Getting Vocal on Oral Safety

Even as children we’re taught (hopefully) about the importance of practicing safe sex. The discussion can manifest itself in various ways depending on a family’s personal or religious beliefs, and that’s up to them. But the thing they usually have in common is discussing the medical results of unsafe sex.

As someone who grew up in hospitals and with family members and lots of friends in the medical industry (plus having worked in the medically related field in multiple roles over the years), knowing just how dangerous bodily fluid exchanges can be is hammered into your brain. As an office manager in a doctor’s office, it was my responsibility to make sure our staff had all the proper supplies to ensure their safety and to have a course of action prepared should our safety protocols fail because accidents can still happen.

By now you’re thinking, “Okay Kitt, we get it. Safe sex is important to you. But why are you sharing all this stuff with us?”

Good question. (And not just because I’m a big fan of Safe, Sane, and Consensual)

I was in a book group the other day when this question was brought up…

“Have you ever had someone cum on your face? If so, was it accidental or on purpose?”

The person asking had never had the experience and was curious. I was honest. I’ve only experienced it deliberately. Not only is it rude and exhibiting a lack of control for an “accidental” face mask, but it could also potentially be dangerous.

Then came the follow up question….

“If it was done without your permission, would you be pissed off?”

Hell yeah, I’d be pissed off! As stated above, there are all sorts of dangers that haven’t been discussed. If I’m going to let a man leave me an all natural, organic face mask, I’m going to want to know that the product isn’t tainted or substandard.

Right?

So imagine my surprise when someone came at me about my concerns being unrealistic. Why? Because apparently there are people out there who believe that the only way to have oral sex is unprotected. So since I already (in this person’s mind) had his uncovered cock stroking my tonsils, what’s the big difference as to whether or not I get his jizz all over my face.

First, there are plenty of people out there who know that it is absolutely possible to give head to raincoat covered cock. No, latex isn’t the tastiest, but it’s safe.

Second, even if I were to decide to have raincoat-less oral, sperm comes out fast and hot. If you’re going to potentially blind a woman, she has the right to make the choice to take the risk. ūüėČ

Third, the eyes are a very vulnerable when it comes to exposure to bodily fluids. The eye is a mucous membrane, hence it’s susceptible to quite a bit…so semen, golden showers, or any other exchange of bodily fluids near that area are not to be taken lightly.

Fourth, consent should always be an active part of sex. Any sex. Yes, that includes oral (and how it’s done). You wouldn’t just pee on someone without discussing golden showers first, would you? (And if your answer is yes, know it’s a great way to get your teeth knocked in.)

Just sayin’.

Safe sex is still a thing. And important. And being concerned about it doesn’t make you uncool. Any partner worth their salt should be having this discussion with you.

So yeah, I was a little surprised that my statement was seen as contradictory, but hey… Maybe I was overreacting.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Are there any subjects in the “safe sex” universe that have boggled your mind? Maybe made you feel old? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

#BOAW2015 Owning Sexual Empowerment #GirlBoner Style

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Empowerment. It’s such a powerful word, right? In any aspect of life, it’s an important part of personal growth. When it comes to women and their sexuality, it’s critical and all too often denied or ignored.

Some may remember my Sacred Sexuality contribution from last year where I explored my thoughts on religion, history, and their impact on body image and sex. This year I’ll be taking it a step further and exploring owning our growth and development, sexually speaking.

Historically speaking the world, especially in western civilization, we’ve been predominantly a patriarchal society. What that has meant is that men pretty much controlled power, purse strings, and the overall quality of life that women could expect to have.

For the most part, we’ve come a long way from being traded as chattel to better enhance familial, social, and political standing. Virginity is not really currency anymore. Well, okay. There are still some places in the world where these archaic views are upheld, but overall…. you get what I’m saying. We’ve moved forward.

But have we really moved that far?

It wasn’t very long ago when I was involved in a conversation with several female friends when one friend confessed that she had never achieved orgasm. Because she was in a long term relationship, most of the women there were quick to blame her guy for not “giving” her one. But was it really his fault? I’m not saying selfish lovers don’t exist, but to have never had an orgasm before speaks to more than a lover’s prowess, doesn’t it?

Here’s my take on feminine sexual empowerment….

It’s all about ownership. Of herself. Her body. Her wants and needs. Does it mean she has to be the aggressor? Only if she wants to be. But it does mean that she’s responsible to communicate. To explore her own body and discover what feels good.

Because here’s the reality. Despite the¬†√ľber Doms and alpha males we read or fantasize about… You know, the psychic ones who instinctively read a woman’s mind, body, and soul and know exactly what to do to give her thigh shaking, body quaking orgasms… Most real life men require guidance. Hints. Directions. And if¬†she doesn’t know what feels good? Or¬†she’s unwilling or unable to communicate with them when they touch¬†her body in ways that curls¬†her toes (or even in ways that might turn¬†her off), how can they ever hope to make her body sing? Or improve what skills they may already have in giving her pleasure?

Honest communication is key. So is taking responsibility for her actions. Faking an orgasm? That deprives her partner of the chance to find out what really pleases her, and her from exploring what works for them both. Saying the words candidly may be difficult at first, but the rewards far outweigh the negatives.

It all starts with trust…. And responsibility.

Because we women have gotten really good at not only holding men accountable for whether or not we experience orgasms, but more often than not, we’ve also placed the onus of making sure we’re protected on them, too. Granted, many are a little bit responsible via birth control pills and patches, but with the many variations of STDs these days that are transmitted through fluids, condoms are also necessary, especially for one time liaisons or short termed relationship.

So why is it that prophylactics often are predominantly a male responsibility? Why is it, if sex is initiated, it’s assumed that the male should come prepared? And how often do we really have the responsible health history talk before we head in that direction despite all the things we learned in health class?

Kudos to¬†Tiffany Gaines and the¬†young ladies from Lovability, Inc. for not only noticing the problem, but deciding to be proactive and do something about it! That’s responsible, empowered sexuality! Check out not only how they’ve owned their sexual responsibility, but how they’re working to help other women do the same!

So what about you? What things do you do to help you own your sexual empowerment? Do you struggle with it? Why do you think you do (or don’t)? Communication is key and I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts, and please check out the other Beauty of a Woman 2015 posts of female empowerment! I promise, you won’t regret it.