, the entire class doesn’t need to be in the middle of this discussion because everyone’s level of knowledge and experience or desire to go there is not and will not be the same!

Why focus on the advanced courses without addressing the basics? What should be discussed in this sex ed class (because I truly do believe we should continue the education…heck, they haven’t had sex ed since their private parts and their functions, including periods, were explained in 4th-5th grade)? How about a positive body image. How about instead of focusing on tips and pointers of masturbation, we explain that it’s a natural function and that exploring ones self is normal. How about explaining the impacts of cruel cutting words surrounding a person’s body and/or sexuality. Detail how such simple things as words can create eating disorders, fear, and even suicide….and that there is power in social media, so they should be judicious in how they choose to use it. Or that positive words can build a person up and help them take on the world? How about tolerance for people who may not share our sexual interests? There’s no need for the details there, though it certainly may open some people’s minds up for questions and curiosities. Heck, they may even go to people they know who are into whatever it is that caught their attention and learn something…including tolerance!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sexual education definitely needs to continue, but some of it should be explored and experienced through independent learning. Helping guide people to thirst for more learning is the first step. Taking away the taboos and the fear is the second. (And it doesn’t mean you have to push aside the very real concerns about safety, pregnancy, and diseases.) Third is teaching that with sex comes responsibility, and that sex is never a decision that should be taken lightly without understanding the potential for consequences. We can do ALL of that without threats and fear!

You know why else sex education is important? Because you don’t want your child to be the 23 year old girl who asked a very close friend of mine if she had to worry about becoming pregnant because she swallowed when she gave her boyfriend head. Or my own friend who, at 19 years old, was confronted with a boyfriend who didn’t like condoms and wanted everything to be “natural” including the pills they bought together at a health food store. Needless to say, she was pregnant with twins by the time she was 20. These situations, while extreme, are examples of what can happen when sex discussions are pushed away or fear is put at the forefront. Where old wives tales prevail. Or worse, ignorance.

Heck, I’m 40 years old and I’m still continuing my sexual education. How about you? BTW, if you’ve got your own stories of fear/ignorance, I’d love for you to share… And if you’ve got thoughts on sex ed, I’d love to hear those, too!