Playtime: What Goes in the Box…

Vibe

Many moons ago I bought my first vibrator. It was exciting. It was taboo. It was hidden in a brown bag so no one would know what I’d purchased. After a quick trip to the store to pick up some batteries (let’s be real, first timer…didn’t want to run out and didn’t know what to expect) I rushed home, excited to play.

Alone in my room, I freed the teal gel cylinder from the wrapping, washed it, and slid the batteries the hard plastic handle piece. I toyed with the various settings against my hand to get a feel for how it operated, then disrobed and moved to the bed.

This was going to be awesome, right? So much easier and fun than my own fingers?

Not exactly.

It wasn’t so much the going in. Lubrication (both self and purchased) helped with that. It was more the uncomfortable, burning feeling.  And the feeling like the only way to rid myself of that uncomfortable burn was to pee.

I knew that the lady at the pleasure party said that they were considered “novelty” items, but it was explained that this had more to do with the rules of other countries about exporting things that were used for sex. That’s why there were things like rabbit ears or hummingbirds or dolphins on the clitoral stimulator….or so I understood back then.

It never occurred to me that pleasure items were not held to any health or safety standard. That they could be toxic. In the end, I gave up on that particular toy figuring it must be an allergic reaction. Heck, I’ve been known to have a sensitivity to latex condoms, so I just chalked it up to that! And then I did a bit more research.

Did you know that many of the older toys were made with toxic products? That they were safer to be used in conjunction with a condom? Or that the type of lubricant you use can actually dry you out? In fact, check out the article I wrote for Sexual Wellness News on exactly this topic this week! It’s all about how to shop for great non-toxic toys. And if you have any doubts that not all lubes are created equal? Check out this blog post from my favorite lube company. It’s from a nurse’s perspective on why their stuff is head and shoulders above the rest.

Don’t get me wrong, this has NOT stopped me from enjoying pleasure enhancers. It’s just made me much more careful in my choices. Heck, ya’ll know I’ve always been pretty vocal about sharing what I like….and reading materials to help you get there.

What about you guys? Any sex toy nightmares to share? Any tips you’ve learned along the way? Caring is Sharing, afterall!

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Lessons In Going Solo #MasturbationMonth

Who has ever heard or said some derivative of one or both of these statements?

“He has intimacy issues.”

or

“It’s his responsibility to make sure you cum first.”

I’m guilty. I remember finding out from a friend at a pleasure party I hosted that she’d never achieved orgasm and me (and every other woman in the room) blamed her boyfriend. It was a reflexive reaction, probably partially programmed through years of hearing how when something goes wrong it must be the man’s fault/responsibility.

Lately, though, I’ve started looking at things differently. Men aren’t the only ones with intimacy issues. In fact, many women have major physical intimacy issues with themselves. I wish I could say it’s uncommon to hear how women are uncomfortable with their own bodies or that discomfort at masturbation is still a thing. But it’s not. In fact, I’ve discovered that it’s much more likely for me to talk to people with hang ups about this subject.

Why is that? As my buddy, August McLaughlin, points out in one of her GirlBoner posts, Orgasms are good for us! I’m going to take things a step forward and say that self induced orgasms are important for both your confidence and your love life.

Remember the old adage, “how can you expect someone else to love you if you can’t love yourself?” There’s truth to that. Not because other people can’t love you, but because if you don’t love yourself, often you don’t recognize when someone else does. Well, why are our bodies any different? If we don’t know how to rev our own engine, is it really fair to blame the partner who has difficulty deciphering our physical codes? Sure, there will be times when someone who really knows his/her way around the human body may make yours sing in ways you’ve never experienced before, but that’s not the norm.

Building and maintaining physical heat takes communication… Sharing what gets you hot (or not). If you don’t know where to start on your own body, it’s total guess work for your partner. And if you’re one of those people who “fakes it” because you don’t want to disappoint, you’ll probably never know the wonders that your body is capable of providing for you. The endorphin rush is amazing. Addictive, even.

But seriously. The best way to ensure sexual satisfaction? Start with yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of sensual exploration. In fact, here are a few suggestions to aid in your self discovery.

My newest favorite

Lubricant– ladies, lube isn’t just a thing for men, and they’re not all created equal. We’re not always wet when we begin a self pleasuring session, and this can be an incredible help. This particular one, made by Aloe Cadabra, is made with 95% Organic Aloe and is 100% awesome! The one pictured in my hand is the peppermint flavor that gives you that wonderful tingly sensation while you’re playing south of the border. It also doesn’t leave you feeling greasy or sticky or slimy when you’re done. It’s even got healing properties…. Who knew?

Pleasure paraphenalia

Pleasure paraphenalia

Toys– There’s this myth that says growing up means we outgrow playing with toys. I beg to differ. The type of toys we play with simply changes. When I began to explore these bedroom enhancers, I found some very interesting devices, but found I had a sensitivity to some of the materials used (jelly, specifically) to create these passion playthings. That’s when I remembered hearing about glass toys. They can be warmed and cooled, allowing me to pick my pleasure without the after-effects of vaginal irritation and/or discomfort. Nowadays, it’s amazing how many options there are, so it’s just a matter of finding what works for you. Me? I enjoy shopping at adult shops or hosting pleasure parties (though others may prefer the privacy shopping online affords them). In fact, I hosted one at the end of last month. My consultant was a truly fabulous woman named Stacey…and she’s moving to Wisconsin, so if you live in that area and want to have a party, here’s her website. Tell her I sent you!

naughty nights2

Inspirational Paraphanelia– Not everyone can get heated just because they’ve decided to explore. Some are great at being able to close their eyes and fantasize, but not everyone can do it quite that easily. Erotic reading materials are a fantastic source of inspiration. In fact, click here to check out a current ongoing blog hop (It ends on the 21st) that’s all about giving away Wickedly Hot and Sexy books or Amazon gift cards. Yes, I’m giving away a copy of one of my books. 😉

Partners– Hey, if you’re in a relationship, discovering what works for you can be a joint adventure. There’s something extremely sexy about sitting across the room from your lover, watching him/her enjoy himself while you do the same. Me? Sometimes I prefer a taste of danger or the possibility of getting caught. Yes, there’s something about enjoying myself in the passenger seat when my partner has to keep his hands on the wheel that appeals to me. Or surreptitiously doing it in a public place where an observant person might notice, but maybe not. You know, like in a fancy restaurant, sitting across from your lover….or in a movie theater.

Yes, the pleasure possibilities are endless! The health benefits are great. The ability to take responsibility for your own orgasm and lead your partner to pleasing you? Priceless! The fact that May just happens to be Masturbation Month just gives you the perfect excuse opportunity to explore.

What major insights or changes in thinking have you experienced with regards to sexuality and/or relationships? If you’re one who enjoys the solo touch, what advice or lessons would you care to impart on folks who might just be opening up to self discovery?

And, of course, my warped humor wouldn’t let me leave out the ever-so-famous Sex in the City “Rabbit Intervention” episode. 😉 Enjoy!

 

Crossed Boundaries

My husband was watching the show Sullivan & Son the other night when I heard a clip that sent me running to the living room to watch. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the humor of watching a train wreck unfolding…and not just because it involved a karaoke contest in a bar. The scene that caught my eye and made me giggle uncomfortably? Mother/son dirty karaoke. Obviously bars are a great place to find inappropriate behavior. Check it out and see if you don’t find yourself both laughing and embarrassed!

Okay, so in the course of life, awkward moments happen. It adds to the humor in life. In fact, I’ve seen some pretty interesting things back when I worked in hospitals. Retail has had more than it’s share of “unique situations”. There have been moments where I thought maybe I should bring a sign to hold up as a warning so people would know when they were crossing boundaries.

Boundary Warning

Boundary Warning

Sometimes people are unknowingly inappropriate or at least they pretend to be. My first year in retail began during the Christmas holiday season. I still recall a little old lady that looked like one of those little old church grannies. You know, the type who still get dressed up in their Sunday best to go shopping? I’d be surprised if she was a day under 80. I was working by myself one morning when she walked up to me and asked where we carried our “massagers”. Me, I pictured one of those manual ones…with the giant bumps or rollers that you run over your skin. Yeah…not at all what she was talking about.

Her: Where can I find your massagers?
Me: (Looking at her dumbly and thinking, you do know this is a retail electronic store, not Walmart, right?) Massagers?
Her: Yes. Personal massagers. I saw them in this Sunday’s advertisement.
Me: (quizzical look on my face) For here? As an electronic store, we don’t normally carry massagers. What did it look like?
Her: (Makes hand motions that look an awful lot like stroking a cock) The personal massager is cylindrical shaped…(hand motion) like this. I don’t recall if it plugs into a wall or uses batteries.
Me:(Blinking and thinking “personal massager”, my eye! Granny’s looking for a vibrator. Wonder if I should send her to Giggles up the street?) I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t carry anything even vaguely resembling that here.

Sometimes inappropriate behavior can be a bit flirty. I still remember a guy who came to one of my retail locations with a water damaged phone. Apparently it had vibrated into the sink at the airport when he left it sitting on the soap dispenser to wash his hands and he received a call. After I’d pulled his battery and put it back in, I powered it back on. The screen didn’t come up, but the device showed signs of life by the strongest vibrations I’ve ever felt in a phone.

Him: Did you fix it? Were you able to make it work?
Me: (I placed the phone in his hand) Not exactly. Here, feel.
Him:  (With a wink and a smile) You’re welcome to keep it, darlin’. I think it’ll do more for you than me.
Me: (Laughing) Wow! I’m impressed. You really went there. I think I like you.

What can I say, he was flirty, fun, with a southern accent…and kind of hot. I really didn’t mind!

Unfortunately, there are also the ones that will completely creep you out. There was a man who approached me for help in selecting a webcam back in the early 2000’s. They were just becoming popular so I didn’t think much of it….until he decided to elaborate.

Him: I want the best possible webcam I can buy under $50.
Me: I’ll be happy to help with that. Webcams are this way.
Him: It’s gotta be good enough so people can see real good. You heard of voyeur dorms? My girlfriend and I are gonna do something like that.
Me: (trying not to roll my eyes or make a rude comment…the guy was in his 40’s with a scraggly beard and not very clean. In fact, he kind of looked like a meth head.) I see.
Him: We’re gonna get rich. People are going to pay a lot of money to watch us. It’ll be me, my girlfriend and her daughter.
Me: (blinking) These are probably the best webcams in the range you mentioned. For what you’re planning, you may want to consider investing in something more than a webcam.
Him: Maybe once the money comes rolling in. For now, I’ll get one of these. You know, I like you. You seem like a cool chick. Wanna see a picture of my girlfriend and her daughter?
Me: (attempting to subtly back away) Uh….
Him:(Pulls out a picture of two women who were definitely related by blood and totally naked, together in poses I never wanted to see) That’s my girlfriend and that’s her daughter (he points them out). Hot, huh? She had this done for me for my birthday.
Me: (Nodding and lifting hand in goodbye gesture) Have a nice day.

Yeah, after dealing with that guy I felt like I needed a shower in the worst way. He was totally sleazy in the creepiest sense of the word.

Personally, I’d take the two Italian guys from Jersey over that guy any day. That one was odd on a totally different level. It wasn’t appropriate, but it was at least in a universe that didn’t involve potential mother/daughter action. Yuck. As for the guys from Jersey? I walked into one of my retail locations one day to find my supervisor frustrated and in need of advice. Apparently the two guys one of my reps was dealing with had a tendency to come in, be as loud and obnoxious as possible…and chose not to censor their vocabulary. This meant curse words flew frequently. They were business customers and high revenue, so my supervisor didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the account. The problem was that they rubbed everyone the wrong way with the exception of one of my reps. She had a tendency to be a bit gossipy and loudmouthed herself.

That particular day was the first time I’d seen them. Observing them from a distance I noticed that they were scaring off some of my other customers, particularly the ones with small children. Unwilling to lose the business and used to dealing with this particular type of personality, I decided it was time for me to step in.

Me: Hi gentleman, how are you today?
My Employee: Guys, this is my boss.
Guy:(Though there were two guys, one only greeted me, the other was the real loudmouth) So what kind of discount can you give us on our shit? We want to upgrade. We spend a lot of money here.
Me: And we appreciate your business, but before I discuss those options with you, let me be clear about something. You need to lower your voice and watch your language. This is a family friendly establishment and my employees are on commission. I really don’t appreciate you coming in here and scaring off my customers. If you are unable to conduct yourself more professionally I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Are we clear?
Guy: (Hands up) We were only having fun.
Me: And I appreciate that. We want you to enjoy doing business with us. It’s completely unacceptable when your “Having fun” (And yes, I used air quotes on him) causes me to lose business and scares my customers away. If this happens again you can do all your business by phone. Do we understand each other?
Guy: Yes, ma’am!
Me: (Nods) Great. I’m glad we understand each other. Have a nice day, gentlemen.
Guy: (Leans over to my employee and stage whispers) Oh, my God. How much do you think I’d have to pay to have her smack me around?
My Employee: (Nods) Now you’re talking about the right woman.

Yeah…there’s no question the employee was reprimanded for making a comment like that to a customer. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t entertained, though. Apparently he was very wealthy, unhappily married and headed for divorce….and was serious about paying me to spank him. Did I do it? Nope.

What about you? What kind of wild, wooly, inappropriate or downright creepy things have you run into in your workplaces? Help me start Monday off with a bit of disbelief and laughter…

Common Household Items Making Playtime FUN!

I’ve been thinking about this long and hard since I did my last post about sex toys… Yes, it was all tongue in cheek and humorous, but it got me thinking. There are actually a lot of people out there who are not comfortable going to sex shops….or even speaking frankly about sex. There are still people who find the subject of adult toys or sexual enhancements as something to never be discussed.

Well, I don’t think it’s fair that these folks suffer simply because they’re a bit skittish, so I started thinking about all the common household items that can double as adult toys. Of course. Hey, if I were normal, half of you guys wouldn’t be hanging out here with me, am I right? LOL!

So we’ll start with with a few simple things that won’t surprise anyone. Food play, of course! And no, I’m not talking insertion. I don’t want to come over to your house, look down at my salad and wonder if the cucumbers or carrots have been pre-used. I’m talking about things like whipped cream or hot fudge or ice! A little tip…when talking whipped cream, don’t go for cool whip. To me there’s nothing sexy about ladling out a spoonful of that stuff, then plopping it on the body. What you want is something that allows you and/or your partner to get decorative and playful!

Ally Larter's whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues

Ally Larter’s whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues

Hot fudge is great to drizzle along a partner’s body, then lick it up. If you’ve never tried it, you’re truly missing out…and it’s fantastic for the chocoholics out there. Ice cubes are also great fun…especially when used on women. Let’s be real for a moment. When we get hot…we get hot EVERYWHERE! Sensation play is fun for a reason. Let your body be cooled down just a smidge with an ice cube… Hey, it’s just water, afterall. Inserting that into the vajayjay while you’re steaming hot? ::shudders:: Yeah, the hot and cool make for very powerful sensations.

Minty Treats

Minty Treats

While we’re talking about body play, it would be wrong of me not to mention the benefits of Altoids, menthol cough drops or toothpaste. Here’s the deal… Some guys can tell you from experience, receiving a blowjob while a woman has a mentholated cough drop or Altoid in her mouth creates this awesome hot and cold sensation. Well, it goes the same for us! When a guy sucks on one of those bad boys while giving us oral, the minty mingles with the hot to explosive results. Now the toothpaste thing can be tricky. A little minty toothpaste can do the same thing to a man, but use too much and it can make him feel like his dick is burning….and whatever you do, don’t put this on the head. Yikes!

For those of you who are a little more daring… No dildo but curious to try? Here’s an option for you…

roundhairbrushNo, I’m not talking about the bristly part…what kind of freak do you think I am? LOL! The handle, however, could be utilized. When selecting a hairbrush for insertion purposes, there are a few thing you want to take into account. Will it be comfortable? This is why the rounded handles tend to better suit these needs. Also, how sanitary can I keep this item? This is why my personal tastes shy away from the ones with those squishy silicone sides or rubberized grips. I also tend to shy away from wood because things like splinters, etc pop into my head. If you choose to use this, remember, it’s important to select something where the bristles at the top of the brush aren’t uncomfortable in your hand. After each use, always remember to wash it with soap and water.

Multipurpose Brush/Toy

Multipurpose Brush/Toy

Now this one can be used for 2 things. One is what we just discussed above. The second? Well, if you’re willing to try erotic spankings, I recommend first using your partner’s hand. See how it works for you. If you want to try something a little more, this baby has a nice, flat surface on the back that makes for a decent paddle. Another item that can be used in this manner is a wooden spoon. Do not use the hard plastic or metal ones unless you know what you’re doing. Those things can be more painful than you think and there isn’t much give to them. The short handle on this one makes for better control and shorter swings, limiting the chance of hurting your partner. (Yes, some people even graduate to leather belts, but it’s not for everyone.)

Wooden Clothes Pin

Wooden Clothes Pin

For those of you curious about nipple clamps, here’s a potential alternative. Whatever you do, don’t try the plastic ones until you have an idea of where your pleasure/pain balance or threshold is. There is absolutely no give to a plastic one. Wooden ones, however, have a little give. Make sure your nipples are good and hard before you decide to pinch them between this device. Also, it helps blend the pain and pleasure the first time if you’re also being stimulated elsewhere. My personal recommendation is simultaneous stimulation to the clitoral area, which leads quite nicely into my next toy.

Personal Massager

Personal Massager

Curious about clitoral stimulators? Yes, they have little finger ones that you can buy in the condom aisle at your local grocery or drugstore these days, but if you’re shy even talking about personal toys, chances are you’re not ready to announce to your local grocery store that you masturbate (regardless of the fact that it’s perfectly normal). Here is an alternate option. Even Walmart and Target carries some variation of this bad boy. Again, remember the importance of cleaning when you’re done. (By the way, there are all sorts of use for KY Jelly, so hopefully you don’t feel shy about getting lubricant. If so, send your partner.)

For those of you wanting to play with some light bondage? Here’s what I’ll say…use scarves (no, we’re not talking the winter scarf variety, more the decorative types) as a blind fold. Other common household items commonly used for light bondage?

Pantyhose

Pantyhose

What can I say, ladies…if you’ve got a run in one, you might as well repurpose them! Use them to tie your partner up…or let them tie you.

My personal favorite

My personal favorite

If I’m going to be tied up, I like men’s ties. I find them sexy around a man’s neck…it stands to reason I’d find it equally sexy around his wrists…or mine if the mood takes me there. Here are a few warnings to consider with bondage, though. First, talk together and come up with a “safe word”. This will allow you to know when it’s not fun anymore and to stop. Also, if you are someone who struggles hard, don’t use silk or nylon items…they get tighter the more you struggle. This can do very bad things for your circulation and make them more difficult to remove. Having said that, have scissors or a knife handy in case this does happen so you can quickly cut them off. More importantly, pay attention to your partner’s body language so it doesn’t get to that point.

As you can tell, I take my fun seriously. I believe sexual fun and exploration with your partner is hugely important to the maintenance of any relationship. Communication is key. If you’re wanting to experiment, you don’t have to look very far to find new and exciting ways to spice up your lifestyle. You just have to open your eyes and look around! Now I’m sure there are a few household appliances that I forgot to mention. Were there any items on my list that surprised you? Have you tried any of these tricks? How did it go? If you have something to add, please do! If you have questions, feel free to ask.

Caught In The Act…Almost.

Although I was the “queen of sex information”, it wasn’t until a little more than 10 years ago that I bought anything that could be perceived as a traditional sex toy. As many of you know, my first career was in medically related. After having worked in the ER, seeing some of these kinds of “mishaps” I’m sure you can understand my concern. I mean…I practically grew up at that hospital. Many of the staff were either family or close friends of the family. There was no way I wanted to subject myself to that kind of embarrassment.

There was another part to my trepidation about visiting an adult shop. In fact, I’d hazard that even the most open minded women have moments of hesitation at the thought of walking into a shop…especially alone! When I pictured going, it was always a dimly lit place, or dirty. Even worse was the concern of who might see you there or the type of employee working behind the counter. Always, in my mind’s eye, I’d picture the worst….and there are times when that’s exactly what you get…I mean, many of you read about my last visit….

I had been in Florida for about a year when I decided to go back home to Chicago for a visit. While staying at my mom’s place one of my best friends from Junior High and I decided to meet for breakfast. As happens with old friends, breakfast turned into spending the day together. While hanging out she mentioned that she had plans to go to a pleasure party at a friend’s house and invited me to come along. She’d never been to one and was a bit embarrassed at the thought of going alone. I’d never been to one before, but thought it sounded like a blast!

While we were there all sorts of toys and creams and lingerie were paraded around for us to check out. Of course with a room full of women, there was much giggling. I thought it was a great alternative to going to an adult store. Better yet, your orders were taken privately and individually, and were wrapped in brown paper bags so that no one knew what you purchased. Of course women talk, so only a few people’s orders remained private.

When it was my turn to go into the room and order I debated what I wanted to buy. Why? Because I had this image embedded into my brain. My overly vivid imagination had this picture of getting to the airport, preparing to go through security…and as I prepared to check my bag…a vibrator going off….very loudly…from inside my luggage. In my mind’s eye I saw a TSA employee calling in for an assist and a swarm of security officers opening my bag very cautiously…the eyes of everyone in the airport now on that suitcase….as they pull out something that looked like this…(or worse).

Rabbit

The thought completely mortified me. So I played it safe. I purchased a cream called nipple nibblers….strawberry flavored, of course. Their purpose should be obvious. I also picked up a numbing agent for the back of the throat for blowjobs…not Goodhead, though I have tried their stuff, too. I honestly don’t remember the brand anymore. Finally, I purchased something with a minty flavor that made a woman all tingly in her lady parts. 😉

After my fun experience I decided I wanted to try to host one of these parties, myself! I looked around online and found a company called Slumber Parties. I registered online to hostess a pleasure party for my friends and I. I figured…now I could buy some fun stuff and not have to worry about embarrassing myself in front of airport security… (Not to mention family…if my exploration led to an emergency hospital visit)

I was pleasantly surprised. The lady who came out was cool, hilarious…and very knowledgeable. Every single one of my friends walked away buying something. This meant discounts and bonuses for me. This woman was smart. She let us sample the creams…using one hand for the tasting hand and the other for the feeling (things like lubricant, etc). The creams that were created for different sensations down below…she picked a couple of volunteers to sample, put some on a qtip, gave instructions and sent them into the ladies room to try on. It was fun watching them squirm through the presentations on vibrators, etc. (And no, gentlemen…the ladies didn’t all “try them”…we just passed them around and felt how strong the vibrations were in our hands).

Well, you know how concerned I was about those embarrassing moments? They never happened to me….but, thanks to my little party…they DID happen to a couple of friends. I think the vibrator that most intrigued our group of ladies was something called the G-Wiz. This particular toy had two removable silver bullets and battery operated controls. It was meant to hit 3 orgasm spots. There was a clitoral stimulator, a vaginal wall stimulator and it curved to hit the g-spot.

I can still hear our lady telling us…”Now ladies, the G-Spot is NOT a myth. This particular device will not only help you find it, but if you’ve never had one, will help you experience it. You’ve now felt how powerful the vibrations are from those silver bullets. I will warn you of one thing. Be sure you have a towel handy. When you insert this toy and you turn on the power…the curve will have the tip of this toy tapping on your g-spot. You may feel like you have to pee. Do not stop! You do not have to pee. That is the g-spot swelling up to give you that orgasm. Your orgasm will be intense and messy…and it’s NOT pee.”

She wasn’t lying…

One of my friends who purchased that device came up to me a few months later, completely mortified.

Her: Oh my God!

Me: What’s the matter?

Her: Remember that toy I bought at your party?

Me: Yeah…Last I heard you were enjoying it quite a bit!

Her: I was! Now I just want to die!!!

Me: What happened?

Her: Well, you know how tough it is to find “alone time” when you’ve got 4 kids.

Me: Yeah…

Her: It’s even worse when your mother-in-law lives with you, too.

Me: (trying hard not to laugh) Noooo…

Her: I was alone in the house…had a great time…but then I heard the front door, so I dropped the thing by my laundry and rushed to get dress so the kids wouldn’t find anything.

Me: Yeah….?

Her: I went back last night to get it and put it away and I couldn’t find it!

Me: Oh, crap.

Her: That’s when I noticed the laundry had been taken and washed and folded. (in a wail) My mother-in-law did my laundry!!!

Me: Did you ask her if she found it?

Her: Hell no! I’m too embarrassed. I’m not asking her shit! When are you having another party?

And then there was my other friend. She came to work a few weeks later, looked at me and burst out laughing. I gave her one of my “what the heck was that” looks…and once she could breath again she told me.

Her: You remember the pleasure party you had at your house?

Me: Yeah…

Her: Well, since I’ve been working so much I thought I’d buy a little something for Sam.

Me: Like what?

Her: I think you call it a “pocket pussy”.

Me: Oh, I think I remember seeing that in the catalog.

Her: Well, Sam and I have a little toy chest for that sort of thing, especially with 3 boys in the house, but I think he may have forgot to put it away after the last time he used it.

Me: What makes you say that?

Her: He was snoozing on the couch last night, watching tv and one of the boys wanted his attention. I looked over and my son was trying to wake him up by smacking him in the head with it…over and over again.

Me: (laughing hilariously at the image)Pocket P

Her: Yeah…thank goodness I didn’t get the lifelike looking one. That might have been too much. It was all I could do to grab it out of the hands of one of my twins. I couldn’t even ask him where he got it from because I didn’t want to draw attention to what he was holding.

Me: Oh, wow! What did Sam do?

Her: He looked at me, shook his head and walked into the bedroom after taking it out of my hands…his shoulders were shaking as he walked away.

Me: I’ll bet!

All I could think of was that I was immensely grateful that one of my other gal pals didn’t buy the Swing she wanted to buy. She was over 200 lbs…and without knowing how much weight that thing could hold…it could’ve been very, very bad.

Have you had one of those awkward sex toy moments? Or have you had a fear of one of those moments happening to you that’s prevented you from buying one?

I have to say…they’re a ton of fun…but if you have children there are two things to consider. 1.) Have a designated toy hiding spot. 2.) Make sure that the hiding spot has a lock… Having said that, I think it’s getting to be about that time for me to go shopping again. I’ve been thinking something in glass…

C’mon…you can’t say you’re surprised about the music choice considering the content of this post…LOL!