Musical Messages

Courtesy of

Courtesy of

We all know I have my wily ways for sending messages. Often, music is involved. I blame Carly Simon for putting the thought in my head. I mean, really. Not only did she write “You’re So Vain” about an ex who still remains nameless, but she wrote it the year I was born! The song cracks me up, but definitely sends a clear message… and based on HER past, it could be any number of famous men.

I’ve found myself following in her footsteps over the years. My husband used to joke…Want to know what Kitt really thinks of you? Listen carefully to the lyrics she chooses to play for you. 😉

My bestie can tell you about a time in our youth where people had decided to start rumors about her, so we decided to really give them something to talk about. I’d say “poor guy” about her then-boyfriend in the middle, except everyone thought he was a stud who had both of us…LOL! To be clear, this was NOT the case, but we figured we should at least lead them in the wrong direction if they were going to talk…let it not be for anything mildly innocent. 😉 (Yes, mischief was my middle name, even then…especially when with my partner in crime.)

Then there was one of my exes. After a rocky break up (hey, we were in high school)…This became his song.  Me, not being shy… Well, let’s just say he knew it and somehow the song seemed to come on whenever he’d be around. Go figure!

For me, James Ingram seemed to always have the right lyrics to break a heart of someone I genuinely cared for but didn’t quite reciprocate their intense feelings. Ever dated someone really awesome only to realize that they felt so much more deeply than you did…and you hated hurting them, but to give false hope would’ve been even worse? This was my song for that…

Or have you had a friend who you adore…one of the best, kindest, gentlest souls you know? And they’re in love. With you. Maybe you didn’t even want to have to say the words. You didn’t want to see the hurt or devastation that you knew would be there…even as they accepted your words and you (which somehow only makes the guilt that much worse). I may have even played this song for my husband back in the early stages of our friendship when I was too blind to see the value of what I had. Thankfully he’s patient and stuck around…though he did call me out on my message. 😉 This was one of the few times I was ECSTATIC to be wrong.

For those of you in long term relationships…ever just needed a break? Maybe a little space? This song has been known to blast in my house if I need some alone time…LOL! Hey, at least it wasn’t U + Ur Hand… 😉

Then there are the times where you get sick of the BS… Maybe that friend that does nothing but whine or lie or feel sorry for themselves. We all have our breaking points when you’re just done. Yes, I have sent this message in the past….and if that didn’t work, I’m not exactly afraid of confrontation.

Most important though? The messages you send yourself… Like when you’re a bit scared, apprehensive….and you need to remember how empowered you truly are… How strong…HOW ADAPTABLE… This is my newest favorite….

Do you use music to speak for you? To you? What songs have you used to communicate messages? You know I love when you guys share. It gives me little insights into you guys and what makes you tick…. Nothing thrills me more than that. 🙂 Besides, I’ve got something going on my personal life that could use some fingers crossed and good thoughts….

Friendship And Boundaries

I’m going to have a ranty moment…

Everyone has “that friend”…the one who drives them absolutely nuts. Everyone has different triggers. This woman is hitting all of mine. I am trying to be kind and understanding, but I’m running out of patience…and you all know how honest I can get… Today I had to follow the age old rule handed down from parent to child “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

One of my old friends from high school is a friend of mine on Facebook. She and I have been playing each other in SongPOP. A few of my followers from way back probably remember how much of an addiction this game is for me. Well, one of the things you can do in between games is send messages back and forth. With this particular friend it ALWAYS starts with a message from her… To give you a hint at the cause of my frustration I’m going to throw in a song…you all know how well I relate through music.

Today it started with the following messages:

Her: Ugh. Having a shitty day. My first real boyfriend is being deployed in 24 days to Afghanistan

Me: (thinking…this has absolutely nothing with you and it’s been more than 20 years since you dated him…and not in the mood to coddle you.) My best friend was there for two tours.

Her: I don’t know what the future holds for him. He’s in the Navy. He has 2 children. He’s 42. He signed up later in life. Fucking dumbass. Been chatting with him today. I’m happy with who I’m with, but he’s my “could have been”. I feel terrible.

At this point I didn’t respond. Maybe it was callous of me, but I didn’t see how anything she mentioned should contribute to her “shitty” day. It had absolutely nothing to do with her…not really. If anyone had the right to feel that he was having a shitty day, it was her friend who’s being deployed. The nasty, catty side of me wanted to start listing off all my friends that have been deployed to both Iraq and Afghanistan…but quickly discarded it. I’m not big on pissing contests.

Then she sent me a text: Not sure why I’m getting so emotional about him going to Afghanistan. I’ve known about it for six months.

The thing is…this friend has a knack for making everything all about her. For example, on my wedding day she came with her husband. I have a large family. So does my husband. He’s Italian….that pretty much says it all. Anyway, we said hello and spent a few minutes talking before we had to go in to the reception hall. Several days I got a call after the wedding telling me her feelings were hurt that I “ignored” her and that she didn’t understand what she’d done. Hello! It. Was. My. Wedding. Day!!!

Or there was the guy who I went to high school with that died of a heroin overdose. Apparently she’d seen him several weeks before and he hadn’t been doing very well. Almost every time we talk, she brings him up and how terrible she felt that she couldn’t save him…and how she’d known “a different side of him” back in the day. One of my closest friends used to be his live in girlfriend and was madly in love with him. She doesn’t carry on about him the way this friend does. Anyway, I guess she was talking to the girl who was once our mutual best friend the other night.

Her: Was talking to our old friend about Max last night. She feels I shouldn’t have cared.

Me: (thinking, good. Someone who was friends with them both giving her some brutal honesty) Our old friend is good at compartmentalizing.

While I was in El Paso she called asking to talk for a “few minutes” late one night. That call turned into a 2 hour ordeal that kept me up till 3 am when I had to be up at 6. She’d had some medical issues a while back that required surgery. After she’d been able to return to work, certain circumstances had happened and she wound up without a job. She talks about wanting to write…but that the well has run dry. She talks about getting a job, but she doesn’t try. She told me she was depressed. I recommended she talk to a therapist or get off her ass. She didn’t want to pay the co-pay for a therapist…and she’s not ready to get off her ass.

She then went into the fact that she can’t understand why she’s not dead when “so many people she’s known over the years are”. She suffered with cancer as a child…and many of the children she knew didn’t make it, but she did. She’s nearly 40 now. I just want to shake her! Or wash my hands of her. Seriously.

I mean…this is the same woman who called me a month or two before my wedding and unburdened herself on me with the fact that she cheated on her husband. (Granted her husband was verbally abusive, but still…timing is everything.) This is not exactly something you share with someone about to make those vows, you know?

::Deep Breath:: Thanks for letting me rant. Really, I think it boils down to this… I don’t need to invest in this relationship. I don’t need her drama… Seriously. And I’m beginning to think she’s happy wallowing. Am I overreacting?

So…that friend that drives YOU crazy…what is it that they do that makes you nuts? Please don’t let me be the only one…

I promise…tomorrow I’ll talk about something fun… Maybe sex toys… 😉