What the Dirty Mind Projects…

If it doesn’t sound familiar to you, good on ya.

Me? I practically wrote that book. I’d apologize, but I’m pretty sure no one would believe I was being sincere.

It’s not like I go out of my way… These opportunities just fall into my lap. I mean, have you ever really listened to announcers for sporting events? I do. And half of what they say is outright naughtiness. And, of course, me being me…I share it on FB or Twitter. Of course, if you’re my friend or follower on either of these formats, I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know.

I can’t be the only one, right? Those play-by-play guys sound completely pervy?

The knack for finding naughty in the midst of all things innocent is a gift…and happened again the other day at work. Because it happens so often I thought nothing of it until a couple days ago when this happened:

Co-worker: I got a new keychain.

Me: Cool!

Co-worker: Don’t act so surprised. It’s all your fault.

Me: Huh?

Co-worker: Ever since you made that comment about my old one, I can’t un-see it! Plus, I had a tendency to flick it which just made it that much worse.

Me: (laughing hilariously) So what you’re saying is I wasn’t wrong…

Of course, she didn’t comment on that. Well, unless you count when another co-worker mentioned her getting a new key chain which had her blaming me again and telling the other co-worker what I’d told her. The other peer’s response? “Of course she said that….”

You all tell me…

When you look at the above keychain, would you say something like, “Oh how cute! It’s a mini-flogger keychain!” Especially if it were red leather and the person holding it kept snapping her wrist and making the falls dance….?

Sadly, I then had to explain what the word flogger meant…she understood whip better (or maybe I should say ‘worse’). Of course, part of me found that kinda fun, too. Wouldn’t you if you were me?

Obviously I’m still way too entertained by this whole thing, but it had me wondering. When people say “we always have that one friend who…” I know the next part of that statement as it pertains to me will have something to do with either my grammar fetish or my dirty mind. What do people say about you? And what have you ruined for someone else that left you completely amused?

The GirlBoner Goddess, August McLaughlin!

 

August M headshot

Hey everyone! August McLaughlin has been one of my very dear friends for quite some time now. We met through blogging and found very quickly that we had a shared passion for female emotional and sexual empowerment. We need strong, sexual, sensual women! Too often sex has been wrapped up as a weapon or as something bad or negative, and through our own experiences, we’ve found our voices to help.

Girl Boner cover uvSo, of course, when I found out that my girl was putting out a book made for the women we love to embrace and empower, I had to show her some love. As always, she graciously accepted the opportunity to share on my blog. (BTW, you’re going to want to read to the end as there may be an opportunity for YOU there.)

Me: Welcome to theinnerwildkat, August! So glad you could join me! I’m just going to dive in and pick your beautiful brain, ok? Tell us how the GirlBoner brand came to be…(How did you get the inspiration? Where did the name come from?)

August: Like many people, I learned very little about sex and sexuality during my youth. In sex ed, I remember learning a little bit about male sexual pleasure—at least that it existed—and zilch about anything positive for gals. So as soon as I learned what “boner” meant I literally wondered, What about Girl Boners?
Years later, embracing my sexuality helped me heal from a severe eating disorder. Once I’d built a writing career, it felt natural to use my platform to shed light on the type of sexual empowerment that helped save my life and that so many people still stand to gain.

Me: What of the subjects you covered in your book were most eye opening to you?

August: One of the biggest involved the (creepy) history of masturbation—or, rather, how solo play has been viewed and, no pun intended, handled. I want someone to write a thriller about that history one day. It would make an excellent movie! 

Me: We may have to dig deeper into that subject at a later time if you’re willing. But for now, let’s keep going. What did you find most entertaining? Maybe even funny? (Heck, sex can be both amazing and funny, right?) 

August: Heck, yes! Some of my favorite kicks and giggles came from my editor’s notes. I remember one clearly: “Did you mean to say ‘ring around the peenie?’” (I guess you had to be there!) (Also, yes, I did.)

GBR logo 2018Me: What about creating your brand—between your books, your radio show, your blog, BOAW—wowed YOU most?

August: I was stunned to find that I enjoyed blogging. My then agent had suggested it, and I was like, “Write more?” I was already writing articles nearly full-time and working on another novel. But I loved blogging straight away, and far more so when I started breaking the “rules” and focusing on material I felt compelled to explore with the goal of having fun or helping others.
Another biggie was realizing how important connection is to me. Talking with people and sharing others’ stories has become a major passion of mine, and fills in emotional gaps when I’m spending a lot of time in the writing cave.

Me: Looking back, is there anything you might have done differently?

August: There are some technical things I wish I’d done differently, like starting a mailing list straight away. I also went through a rough patch in 2016 and wish I had gotten support sooner. Let both of those be a lesson to anyone reading this: If you have a brand or product, start your list! And always, always take care of you.

Me: You have so many diverse guests on your radio show. Who has been your most memorable interview?

August: Some of the most memorable are the ghost hunter who I interviewed because I wanted to know if ghosts have sex, Tika Thornton, an incredible woman who survived sex trafficking, and my mom, who I never imagined with join me in the Girl Boner studio, but I’m so grateful she has – twice!

Me: I LOVE your mom. I was thrilled when she friended me on Facebook, and I love the bag she made that I won during one of the Beauty Of A Woman events, which leads in quite nicely to my next question. What has been your biggest life lesson through this whole process?

August: Probably that your mission is your reward. I wrote about this on my blog recently, but in short, I initially thought my Girl Boner book would release within a year or two once I launched the blog series—which was many proposals, two agents, multiple rejections and plenty of life ago.
In that time, though, Girl Boner has taken me in directions I hadn’t anticipated and allowed me to learn so much about myself, sexuality and my audience. I’m not sure we writers can write an impactful book without knowing who we’re speaking to on a deep level, especially when it comes to nonfiction.

Me: How has this experience changed YOU?

August: I’ve learned to be a better listener and how important listening is. It’s also given me a profound sense of purpose. It’s so cliché, but Girl Boner really does get me up in the morning most days. I love people so much and it means so much to me to be able to connect with so many wonderful ones and to write and speak about issues so near to my heart.
It’s also forced me to learn patience. My favorite type is the kind we don’t even realize we’re practicing (LOL). When you continue to create content and put forth effort, including efforts to take care of yourself, you don’t feel like you’re waiting around for any particular thing. You can stay hopeful, but also rest easy, knowing you’re doing the thing already.

Me: What’s next for you?

August: I’m kicking of a book launch tour with readings, live Girl Boner Radio recordings and more in Minneapolis, LA, NYC, Las Vegas and hopefully other cities, starting August 11th. I’m really looking forward to mixing and mingling with folks across the country. Between trips, I’ll be working on other-things-Girl Boner from home, with my animal coworkers.

Me: Would you like to share something about the book? (Excerpt, quote, anything?)

August: One of my favorite quotes in the companion book releasing the same day, Girl Boner Journal, came from a random tweet I posted a couple of years ago. I like it because it feels so true and so GB: 



“You know what lowers many women’s libido? Inequality. Repression. Damaging myths. When women rise, so do Girl Boners.”

Me: Well said! And with that, how can we get our hands on one of your hot new books?

August: The book is available for pre-order on amazon HERE. I’m running a little sweepstakes with The Pleasure Chest for anyone who preorders, which people can enter HERE! Thanks so much for having me, Kitt. You’re spectacular. 

Me: August, you’re welcome here anytime! Congratulations and good luck! Also, thanks so much for mentioning me in the book! Sooo HONORED!

Now, it’s time for you guys! What do you think? Any questions for me? August? Feel free! Also, you should really follow this woman. She’s got a ton of amazing knowledge to share if you’re interested. 

Masturbation Misses

Masturbation Month

I couldn’t let the end of Masturbation month without acknowledging it. After all, we have a pretty strong history together if you recall my prior posts like Self Discovery, or Lessons in Going Solo, or Self Pleasure: A Solo Sport? Obviously I’m passionate about sexuality and self pleasure.

Maybe that’s why I’m still able to be surprised when I come across the woefully uneducated or amazingly puritanical viewpoints. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but in this modern age of technology and education, I still find myself blown away.

look_mom_im_a_unicorn

Okay, so this one is funny and a bit cute. There’s nothing at all wrong with the naïve innocence that comes with youth. In fact, it’s important to hold on to that innocence.

But…

And this is a big one.

It’s also important not to shelter your child so much that they are completely clueless about themselves, their sexuality, and the world around them. Don’t leave the job of teaching sex (and I’m not talking in the “sex is evil” sort of way) and/or the body to their friends or teachers.

Teach them not to be afraid of self discovery. Teach them not to be ashamed of the strong physical reactions self pleasure can bring. And for goodness sake…at least give them an idea that sex toys exist or you could wind up with a situation like this….

Fleshlight

Okay. So it’s funny in an OMG, kinda gross sort of way. But here’s a truth. If we talked about sex openly and honestly, would this meme even ever happen?

Or worse….

Can you imagine being so woefully uneducated about sex toys and pleasure that this happened?
image

So technically it’s not a masturbatory toy, but you get my drift. These things are misses in education. In open discussion. In sexual awareness.

Self pleasure is a powerful thing! So is information. It’s through self pleasure that we discover what feels good. How to teach our partners to help us enjoy sex. How not to settle for a poor relationship simply because they make you “feel good” because you can do that all on your own without any help.

So now it’s your turn…

Why is masturbation and/or sex education important to you? Or if it isn’t, why not?

Continuing Education of the Sexual Variety

SexEd

A friend of mine recently reached out to me and asked for my opinion based on an article that had caught her eye. The subject was sex education in high school (and whether or not a certain text book selected for the class was appropriate for 9th graders). It was a topic of controversy in California. Parents were outraged. Civil liberty people were called. Text books were deemed by many of the parents to be “pornographic.” And in the end, the text book was pulled. The parents won.

As I read the article and contemplated her question about my opinions I found myself thinking about how often misconceptions surrounding sex come up. How often friends ask me for clarification and/or advice despite the fact I’m not a therapist. I’m just pretty knowledgeable and enjoy researching the subject (in the many various formats available for “research”.)

So here are my thoughts as they pertain directly to the California scenario. The parents were well within their rights. Although I firmly believe it’s very important that sexual education continue, and not just from a “sex is evil/having sex can get you diseases that can range from embarrassing to lethal/save yourself till marriage” standpoint, there are certain subjects that should probably be left for private discussions rather than a public forum. For example, the text book chosen went into details such as sexual positions, bondage, and helpful hints for masturbation. Now, to be fair, there’s no way to know if these subjects would’ve been discussed in class, but they also came with illustrations a la The Joy of Sex. In my opinion, that’s probably pushing it a bit, and I can see why the parents were up in arms.

In an ideal world kids would come to their parents or schools would have a social worker or therapist on staff that they could come to…to sit down and talk about these things if they’re curious. Heck, let’s be real….do you really think there aren’t any precocious freshmen girls who haven’t read 50 Shades? You’d be deluding yourself. But on the flip side, the entire class doesn’t need to be in the middle of this discussion because everyone’s level of knowledge and experience or desire to go there is not and will not be the same!

Why focus on the advanced courses without addressing the basics? What should be discussed in this sex ed class (because I truly do believe we should continue the education…heck, they haven’t had sex ed since their private parts and their functions, including periods, were explained in 4th-5th grade)? How about a positive body image. How about instead of focusing on tips and pointers of masturbation, we explain that it’s a natural function and that exploring ones self is normal. How about explaining the impacts of cruel cutting words surrounding a person’s body and/or sexuality. Detail how such simple things as words can create eating disorders, fear, and even suicide….and that there is power in social media, so they should be judicious in how they choose to use it. Or that positive words can build a person up and help them take on the world? How about tolerance for people who may not share our sexual interests? There’s no need for the details there, though it certainly may open some people’s minds up for questions and curiosities. Heck, they may even go to people they know who are into whatever it is that caught their attention and learn something…including tolerance!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sexual education definitely needs to continue, but some of it should be explored and experienced through independent learning. Helping guide people to thirst for more learning is the first step. Taking away the taboos and the fear is the second. (And it doesn’t mean you have to push aside the very real concerns about safety, pregnancy, and diseases.) Third is teaching that with sex comes responsibility, and that sex is never a decision that should be taken lightly without understanding the potential for consequences. We can do ALL of that without threats and fear!

You know why else sex education is important? Because you don’t want your child to be the 23 year old girl who asked a very close friend of mine if she had to worry about becoming pregnant because she swallowed when she gave her boyfriend head. Or my own friend who, at 19 years old, was confronted with a boyfriend who didn’t like condoms and wanted everything to be “natural” including the pills they bought together at a health food store. Needless to say, she was pregnant with twins by the time she was 20. These situations, while extreme, are examples of what can happen when sex discussions are pushed away or fear is put at the forefront. Where old wives tales prevail. Or worse, ignorance.

Heck, I’m 40 years old and I’m still continuing my sexual education. How about you? BTW, if you’ve got your own stories of fear/ignorance, I’d love for you to share… And if you’ve got thoughts on sex ed, I’d love to hear those, too!