Just the Tip Leads to Sexhibition

Road Head.

Mile High Club.

Public Restrooms.

Back of a Movie Theater.

On the Dance Floor.

If you haven’t figured out yet what our topic of discussion is…let me enlighten you. A few weeks ago I was honored to spend some time chatting it up with one of my favorite people, August McLaughlin of Girl Boner, and discussing spicy sex tips.

Girl Boner Radio Podcast Spicier Sex Inspo From Erotica Authors + Low Libido Tips

Of course, me being me, we can’t introduce the tip without sliding in deeper so you really feel and appreciate the meat, IYKWIM. Every bump of knowledge and stroke of experience builds and drives towards a much more adventurous and satisfying sexual experience.

And I enjoy facilitating the dialogue and experiences as we openly share and discuss things that many might feel belong only in the bedroom.

Me? Not so much, but then, the joke runs in my family that the first man I ever flirted with naked was probably the doctor that delivered me into this world, and the spanking was just icing on the cake. LOL! (We joke…. no actual impropriety happened at my birth, I promise.)

So why do I refer to mutual masturbation as my sexual gateway drug of choice? Because probably my biggest, most favorite thing in the world is something super simple, inexpensive, and a huge adrenaline rush under the right circumstances.

Yup, you guessed it. It’s what all those things at the top of my post have in common…. Exhibitionism.

While I don’t have to be the center of attention all the time at a party and I’m more of an ambivert than an extrovert, from a sexual aspect, I am not shy.

I’m the girl who’s more nudist at home than not.

The person who isn’t shy about unbuttoning her bikini top at the beach or pool so she doesn’t get tan lines (and if she happens to “accidentally” flash someone while adjusting or trying to tie it back up, c’est la vie).

For me, there’s a freedom and a thrill at the thought that someone is finding my body or what I’m doing exciting and arousing. I also perform better at some things when I know I might have an audience.

I know what you’re thinking… Kitt, what do you mean, right? Well, I have a little bit of a gag reflex. I know all the tricks and they help, but that requires I think about what I’m doing to prevent that choking and retching (which, BTW, isn’t really all that sexy…and can be a turn off/fear inducer), but if we’re in a car and I lean over and undo my man’s pants while he’s driving? Wow… No thought needed. I’m feeling free, loose, and sexy as hell.

A couple disclaimers… I don’t recommend doing this on busy streets or during rush hour traffic. No need to get in an accident or arrested. Also, make sure your partner can handle the excitement. Not everyone can, so start with a few strokes of the hand to see if it’s doable (and if your partner finds it as exciting as you do, because as much as it saddens me to admit, not everyone is an exhibitionist).

This may explain how vehicular sex found its way into my first couple of books… And the mile-high scene in my first full sized novel.

So here are a few misunderstandings about exhibitionism…

  • Exhibitionism doesn’t always = crowds. It can be an audience of one.
  • You can be both shy and an exhibitionist.
  • Exhibitionist isn’t just for submissives. In fact, many Dominants love the power of controlling their audience.
  • Not every Exhibitionist is an attention whore and vice versa.

I’m sure I missed a few myths, and I’m sure some of you could fill in the blanks—and I hope you do.

Truth is, some of the sexiest things I’ve done were a thousand times heightened by both knowing someone could or was watching and/or the fear of getting caught.

While I know it’s not for everyone, there’s something incredibly freeing for me knowing I’m being watched, admired, and that my every move is exciting to my partner. The power I have over their arousal and my own is thrilling. So yeah, I’ll often kick it off with a mutual masturbation game. You sit on that sofa while I sit on the love seat across from you. I’ll touch myself. You’re welcome to watch and touch yourself, but you’re not allowed to touch me until I say so. Oh yeah… And please feel free to let me know how much you’re dying to touch me or for me to touch you. I’ll let you know when you’ve got the green light. 😉

Yes, in my humble opinion, sex should be fun and adventurous. It should be an exciting, exotic trip you take together.

What excites you? Are you more exhibitionist or voyeur? And maybe my kink isn’t yours… That’s ok. Yours might not be mine, either, but I’m always willing to share and explore and try to understand, so please feel free to give me your thoughts.

Playing Catch Up

Hello blogosphere! I know. I KNOW! Kitt, where’ve you been? Your posting has been sporadic at best lately…

You’re right. I’m sorry. Like everyone else, 2020 has been a rollercoaster. But I’m kinda over talking about the bad and the sad, okay? So let’s talk about what I’ve been up to, shall we?

First, I’m practically waist deep into my next book from my Lovers and Lyrics series…and yes, I’ve got a name for it. How does Go Ahead and Break My Heart sound? Personally, I love it. And I’ve started sharing teasers and info on my Facebook Author Page and also on Goodreads, so I’d love for you to either friend or follow me for updates. I’ve also recently fallen in love with Bookbub and would love to be found there.

I also had a chance to catch up with one of my favorite fellow bloggers and dear friends, Girlboner’s own August McLaughlin, for her smexilicious podcast. Those of you who’ve been regulars on here know just how much I love talking down-to-earth, real sex discussions…tips included (and not just on the peen…hehehe).

If you wanna take a listen, here are a few different ways you can make that happen: Girboner Radio’s Homepage, Apple podcasts, or iHeart Radio. If you’d like to get an idea of what we talked about first, drop by August’s blog to get the Cliff’s Notes version. 🙂 And no, I’m not gonna tell you what I talked about…mostly because I’m hoping you’ll get curious and check it out, then give some feedback.

But it’s not always all about me. Well, ok. It kind of is…in that this is my blog and I share all my stuff. Next up is my latest author friend/book discovery. E.J. Frost is a UK author I’ve gotten quite friendly with online.

The truth is, I get nervous about reading and reviewing a book once I know and love the author because…what if I hate it? What if they’re not as good as I built them up to be in my mind? Will it change how I look at them? Well, the good news is… SHE WAS FABULOUS! (And I left her a 5 Star Review.) If you haven’t checked her out yet, you should… Although Daddy/littles aren’t my kink, I do enjoy reading them, and the way she went about it? Super intriguing. Can’t wait for the sequel!

Last, but certainly not least…. I’ve been craving more S.H. Timmins, and since I’ve already read all her dark books and her YA/NA and loved them, I decided to go back to the beginning of her writing career. Yes, I hit the backlist and found her first book which was a romantic comedy. While, yes, you could tell it was her first book due to a few editing issues, the magic of her writing is more than enough to overcome it.

The above quote is from her book, Bent, that I’m in the middle of reading (and you’re welcome to either read along or follow my journey on Goodreads), and I’ve laughed out loud more than once. No, penile fractures are nothing to laugh about….but they kind of are, too.

You know what else was cool? It was kinda like I was psychic because… Look what she just announced on FB today!

Yup! She said it’s coming soon and I, for one, can’t wait!

So those are the good things besides my sister and her family moving out of Chicago and closer to yours truly… Now that they’re less than 30 minutes away, I can see everyone, including my sweet nephew, pretty much whenever I’d like.

What silver linings has this pandemic brought you? Do you need a hug? I’m happy to supply those, too.

#BOAW2015 Owning Sexual Empowerment #GirlBoner Style

boaw-logo-2015-gb

Empowerment. It’s such a powerful word, right? In any aspect of life, it’s an important part of personal growth. When it comes to women and their sexuality, it’s critical and all too often denied or ignored.

Some may remember my Sacred Sexuality contribution from last year where I explored my thoughts on religion, history, and their impact on body image and sex. This year I’ll be taking it a step further and exploring owning our growth and development, sexually speaking.

Historically speaking the world, especially in western civilization, we’ve been predominantly a patriarchal society. What that has meant is that men pretty much controlled power, purse strings, and the overall quality of life that women could expect to have.

For the most part, we’ve come a long way from being traded as chattel to better enhance familial, social, and political standing. Virginity is not really currency anymore. Well, okay. There are still some places in the world where these archaic views are upheld, but overall…. you get what I’m saying. We’ve moved forward.

But have we really moved that far?

It wasn’t very long ago when I was involved in a conversation with several female friends when one friend confessed that she had never achieved orgasm. Because she was in a long term relationship, most of the women there were quick to blame her guy for not “giving” her one. But was it really his fault? I’m not saying selfish lovers don’t exist, but to have never had an orgasm before speaks to more than a lover’s prowess, doesn’t it?

Here’s my take on feminine sexual empowerment….

It’s all about ownership. Of herself. Her body. Her wants and needs. Does it mean she has to be the aggressor? Only if she wants to be. But it does mean that she’s responsible to communicate. To explore her own body and discover what feels good.

Because here’s the reality. Despite the über Doms and alpha males we read or fantasize about… You know, the psychic ones who instinctively read a woman’s mind, body, and soul and know exactly what to do to give her thigh shaking, body quaking orgasms… Most real life men require guidance. Hints. Directions. And if she doesn’t know what feels good? Or she’s unwilling or unable to communicate with them when they touch her body in ways that curls her toes (or even in ways that might turn her off), how can they ever hope to make her body sing? Or improve what skills they may already have in giving her pleasure?

Honest communication is key. So is taking responsibility for her actions. Faking an orgasm? That deprives her partner of the chance to find out what really pleases her, and her from exploring what works for them both. Saying the words candidly may be difficult at first, but the rewards far outweigh the negatives.

It all starts with trust…. And responsibility.

Because we women have gotten really good at not only holding men accountable for whether or not we experience orgasms, but more often than not, we’ve also placed the onus of making sure we’re protected on them, too. Granted, many are a little bit responsible via birth control pills and patches, but with the many variations of STDs these days that are transmitted through fluids, condoms are also necessary, especially for one time liaisons or short termed relationship.

So why is it that prophylactics often are predominantly a male responsibility? Why is it, if sex is initiated, it’s assumed that the male should come prepared? And how often do we really have the responsible health history talk before we head in that direction despite all the things we learned in health class?

Kudos to Tiffany Gaines and the young ladies from Lovability, Inc. for not only noticing the problem, but deciding to be proactive and do something about it! That’s responsible, empowered sexuality! Check out not only how they’ve owned their sexual responsibility, but how they’re working to help other women do the same!

So what about you? What things do you do to help you own your sexual empowerment? Do you struggle with it? Why do you think you do (or don’t)? Communication is key and I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts, and please check out the other Beauty of a Woman 2015 posts of female empowerment! I promise, you won’t regret it.

I’m Not Laughing

Ever have one of those moments where someone you consider a friend says something, adds a LMAO or a Haha to the end of it and you find yourself scratching your head wondering if it’s pure ignorance, poor taste, or if they realize how they’re coming across or if maybe they’re not the person you thought they were?

So what triggered this outrage in the normally quirky, laid back Kitt?

A couple of days ago, an old friend (father to a young girl whom he adores with his whole heart) posted on his feed…. “LMAO! Ask Siri what holiday it is today. You’ll thank me later.” I wondered for a moment what holiday he was talking about until I saw this in his feed…

Gen Mut

I couldn’t understand the humor.  Maybe he hadn’t heard of the plight of young girls, usually between the ages of 5 and 10, and mostly in Africa? Did he think it was some sort of joke? But the responses that were coming in had that same “LOL” style answer, too….and my blood started to boil.

Maybe it’s because I’ve lived in other countries. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of an activist for women and a sex positive message, but I knew what happened to these young girls and it was more than I could take to watch all the laughter without saying something about the plight of these mutilated children. So I said something. Do I know if it sunk in? No. I don’t. But I did what I could there to educate, then brought up my frustration on my Facebook page.

The cool thing is, it got an open dialogue started.

For those who don’t know, Female Genital Mutilation is where young girls, usually between the ages of 5 and 10 are held down by several village women and their external privates, clit hood, clit, labia, and often the tissue at they entry of the vagina are cut off by the local midwife using an unsterilized blade and without anesthesia.

This is funny?

And the “whys” for this are even less humorous. As it turns out, one of my Facebook friends lived for an extended amount of time in Botswana, so she shared some of what she’d witnessed while she was there. The primary purpose of such brutality (and this, I already knew) is to prevent feelings of sexual arousal in their women. But it’s also more than that. They are under the misguided belief that destroying a woman’s privates will make her more desirable for marriage. That she’ll be more faithful. That it will maintain her virginity.

But my friend, Shabby, had more to share. She stated that she’d gotten to know several young ladies while living in Botswana with her husband for business, and the pain and brutality didn’t end with the mutilation. According to what she’d learned, no woman was safe from rape. The biggest targets were usually between the ages of 13-14, and that she’d seen 15 year olds pregnant. They were often beaten, left pregnant, with no alimony.

Their struggle was not what we consider a struggle here. No job, no car…. Their struggle was the rape the night before, the possibility that they now had AIDS, that their third child was on the way and they didn’t have enough money to get past the week. They had no marital prospects because maybe they weren’t deemed “desirable” enough or their last boyfriend left them the night before with no money and no way to fend for themselves, or they were robbed of their last five pula (their currency).

In fact, she said that her maid walked 5 miles to and from work daily and was robbed at least once a month and that all the women she’d gotten to know died before the age of 35. She cried every time. My heart ached.

Here my friends were, joking about something I’m pretty sure they didn’t even think truly existed because  it didn’t directly touch their lives or anyone they loved, yet on this very same planet are women hurting. Most of you know I’m all about empowerment and a sex positive message, but this goes so far beyond that! This is simple human kindness and decency.

The reality is, overall, we’re spoiled here in the States and thank God for it. But that doesn’t mean we can turn a blind eye to other people’s suffering. Or that we shouldn’t try to make the world a better place by opening ourselves up to understanding some of the hardships the rest of the world battles.

And by the way, this is impacting us here in the States, too! One of my nurse friends chimed in to tell me that the percentage of young girls in this country that this happens to is also climbing. She said that there are many Somali women who come to the hospital having been in this condition most of their lives, and when they get pregnant with baby girls, the pediatricians often know that these women are going to send their daughters out of the country to have the process done to their children. Because in their culture, this is a thing to be desired. They truly believe it’s the only way to guarantee the purity and desirability for marriage of their little ones.

Again, where is the humor in any of this?

As I was thinking about what to say, I found that lack of knowledge on the subject is actually not that uncommon….

So I guess that’s where we start, right? Educate? Share? Open the lines of communication up? From there, there are several charities and advocacy groups where one can choose to take their dedication a step or few further.

So tell me… Are you one of those people who didn’t know about this? Now that you do, what are you going to do with that knowledge?

Sexual Assault Does Not Negate Happy-Ever-After

As many of you know by now, sex positive discussions is intensely important to me. So many people have their sexual growth and understanding inhibited due to upbringing, religion, and worse, traumatic sexual experiences. Being closed away from one’s sexuality due to whatever reason stifles and inhibits personal, emotional growth and well being and can destroy otherwise healthy personal relationships.

Recently, when I discovered my pal, Jessi Gage, had launched her first ever holiday book, I reached out and asked if I could help her pimp it. I was thrilled when she mentioned that there was a sensitive topic of a sexual nature she’d wanted to address and thought my blog would be the perfect forum. When she gave me the specifics, I was honored. This subject is near and dear to so many hearts. (Don’t believe me? Check out my other pal, Bridget Blackwood’s post.)

Take it away, Jessi! (And please, guys, as always….share your stories, thoughts, and/or experiences because we’d love to hear from you!)

sexual assault

Thank you, Kitt, for hosting me today. I’m a huge fan of you as a person and as a blogger. You are one of my favorite advocates for women’s sexuality. Your voice and the voices of August McLaughlin and Ande Lyons are desperately needed and greatly appreciated by many.

I thought your blog would be a good place to confess my insecurity over a recent first for me. I’ve got a new release out, Cole in My Stocking. It’s my first holiday romance, and it’s the first time I’ve tackled sexual assault in a book. I’m not going to lie, I was nervous about this.

In a romance, you want conflict and tension, yes, but you don’t want to disturb the readers, at least I don’t. That’s not my thing as a writer. I like to leave readers with a serious case of the warm-fuzzies. If people put down my book with a happy sigh, that’s my idea of success. So I wasn’t sure how to handle it when my heroine, Mandy, insisted she had survived a very traumatic situation in her past, a situation in which all her control was taken away: a sexual assault.

Fortunately, Mandy assured me her trauma was well past. It doesn’t appear on the pages of Cole in My Stocking other than as brief flashes of memory that still haunt her. But Mandy needed to spend time in this book working through issues that resulted from her assault. And Cole needed to be the man to help her do it.

See, Mandy has not been able to have a physical relationship with anyone since her assault. She has PTSD. As a counselor, she knows this about herself, but clinical knowledge doesn’t necessarily translate into being able to overcome the emotional scars of her past.

Fortunately for Mandy, Cole is up to the challenge of helping her tackle her physical and psychological issues. He does it by loving her, showing her he is trustworthy, and most of all, through his unwavering patience with her physical limitations.

To get this dynamic right (I hope I got it right!), I consulted my beautiful and generous sister-in-law, Kate, who has a counseling degree and has a heart for helping people. She helped me shape Mandy’s memories and reactions and encouraged me not to hold back when naming the horror that happened to her: rape.

Mandy’s story has a happy ending—of course, since I will never write anything that doesn’t end happily. But it might be a painful read for a woman who has experienced anything like what Mandy experienced. Then again, it might be helpful. Early reviews are indicating that Mandy’s journey is touching and realistic.

Excerpt from a 5-star review by Becca Moree of Breathless Ink:

Learning about what sweet Mandy has been through was tough. It was emotional, and for anyone that has been in a situation where their control, their power, their self worth has been stripped from them…just know that this book can be extremely difficult to read. Mandy’s reactions to what happened and how she handles intimacy after were very realistic. I’m not sure what Jessi Gage did to write this type of story in such a believable manner, but what I can say is that I appreciate the way she wrote this story. It means a lot to me that she managed to write a sweet love story (which I will talk about in a bit) while fitting in details that may help people who have never dealt with assault understand. I felt that it was written in a way that shed light on the way victims of assault think. The way they deal with what others see as a simple situation.

Reviews like this certainly help me feel less nervous about Mandy’s story. I’m so glad I wrote it and I hope lots of people find some holiday hope and cheer in it. I want to leave you with some words from Kate and some resources on sexual assault. Here’s Kate:

Sexual assault is an almost scientific term for a vomit-inducing nightmare. Alas, we are forced to contend with the term, so let’s be clear on its definition. According to the Justice Department’s website, sexual assault is defined as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient… forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.”

http://www.justice.gov/ovw/sexual-assault 

Recent government-funded studies have brought to light some shocking statistics about sexual assault and rape specifically:

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/219181.pdf  :

Nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped.

Only 16% of all rapes are reported to authorities.

http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv13.pdf

35% of all sexual assaults are reported to authorities.

http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf

Teens aged 16-19 are 3.5 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault than the general population.

http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_executive_summary-a.pdf : 90% of rape victims know their rapist.

50% of victims are raped by their intimate partner.

There are a ton of implications in these stats, but I’ll highlight just a couple. What strikes me most about these stats is that rape is so common. We encounter women who have survived sexual assault every day. Eighteen percent of US women have gone through this. You are friends with rape victims. You are family of rape victims. Let that sink in for a minute.

Next, most rape is being done by guys we know. That is actually a pretty scary statistic. Think about it. Women are more likely to get raped by a man they know than by that ominous lurking predator in black, looming in the dark behind that bush. And to top it off, rapes are underreported. In other words, the bad guy is getting off way more often than not.

Sexual assault clearly affects our culture and us personally more than we realize, because it is happening all the time. I encourage you to ask questions and have conversations. Educate yourself on why and how sexual assault is so prevalent in our society. (I’ll give you a hint: It’s not because men are uncontrollable animals.)

Learn about victim blaming:

rape culture

consent:

and ways you can help the women (and men) in your own life who need support after sexual assault.

Here are some resources for you or a loved one needing immediate help after sexual assault:

Resources:

National directory of rape crisis centers: via RAINN website or call 1-800-656-4673

Online sexual assault support group: AfterSilence

Advice for loved ones of assault victims: RAINN website support

Bandbacktogether Blog

Thank you for reading! Please forward this post at will since you never know who might need the resources Kate shares above.

Thanks again, Kitt, for having me! It’s always a pleasure to blog with you!

For more information about Cole in My Stocking and Jessi Gage’s other books, visit her at:

Website | Blog | Facebook Fan Page | Twitter | Goodreads | Newsletter

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Cole Blurb and Buy Links

Mandy never planned to return to Newburgh, New Hampshire, the hometown that unfairly branded her a slut, but she has no choice. Her father has died, and she’ll be spending Christmas settling his affairs. She hopes to get in and out of town without attracting the looks of disgust that drove her away, but when a certain Oakley-wearing, Harley-riding cop starts hanging around, an old crush is revived and the rumor mill restarts with a vengeance.

Cole has always been attracted to Mandy, but he has never acted on it. Besides being sixteen years older than her, he was friends with her father. The rumors people in town spread about her were bad enough without an inappropriate relationship adding fuel to the fire. But when Mandy returns to Newburgh fully adult and looking more gorgeous than ever, he can’t keep his distance, especially when an old secret of her father’s surfaces and puts her in danger. He’ll stop at nothing to protect her, but convincing her to stay in Newburgh, with him, will take a Christmas miracle.

Reader Advisory: Contains references to a past sexual assault 

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Kobo | Google Play | All Romance | Goodreads

Highlight:

He cupped her chin and made her look at him, even if they couldn’t see each other in the dark. “What did he do after?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you freaked out. What did your boyfriend do after that?”

Tension straightened her shoulders. “What any decent guy would do. We stopped. He stopped. He was a perfect gentleman.”

He scoffed.

“What? He was. I was a total spaz and he was cool about it.”

“He was cool about it?”

“What? What’s that superior tone for?” She was getting angry. He loved that about her. She’d stood up to Tooley a few days ago. She was standing up to him now. If she didn’t like something, she let you know about it. Now that was a characteristic he could believe she’d gotten from Gripper.

“You said you freaked like always when things get to a certain point, that you always blow it. You think you blew it with that guy because a single attempt at second base went poorly. I meant what happened afterwards? Was there a conversation? A second attempt after you had some time to process what happened? A third?”

“What guy would want to try again after something like that?”

“This guy would.”

Jessi Gage

Jessi Gage

 

Jessi Gage bio:
Jessi lives with her husband and children in the Seattle area. She’s a passionate reader of all genres of romance, especially anything involving the paranormal. Ghosts, demons, vampires, witches, weres, faeries…you name it, she’ll read it. As for writing, she’s sticking to Highlanders and contemporaries with a paranormal twist (for now). The last time she imagined a world without romance novels, her husband found her crouched in the corner, rocking.

Vaginal Victories

When did the vagina become a dirty word?

Think about it. Guys don’t think twice about calling their genitals what they are. Dicks. Cocks. Penises. In fact, neither do women. But when we’re talking lady parts, suddenly we speak in euphemisms. You’ve heard them. Vajayjay, girlie bits. In fact, I’ve even heard grown women refer to it as their “pee pee.” How old are we?

And then there are the derogatory names people call one another… Like cunt and pussy. The word, when used to describe a person is considered nasty and offensive. Okay, so guys can be called a dick, but that’s considered a mild insult by pretty much every stretch of the imagination.

Truthfully, I had an entirely different blog post I’d intended to write today, but then I saw a video that blew my mind. First, because these women had never seen their own vaginas. Part of me wondered how that was possible. Then the little voice inside my head kicked in and said, “You’re not really that surprised, are you? Think about how people are about masturbation or how hard they are on themselves about their bodies as a whole. With all the negative energy surrounding sex, why should anyone be any different about their reproductive organs?”

So I watched the video. I heard their stories. Some of these women touched me with their bravery, yet reminded me again why education and a sex positive message are so important. Take a look. Tell me what you think.

Did you catch what one woman said? All it took was one extremely negative statement from her first lover to completely destroy her confidence in both her vagina and her sexuality. The other woman who touched my heart was the woman who’d been raped. I suspect that one violent act made her feel unclean. Unworthy. Particularly in the vaginal area. I wondered if subconsciously she didn’t look because she wondered if she hadn’t had one, would this horrible crime have happened. Fear is not rational. Pain is not rational. Words hurt. So do actions.

Changing attitudes takes time, but the healing process can start today. With us. It can be as simple as choosing never to use genitalia as an insult word again. Maybe it starts with your lover in the bedroom. Don’t assume they know how beautiful you find their most intimate body parts. Take time to give them an honest and loving compliment. Heck, you may find it improves your sex life!

What other ways can we help improve this message of self love and empowerment? Are you the one in need of this message? What things have been said or done to you that destroyed your sexual confidence. How did you find your way back? Did you find your way back?

The Power of Mothers

Mothers-day

Mothers are powerful. Through them, children learn life lessons like self worth, empowerment, or sometimes…the opposite.

A mother’s feelings about her body or sexuality are often passed down and reflected in her children, particularly, daughters. A mother who diets a lot and speaks negatively about her body and weight sends the message that beauty is contingent on a very specific body image, often one that’s almost impossible to live up to.

The other day, it was driven home to me just how impressionable children are and how important a mother’s role is. A fellow author friend was lamenting the fact that her 3 year old had become convinced that she was “sick” and must stay home by her day care teacher because she’d been coughing. Apparently the teacher told her she shouldn’t be at school. My friend knew it was allergies, but because “teacher said,” her little girl could not be convinced to go to school because she was “sick.”

One word from that teacher. That’s all it took to convince a 3 year old. Wow! Is it any wonder that it got me thinking about other messages parents send their children, intentional or otherwise? I’ve shared the positive impact my own mother made on me regarding body image and sexuality….

But what does one do when the messages sent to them weren’t so uplifting? How does one go about fixing themselves so that they can be a better, stronger person for their children?  Recently I saw this video by Amy Jo Goddard and thought she had some great points…

A mother’s job is so important. She molds and builds her children to be strong, capable, productive members of society…hopefully who are also comfortable in their own skins, with their own bodies. She can raise children who aren’t afraid to embrace life, make their own decisions…and handle all the consequences, both good and bad.

What valuable lessons did your mother teach you? If your a mom, what message do you hope you’ve imparted on your children?

In honor of all the wonderful Mothers out there…and the wonderful and challenging job they have, I’m giving away my first novelette, Three For All….so go grab your Freebie and tell your friends!

Here’s a little excerpt:

“Oh, come on,” James whined. “You’re not seriously going to make me go play by myself.”

“That was a loaded statement.” I bit my tongue to keep from giggling over James’ inadvertent innuendo. “But seriously, there are always options.”

“Options?” His eyes were nearly black with intensity, his curiosity was caught. “Such as?”

“Well,” I smiled brightly and stepped between both men, “We could always head back to your uncle’s cottage. Much more privacy there.”

James shook his head as he took a step back. “Oh, hell no. This is my vacation too. We are not going back there just so I can sit all by myself in my room while you two get your freak on, christening every room in the place. Been there, done that. No thanks. Not today. Love you, but no.”

The urge to do a happy dance at the opportunity that just landed in my lap was nearly irresistible. Instead, I batted my eyes at them playfully as my hands found their way up both men’s chests, enjoying the feel of firm muscle. “Who said you had to be by yourself?”

Sexy Chatting With Miz #GirlBoner Radio, August McLaughlin

Ya’ll know there’s not much I love more than an opportunity to talk sexy. In fact, it was this exact penchant that helped cement a friendship between myself and the creator of #GirlBoner, August McLaughlin. We’ve been going back and forth between our blogs, Facebook and Twitter for so long now that she feels more like an old friend than a stranger whose voice I’ve only heard in YouTube videos and podcasts.

So, of course, when she contacted me about my blog post celebrating the Beauty of a Woman’s Sexuality (for her third annual BlogFest) from a Christian standpoint, and asked me to share it and chat with her on her radio show, I was over the moon! Me? On GirlBoner radio? Actually talking to August live? Practically in person? Of course! That was yesterday.

So, for those of you who’d like to take a listen….maybe hear what I really sound like, or what it’s like when two totally Sex Positive women get together and chat…

Kinky Christian: Not an Oxymoron?

All I can say is that it was an honor to talk to my dear friend.

Fangs Wands & Fairy Dust

Also, if you haven’t gotten a chance to visit Fangs, Wands, and Fairy Dust….stop on over. Stephanie is an awesome book blogger/supporter of authors…and there are still a few days left for you to participate in a chance to win a copy of my most recent book….

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

Have you checked out August McLaughlin’s radio show yet? If not, go do it! I promise, you will not be disappointed. Also, if you listened to my interview, I’d love to hear what ya’ll thought!

Pre-Valentine’s Day Preparedness

Whether you’re single, in a relationship or an “old married couple” there’s something about the Hearts and Flowers holiday that brings out the need to love and be loved.

As it turns out, I’ve got some people who just might be able to help with that!

First, we have my dear friends at Go Deeper Press, Lana Fox and Angela Tavares, hosting a 3 day event for FREE called The Mermaid Voyage. This is all about erotic self discovery. These lovely women are in touch with their sensual sides and are offering their assistance to help YOU get in touch with YOURS!

Next, here’s some help from Love Experts, Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird for those of you who feel like you’re in a sexual “rut” with your partner. Nothing like a little Role Play (and the right rules) to help bring back the spice. These guys are fantastic.

Then there’s my dear friend, August McLaughlin and her GirlBoner radio (available to view FREE HERE on iTunes). She’s all about frank, honest talk about the joy and beauty of human sexuality. I love her Sex Positive outlook on the world (which is actually probably one of the first bonds we shared). Care to know more about what it means to be Sex Positive? Read this post…I felt pretty awesome that she enjoyed my first book enough to mention it as part of this post. What an honor!

Finally, for those couples looking for something more “obscure” to spice things up….Here’s a post from one of my buddies, Anna Cade, of Herding Cats and Burning Soup that lists some of the more unique toys…including a “fleshlight.”

Now it’s your turn. Have you recently found a post that you think needs to be shared in preparation for Valentine’s Day? Are you a Valentine’s day hater? Do you have some great/funny opposing views to share?

Four One Night WEBSITE USE

My contribution to Valentine’s Day this year is my newest release, Four One Night. Did you miss the excerpt I shared on Emma and Loni’s pages a couple posts ago? Here it is, one more time, just for you guys.

Excerpt:

I nodded my head, an idea taking hold in my mind. “You know, I decided I needed to blow off some steam about three hours ago. You’re coming with me. You need it even more than I do. We’ll call it medicinal.”

“That sounds exactly like the kind of distraction I need,” she said, a smile flitting across her face.

“Good. Because it’s too freaking cold to be standing around. My nipples are pointing all over the place for all the wrong reasons!” We hustled to my car, heels clicking a rapid staccato against the asphalt. “All this pent up energy has me in the mood to play. It’s time to call in reinforcements.”

“Ooh!” She looked at me over the hood, her baby blues full of mischief. “That means Michael’s coming. Think he can handle both of us?”

“We’re about to find out! If not, there’s always you and me.” I laughed and yanked my phone out of my purse pocket.

“Danielle Monroe! You are such a tease.” She tossed her dark gold curls over her shoulder.

“Am I? You’ve never seen my bad girl side.” My eyebrow raised, daring her to take me up on the offer.

“Now that sounds promising.” She said, batting her eyes in the worst parody of exaggerated flirtation I’d seen in a while.

Shaking my head and smiling at our antics, I dialed Michael. With the receiver to my ear, the muted strains of “My Cherie Amour” floated through instead of a ring. The frigid air whipped through the thin cotton of my shirt causing a shudder to ripple through my curvy frame. I grabbed for my key fob and quickly pressed the unlock button.

“Hey babe,” his dark, raspy voice came on the line. “What’s up?”

“Well, that all depends on you,” I purred as my hands motioned Candace to get in the car. “Work was nuts and Candace and I need to blow off some steam. We’re headed over to Club Heat for ladies night. Will you join us or do we need to find some other sexy men to play with?”

“Ooh, someone’s feeling feisty.” I could practically see his smile through the rumble in his voice. “I love it when Miss Dani comes out to play.”

“Then you’re gonna love me tonight.” Grabbing the handle, I tugged my door open. Finally out of the chilled air and in the driver’s seat, I slammed the door shut and shoved my key in the ignition.

“Two wild women looking to unleash themselves after a bad day?” The little beep of his car alarm being released sounded through the receiver followed by the slam of the door. “That may be more than I can handle alone.”

Tipping my head against my shoulder to cradle the phone, I turned the key in the ignition, quickly followed by the heater. “Michael Gallo! Afraid you might need reinforcements?”

Music flared in the background as he started his car. “Afraid is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as being prepared for any eventuality.”

“Well, you know how I feel. The more, the merrier. Hot men and alcohol make everything better!” With one last look in my rear view mirror, I shifted into drive, leaving our bad day in the dust.