a liquid trail
on creamy skin.
love and grief
in tangible form.
One more drop
Tonight I’m grieving…just a little bit. I hate cancer. I really do. Especially when it comes flying out of nowhere like some mysterious stranger come to take the people I love away with barely a warning. I know. I’m not telling anyone anything new. I’m not alone in feeling the way I do.
But tonight I write with an overwhelming sense of helplessness. Unable to help my friends and family who are suffering. Only able to offer trite words of comfort. And prayer. And to me, prayer is important. That belief in a higher power is what gets me through most of the shit that life throws at us.
A couple years ago two of my girl friends were diagnosed with breast cancer. They are both survivors. One was fortunate enough not to lose a breast, but due to other complications, had to have a complete hysterectomy. She hadn’t any children yet. Now she never will. The other one had to have a mastectomy. Then they found something in her other breast. She lost that one, too. And now she has other issues and recently went through one of six surgeries she’s going to need. But they’re tough women. Fighters!
Then last week, a girlfriend of mine who’d just put her husband in assisted living after he didn’t fully recover from open heart surgery and was onset with dementia made a post on facebook. She’d been having some issues. Long story short, she posted on Facebook to please say some prayers because they’d found a tumor in her lung. They suspected lung cancer. When they went in to remove the tumor, they found it was resting on her aorta…not so easy now. They were able to remove part of it, but during the procedure they noticed something on her hip. I was in her room visiting with her when they told her that it appeared the source had been bone cancer in her hip and that it had spread across her body to her lung. She’s a fighter, though her chances aren’t very good. She’s going through chemo and radiation therapy simultaenously.
Forward to the last couple of days. We got a call. Our favorite uncle on my husband’s side had been having back pain. Back in May he’d had a CT done and been given a clean bill of health. This week, it’s cancer. And it’s all over his body. It’s been so aggressive that it doesn’t look like there is a way to fight it. Hospice has already been mentioned and they haven’t even got the results of the biopsy to tell us what kind of cancer it is. Scary.
So…my heart hurts. And today I need to give reign to my feelings of heartache and sorrow and anger. That way tomorrow I can be the loving, supportive friend and family member I need to be.
God promises he’ll never test us beyond what we can bear. And I believe him. But there are days that it feels awful close.