The GirlBoner Goddess, August McLaughlin!

 

August M headshot

Hey everyone! August McLaughlin has been one of my very dear friends for quite some time now. We met through blogging and found very quickly that we had a shared passion for female emotional and sexual empowerment. We need strong, sexual, sensual women! Too often sex has been wrapped up as a weapon or as something bad or negative, and through our own experiences, we’ve found our voices to help.

Girl Boner cover uvSo, of course, when I found out that my girl was putting out a book made for the women we love to embrace and empower, I had to show her some love. As always, she graciously accepted the opportunity to share on my blog. (BTW, you’re going to want to read to the end as there may be an opportunity for YOU there.)

Me: Welcome to theinnerwildkat, August! So glad you could join me! I’m just going to dive in and pick your beautiful brain, ok? Tell us how the GirlBoner brand came to be…(How did you get the inspiration? Where did the name come from?)

August: Like many people, I learned very little about sex and sexuality during my youth. In sex ed, I remember learning a little bit about male sexual pleasure—at least that it existed—and zilch about anything positive for gals. So as soon as I learned what “boner” meant I literally wondered, What about Girl Boners?
Years later, embracing my sexuality helped me heal from a severe eating disorder. Once I’d built a writing career, it felt natural to use my platform to shed light on the type of sexual empowerment that helped save my life and that so many people still stand to gain.

Me: What of the subjects you covered in your book were most eye opening to you?

August: One of the biggest involved the (creepy) history of masturbation—or, rather, how solo play has been viewed and, no pun intended, handled. I want someone to write a thriller about that history one day. It would make an excellent movie! 

Me: We may have to dig deeper into that subject at a later time if you’re willing. But for now, let’s keep going. What did you find most entertaining? Maybe even funny? (Heck, sex can be both amazing and funny, right?) 

August: Heck, yes! Some of my favorite kicks and giggles came from my editor’s notes. I remember one clearly: “Did you mean to say ‘ring around the peenie?’” (I guess you had to be there!) (Also, yes, I did.)

GBR logo 2018Me: What about creating your brand—between your books, your radio show, your blog, BOAW—wowed YOU most?

August: I was stunned to find that I enjoyed blogging. My then agent had suggested it, and I was like, “Write more?” I was already writing articles nearly full-time and working on another novel. But I loved blogging straight away, and far more so when I started breaking the “rules” and focusing on material I felt compelled to explore with the goal of having fun or helping others.
Another biggie was realizing how important connection is to me. Talking with people and sharing others’ stories has become a major passion of mine, and fills in emotional gaps when I’m spending a lot of time in the writing cave.

Me: Looking back, is there anything you might have done differently?

August: There are some technical things I wish I’d done differently, like starting a mailing list straight away. I also went through a rough patch in 2016 and wish I had gotten support sooner. Let both of those be a lesson to anyone reading this: If you have a brand or product, start your list! And always, always take care of you.

Me: You have so many diverse guests on your radio show. Who has been your most memorable interview?

August: Some of the most memorable are the ghost hunter who I interviewed because I wanted to know if ghosts have sex, Tika Thornton, an incredible woman who survived sex trafficking, and my mom, who I never imagined with join me in the Girl Boner studio, but I’m so grateful she has – twice!

Me: I LOVE your mom. I was thrilled when she friended me on Facebook, and I love the bag she made that I won during one of the Beauty Of A Woman events, which leads in quite nicely to my next question. What has been your biggest life lesson through this whole process?

August: Probably that your mission is your reward. I wrote about this on my blog recently, but in short, I initially thought my Girl Boner book would release within a year or two once I launched the blog series—which was many proposals, two agents, multiple rejections and plenty of life ago.
In that time, though, Girl Boner has taken me in directions I hadn’t anticipated and allowed me to learn so much about myself, sexuality and my audience. I’m not sure we writers can write an impactful book without knowing who we’re speaking to on a deep level, especially when it comes to nonfiction.

Me: How has this experience changed YOU?

August: I’ve learned to be a better listener and how important listening is. It’s also given me a profound sense of purpose. It’s so cliché, but Girl Boner really does get me up in the morning most days. I love people so much and it means so much to me to be able to connect with so many wonderful ones and to write and speak about issues so near to my heart.
It’s also forced me to learn patience. My favorite type is the kind we don’t even realize we’re practicing (LOL). When you continue to create content and put forth effort, including efforts to take care of yourself, you don’t feel like you’re waiting around for any particular thing. You can stay hopeful, but also rest easy, knowing you’re doing the thing already.

Me: What’s next for you?

August: I’m kicking of a book launch tour with readings, live Girl Boner Radio recordings and more in Minneapolis, LA, NYC, Las Vegas and hopefully other cities, starting August 11th. I’m really looking forward to mixing and mingling with folks across the country. Between trips, I’ll be working on other-things-Girl Boner from home, with my animal coworkers.

Me: Would you like to share something about the book? (Excerpt, quote, anything?)

August: One of my favorite quotes in the companion book releasing the same day, Girl Boner Journal, came from a random tweet I posted a couple of years ago. I like it because it feels so true and so GB: 



“You know what lowers many women’s libido? Inequality. Repression. Damaging myths. When women rise, so do Girl Boners.”

Me: Well said! And with that, how can we get our hands on one of your hot new books?

August: The book is available for pre-order on amazon HERE. I’m running a little sweepstakes with The Pleasure Chest for anyone who preorders, which people can enter HERE! Thanks so much for having me, Kitt. You’re spectacular. 

Me: August, you’re welcome here anytime! Congratulations and good luck! Also, thanks so much for mentioning me in the book! Sooo HONORED!

Now, it’s time for you guys! What do you think? Any questions for me? August? Feel free! Also, you should really follow this woman. She’s got a ton of amazing knowledge to share if you’re interested. 

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Beauty of Taking the Lead #BOAW2017

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI GirlBoner edition! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.

I was 14 years old the first time I went against tradition and “asked a boy out” instead of waiting for him to ask me. He said yes, but the thing I remember most was the relief and elation on his face. It was then that I realized that women weren’t the only ones who felt pressure and anxiety within the expectations surrounding gender roles.

As I matured I found that I preferred being able to take charge, especially in the sexual dynamics of my relationships. In fact, I was seventeen the first time I thumb cuffed my much bigger, stronger boyfriend to our sofa and explored his chest and abs with my tongue. As a tiny girl of 5’3″ and 105 lbs, it was intoxicating to have such power and control of my 6’1″ athlete boyfriend. I had never felt so alive and in control as I did in that moment. And neither had he.

It was through experiences like these that I realized I was not designed for the stereotypes. Not everyone is. I knew I got a thrill from taking the lead, and realized there were plenty of men (and women) drawn to my self awareness and take charge attitude. Taking the power someone entrusted me with and bringing them the pleasure they sought was a heady rush that we shared together. Me as the giver, them as the taker, but both parties extremely satisfied.

I knew it wasn’t “the norm.” In fact, there were times where some men would judge my behaviors and assume I was a bitch or women would think my brand of confidence meant I was a lesbian. But so many more who needed my willingness and ability to charge gravitated towards me. I was lucky. I’d been raised by a parent who made it easy to be who I am.

All these things taught me that there are no “right” or “wrong” roles. There’s simply what each person is comfortable with and accepting that there’s always someone somewhere who needs what we have to offer, but that the real power is staying true to who you are and learning to be comfortable in your own skin instead of the mantle someone else tries to throw on you. It’s often easier said than done, but the satisfaction found from self acceptance? Sooo worth it.

What epiphanies have you had regarding your sexuality? What makes you uniquely you? Are you still discovering yourself?

I’m so glad that August McLaughlin and GirlBoner have given me the opportunity every year to share in female sisterhood and sexual empowerment! To me, these are the unltimate ways to share the different facets that make up the Beauty of a Woman.

Virgin, Vanilla, or Virtuoso – It’s All About Sexual Freedom #BOAW16

Being part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman, especially the Girl Boner edition gives me a chance for reflection and candid sexual discussion, something I enjoy immensely and hope you do, too. In fact, when you finish here, I challenge you to check out the other participants and what they shared. I guarantee you’ll walk away empowered and enlightened….and now, on to my story.

There’s this myth that says people have to actually have sex to own their sexuality. Once upon a time I may have even agreed with them…but as I’ve matured, I’ve started to view things differently.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, one of my defining moments sexually occurred when I was in my late teens.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably would’ve taken more precautions, but it’s often through living life that we learn those important lessons. At the age of 18, I had no idea that one little experience with slightly younger (he was 17) boyfriend would give me the beginners guide to my preferred sexual kinks.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. Because of my constant “take charge” attitude, our best friend thought it would be a hilarious gag to give me a set of thumb cuffs to play with. I don’t think, in a million years, he thought I’d actually do anything. But I did.

Like any typical hormone crazed teenager, that afternoon was spent making out with the boyfriend. My best friend was laying across my living room sofa, so we were laying on the carpet. My best friend, ever the comedian, threw a blanket over us and told us to “get a room.”

I remember the blanket dropping and the comment because it managed to momentarily break up the kiss as we laughed. But the implied privacy also sent a thrill of daring through me. Before my boyfriend knew exactly what was happening, I was straddling his hips (He was 6′ to my 5’3″), my fingers twined in his, and his hands were raised over his head while I controlled our kiss. He didn’t even realize that I’d snapped the thumb cuffs on, effectively trapping him to the couch leg until he felt the metal touch his skin.

Yup. I had that whole 6′ tall male gymnast’s body at my mercy to play with as I chose. And I teased him, exploring his body with my hands and mouth to my heart’s content and he was powerless to stop me.

Looking back I think– Wow.

He should’ve had a safe word. Except we didn’t even know what that was back then.

It also solidified in my mind that I got off on the sexual power. I got off on taking a much bigger, stronger guy than me and bending him to my will, his pleasure and pain at my mercy.

As I looked backward, I also realized I thrived on both the audience and the threat of being caught. Danger and exhibitionism did it for me in a big way.

I was lucky. That particular boyfriend’s kinks lined up with mine. The “Wow! Oh My God, that was amazing. When can we do it again” were definite clues. My use of bondage had him hard enough to pound nails. My teasing him mercilessly and using his body as my own personal playground, making him beg, drove him wild with lust. We both thrilled at the power exchange that we didn’t quite understand.

Now, knowing what I do, I realize that the only smart things we did that day were making sure he could communicate or say no and having someone else in the room to witness or stop things should they have gotten out of control or gone wrong.

That day taught me what I liked. It led me to explore Dominance and submission more deeply, especially since it seemed practically ingrained into my DNA. And it taught me to communicate.

And every woman’s epiphany is going to be different, just as their experiences. What’s become most clear is that the most important things are a willingness to learn, self awareness, and communication.

For me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing someone who can easily overpower me voluntarily gives up his control to me in order for me to bring us both intense pleasure. For someone else it could be something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re still a virgin (hey, masturbation could be your kink, or it could be that you don’t have much of a drive-and that’s okay!) or not. Heck, maybe kink isn’t your thing… Whatever it is, own it. Celebrate it.

Share your thoughts and fantasies with your partner (if you have one). Be self aware… Look into yourself and don’t be afraid to embrace your inner sex goddess…in whatever form she may take.

You deserve it, and you’re worth it!

If you’re feeling brave, I’d love to hear from you… What prompted your sexual awakening? When did you realize that’s what it was?

Tomato Power

If you thought I’d be talking about the health benefits of the tomato, you’ve come to the wrong place. Instead, I’m going to be showing a little love to the badass women of country music. Why? Because a few days ago an industry “expert” basically said that the way to have a successful country radio station was to play less music by female artists. In fact, he referred to them as the tomatoes in the salad, and males as the lettuce.

Not gonna lie, I almost threw down a Cheeseburger in Paradise reference (you know, I like mine with lettuce and tomato), but instead I thought I’d share some responses from some kickass female artists. Here’s Miranda Lambert, taking to Twitter and posting Keith Hill up on his BS:

 And if you don’t know what makes Miranda awesome, how about a bit of the power and emotion she brings into her songs… Tell me this song doesn’t tug at the heartstrings and nostalgic memories.
Yup. Tomatoes. For sure.
And then there’s one of my all time favorites, Martina McBride (Click her name to get to her FB page and see the rest of her statement.):

Wow…..just wow. Just read this from a major country radio publication. How do you feel about this statement? I…

Posted by Martina McBride on Tuesday, May 26, 2015

This one’s a Tomato for sure. I mean, who can relate to a message of love from parent to child? Who on EARTH would want to hear THAT?

Here are a few more Tomatoes….

Trisha Yearwood, who wraps her voice around your heart and squeezes

The double tomato of Reba McEntire and Linda Davis (Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum’s mom) from back in the day.

Or this old school/new school Tomato combo of Dolly and Carrie Underwood.

I’m also pretty sure the legendary Patsy Cline would be shocked to hear her music has been relegated to “Tomatoes.”

I’m not gonna lie, ya’ll know I have a quirky sense of humor. I almost made a Cheeseburger in Paradise reference (you know, “I like mine with lettuce and tomato”), but decided instead to focus on my love of tomatoes. To be honest, I can’t eat lettuce as a standalone, but tomatoes? Love ’em!

So what I’d really like you guys to do is to share your love of country tomatoes by leaving a Twitter link to some of your favorite “Tomatoes” songs and/or artists. I’d also love to hear why you love the artist or song you share….

Mystique

Many of my friends are sharing their thoughts on the Beauty of a Woman this week, thanks to August McLaughlin and her Third Annual Beauty Of A Woman Blogfest, and it’s been a wonderful adventure to read. The first part, celebrating feminine sexuality, started on Monday.

Click HERE to check out the #GirlBoner (feminine sexuality) edition participants

Click HERE to check out the #GirlBoner (feminine sexuality) edition participants

The second part, celebrating the overall beauty of a woman, starts today…

Click HERE to check out the many fantastic posts.

Click HERE to check out the many fantastic posts.

There are prizes for participating via visiting, liking, and commenting the various blogs who are sharing, by the way, so really, check them out. You won’t be sorry.

I felt a need to join in their celebration, so I’m re-sharing a poem I wrote for International Womens Day last year.

Mystique

“The Weaker Sex”
is what we’re called.
Generations
of velvet encased
iron core,
who have held
and nurtured
in body and heart-
souls,
Sons who become fathers,
Daughters to
mothers.
We’ve stood firm,
guardians of the castle
charged with
sacred duty
to mold,
guide and nurture,
teach and love.
Dry tears,
kiss away wounds
spiritual and physical.
Healing powers-
steeped in
understanding,
forgiveness and patience.
We hold on if we can,
let go when we must.
Kindness, empathy
and knowledge.

Strength is required
to be
“The softer side.”

Material Girls v. Real Live Women

Women like Madonna and Marilyn Monroe are known at the quintessential “Material Girls”. Heck, Madonna had a hit song with that title….while Marilyn flaunted her love of richness with Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend. For those of you who are nostalgic, or maybe are too young to have seen the movie the song was featured it…Here’s the clip from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Oddly enough, they’re not the original. Before these two, the indomitable Eartha Kitt (aka The Original Catwoman) did a song with a similar theme called Just An Old Fashioned Girl. It’s a very charming song, actually, and if you haven’t seen it before, you should watch.

Based on the three above examples, it’s glamourous, a bit fun, even. There’s always a wink and a smile. It’s all tongue in cheek. The sad truth, though, is that there is a reason for this character creeping up. Unfortunately, she’s not just a beautiful myth. There are many women out there who perpetuate that stereotype…and not in the fun, quirky way we see in those songs and it frustrates me.

Women are strong creatures. They’re resilient, intelligent, adaptable. It drives me absolutely crazy when women decide to settle for the strictly material or pretend to be something they’re not… We have all known different versions of these women who show off the lesser versions of themselves…the ones that dumb themselves down, or pretend to be helpless or incapable. It’s so sad.

When we as women portray ourselves as “the weaker sex” for whatever reason, we lessen what we could be. We don’t give ourselves the opportunity to truly love and be loved. We fool good men into thinking that the vision of us we’re choosing to reflect is the true person, someone they can love…only to eventually be disillusioned. The reality is that we can’t keep up that kind of pretense forever. The mask cracks–the true creature beneath shines through…and the person who’s chosen to love they mythical you that you’ve created is left with both shattered heart and damaged trust…more often than not, too late to prevent irreparable harm. Yes, we can also be manipulative like that.

There is a power in showing your true self to the world. You give them the opportunity to love the amazing person you can be. No walls. No gimmicks. No games. The people that choose to love you are there for the right reasons. And yes, there’s always a chance that someone else is hiding who they really are (unfortunately the world is not perfect and women aren’t the only people capable of such machinations), but we’re also resilient. We learn. We grow. We rebuild.

The other benefit? For me, at least…by not hiding my brain, my competitiveness and my drive…I’ve been able to create careers for myself. I have shown myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m perfectly capable of providing for myself…and anyone else who may come along. The men who’ve shared parts of my life have known that I’ve wanted them there strictly for who they are. They’ve never had to wonder if it’s because I’m afraid of being alone or because I can’t live without a man to support me or any of the other wrong reasons people get into relationships. Somehow it’s made the relationships stronger, healthier, less stressful.

I’m not saying that being yourself will make everything perfect…life rarely is. But I think you’ll find it’s worthwhile. Sure, sometimes the phonies do wind up with all the superficial things…but it can’t keep them warm at night. It’s not there to comfort them when they cry, to laugh with them when they succeed. To understand who they are.

Remember, you don’t have to hide who you are at the core… you’re beautiful just the way you are. Don’t allow yourself to be less than the best you that you can be. You deserve to be loved for the person you are. I hope you don’t misunderstand…I don’t presume to judge you if you’ve been one of those people… the ones who’ve hidden who they are for whatever reason. I just hope that you realize how absolutely, beautifully unique you are. I hope that everyone allows their true selves to shine through…because like snow flakes and finger prints, we’re all originals…all precious and unique.

What myths or personas out there drive you crazy or make you sad? Do you think that they make this world better or worse? Why do you think people hide?

And for Valentine’s Day….here’s my message of love….

 

Is Women’s Lib Killing Our Alpha Males?

At the risk of offending some people, I’m going to be candid. Maybe it’s because of a post I read last month from Once A Month 4 Ladies or maybe it’s the election or maybe it’s a memory of an old friend, but people’s perceptions on feminism lately have been driving me nuts.

First I’ll tell you what I do believe:

  • Women deserve to have the right to vote (you may say duh, but that’s actually a fairly recent right!)
  • Women of equal experience and education as men deserve to be paid at the same salary
  • Women should be able to try out for any type of sport, and if they’re talented, deserve equal consideration as their male counterparts

I may have forgot a thing or two in my list, but I think you get the general gist. And then there are the extremists when it comes to women’s lib. They kind of ruin it for everyone because they send mixed messages to the male gender. Earlier I mentioned a friend. My friend and I were out with a bunch of people one day (mind you, we were in high school). We’d just arrived at the restaurant when one of the guys from our group walked ahead of us and opened the door for us. I said thank you. She snapped at him, telling him she wasn’t weak and she could get the door for herself. Confused, I pulled her aside. She explained to me that she wanted to be “treated like an equal” and not some “weaker sex”.

I was completely floored! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that “women’s lib” had made it all the way into the dating scene. Maybe it’s old fashioned of me, but I don’t think it has any business in the dating scene. I’m not a “go Dutch” kind of girl. I like when a guy opens the door for me or pulls a chair out for me. I don’t see that as him treating me as a member of a “weaker sex”. I see it as the man I’m with paying his respects…and in some very old school, old world way…maybe paying homage to the beauty of womankind in general.

And yet these days men walk on egg shells, unsure of what’s expected of them. We women bitch and bemoan the loss of the “alpha male” and that men “don’t treat us right” when they don’t take charge or he pauses at the end of the night, unsure if he should be paying for the whole tab or part of it. Who do we have to blame for this? Ourselves!

You want an alpha male? Stop trying to neuter him! When he opens a door, say thank you and smile! When he holds out your chair for you, find a way to let him know it’s meant something and that you appreciate the effort. And no, for my dirty birdie friends out there, I don’t mean crawl under the table and “show him gratitude”…well, unless you want to. (hehehe!) I mean maybe touch his arm or make eye contact and give him that special smile that lets him know you really appreciate the gesture. And for goodness sake, ladies…don’t go on a dutch treat date unless you got suckered into one.  Usually that’s the beginning of something not so special…”if you know what I mean”. 😉

What about you ladies?  Gentlemen?  Care to weigh in on this topic?  How do you feel about women’s lib?  Am I the only one who thinks it’s gone too far when it’s pushed it’s way into the dating scene? Are there other places where it’s crept in and done more harm than good? Inquiring minds wanna know!

I enjoy the mystique that women posess. I like being treated like something special. I thrive on being flirted with and doted on….and I don’t think that should be out of date or old fashioned. I also like those alpha men who enjoy taking charge but respect the fact that women have minds of their own and are able to think for themselves and fight their own battles (but offer to always be there for back up if needed).